If a Dom doesn't follow through

If a Dom doesn't follow through (Full Version)

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justagirl2 -> If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 1:42:21 PM)
if a dom doesn't follow through with punishments does it mean a lack of interest in the sub ?

justinasamerk -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 1:55:14 PM)
This has been a topic of conversation with Sir on a frequent basis..... to make this short.... Why does a dom not follow through??? 1)Subs are fixated to much on the idea of "punishment" rather then accepting what form and style of punishment the dominant gives, they envision this cruel harsh treatment a sense of retribution or pennance, and place themselves as judge, juror and executioner expecting the dominant to rip them to shread---this is a self esteem issue on the submissives part. 2)Dominants sometimes care too much for their property to see them in hurt, in pain or crying, can affect a dominant, particularly when it is time to move on with a bad experience have to focus on that and find a suitable punishment for-this is an issue on the Dominants part 3)Why does it have to be a "punishment" He always asked me what is wrong with simply talking it over, learning about what i did wrong and why i did it, and discussing ways to avoid it in the future. Why in a subs mind is there a need for "punishmenet" 4)Why does a girl complain of lack of attention if a Dominant doesn't punish her? Those were some of the issues we talked about. Sometimes Sir wants to wipe the word punishment from my vocabulary and replace it with "teaching" Hope that helps just a girl...good luck

MasterFireMaam -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 1:56:14 PM)
It could mean any number of things: Lack of interest, lack of the ability to follow through, an unwillingness to punish, etc. etc. If it's a problem, talk to him/her. If it's still a problem, reevaluate the relationship. Master Fire

justagirl2 -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 2:17:26 PM)
Ok thankx for the replies

proudsub -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 3:13:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: justagirl2 if a dom doesn't follow through with punishments does it mean a lack of interest in the sub ? Maybe the punishment is the fact that he doesn't follow through because he knows you are looking forward to it. [:)]

adaddysgirl -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 3:15:54 PM)
The first Daddy Dom i was with was very particular on follow through whenever he made a rule and it was broken. That was actually the dynamic he introduced to me and that is the way he did things. And let me tell you that he did not miss a thing. Another dom i later got involved with told me he was quite interested in a rules/discipline relationship but he wasn't. He barely made any rules and when he did, he rarely noticed if they were not obeyed and when he did, he rarely followed through with a spanking (that relationship ended up not working out very well for me). But the point is, it wasn't about me. It was more that the second one was just not into that type of dynamic very much, whereas the first one was. So if you are looking for a relationship where the follow through is important, then it would be wise to try to find one who shares that same interest. As i said, the first dom was quite avid about this while the second one could take it or leave it. Best wishes. Daddysgirl

mixielicous -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 4:29:57 PM)
we tried punishment in the beginning - and like you after a bit He stopped following through - with physical or other punishments for the reason of punishments such as standards He found to be a waste of time after assigning just one. He says my time is more useful applied elsewhere rather than perfecting some numbers... ...and on the physical front, well like stated above, He doesnt like to cause pain as punishment. mine is loving and caring.

bandit25 -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 4:37:44 PM)
Yeah, maybe some subs are, but it seems to me that it's the doms who are fixated on punishment. If you read the profiles, I would venture to say that 75% of them mention the word "punishment" at least once. I agree, what's wrong with just talking things over and leaving the physical side of bdsm for fun?

justagirl2 -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 5:17:19 PM)
Ok well how can a Dom claim to be a strict Dom, if his rules are not enforced, and like stated above punishments can be in any form not just pain , whether the Dom is loving and caring or not , doesn't mean that his rules that he sets should not be enforced

adaddysgirl -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 5:34:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mixielicous ...and on the physical front, well like stated above, He doesnt like to cause pain as punishment. mine is loving and caring. Should this be presumed that if a dominant uses pain as punishment that he is not loving and caring? DG

adaddysgirl -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 5:36:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bandit25 Yeah, maybe some subs are, but it seems to me that it's the doms who are fixated on punishment. If you read the profiles, I would venture to say that 75% of them mention the word "punishment" at least once. I agree, what's wrong with just talking things over and leaving the physical side of bdsm for fun? Nothing wrong with it. Just some doms have other preferences. DG

adaddysgirl -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 5:41:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: justagirl2 Ok well how can a Dom claim to be a strict Dom, if his rules are not enforced, and like stated above punishments can be in any form not just pain , whether the Dom is loving and caring or not , doesn't mean that his rules that he sets should not be enforced And this is true. Some doms use other means to enforce rules, not just the physical. Spankings were the means for us but even if he chose something different, i would expect that he would follow through if that's how he said it would be. i don't know about you, but i personally found myself losing respect for the one that did not/could not follow through. Had he told me it would be like that, i may have made other choices. Edited to add: the dom that did CP was also a very loving and caring partner. i sure hope that's not yet another measurement of such feelings [8\|] DG

justagirl2 -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 6:02:36 PM)
So far I havn't lost too much respect yet , however it;s really starting to bug me , And yes he is caring and loving , I think I would have a hard time serving one that wasn't I Understand if a Dom has no interest in the punishment area , that fine to each there own ,

SirDominic -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 6:10:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: justagirl2 Ok well how can a Dom claim to be a strict Dom, if his rules are not enforced, and like stated above punishments can be in any form not just pain , whether the Dom is loving and caring or not , doesn't mean that his rules that he sets should not be enforced Short answer. He can't claim to be a strict Dom if he does not enforce rules with appropriate punishment (whatever form that takes for each person's relationship). Actions must follow words. If he claims to be one thing, and does another, he is not being truthful with you (and possibly with himself). I think a lot of Doms feel that they are required to say they are strict so as to appear strong. They may even start out that way, but as it isn't really who they are, they pretty quickly lose interest in playing that role. MasterFire, as usual, has given the best advice. You need to talk to him and find out what is going on. If he only pretended to be strict to get your attention, that should tell you a lot about his level of honesty. Hope it works out for you! Namaste, Sir Dominic

justagirl2 -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 6:22:28 PM)
i do plan on talking with him again , thanks for anyones help

MaryT -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 6:43:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: justagirl2 Ok well how can a Dom claim to be a strict Dom, if his rules are not enforced, and like stated above punishments can be in any form not just pain , whether the Dom is loving and caring or not , doesn't mean that his rules that he sets should not be enforced Isn't it up to the submissive to be obedient? Like, that's the job. Is it the Dom/me's job to force obedience out of a submissive? I don't think so, but I might be thinking differently than others. Wouldn't a very strict Dom/me just say "Good-bye" if obedience was a serious issue?

catize -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 6:48:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: justagirl2 Ok well how can a Dom claim to be a strict Dom, if his rules are not enforced, and like stated above punishments can be in any form not just pain , whether the Dom is loving and caring or not , doesn't mean that his rules that he sets should not be enforced Why not take responsibility for your end of the agreement and follow his rules because it is the right thing to do? As a submissive I believe it is imperative to be accountable for my own behaviors.

catize -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 6:50:10 PM)
Hee hee, we were typing the same thoughts at the same time!

BabyNyla -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 6:58:49 PM)
My Dom can be strict about things. However, he too has a problem with following through on things. He also has a problem with consistency as well. I have gotten used to him not following through and it began to lead both him and I to be lax about things. Well once we lost D/s and didn't have that relationship as much, it led him to re-evaluate a lot of things, especially what was important to him. So he came back renewed and wanting to be more serious about things. A week later I did something not to wonderful and he gave me a punishment. Normally it would involve pain, but that tends to turn me on, so not this time. I was told to write a phrase 2000 times. This was not my idea of excitement and was actually a punishment i was dreading. so I wrote about 1930 phrases and then stopped. He hadn't mentioned it in awhile and I figured, as always, he'd forgotten. whoops. 3 weeks later he asked me where his envelope was, with his sentences. When I explain he was less than happy. So now I am to do 2500 and until they're in his hand I cannot refer to him as anything but Sir (I have a lot of pet names for him I like). Now granted, not everyone can send their Dom off to the sandbox in Iraq for them to realize what they're missing and took for granted ... but for us, that was what it took.

juliaoceania -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/27/2007 7:00:56 PM)
I am with you and Mary, this is the second post I have read today that seems to think that the job of a dominant is to enforce rules, why is this his job? I cannot imagine doing things that caused my dominant to punish me...But we do not have that sort of dynamic, discipline yes, punishment and enforcement... NO. As to the OP, I believe if I was your dom and you did not want to obey me and I had to "enforce" my rules repeatedly, well I would just give up on domming you. You would be too much work. Ds is hard enough to keep going without undermining your dom's authority. As far as YOU losing respect for HIM, well I would be worried he had lost respect for you, and that is why he is not punishing you. A smart person will only exercise effort in a direction that is likely to pay off, if putting energy into you isn't paying off, why should he punish you? My Daddy always says he guides me with postive reinforcement. He praises the behavior he likes, he mentions behavior he does not like and ignores it... it works well with us, and he does not have to force me to do anything....

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