RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with?

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 8:30:53 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BDSM05478
So does emotional connection make it work or just feeling safe to trust? I can not see it happening with anyone with out both as each can lead to the other and are incomplete alone. (At least in my life as we don't interact with randoms)

Can you accomplish this with out the emotional attachement or involvement?

Ross

(in reply to BDSM05478)

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 8:34:47 AM

justanotheclaire

Posts: 113
Joined: 8/15/2006
From: cambs, uk
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for me my limits in play depends on who im with if its just a casual play partner i iwll be honest and admit i never really submit i only do what i feel like i want to do
when i was with Master it was very different i loved and trusted him but i also needed to show him i wanted to please him so my limits werent things i didnt fancy they were things that would damage me mentally or physically everythign els ei would do my damned hardest to do if he asked it of me

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 8:35:37 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
He was not interested in this list, not because he had any intention of exceeding my limits, he would not have done this, but because his approach was this: He will always talk to me before trying anything new in the realm of BDSM play. He promised to get informed consent whenever we try new play. When we first hooked up even bondage was a soft limit, he made sure I was consenting and eager before trying it with me.

Glad to hear of this. So many "doms" wish to try all the limits first be it because they are limits of the subs or because they have not done them and they wish to have a subject as to do this to..for example: anal

Communication seems to be working very well for you ....

Ross

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 8:37:24 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25
However, there are definitely things I would do with one person that I wouldn't do with another. I think for me, it's the emotional connection that makes it safe to trust.

So might it be possible to make that leap of faith with someone that was trustworthy yet you had no emotional connection?

Like a trainer or handler?

Ross

(in reply to bandit25)

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Post #: 44

RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 8:42:44 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyIce

I have hard limits that do not change regardless who I am with.
I don't get involved unless I have a basic emotional connection.

Have you ever had a relationship for a length of time that did not evolve?

I am under the impression that a relationship should evolve and be nutured

I am hard pressed though in your statement that limits do not change even with emotional connection...I would think that would impart change and trust.

Just wondering.

Ross

(in reply to LadyIce)

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 8:43:06 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
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No emotional connection or no romantic connection because the two are not synonmous at all. i currently play with and am a housegirl to a Dominant with whom i have no romantic connection nor do i want one, however, W/we do have an emotional connection because of O/our time together in play, friendship, working together etc.

heartfelt

< Message edited by heartfeltsub -- 2/1/2007 9:09:38 AM >

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 8:43:26 AM

hammernhoney

Posts: 268
Joined: 8/30/2006
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A slave of ours has no limits except those we impose on ourselfs,no scat,children animals and snuff.a sub is a different creature all together .IF its casual play then we will respect her hard limits no safe words tho..trust in us and our many years of experience to keep her/him safe and we do...HNH

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STEP INTO MY DARKNESS AND LET THE LIGHT OF YOUR SUBMISSION SHINE..

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 8:44:31 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gandalf0297

My hard limits at this time are.....................
Ask me in a month and I'm sure they will be differant...............

Evolution...change...growth...exploration...to be without is stagnation...stagnation is death is it not?

Ross

(in reply to gandalf0297)

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Post #: 48

RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 8:55:14 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

There is a difference between allowing someone who is an expert at knife play to go at me when I'm bound and having someone come up who says "I've never done this before but I'm really good at gutting the deer I shoot...."

Well I saw it on a late movie on tv ya know after an all nigh binge...think I remember the way to do piercing and branding...

whatif.wav (57kb) – "What if he doesn’t survive. He’s worth a lot to me." "The Empire will compensate you if he dies. Put him in."

Ross

(in reply to sublizzie)

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 9:01:22 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened
Limitations are different than limits, soft or hard. A person could have physical limitations due to health, limitations due to the distance between partners, psychological limitations etc for which there may or may not be ways to work around those limitations.

Good point. I always ask what physical, medical, mental, emotional limits a sub may have.

Bad knees prevents kneeling.

Being raped at knifepoint as a teenager may prevent knife play, over powering and rough sex.

Asthma prevents hood and gags.

Caustaphobia prevents hood, blindfolds and gags.

Ross

(in reply to eyesopened)

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 9:06:49 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

There appears to me that there are really no absolute hard limits. Even the ones we usually think of, like bodily harm, or illegal activities, I have known people who say that is not a limit to them. So, limits are defined by the people involved, both Dom and sub. Communication is the key. We usually think of limits as the sub's issue, but that is not true. As a Master, I have my own hard limits that I wouldn't do no matter how much someone begged me. I'm simply not comfortable with them, or I consider them too dangerous.

I believe it depends on those involved and the adaptation and tolerance they may have to such. What was shocking before may have jaded them and no longer has the same effect.

I have met many submissives who claim they had no limits only to discover to their horror that the brave facade they tried to present broke down during the session...not with My overt intent but rather with the wide range of effects and manners I involved with mindset.

There are still things that I will not involve Myself in no matter how much a submissive may want Me to.

Ross

(in reply to SirDominic)

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 9:08:38 AM

KeirasSecret

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From: central NH
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My limits have been set forth by my Dom.

I would think, if I had chosen to submit to someone whose ceiling was my floor, I would have chosen poorly.

Saying red would mean I haven’t completely submitted. (refer to above)

I believe I would need both in order to do something I really do not want to only for the sake of pleasing someone else.

Be well,

< Message edited by KeirasSecret -- 2/1/2007 9:09:17 AM >

_____________________________

It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 9:14:49 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: backseatbebe
but i know my trust and devotion comes from a decision i made to serve them

your choice, your decision....not something that you feel compelled to do and feel helpless like falling freefall in space?

Something that drives you beyond yourself?

So how do you define devotion?

Ross

(in reply to backseatbebe)

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 9:17:18 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with?

Master sets the limits. If it was important to this slave to have a set of limits she could call her very “own”, she would self-identify as submissive, not slave, and create particular parameters for any Dom she is in contact with to adhere to.

I notice you define yourself in the third person yet you still want something that is yours...don't these things contridict each other in principle?

Ross

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 9:20:13 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

So with one person a definite RED could be a green go go go right?

This slave has done things for Master, at His direction, that she would have, if she had been the one controlling things, insisted on RED and never a green go go go would have been considered. If this slave wanted to retain a certain level of control over her intimate relationship for whatever reason, she would have drawn the line at submissive…to this slave, there IS a difference between the two. It's rather simple- He calls the shots. He decides what limits His slave will have and with who. This slave is expected to, and does, respect Master’s limits.

But you have actually defined what will happen as you have consented and decided to having any decision rights correct?

Ross

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 9:24:44 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabellebecause it's a "limit," necessarily. now, playing with others, my limits would most likely be things like knife play and electrical play, since those are areas where i'm not yet comfortable and really need to tread lightly with someone i've built a huge amount of trust with.

So is it the fear of the actual activity or the fear that the activity will not be carried out properly or safely and you doubt the skills of the person involved?

Ross

(in reply to hisannabelle)

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 9:27:35 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: orfunboi

Yes, my limits definately depend on who i am playing with. There are very few people i would do blood play with. It depends on how well i know them and what our connection is.

So an intimacy on a emotional level is needed rather than a technically savvy level is one that you desire?

How would this relate say to a tattoo or a doctor?

Both may be very proficient yet are not involved with you emotionally yet both could be challenging obsticals to some people.

Thoughts?

Ross

(in reply to orfunboi)

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 9:32:08 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

No emotional connection or no romantic connection because the two are not synonmous at all. i currently play with and am a housegirl to a Dominant with whom i have no romantic connection nor do i want one, however, W/we do have an emotional connection because of O/our time together in play, friendship, working together etc.

Emotion is not necessarily equated with romance now is it?

However I do fancy Myself somewhat of a romantic sadist.

Ross

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 9:35:56 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KeirasSecret

My limits have been set forth by my Dom.

I would think, if I had chosen to submit to someone whose ceiling was my floor, I would have chosen poorly.

Saying red would mean I haven’t completely submitted. (refer to above)

I believe I would need both in order to do something I really do not want to only for the sake of pleasing someone else.

Be well,

So are you simply not submitted to the pain or fear or to the dominant?

Ross

(in reply to KeirasSecret)

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RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you... - 2/1/2007 10:17:26 AM

KeirasSecret

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From: central NH
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quote:

So are you simply not submitted to the pain or fear or to the dominant?

I have submitted to my Dom; before I could do this completely, I had to be able to trust he wouldn’t “harm” me. If I am faced with him wanting me to do something I really do not want to do, my doing it will be based on the facts that he owns me, so I am doing it to please him, and I trust he will not harm me. The emotional aspect came in when I learned to trust him at the level I do; not something I afford just anyone.

Side note: If I were saying “red” to my Dom, it would be because something was wrong, not because it was something I didn’t want to do. Sir is the only person I engage in any type of bdsm with.

Be well,

_____________________________

It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

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