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RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 3:42:00 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		(Fast reply)

Just thought I'd share that my slave has romantic plans for us this weekend and while they might not seem romantic to anyone else or others might think it isn't his place, it pleases me.

The spouse will be out of town all day to a gig his band is playing so Fox said to me the other night: "Mistress, how would you like to go out to lunch or to the movies or rent a movie Saturday?"

In other words he was saying to me: "I want us to do something special, just the two of us, where you don't have to do much work, and I don't have to do much work either, we can just relax". To me, that's romantic too.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 4:06:13 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

If a woman is told from the beginning that there is absolutely no chance of a relationship EVER and she allows herself to fall for the guy, then it is her fault. But most of the time, men are guilty of leading the woman on (especially when they tell her they want to try her for awhile first). If someone wants to play the field, they should be 100% honest and never say anything to offer false hope.


It makes little difference if you tell a woman you don't want a serious relationship, if she wants you she won't hear you, if she doesn't want you, it makes no difference anyway. That's my experience.

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Profile   Post #: 62
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 4:53:23 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

As for romance. As far as I'm concerned it just takes up too much time and effort for very little reward. I think I'd rather sit down with a woman an discuss particle physics than tell her a load of stuff to build up her ego so I can roger her.



MC, in a way I can understand the above. Although I'm not interested in science whatsoever I can understand your physics point - I'd much rather immerse myself in books and music than be in the company of a woman consumed with life's stylistic items (regardless of what she is bringing to the table).

A point worth bearing in mind though: many men are also as boring as batshit and consumed by the same mundane nonsense. That's life, a clash of interests i.e. nothing to do with gender. It's a case of sorting the wheat from the chaff.

Anyway, surely decent conversation (your physics point) is romancing?

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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 5:23:02 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

Anyway, surely decent conversation (your physics point) is romancing?


You actually have a point NG. I have a part time liason with a woman who is an artist and a vary good one too and it is her discussions and insight into art that attract me.

I did used to have a very strong crush on a woman who was a very good writer though she thought my interest in her writing didn't amount to a hill of beans and wanted the fluff but I found the fluff just couldn't hold my interest and my interest in her talent didn't say to her I wanted her enough. You win some you lose some.

I suppose it might also be an age thing with me, what is traditionally considered  romance I feel is something I left behind in my twenties to mid thirties and I've been married and had a deep and meaningful relationships on that level and I have no wish to revisit that sort of thing.

_____________________________

There are fascists who consider themselves humanitarians, like cannibals on a health kick, eating only vegetarians.

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 5:54:39 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

(Fast reply)

Just thought I'd share that my slave has romantic plans for us this weekend and while they might not seem romantic to anyone else or others might think it isn't his place, it pleases me.

The spouse will be out of town all day to a gig his band is playing so Fox said to me the other night: "Mistress, how would you like to go out to lunch or to the movies or rent a movie Saturday?"

In other words he was saying to me: "I want us to do something special, just the two of us, where you don't have to do much work, and I don't have to do much work either, we can just relax". To me, that's romantic too.


That was really sweet :-)  it is all about little things being done with great heart...

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 6:33:24 PM   
HatesParisHilton


Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		"You know, the more you post, the more misogynistic you sound... for example hating young women for being young women and being thin and carefree."

I never said that.  If you wish to construe that out of my posts, feel free, as miscontruing is often something that drives men crazy in "romance" and leads to break ups, so it's good for the thread you posted that.

Also, by your definition and that of many others, inferring that I am misogynistic could possibly be fair, but I am talking about behaviours, and the behaviours I rail and rant against (granted) are not limited to women.  I see them in bi sexual men and queer men as well.  So I'd define myself as a behaviourilist more than a sexist, as this thread is has pretty much been hetero.  I also have JUST as many complaints RE male behavior towards women and from male to male, so whether you'd accept this or not, I'd classify myself as a MISANTHROP (antipathy towards a majority of badly behaved homo sapiens as a whole), not a "misogynistic".

"I have never been to the site you mention, possibly because I have better things to do with my time. You see, you will get what you focus on, and I am not into focusing on such nonsense."

1:  it was international news, no-one needed to go to the site

2:  wow, snarky!  well done.

"But if they concentrate on women using men, well I have to say, almost every woman I know works."

to be honest I have no idea where the hell that comment came from.  I was referring to equality in the relationship RE what a man emotionally gets balanced with what a women does, their needs in that regard and whether the % of those needs met are equal versus 60%/40% or 40%/60%, etc.  How much quiet time a lad might need versus how much convo time a woman needs, no sex or $ or career involved.  These things affect romance, toots.

"EXCUSE ME. Who the hell is he to tell the rest of us what we are allowed to seek?"

he didn't, he was stating that in a thread about sexual professional services in which sinergy brought up romance.  His reply was in context.  your statement above is not.

"And again, I think looking at romance as a "risk" is a pretty negative world view, but if it works for you, and you are happy and in a fulfilling dynamic, how wonderful, it must be working!"

Maybe it is, but if I had a positive view by your standards it would not change the common law regulations.

"By the way, how does it feel hating someone you do not even know?"

considering I hate Stalin, Tito, Cromwell, Martin Luther, Adolph, Savonarolla, Senator McCarthy and those like them, and have never met them, and they are the kind of people that send others to camps or blacklisted them for having relationships like you have, frankly, it feels fine, feels pretty fucking damn good actually.



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I am (now) "Hiltie", hear me ROARRRRR! And have a cuffy cake, they're nice.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 6:54:15 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		 

And I did get snarky because you more or less stated that I get my information and world view from a TV show, which I find extremely offensive as someone that spends maybe one hour a week on TV each week, if that. I am not a daytime soap opera watching drone, thank you very much. ( not that watching a lot of tv is bad, or makes people drones, but the insinuation that someone gets their opinions from a talk show host is very snarky). And calling me "toots" is the same as calling me a "broad",  and I do not much appreciate that either. I find your behavior extremely misogynistic... I spent years of my life involved with scholarship, and I will spend  years more of it to come the same, I am not some airheaded twit that parrots whatever someone on the tv says, and that is the way a lot of men treat women that challenge their opinions... I guess I could call you a "knuckledragger" but two wrongs do not make a right.

quote:

considering I hate Stalin, Tito, Cromwell, Martin Luther, Adolph, Savonarolla, Senator McCarthy and those like them, and have never met them, and they are the kind of people that send others to camps or blacklisted them for having relationships like you have, frankly, it feels fine, feels pretty fucking damn good actually.


So now Paris Hilton is up there with Stalin.. whatever dude. That makes you feel warm and fuzzy, more power to you

As far as your views on romance, it is not really a goal of mine to change your worldview or debate it with you, as it does not matter to me. We all have our own path... I am happy no matter where mine takes me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to HatesParisHilton)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 7:08:59 PM   
HatesParisHilton


Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		so, to make an attempt on even-handed posting, RE misogynistic:
 
Only you, reading this post, can decide if I am or am not.  But since you brought it up, some items you can accept or reject as you see fit ~

Politically, most of the "elected representatives" that have power over law that affects the lives of myself and those I hold dear and fuck with that are male.  Most of the pollies that risk their own rent and career to do the right thing by us are female.  This affects my voting which I assiduously perform locally, statewide and federally.  I will always do my best to vote for a female candidate.  why? 

they HELP, rather than gerrymander and engage in actions that lose faith in the political system for most of the voters I am either friends with or respect.  In general, the male pollies suck tax payer $ to support crap that not only does not help the common weal, worse yet reinforces systems that are not working or increase the harm to the general public in any country, ranging from the climate to lost local jobs to diminution of education and the arts to porkbarrell crap that needs NO help like sports and the military.

FEMALE reps go after helping the abused get help, mothers providing FOOD FOR CHILDREN whom will be voters later I might add, education so people can be better employed, cultural pursuits that mean people feel less disenfranchised and are thus better citizens, all the things that would make your life and mine and everyone here's better.

So when I can (since many voting policies an many countries decree that we must vote for a PARTY rather than an individual, which is BULLSHIT if it calls itself "democratic"), I cast my vote in anyway that will put those women forward, having hold over MY OWN LIFE ala the systems that create and encat and enforce laws.

I am APPALLED that police forces are less than 50% female, I am OFFENDED that my taxes go towards a good ol' boy system of law enforcement that is FAILING, and do not have the freedom to say "I want every penny of my taxes denoted to law enforcement going to FEMALE recruits and officers, with BIG FUCKING GUNS (I trust a woman with a gun, I NEVER trust a male with a gun)". 

The above statement applies to my view on women in the military as well.  I would sleep MUCH better at night if the Pentagon and its equivalents in other countries had 80% of decision making power held in the hands of WOMEN.  Many people have looked at me as a loon for saying this (so might you), but my reply is ~

"We know the system with men running the game is not working, we have no evidence that if the gam was run by women, it would do any worse, more importantly, that it would not do BETTER, since no-one has had the guts to TRY AND TEST that yet."

and I think the reason for that is because if they DID test it, the positive results would be FAR higher and the voters and consumers would be far happier and more productive, more law abiding.

In al the bosses I've had, even as a male "dom", the bulk of the people that looked at content of work and abilities versus Emperor's New Clothes bullshit were FEMALE.  The bulk of bosses that did the wrong thing for themselves or others in the name of "good ol' boy" largesse at the expense of workers, the long term health of the company, basic PROFIT if you have a brsain in your head, were MALE.

I'd always prefer a female boss to a male one.  and I say that as a "TOP".

I fucking wish the USA public was ready to help al they loved and vote Hillary in, I really do.  If I could legally vote for her (I'm not a USA citizen) then I would.  I sure as hell DO MY DAMNDEST to make my USA voter pals vote for her.

So, I won;t ask you to consider this, I merely state I felt the right to post it as a counterpoint, you'll draw whatever conclusions you will, decide if I am speaking from the soul or just bullshitting for whatever reason.

Up to you.

Hope your weekend is starting well, J, as well as sinergy's.

_____________________________

I am (now) "Hiltie", hear me ROARRRRR! And have a cuffy cake, they're nice.

(in reply to HatesParisHilton)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 7:19:31 PM   
HatesParisHilton


Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		" I guess I could call you a "knuckledragger" but two wrongs do not make a right."

posting that then using the caveat is merely passive aggressive, since in effect you DID call me a knuckledragger. 

As for Paris/Stalin, again you choose to take things from one context to another willy nilly.  A  username can be tongue in cheek and you used that phrase for one of your own posts but now deny the same latitude to myself.  I used Stalin in context when you asked (as a knee jerk) "how does it feel to hate someone you don't even know?".

If you wanna start out playing poker then play a card suddenly saying "blackjack rules apply" fine.



_____________________________

I am (now) "Hiltie", hear me ROARRRRR! And have a cuffy cake, they're nice.

(in reply to HatesParisHilton)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 7:46:50 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		Too bad you're not a US citizen HatesParisHilton. America needs wise men like you.

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Profile   Post #: 70
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 7:53:58 PM   
HatesParisHilton


Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		Well, I tried to be be voting legal in the USA when I was there but was not allowed, despite paying taxes.  I'm not bitching, but I do think it's a shame when lack of dual citinship means when I do the right things I can't vote without sacrificing original citizenship while some numbnut that cheats on his wife AND the IRS gets to vote whatever the hell way he wants.

That just seems wrong, somehow.

Thank you, and many MANY men need women like you, Defiant, culturally and sexually, please remember that despite frustrations.

In the interests of this thread, if you do not feel it crossing boundaries and considering your romantic and fetish needs, have you ever considered sites such as "Shut up and Spank" in lieu of this one, alt, and others RE finding a dedicated partner whom will value you properly?

_____________________________

I am (now) "Hiltie", hear me ROARRRRR! And have a cuffy cake, they're nice.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 8:10:11 PM   
ketsuekiitami


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline 		the failings of the police system are not because it is filled with men it is because this world is filled with whiney assed "humanitarian" types that think jail will "rehabilitate" rapists and murders the only thing that rehabilitates is corpral and capital punishment both of which i am a fan of and gun laws in the usa are a breech of the 2nd ammendmant taking the guns out of law abiding citizens hands to prevent crime you have to deter it and the 45 straped to my hip when i go out is a damn good deterant to crime in my area if we hang rapists and murders and child molesters and cane the theives and everybody else crime will go down hell ill volunteer me and my friends what this world needs is street justice go to court once loose and we hang you no appeals just straight from the court to the gallows well look at this anarchosocialist rant oh well ive said enough

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 8:37:17 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HatesParisHilton

" I guess I could call you a "knuckledragger" but two wrongs do not make a right."

posting that then using the caveat is merely passive aggressive, since in effect you DID call me a knuckledragger. 

As for Paris/Stalin, again you choose to take things from one context to another willy nilly.  A  username can be tongue in cheek and you used that phrase for one of your own posts but now deny the same latitude to myself.  I used Stalin in context when you asked (as a knee jerk) "how does it feel to hate someone you don't even know?".

If you wanna start out playing poker then play a card suddenly saying "blackjack rules apply" fine.



I do not think you are a knuckledragger, I was merely mirroring back your sexist attitude to demonstrate a point that you obviously refuse to acknowledge. Fine by me, men that make references to Oprah when they do not like what a woman they are conversing with says are  kinda amusing. You obviously meant to be denigrating to me, and used a sexist way of trying to accomplish that, more than once... not going to work with this gal. I am also not emotionally involved in your baggage, so have a nice life!

BTW, you can play Black Jack by yourself... Party On!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to HatesParisHilton)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 8:39:42 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		What a wonderful story, and it was romantic.

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~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 8:52:33 PM   
HatesParisHilton


Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		"I do not think you are a knuckledragger, I was merely mirroring back your sexist attitude to demonstrate a point that you obviously refuse to acknowledge. Fine by me, men that make references to Oprah when they do not like what a woman they are conversing with says are  kinda amusing. You obviously meant to be denigrating to me, and used a sexist way of trying to accomplish that, more than once... not going to work with this gal. I am also not emotionally involved in your baggage, so have a nice life!

BTW, you can play Black Jack by yourself... Party On! "

you complain of my making assumptions out of context then make rampant ones yourself.  and again play the passive aggressive card.  passive agression is no better than overt aggression.  I never said I thought you watched Oprah or DR Phil, but MILLIONS of women do, including many kinky women.  My bringing up those shows is NOT saying that you watch them or making a sexist comment towards you by referrencing them.   For you to again make a massive contextual leap outside of any context  and claim that doesn't show in any way that you actually give a shit about context.

see, again, this is the type of stuff that is problematic with "romance".  and relationships. 

BTW, no-one can play blackjack by themselves, it requires at least one opponent ("the bank" or "house") because like romance, it's INTERACTIVE, not like solitaire.  So I think you're shooting left of field with that snarkism, and such snarkisms and refusal to deal with the contexts of discussions and staying on topic are what lead many men to see "romance" as less valuable than many women would like them to.

So I'll wish you to to Party on as well, in a game of solitaire, as you appear to wish to only engage ala rules of your own game as you see fit and change the rules per second as you deem need be.

Unlike you, I won't be passive aggressive and make a snark while pretendting not to.  I'll close with you by saying that sinergy must have the proverbial patience of a SAINT. which is not passive aggressive. It is a direct statement, unlike the ones you erroneously accused me of making.




_____________________________

I am (now) "Hiltie", hear me ROARRRRR! And have a cuffy cake, they're nice.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 9:04:37 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		This is an interesting and multi-faceted question.  I hate to say this, but for me, it starts with my own personal definitions and clarifications...

I don't think that lack of romance necessarily equals a lack of commitment, lack of an emotional bond, or even lack of love.  It just means "not romantic".

I've actually developed very strong emotional bonds with several dominants with whom I had no romantic connection whatsoever.  I would even say that in submitting to them, I grew to love them and feel attached to them.  Not in an "in love" or romantic kind of way, but in a different way.  Intimacy can take many different forms between two people. 

I also don't think that dating necessarily means romantic candlelit dinners,  star gazing together or courting.  A date could be mean meeting and talking in order to see if there is potential and to begin the first stages of getting to know someone and developing trust.  This could take place in lots of different ways.  A date...is just that...a date to see someone.

I think alot of people (I know this from when I had my profile up) mistook my not being the romantic type to mean that I wanted casual sex. 

I think its hard for alot of people to understand that commited, fulfilling and intimate relationships can and do exist without romance. 


_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 9:11:03 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have not been passive aggressive with you dude, I think you are a sexist person who likes to denigrate women by calling them "toots" and making references to "Oprah", and then using my relationship to denigrate me further. I have not pulled one punch on you... so if you want to pretend I am passive aggressive to make yourself feel better, but not looking at your own PA tendencies... Go You!

I am not debating your view of romance hatesparishilton.. why? Because it is as valid as my own... I will reiterate.. I think people should do what makes them happy and fulfilled, if your worldview is a happy thing for you, well my opinion shouldn't matter... and I am not egocentric enough to believe it does. On the other hand, you took a post from another thread and used other posters words out of context knowing that my Daddy's post was tongue and cheek... I can even cross post where he says so and you responded to that.

So you can insult me until the cows come home hatesparishilton... I am not emotionally involved in your opinion of me or my intimate relationships. Opinions are like assholes, and I am not particularly interested in you or your asshole or your opinion... Clear as mud? Thank you for your time in advanced to responding with more hate spew... you do it so well!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to HatesParisHilton)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 9:17:18 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

(Fast reply)

Just thought I'd share that my slave has romantic plans for us this weekend and while they might not seem romantic to anyone else or others might think it isn't his place, it pleases me.

The spouse will be out of town all day to a gig his band is playing so Fox said to me the other night: "Mistress, how would you like to go out to lunch or to the movies or rent a movie Saturday?"

In other words he was saying to me: "I want us to do something special, just the two of us, where you don't have to do much work, and I don't have to do much work either, we can just relax". To me, that's romantic too.


I think it is the little every day things that are the most romantic. I get 10 times more fluttery when things are done for me with no reason than "just because". To know someone is thinking about you because they want to is a beautiful thing

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 9:31:08 PM   
HatesParisHilton


Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		"Because it is as valid as my own... I will reiterate"

uh, yet in so many ways you've said my own is NOT valid.

LOL.

knee-jerk emotianlist replies at the expense of contest don't really prove much.  Except possibly in ways I doubt anyone would intend.

and as I said, you can think I'm sexist all you like. meanwhile defiant wished that people like myself were able to help out in the USA.  disagreeing with women LIKE YOU does not make me disagree with women OVERALL, even though you keep boiling things down to that.  Which is what is called a straw man argument in many circles.  not all, but many.

BOTH your POV and Defiant's are equally valid which leave me at a pleasant ground zero.




_____________________________

I am (now) "Hiltie", hear me ROARRRRR! And have a cuffy cake, they're nice.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 9:38:38 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Have a wonderful evening parishiltonhater, may you live long and prosper... and i am glad you just hate me, and not all women...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to HatesParisHilton)
Profile   Post #: 80
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