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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 1/27/2007 8:05:04 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Nicely put

(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 1/27/2007 12:48:29 PM   
sting516


Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
Status: offline 		i only have one true limit...play with those underage is somewhere i'll never go....other than that...with the right person, i'm open to all in the context of a relationship...i do not simply play anymore...i need the overall connection to really submit.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 1/27/2007 1:01:51 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sting516

i only have one true limit...play with those underage is somewhere i'll never go....other than that...with the right person, i'm open to all in the context of a relationship...i do not simply play anymore...i need the overall connection to really submit.


I just want to point out that for some people that "playing" means having fun in the BDSM context... for me submitting is something I do all the time within my relationship, not just sexually.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sting516)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 1/27/2007 6:32:14 PM   
backseatbebe


Posts: 195
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		i believe if i was lead by the right person i would follow them anywhere
but i know my trust and devotion comes from a decision i made to serve them
i choose not to let my limits define me

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 1/28/2007 5:31:51 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:


Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with?
 
Master sets the limits.  If it was important to this slave to have a set of limits she could call her very “own”, she would self-identify as submissive, not slave, and create particular parameters for any Dom she is in contact with to adhere to.

quote:

What is one person's ceiling is another person's floor right?
 
would this slave adjust her limits accordingly depending on who she was with? In a Dom/sub pairing or if bottoming – yes.  As Master’s slave, again, HE sets the limits.

quote:

So with one person a definite RED could be a green go go go right?
 
This slave has done things for Master, at His direction, that she would have, if she had been the one controlling things, insisted on RED and never a green go go go would have been considered.  If this slave wanted to retain a certain level of control over her intimate relationship for whatever reason, she would have drawn the line at submissive…to this slave, there IS a difference between the two. It's rather simple- He calls the shots.  He decides what limits His slave will have and with who.  This slave is expected to, and does, respect Master’s limits.

quote:

So does emotional connection make it work or just feeling safe to trust?
 
It’s not an either/or thing~both had to occur before becoming Master’s, the only limits being His.  If this slave felt an emotional connection to Him, but no safe warm feeling of trust had occurred, she could not have surrendered and vice-versa.
 
Before this slave had any awareness that folks participated in this BDSM-D/s, M/s thing they affectionately refer to as a “Lifestyle”, she submitted in all manner of ways, from service to sexual without ever the mention of B&D, S&M, D/s or M/s.  Occasionally, situations and certain proclivities that others were interested to participate in weren’t only hard limits, but OFF limits.  When this slave found herself serving someone who had turned to destroying everything in their radar, self-preservation prevented this slave from having NO limits.

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 1/28/2007 5:47:11 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		 
I have limits that are unchageable due both to the law of the
land and personal values.  Some behaviors that may be
unsavory with one sub/slave may become quite pleasurable
with another.
 
(And after watching "Jackass 2", I can say with complete
conviction that attaching a leech to a person's eyeball is
a new hard limit!)



quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with?

So does emotional connection make it work or just feeling safe to trust?

Ross



_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 1/28/2007 6:17:44 AM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with?

the person i am with. with Him, i don't really have any limits to speak of; and by that i mean that my limits generally fall outside the realm of His. i wouldn't ever refuse Him anything because it's a "limit," necessarily. now, playing with others, my limits would most likely be things like knife play and electrical play, since those are areas where i'm not yet comfortable and really need to tread lightly with someone i've built a huge amount of trust with.

What is one person's ceiling is another person's floor right?

yes.

So with one person a definite RED could be a green go go go right?

yes. for a lot of people, breath play is a definite red. i love breath play, on the other hand.

So does emotional connection make it work or just feeling safe to trust?

both, for me. my emotional connection to Him, and His time spent showing me that i can trust Him, have made me comfortable enough to not cling to any limits. i can't imagine having enough of a connection to anyone else to be able to trust them with some of the things that i'm very squicked over, but perhaps. i do definitely agree that limits can vary depending on who you are playing with.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 1/28/2007 6:48:37 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, my limits definately depend on who i am playing with. There are very few people i would do blood play with. It depends on how well i know them and what our connection is.

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 1/28/2007 8:05:08 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with?

my limits, especially my hard limits are defined my be and what i know i cannot do or am unwilling to do.

What is one person's ceiling is another person's floor right?

Sure, but if i am with somone and my ceiling is their floor, i am with the wrong person.

So with one person a definite RED could be a green go go go right?

Not to clear on what this one means. If red is my safeword it means STOP, it never means go, go, go. But if you mean that what i would say red to, the other person would have no problem engaging in - then i go back to my previous statement - you're with the wrong person.

So does emotional connection make it work or just feeling safe to trust?

Just speaking for myself here - there is no feeling safe or trusting if there is no emotional connection. 

Ross

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bon_D_Age/members?o=6


_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 1/28/2007 4:57:54 PM   
desires2


Posts: 39
Joined: 1/26/2007
Status: offline 		I have hard limits that I will not cross...my Dom knows these...but with said..there are things I  haven't tried that I am willing to...I expect Him to push my limits, especially my pain threshold.  I had even told Him I didn't feel the need for a safeword any longer..but He insisted that I retain it.  I am very lucky I think.  He respects my limitations...and yet still..there is so much to learn from Him.  ~smiles~

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 1/29/2007 4:48:23 AM   
asassylilslave


Posts: 93
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with?

What is one person's ceiling is another person's floor right?

So with one person a definite RED could be a green go go go right?

So does emotional connection make it work or just feeling safe to trust?

Ross

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bon_D_Age/members?o=6

For myself ONLY, mine are determined by the person that I am with at that time.

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 1/29/2007 9:23:04 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Master and i have very similar limits.  If there was something i said was a limit and he really wanted to try it we would have to talk about it first.  As long it did not contain, blood, kids, animals, another woman, scat, watersports, or severe pain.  I would try it

Matt's littleones

(in reply to asassylilslave)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 1/29/2007 10:33:00 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Some hard limits would be the same with everyone, inverted suspension comes to mind because I suffer off and on with vertigo and I'm not willing to bring it on since there isn't any way to stop it immediately.

But other stuff that I was afraid of in the beginning we have discussed and figured out what the sticking point was. He has a liking for pole bondage but every time he tried it I wound up getting a panic attack and we'd drop it for six months or more. Took nearly three years to discover that the panic only happens if he ties my head. Would I be willing to try pole bondage with someone new first thing, hell no. Just seems too risky.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 1/29/2007 11:54:38 PM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		There are some limits I always have, (many of them are actually my husband's limits, and while he may not be my Master he certainly is my owner, though he prefers the term "keeper") and other limits that are person specific.  For instance, I trust my Master with knife play, but would not do that casually at a play party with another person.  Even Sir who I played with for a year, I would not really trust with a knife. They are scary to me and definitely can be fun playing with terror, but I need to be able to trust completely. 

edited to add that I reach a point in subspace where I believe there are no limits, though I'm sure my brain would turn back on if there was some life-threatening situation. My husband and I are careful who I play with, because we both know that I reach a point where I wouldn't say no to virtually anything.  Trust is essential.

< Message edited by beltainefaerie -- 1/29/2007 11:59:38 PM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 7:14:11 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: countrygirl69

to my inexperienced self it is both the emotional connection and the trust and safety but for me it takes one to have the other


Trust and safety are the keystones to any relationship are they not?

Or are they?

Is it possible to have a relationship of merit without?


Ross

(in reply to countrygirl69)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 7:15:15 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I base my limits on myself.

The things I would do, I would do whether another person told me to do or not.

The things I would not to, no one could force me to do.

I must take responsbility for my own choices.


So you are saying that the other person makes no difference at all in your choices ?

Ross

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 7:52:09 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69
So you are saying that the other person makes no difference at all in your choices ?

Ross

Well, as someone else noted, there are certain things I will do with certain people and things I won't do with certain people.

But when it comes down to the "things I will do" and "things I will not do" period, full stop, no caveats, no specifics- that's totally dependent on myself. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 8:16:46 AM   
childofpain


Posts: 44
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline 		my hard limits of the hard limits of the Master who has complete control over my life....

some might say i am wrong, but then again i might feel they are wrong.

getting to know someone before i hand my life over is the point.


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 8:23:50 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mystiquenz

You ask some very good questions.

sssshhh...don't ruin My reputation
 

Who knows how it works, unless your the Dominant and your talking about your submissive.  What works for one couple may not work for another. 

True...what is one person's ceiling is another person's floor...
 
 


You would only work through those questions with a face to face conversation with the other person, that your intending to play with. 

Actually I have done preface to face via internet as the comfort behind the screen allows some submissives more freedom in expressing their inner selves.
 
 


I think that there has to be some kind of basic level of trust, to build on. 

I believe is is a basic human element...something very primal...instinctual in nature.
 


However, in my book, if that trust is eroded, would you want to work on restoring the levels?  

Depends on what the end result was desired. True restoration may take years or never happen.
 
 


I know there are different view points on this, and so i will be interested to read others view points, and maybe it will give me something to ponder. 

This is a thinking person's relationship...it makes one muse on the perceptions and possibilities..many shades of grey...just not blacks...
 
 


If i am bottoming in a casual scene and I called red and the Top didn't stop, or respond to that safe word, then that would be the last time that i would play with that person. 

True. Safewords need to be honored...and safewords are not to be used via topping from the bottom...once you cry  wolf it is over.
 
 

I have a mouth, and a pair of legs, and i would simply walk. 


One always has that option regardless of how painful the extraction from a relationship may be.
 
We are responsible for our own happiness...not others.
 
People are afraid of what they do not understand. Fear of the unknown is a very real fear. Some will maintain the prision of an abusive relationship rather than the freedom of the unkown.


However, if it was a more commited and an ongoing relationship, and I called red, and if my Dominant, didn't stop, I would be questioning him as to why.  Maybe he would be trying to extend pain tolerances or limits. But hopefully that would occur before a scene. 

Disagree. Red means stop immediately. Pushing the envelope does not mean surpassing agreed boundaries.


Then you apparently have slaves, in this lifestyle who have no safewords,

Edge players with high pain tolerances...endorphine junkies. They have consented to no safewords as a basis of trust and experience.

so how do they get on when their pain tolerances are reached? 


If they have chosen no safeword usage then it is up to the top / dom to determine what is happening as to continue would cross the border of discipline to that of punishment

Hopefully, they have chosen well. 

Hopefully both parties have.


An interesting set of questions and an interesting thread.

Thank you..it is only as interesting as they participants make it with their contributions.
 


I think it comes down to communication, communication and communication. 

How very very true
 
Ross


(in reply to mystiquenz)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 8:29:12 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25
However, there are definitely things I would do with one person that I wouldn't do with another.  I think for me, it's the emotional connection that makes it safe to trust.


So might it be possible to make that leap of faith with someone that was trustworthy yet you had no emotional connection?

Like a trainer or handler?

Ross

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 40
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