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LadyHugs -> RE: I wonder if modern day BDSM has become watered down (1/22/2007 3:39:55 PM)
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Dear thaimeeuppppp, Ladies and Gentlemen;
You have on your original post many questions. So, I will answer them in sections.
1. I wonder if modern day BDSM has become watered down? A. It depends on your perspective and or where you have started. If you start over 30 years ago, what is practiced now will be considered 'watered down.' Whereas, someone new to the lifestyle has only myth, other's lives lived honorably so, porn with BDSM kink, magazines and or books with people's vivid imagination, an occassional play party, munches and or support and educational groups as a reference point.
2. Is modern day BDSM has become watered down or if its just a little different because most people on here are essentially heterosexual? A. Heterosexuals are not the total blame for BDSM being watered down. It is considered different even in Gay Leather circles, as well as Lesbian Leather circles from years past. I'm seeing heterosexual women seek out and going to academy weekends where they flood the application process whereas, Gay men have declined in attending such an academy, that I know about. Yet, it just could be a matter of schedule conflicts which drops attendance. Regardless, any one person can come to many conclusions based on assumptions and or second guessing. However, I am finding that Heterosexual women are wanting more from their life's choice and their expectations of what their Masters/Mistresses should be. Self entitlement of "Master" or "Mistress" isn't cutting bread anymore. What separates the want to be Masters/Mistresses from the Final Leather Masters/Mistresses is the enlightenment most seek as well as looking within.
As your original post makes a few statements; I will now apply to those.
3. "...I have been reading many of these posts and it seems like many people are really more searching for very secure committed relationships where they have very few kinks in common." A. I am one who prefers to have a secure, committed relationship with many kinks in common. However, I also want to see if someone else has shared vanilla interests as well. There are only so many hours one can be in the dungeon and work a scene. In real life, there is more 'every day' relationship interaction compared to BDSM interaction. There needs to be a balance. In addition, somebody may not have explored their kink fully yet or hit their glass ceiling. I have yet to find a perfect match and would settle for a person that is 80% of what I seek.
4. "...Many of the submissives seem opinionated and bossy." A. That is a matter of perception and perhaps in the circumstances of the moment. I see submissives as Democratic, to which still use their voice, mind, spirit and physical being in a mutual pleasure with the Dominant. I see those opinionated and bossy submissives as wild horses--they are free. They choose when they submit and choose the person to submit to based on the cords struck within them. Perhaps the time will come or not, where they find their freedom within slavery and committed to one that has earned their trust, feel secure with and are free within the boundaries they helped create. That said, there are indeed some who are just 'do me' types. That is life.
5. "...Women have always been the sneakier sex." A. I've seen some really sneaky men in my lifetime. If you take out the gender and judge a person by their deeds and their words; perhaps you will see that this isn't a gender issue but a issue of ethics, morals, conduct and honor.
6. "...So, while they (women) say they sub, there is more of a need to be taken care of than anything." A. I have seen a lot of male slaves in need of being taken care of mentally, emotionally and or spiritually. Again, I don't think it is a gender issue but an issue and or perhaps a perception of what Mastering a submissive requires as far as maintaining the submissive and or slave. It should not be seen as 'weak' of a man to seek the same thing women seek--to be taken care of, it the capacity of a slave/submissive. In my mind's eyes I see, everybody wants to feel safe, secure and taken care of, regardless which role you assume; be it Dominant and or submissive.
In summary, the dynamics of D/s and or M/s isn't about gender--it is about the total person regardless of gender. It is about reaching a state of happiness, to be safe and free to operate as one's self--rather than be a personal perception imposed upon another. It is best to find personal happiness and those who appreciate that personal happiness in others and wish to be a part of it on a long term basis.
Just some thoughts.
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
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