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RE: D/s And Romance - 1/19/2007 9:42:19 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

As for romance. As far as I'm concerned it just takes up too much time and effort for very little reward. I think I'd rather sit down with a woman an discuss particle physics than tell her a load of stuff to build up her ego so I can roger her.

MC, in a way I can understand the above. Although I'm not interested in science whatsoever I can understand your physics point - I'd much rather immerse myself in books and music than be in the company of a woman consumed with life's stylistic items (regardless of what she is bringing to the table).

A point worth bearing in mind though: many men are also as boring as batshit and consumed by the same mundane nonsense. That's life, a clash of interests i.e. nothing to do with gender. It's a case of sorting the wheat from the chaff.

Anyway, surely decent conversation (your physics point) is romancing?

You are absolutely right NorthernGent, it is a wheat from chaffe thing no matter what gender a person is. I have met some boring men, and I am sure I have bored a few myself. And there is nothing that will stimulate romance faster than a man that reads all the time and has something to offer in the way of intellectual stimulation.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 81

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 2:31:57 AM

sxxyandbeautiful

Posts: 8
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline

I am a sub who has been romanticaly seeing my dom for 6 months now. I think it's great that I can find someone who is into the scene and also a relationship. It does not affect our relationship in any way except to make it stronger. We can separate play time from relationship time and still have a real9istic relationship. Tis not so hard.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 82

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 2:51:22 AM

arabiandancer

Posts: 4
Joined: 12/5/2006
Status: offline

I believe His purpose is to romance her...

(in reply to sxxyandbeautiful)

Post #: 83

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 3:56:36 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

Anyway, surely decent conversation (your physics point) is romancing?

You actually have a point NG. I have a part time liason with a woman who is an artist and a vary good one too and it is her discussions and insight into art that attract me.

I suppose it might also be an age thing with me, what is traditionally considered romance I feel is something I left behind in my twenties to mid thirties and I've been married and had a deep and meaningful relationships on that level and I have no wish to revisit that sort of thing.

Based on the above, it seems you have your own version of what constitutes romance and you're not prepared to compromise and settle for second best. Why settle for the generally accepted version of romance if it's not compatible with your outlook? For my money, this is a common sense and absolutely essential approach to life.

In a nutshell, I would say we all need and seek romance - the difference of opinion is around what constitutes romance.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Post #: 84

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 7:10:01 AM

Caitriona

Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

As I've stated more than once, I cannot imagine having a D/s relationship that was not based in romance in some way. I am married to my Dominant. My love for My Lord inspires me to make his life easier by serving and pleasing him in any way that I can. He's definately the more traditionally romantic of the two of us - he writes me little love letters, flowers on important dates, ect. But it's always the little things that do the most for me - like how every once inawhile he'll pick me up a Reece's Peanut Butter Cup when we stop to get gas for the car. I don't have much of a sweet tooth but those will get me every time.

I know that he cares for our slave very much but he does not love her in the same way that he loves me. However, I see that caring as a very important part in the relationship between wren and My Lord as well as wren and myself. I could not be completely detached from someone I was in a power exchange with no matter if it was from the "top" or "bottom."

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(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 85

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 7:42:47 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

I don't have any real grasp of what's *romantic*.

If someone is *thoughtful and kind*, it seems to be in that category, whether it be my mother or my Master or one of the sprogs.

Is *romance* something mystical or different? It isn't to me.

agirl

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 86

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 7:45:47 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

He knows what I need, and I have journaled several times that if what I "need" or desire is something He can't or won't give, I wish He'd just tell me....., He hasn't, and I'm still His, so I guess I have to continue to be patient that His "Master Plan" will include these things. *sigh*

and if they are not part of the Master plan? What then?

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 87

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 7:51:11 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

I have been waiting for someone to bring this up. Even when a man says he doesn't want a relationship (and most don't in the beginning), he can change his mind.

I found your trouble, you think you can change someone's mind. You cannot change anyone's mind about anything. If someone tells you they are not looking for a relationship, BELIEVE THEM. If these are the types you have been expecting more with, I can see your trouble.. no men do not change their minds.

This is just stupid... of course men can change their mind .... hell everyone can change their mind ....

However, expecting them to change their mind... or expecting that you can change their mind is equally as stupid. Becuase sometimes people just don't change their minds.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 88

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 7:51:48 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

i would prefer to be in a total relationship that incorporated the romantic side of love in addition to the BDSM side. However, i don't necessarily need romance with BDSM. On the other hand i don't want romance without BDSM. i've thought about trying to find a boyfriend with whom i can go places, movies, fairs, flea markets, art shows, car shows, etc but i would not feel any passion without the D/s so it probably wouldn't be fair to the boyfriend.

All i ask is honesty up front so i can make informed decisions. To expect me to be loyal and completely committed to a Master who never wants to "date" would be unfair to me. You don't want to "date" me? Fine, but don't expect me to refuse the opportunity to go to dinner and a movie with someone else or enjoy the romatic gestures of other men.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 89

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 7:54:04 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Have you noticed he hasn't been back on here since he made that comment? My response must have offended him lol

somehow I doubt anything you say would offend him... however... I do see that he can make silly provoking responses that easily push your buttons.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 90

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 8:48:23 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

I have been waiting for someone to bring this up. Even when a man says he doesn't want a relationship (and most don't in the beginning), he can change his mind.

I found your trouble, you think you can change someone's mind. You cannot change anyone's mind about anything. If someone tells you they are not looking for a relationship, BELIEVE THEM. If these are the types you have been expecting more with, I can see your trouble.. no men do not change their minds.

This is just stupid... of course men can change their mind .... hell everyone can change their mind ....

However, expecting them to change their mind... or expecting that you can change their mind is equally as stupid. Becuase sometimes people just don't change their minds.

You are right, people change their minds, but no one can change another person's mind. They have to change their own mind in my experience. Perhaps you have a different experience in life than I, shrugs

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 91

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 9:06:33 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

For submissives and dominants, do you think that the expectation of romance is silly in the context of forming Ds relationships complete with courtship or "dating"? Is finding people to date an unrealistic expectation for those wanting to engage in the lifestyle?

I want romance and love in my life, whether it be vanilla or not. As you said, julia, nothing wrong with "just play", but I want more.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 92

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 9:15:26 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I want romance and love in my life, whether it be vanilla or not. As you said, julia, nothing wrong with "just play", but I want more.

Hi there Level, long time no "see." :) I understand what you are saying, but wanted to add that lack of romance does not equate to "just play." It only means romance is not part of someone's make up or dynamic. One can experience the real, good, and in depth stuff without basic romance. I find the richness of a relationship to be found in the energy shared between its parties.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 93

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 9:38:16 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

Hello owned . Yes, you're right, that lack of romance does not have to equal "just play"; I would say that I personally would probably not be content in a relationship without romance, keeping in mind as many of you have said, that romance can mean different things to us all.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 94

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 9:52:54 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Level and Owned

There is a book I am meaning to read that someone from this site recommended to me... I believe it is called "The Five Languages of Love". It is about how different people show love in very different ways, and that we often do not recognize these expressions of love because it is not the way we express the same feelings. It sounds like a very productive read in my opinion.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 95

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 10:01:06 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for the book mention, Julia. I would agree that many people do not recognize love when spoken in a language other than what we're speaking. I used to claim my mother did not love me, because I never saw it demonstrated in the way I defined it. I was closed off to receiving it any other way. "The Four Agreements" (Miguel Ruiz) was beneficial to me in that regard, and I believe it was his book, "The Voice of Knowledge" in which he actually used a mother's love in his analogy (and he could have been speaking directly to me!). He has since written "The Mastery of Love," which I am planning to buy. In it he speaks of how all relationships really start with you, and you (generally speaking) will accept as much "poison" as you will inflict upon yourself. This is why self-love is so important.

But I digress...thanks for the book suggestion :)

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 96

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 10:05:37 AM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline

I have mentioned the book 'The five love languages' before. Great book- not only for understanding partners and yourself, but applicable to your children as well.

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Member:
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"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 97

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 10:11:10 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

Is *romance* something mystical or different? It isn't to me.

agirl

My take on it is looking at your potential mate/or mate through a distorting haze. A confection, a projection of unreality that you find in Mill&Boon novels or Hollywood romances.

_____________________________

There are fascists who consider themselves humanitarians, like cannibals on a health kick, eating only vegetarians.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 98

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 11:19:05 AM

GrizzlyBear

Posts: 278
Joined: 3/26/2004
From: Missoula Montana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

We never dated exactly...but when he first came, he would do romantic things like leave a note and a flower on my pillow etc....At the time I didn't see it as necessary..but in his infinite wisdom he was laying the groundwork for me to feel loved and so set the process in motion for an enduring relationship.

Sort of reminds me in some strange way of the ending scene from Secretary, where she carefully puts the beetle on his pillow... How romantic!

_____________________________

GrizzlyBear

"Come to the edge," he said.
They said, "We are afraid."
"Come to the edge," he said.
They came. He pushed them. And they flew.
~Guillaume Apollinaire

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 99

RE: D/s And Romance - 1/20/2007 6:26:09 PM

Miraculix

Posts: 37
Joined: 1/18/2007
From: Miami, FL, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Too bad you're not a US citizen HatesParisHilton. America needs wise men like you.

LOL... * googles "green card exceptions, but not for Arnold..."

_____________________________

I am only in search for that one girl who will be Mine.
In the meantime, I am simply walking through, leaving nothing but My footsteps in the sands of the beach, hearing as the ocean washes them away behind me...
Blessed Be.
Miraculix

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 100

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