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ORIGINAL: justagirl2

Ok  well how  can a Dom claim  to  be a  strict Dom, if his rules are not enforced, and like stated above  punishments can be in any form  not just pain , whether the  Dom is loving and caring  or not  , doesn't mean  that  his rules that he sets  should  not be  enforced

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ORIGINAL: justagirl2

Good point , however  I do  and when I  screw up  I  tell  him , I think you have the idea that I  go and try to break  any  rule  he sets  thats not the case ,
so when you screw  up, your happy   with  it being  ingored and a pat head ( thats ok  dear ) ??? 
And it's not forcing obedience  out of a  sub,  you can't  force anyone  to  submit ,
as there  is a difference   in  being a obedient  sub  or not i  think there is a difference  between a sub and a  doormat

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so when you screw  up, your happy   with  it being  ingored and a pat head ( thats ok  dear ) ??? 

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And it's not forcing obedience  out of a  sub,  you can't  force anyone  to  submit ,
as there  is a difference   in  being a obedient  sub  or not i  think there is a difference  between a sub and a  doormat

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 so when you screw  up, your happy   with  it being  ingored and a pat head ( thats ok  dear ) ???   

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as there  is a difference   in  being a obedient  sub  or not i  think there is a difference  between a sub and a  doormat  

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ORIGINAL: justagirl2

if a dom  doesn't follow  through with  punishments  does it mean a lack of interest in the  sub ?

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ORIGINAL: justagirl2

so when you screw  up, your happy   with  it being  ingored and a pat head ( thats ok  dear ) ???

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And it's not forcing obedience out of a sub, you can't  force anyone  to submit,

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as there  is a difference in being a obedient sub or not i  think there is a difference between a sub and a  doormat.

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
She was asking why he was not punishing her, I was giving her possible ideas which may or may not be so.... I think it is completely valid to be a brat in a relationship if it makes ya happy. I think it is ok with me if a dom punishes his property.. nothing wrong with the way people do things... but if someone asks an opinion, I will give mine, if they do not like it... they can disregard it.

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Well julia, your ideas included:

I am with you and Mary, this is the second post I have read today that seems to think that the job of a dominant is to enforce rules, why is this his job? I cannot imagine doing things that caused my dominant to punish me...But we do not have that sort of dynamic, discipline yes, punishment and enforcement... NO.

So i said...it is his job because he has decided that it is and the sub agrees to it.  So can you now understand why 'this is his job'?

As to the OP, I believe if I was your dom and you did not want to obey me and I had to "enforce" my rules repeatedly, well I would just give up on domming you.

And any dom who is not happy with the way he had to control his sub could give up on domming her.  Is this like an epiphany? 

You would be too much work.

Too much work for you.  But the OP is not saying that her dom is giving her the indication that she is too much work.  If that's the case, why doesn't he just tell her that?  And she wouldn't be considered 'too much work' if she was with the type of dom i had. 

Ds is hard enough to keep going without undermining your dom's authority.

Does every sub who disobeys...for whatever reasons there could possibly be....be undermining their dom's authority?  That is certainly not how my partner looked at it.  As a matter of fact, he knew i slipped some times and he was there to get me back on track, by his means.

As far as YOU losing respect for HIM, well I would be worried he had lost respect for you, and that is why he is not punishing you.

i wouldn't be worried about that at all.  Again, if he did, i imagine he would speak up, no?

A smart person will only exercise effort in a direction that is likely to pay off, if putting energy into you isn't paying off, why should he punish you?

And how did you reach the conclusion that putting energy into her wasn't paying off?

My Daddy always says he guides me with postive reinforcement.

Good for you!

He praises the behavior he likes, he mentions behavior he does not like and ignores it... it works well with us, and he does not have to force me to do anything....

Again, good for you!  That's great it works so well for you two.  When i was spanked, that wasn't a means of forcing....it was his way of 'teaching'....or 'training' as he sometime liked to term it.  And that's great for those it works for too, isn't it?
 
Seems to me your 'ideas' suggested it is not the dom's job to enforce rules, that continual enforcement would be too much work, that the OP was undermining her dom's authority, that she should be worried that he might be losing respect for her, that punishing her may not be paying off for her dom, that positive reinforcement and ignoring you works for you and Sinergy.  This is all from a simple question of  'if a dom isn't following through on punishment, does it mean he's not interested in his sub?'
 
And i think if he's a dom and not interested in fulfilling his role as the sub had thought he would, then he should take some steps to talk to her, or release her, or do whatever he's got to do.  But suggesting all of the above as reasons for his behavior well, that just strikes me as something we will never know without knowing him and what he presented himself as at the beginning.
 
And i know, i know....it's your opinion and they can take what they want and leave the rest....etc, etc, etc.  Same here.
 
DG

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ORIGINAL: catize

Some of us presented a different perspective.  I didn't see anyone suggesting theirs was the 'only' way.

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ORIGINAL: MaryT

How about a scowl or a simple statement.  Something along the lines of, "I expect better than that."

Why, because that's the way you do it...or expect it should be done? 

And there is a difference between being a Dom/me and a doormat too.  Is demanding that a Dom punish being not a doormat or being not a submissive ... or is it confusion about what it's all about for you both?  It sounds like you and your dom might have different ideas in that respect.

You think she's demanding her dom to punish her?  How do you know it wasn't something agreed upon at the beginning of the relationship and now he has fallen short on that?  Isn't this about talking about things like that? 
 
It didn't sound like she was demanding anything to me.  It sounded like this was something expected in the relationship and now isn't happening.  If this is the case then yes, they need to talk.  And if this wasn't the case then they may have different ideas of what the relationship should encompass....and they obviously still need to talk.  But to presume that she is demanding her dom punish her is rather silly, isn't it?
 
DG

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  i think we all get what you do catize.....and what you, as a sub, believe you should be doing.  Seems it just isn't what the OP does....and some others perhaps?
 
i imagine the standards you have as a sub are fulfilling to you and your dom.  That's great!  But maybe some just don't do it...or look at it....the same way you do?

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ORIGINAL: MaryT

Yep, and in this case, the poster is unhappy that things are not working out.  Exploring why they might not be working out is probably more productive than just agreeing that the dom is a wuss (the crux of the OP) and moving on to the next thread.

MaryT

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ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl

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ORIGINAL: MaryT

How about a scowl or a simple statement.  Something along the lines of, "I expect better than that."

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Why, because that's the way you do it...or expect it should be done? 

How about because the OP is unhappy that it's not happening the way she wants, so maybe a change of expectation is better than expecting to change someone else.

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And there is a difference between being a Dom/me and a doormat too.  Is demanding that a Dom punish being not a doormat or being not a submissive ... or is it confusion about what it's all about for you both?  It sounds like you and your dom might have different ideas in that respect.

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You think she's demanding her dom to punish her? 

She is on this board.

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How do you know it wasn't something agreed upon at the beginning of the relationship and now he has fallen short on that? 

And even if that is true, how does that change the fact that she is demanding punishment?

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Isn't this about talking about things like that? 

Yes, it is - even when you don't like what other people say.
 

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It didn't sound like she was demanding anything to me.  It sounded like this was something expected in the relationship and now isn't happening.

So she is demanding that he keep his end of the bargain then ... is that what you mean?

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If this is the case then yes, they need to talk.  And if this wasn't the case then they may have different ideas of what the relationship should encompass....and they obviously still need to talk.

If either is the case ... they still need to talk.  Yes, that was my point.

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But to presume that she is demanding her dom punish her is rather silly, isn't it?

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ORIGINAL: catize


I stand corrected.  I see now that it is okay for you to write about what works for you, but it's not okay if I write what works for me.

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ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl
No....i was telling the OP that i had been in a similar situation and how that ended up going for me. i understood what she was going through.  i didn't barrage her with a bunch of  'well i just obey, hold up my end, am accountable and responsible because it's the right thing to do' crap.
 
Not once did i say 'why don't you just do this...blah, blah, blah'.  i never in any way implied she should do it the way i did.  As a matter of fact, i don't think she should act in any way other than possibly talking with her dom to get it straightened out (if she was ready for that). 
 
i think that's a tad different than what you were trying to say, no?