RE: D/s And Romance

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RE: D/s And Romance - 1/21/2007 8:30:17 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

Is *romance* something mystical or different? It isn't to me.

agirl

My take on it is looking at your potential mate/or mate through a distorting haze. A confection, a projection of unreality that you find in Mill&Boon novels or Hollywood romances.

Ah........I like the unadulterated version of people far better than the Hollywood version and I find it very difficult to see anyone as a potential *mate*, in any case.

I see from the OED that *romantic* has a few definitions which link it far more with *love* and idealism.

When I think of romantic gestures, they seem like the type of kind and thoughtful things that we might do for anyone we care for, not limited to *partnery* types. Maybe if they are directed at a partner, they are called *romantic*.

agirl

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RE: D/s And Romance - 1/21/2007 11:07:17 AM

jcolbert14

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

My answer to this actually covers a lot more area than Ds. I feel that the picture of romantic love we are painting in our society is inherently flawed in that it most often creates a situation of negative attachment, unattainable ideals and unhealthy self-denial. Given this, I don't feel that "romantic love" as we know it is good for most relationships, Ds or not. The kind of love that we need is the kind that doesn't possess, that doesn't cause us to give up everything for the other to the detrement of ourselves nor does it set ourselves and the relationship up for failure by holding up standards we can never attain. We need to be in romantic love relationships because we love them, not because they love us.

So, yes, I believe that there is room for romance and romantic love in a Ds or Ms relationship, but that statement is qualified by my belief that what most people see as romantic love is off base.

Master Fire

I agree that our notion of love is flawed. Both parties also need to be individuals and true to themselves. Possession and lust seem to be the main themes today in most relationships.

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Post #: 102

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/21/2007 12:39:49 PM

lucyn

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I think to some degree there would be romance in a long term D/S relationship
or its personal choice, I like to know my partner as a whole person and would love and romance as part of it.

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Post #: 103

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/21/2007 11:29:53 PM

luv4softbutch

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I could not be a sub to my mistress if I felt she did not show me love and that she cared for me. It would be like bowing down to a stranger. But then I have never had causal sex either.

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RE: D/s And Romance - 1/22/2007 1:01:15 AM

mgdartist

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Seems to me if I can take a flogger and bully a lady till midnight, I should be able to show her affection and appreciation for indulging my fantasies.

If she doesn't want that romance and doesn't need appreciation, I'll think she's nuts and eventually split.

I love being deviant tonight., but I need to feel human tomorrow.

A sub once told me "I loved to hate her", which was true, and I had to learn the hard way I needed to love to love her too.

I'm always told how men only want sex, to the point I often think of turning celebate, because sex is over-rated friends. Mostly I just want a friend, and need to be one, and next I want to love, and be loved, next I want D/s, which is why I'm here, after that, I usually want sex, and 4th on the list it's lucky it comes before my favorite oudoor sport.

As far as romance goes I want it mixed in heavily, but my version of it isnt usually hers, and I don't feel her version of romance should always define it. My version is something like grasping her hair and pulling her head back, and kissing her long and deeply. passionate romance. I thought juliaoceanas vision of the "romantic hole" dug for her typical of the feminine version of romance. It was a nice gesture--for her. For him, it was work. Nothing wrong with doing work for a woman. Nothing wrong with helping them.
Nothing wrong with that view of romance. It just isn't mine, you know, because of the shovel and all...lol.

But put 2-way romance, and 2-way love together and then that combination goes to the top of my list, far surpassing any D/s or sex, and should greatly enhance friendship, sex, D/s and everything in the relationship, which I would then hope never ended.

MGD

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Post #: 105

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/22/2007 4:53:39 AM

juliaoceania

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You see, the hole was not just dug for me, but for our baby too... yeah, it was work, but I was doing a lot of hard work inside my body

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RE: D/s And Romance - 1/22/2007 2:20:49 PM

bandit25

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Maybe...but I seriously don't see the romantic hole (not to be confused with one's "secret hole"..LOL) typical of the feminine version of romance. All he did is make it possible for her to enjoy something, the sun, that she might not otherwise be able to enjoy. Don't you think it romantic when your girl notices that you're too busy to, say, do your laundry or wash the car or even just put gas in the car, so she does it for you. What does that gesture say? I'll tell you...It says I love you (or I treasure you or something mushy like that).

Oh yeah it isn't only the men who want sex...but that's another thread entirely.

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RE: D/s And Romance - 1/22/2007 2:39:21 PM

agirl

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What does it say when you do the self same things for your Mum or anyone else?

It seems it's romantic when a *love object* is involved and thoughtfulness or kindness when anyone else is.

Perhaps we just *load* sweet gestures, according to who has made them.

agirl

Added.....Breakfast in bed of smoked salmon and scrambled eggs tastes the same to me, whether presented by my sons or a chap.

< Message edited by agirl -- 1/22/2007 2:41:31 PM >

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RE: D/s And Romance - 1/22/2007 7:47:03 PM

thaimeeuppppp

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submission to me seems quite romantic in itself. When any human is infatuated they surrender. It has its dangers. You can be hurt. That is what makes it exciting. I do truly believe whatever 2 individuals agree is romantic is romantic. BDSM is very caveman really. A romantic notion. Desire so strong one is compelled to force another to his will and she surrenders thrillingly. Or he in my case.

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Post #: 109