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Kana -> RE: How old were you when u realized you were Dom or sub? (1/24/2007 10:35:42 PM)
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First sexual memory, I couldn't have been more than 7, watching TV, they had a girl tied up (one of those long legged, no bra on, California 70's blondes) and were getting ready to make her walk the plank-instant sensuality. Fanaticized about B/D and then S/M for years afterwards and always felt somewhat ashamed of myself. Society places such a PC expectation on treating all peoples as equals and the idea of tying women up and just dominating them, especially some of the stuff that I manufactured in my rapidly adolescent mind seemed dichotomous towards what those around me would have labeled decent public behavior of a man of my type.
Then, ahhhh, the moment still holds its strength these many years later, I ran across a book called "My Secret Garden," by Nancy Friday. A book filled with real women’s sexual fantasies as told to a psychiatrist, and it had a whole chapter on bondage. It blew me apart, for the first time I realized I wasn't alone, or some twisted freak, but that the thoughts and desires that I had were considered reasonable and normal by psychiatry and in some aspects could be called healthy extensions of an active fantasy life. The crusher was that women, real women, not only thought about the things that I did, but desired it too, deeply and willingly, that there were women out there who needed it, just as I needed to be able to give it to them. Changed me forever, three years later met a young girl who had ping pong paddles and had never in her life owned a ping pong table. The whistle blew, the game was on and its been an adventure that I have spent the last 22 years learning about.
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