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Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/21/2007 5:39:29 PM

slavebrandyj

Posts: 35
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline

I am asking for your opinion of those that play at play parties with others and not your own sub or Dom or Domme.

Is caning, flogging, paddling or spanking sexual or just smme sort of recreation not to be confused with sex at all?

I wanted to believe my past Domme, but my own study tells me what the experts have to say about it.

< Message edited by slavebrandyj -- 1/21/2007 5:55:16 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/21/2007 5:48:28 PM

trinity46

Posts: 9
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

I can only speak for myself, but the simple answer is YES. It is sexual. If it wasn't I wouldn't be doing it. It is sexual for different reasons for different people, but it most definitely IS sexual.

(in reply to slavebrandyj)

Post #: 2

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/21/2007 5:52:23 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Its absolutely sexual. It is a turn on,usually for both parties involved. Wether or not anything is done about the arousal doesnt lessen the fact that it is there.
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to trinity46)

Post #: 3

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/21/2007 5:54:20 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

What's BDSM? I only come here for the political threads.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 4

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/21/2007 6:27:35 PM

slavebrandyj

Posts: 35
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

What's BDSM? I only come here for the political threads.

I come here and ask a serious question and you come along with a nonsense response. it takes all kinds. Would not have been bad if you took the time to respond to the question after your unsolicited humor..if that's what you call it.

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 5

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/21/2007 6:29:22 PM

callofzion

Posts: 33
Joined: 12/20/2006
Status: offline

"Unsolicited humor" ? Wow, I didn't realise tha humor was something that had to be solicited, you must be a real barrel of laughs.

(in reply to slavebrandyj)

Post #: 6

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/21/2007 6:34:02 PM

LeMis

Posts: 9255
Joined: 9/24/2005
From: Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

What's BDSM? I only come here for the political threads.

This posted here at this forum:
Polls and Other Random Stupidity

_____________________________

Make a mental note . . . oh, I see you're out of paper!
Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. — Lincoln

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 7

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/21/2007 6:36:50 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavebrandyj

I am asking for your opinion of those that play at play parties with others and not your own sub or Dom or Domme.

Is caning, flogging, paddling or spanking sexual or just smme sort of recreation not to be confused with sex at all?

I wanted to believe my past Domme, but my own study tells me what the experts have to say about it.

when i find out, you'll be among the next to know...LOL

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to slavebrandyj)

Post #: 8

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/21/2007 7:34:01 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Since pain makes me wet and excited. Yes spankings , whippings etc are sexual for me.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to slavebrandyj)

Post #: 9

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/21/2007 7:48:43 PM

TigressOfDs

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Its absolutely sexual. It is a turn on,usually for both parties involved. Wether or not anything is done about the arousal doesnt lessen the fact that it is there.
DV

Vampire, I'm not sure I agree with what you said, about being absolutely sexual, but more importantly for this particular thread I respect and appreciate your statement. Because for me a blend of D/s mixed with B/d is more of a mental utopia than a sexual one . I'd like to ad my own thoughts regarding this issue.

Kinda long, so patience in getting to my point is appreciated.

I recently met a “submissive” here on collarme. It started off nicely enough. I told him of my deal breakers “ No married men” and “no Lies”. He told me of his deal breaker “monogamy”, no “poly” relationships. We were both looking for a life partner relationship. For reasons beyond our control we weren’t able to meet in person for two months, but when we did, all our deal breakers and other various conversations were spoken again, just to make sure there was no misunderstanding.

Months later, via a slip of the tongue, I find out he isn’t divorced. First it was “ all over but the Judges signature” … went from there to my misunderstanding what he had said, (even those his exact / type words the first time we communicated and throughout , were “my divorce”) , to he buried his head in the sand and didn’t tell me because he “ fell in love, and knew it would end” if the truth were told.   Along with catching him in a few other lies (on web cam) I finally realized I   just couldn’t fall in love with someone I couldn’t completely trust .

In closing, he has since called me every derogatory name in the book. Telling me Im “sick” because I can allow a submissive that I’m not in love with to paint a room in my home in trade for a few minutes of hanging on my St. Andrews cross while wrapped in bondage tape, or allowing a cross dresser to clean my home in exchange for a few hours of dressing and enjoying something he would other wise not be able to. (No money, or sex is exchanged)

Telling me it’s all about Sex and that he is a Man so he knows there is never a person who plays in Bd sm that isn’t after sex. Oh, and the best laugh his constant remark “ I’m not like other men” all the other wanna be submissives    “lie to get what they want ”.

Before I met the married guy, I was actually very active in my D/s B/d S/m community, and had a house boy(cross dresser) WITHOUT sex for over 7 years. So much for all those wannabe liars being after sex.

So, I ask … {tongue in cheek} am I suppose to be having sex with all the people I enjoy a power exchange with ?

Cause I’ve been enjoying this lifestyle for many, many years and no one ever told me that. Nor has a submissive in my tutelage ever requested it.

Ms. Kat
Listen carefully to what is said,take what you need,then blow the rest away with a breath of kindness. But always watch what they do, for in action there is always a clue. kd2003

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 10

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/21/2007 9:02:40 PM

slavebrandyj

Posts: 35
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline

Good points made. Yes, there may be some exceptions to the rule. The way you feel is one of them. But I would almost bet sexual feelings are in those that serve you. Just could be they are at least honorable or smart enough and in control of those feelings to not let you know. I would guess that is the case. But you wouldn't know. If they confessed sexual feelings, I bet they would be dismissed!

As for what happened with you and the sub you mentioned. I can clearly see this is merely your side of it and does not have all the facts as he would see it.
It's a shame that the both of you could not try harder to make your dreams come true.
Makes me wonder whatever happened to forgiveness and understanding.

(in reply to TigressOfDs)

Post #: 11

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/21/2007 9:50:59 PM

TigressOfDs

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavebrandyj

As for what happened with you and the sub you mentioned. I can clearly see this is merely your side of it and does not have all the facts as he would see it.
It's a shame that the both of you could not try harder to make your dreams come true.
Makes me wonder whatever happened to forgiveness and understanding.

Those are the facts as they happened. I don't need to come on a message board and lie, embellish or make up a post ... geezzz

As for forgiveness and understanding and trying harder to make dreams come true ... Dreams that come true are never built on lies or words that are so painful they can't be forgotten.

Ms. Kat
Listen carefully to what is said,take what you need,then blow the rest away with a breath of kindness. But always watch what they do, for in action there is always a clue. kd2003

(in reply to slavebrandyj)

Post #: 12

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/21/2007 10:02:24 PM

RobertCloud

Posts: 2959
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

I disagree with you brandyj,

There are times when a slave or submissive can serve a Dominant in a non-sexual way without arousal. I knew a gentleman slave that wished to serve me in such a manner as a caretaker of my property. He even wished that I control his sex life, but it was not sexual between him and I in anyway. He just had a deep respect for me as a Dominant and he had never met a Male Dominant that he respected as much as he did me.

It was something new he wished to try. Had things been different I may have considered the possibility, but I was unable to consider it at the time.

In the D/s dynamic and M/s dynamic many times it is the control in the mental state that is fulfilling. The arousal may or may not be there depending on the mood or the setting and what it being controlled. Menial tasks may not cause any arousal at all unless they are done in certain ways and designed to cause arousal. Housework done naked, or in scantily clad attire would be more arousing, than housework done in proper attire without the Dominant even present. Does it ever bring a sexual thought? Possibly... The male mind thinks of sex every so many minutes, and the female mind is not that far behind the male, so even without the BDSM involved the sexual thoughts would be there, does the BDSM provoke it, not necessarily, but just as likely it might. Less likely in a D/s situation that is 24/7 and in not in a scening session than in a scening session that is specifically being done with physical attributes.

Yes, spanking, flogging, etc. will provoke arousal, and sometimes a simple command will do so. Sometimes a single word can do so as well.

I was not even aware of a speach impediment that I have until I was speaking to one submissive on the phone. It seems that I have a way of pronouncing the letter "L" in certain words that over emphasizes it and really strikes her deeply. So the word "slut" would put her right on the edge everytime I said the word. She would beg me to roll my "L" the way I do.. I had never noticed it until her. So, that single word is so arousing to her that it puts her on fire and ready just speaking it.

So anything can be arousing in the right context.

_____________________________

Author for Black Velvet Seductions
she melted to her knees and crawled to her master.
Toy's Story: Acquisition of a Sex Toy

(in reply to slavebrandyj)

Post #: 13

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/21/2007 10:11:41 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavebrandyj
Is caning, flogging, paddling or spanking sexual or just smme sort of recreation not to be confused with sex at all?

It's going to vary from person to person. A lot of it has to do with intent. Spiritual SM is often not erotic for me, unless we're working with sexual energy (i.e. sex magik for some people). A lot of it also has to do with whether or not I'm attracted to the person. I can work with someone for a cathartic flogging and not be aroused. There are some things, though, that MUST be sexual in order to work. Psychic feeding as a Vampire must be sexual and erotic for it to work for me.

In the end, you can choose to trust, or not, what the person is telling you. How you feel about it might not be how they feel about it.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to slavebrandyj)

Post #: 14

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/22/2007 1:45:16 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavebrandyj

I am asking for your opinion of those that play at play parties with others and not your own sub or Dom or Domme.

Is caning, flogging, paddling or spanking sexual or just smme sort of recreation not to be confused with sex at all?

Sometimes it's all about sex, sexuality and arousal, sometimes it's all about endurance or tolerance building, sometimes it's about creating art on a human canvas. There are combinations aplenty to go around and what it's all about is generally up to those who are actually participating.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to slavebrandyj)

Post #: 15

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/22/2007 3:36:11 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavebrandyj

I am asking for your opinion of those that play at play parties with others and not your own sub or Dom or Domme.

Is caning, flogging, paddling or spanking sexual or just smme sort of recreation not to be confused with sex at all?

I wanted to believe my past Domme, but my own study tells me what the experts have to say about it.

I have heard it defined as "sexual play without the sex"

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to slavebrandyj)

Post #: 16

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/22/2007 4:34:20 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

For me and mine yes it is. If there wasn't sex involved frankly I doubt I'd be interested. I run my relationships so there is no variance there even if I was vanilla. I'm the Boss, thats just the way it is with me.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to slavebrandyj)

Post #: 17

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/22/2007 4:47:48 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

Between two people in a relationship, I'd say in most cases yes for both.

Between two strangers at a party etc, I'd say in most cases yes for one or both.

Sexual, or better perhaps erotic, but not sex.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 18

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/22/2007 4:50:13 AM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

IMHO and even though I've never tried it myself..yes it's definitely sexual

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 19

RE: Is BDSM play sexual ? Yes or no - 1/22/2007 6:41:07 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

BDSM play is only sexual when it involves a large bucket of chicken from KFC. At least that was what I read in this month's issue of "Ground Control to Major Dom"

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to slavebrandyj)

Post #: 20

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