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adaddysgirl -> RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through (1/28/2007 5:36:16 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
~Fast Reply ~
Fast forwarding past all the arguing here...If the OP said she specifically disobeyed to get a punishment, that's an issue in and of itself. I did not see her say that, however. I'm not sure why that came up, and I'm not sure why the topic of being a brat came up. It really seems like a simple question to me.
Right, owned. The OP was not saying i am being bratty and my partner isn't following through.....that is a different story. And when i was spanked, it was not for being bratty. But for some reason, some people need to equate being spanked with being bratty and not being mature in their relationship. Both are misconceptions depending on the couple in the relationship. Some spanking relationships might be like that but many are not.
True enough, i can be immature in some ways in a relationship. And that is why i identify as a daddy's girl....and seek a Daddy Dom....because he expects some of that in a relationship. If the term 'Disciplinary Dom' was an option, i probably would seek out that type as well.
But i know plenty of adults who are not daddy's girls who require CP in their relationships. They are not brats but when they 'get out of line', CP is the type of discipline that is used. But this in no way suggests these subs were neither bratty nor immature. It was just something they needed and they found a partner that was into that as well.
And until others stop equating needing CP as being bratty and willfully disobedient, i'm afraid they will never quite grasp that dynamic and we will continue to have these types of debates.
Having said that, I for one am not an uber-submissive so guess what - I'm going to blow it sometimes. Very rarely have I blatantly disobeyed, for reasons I won't get into here. Other times I have disobeyed as the result of an oversight, ie; I completely forgot to do something I was supposed to do. Sometimes I disobeyed by arguing back inappropriately, etc. I do not make a habit of this, and as time goes on this happens less and less.
Right....it is not necessarily about blatant disobedience. And same here, i was spanked because of my mouth until i started to learn that talking to him was not going to be what i had been used to in my vanilla relationships....and i was going to show respect when i had an issue with something. i always used to say it was funny....the connection between the ass and the mouth. When the former hurts, the latter seems to shut down....lol.
Early on, when i belonged to an M/s Yahoo group, there was an older poly Master there who owned a couple of slaves. To make a long story short, she was responsible for locking his car at night as he often held demon stations and kept several scene items in the trunk of his car...which could be accessed by a button inside the car. This was a long standing rule.
One night she forgot and someone stole every single item in his trunk. He was beside himself. Expensive stuff and stuff that he had for years...all gone. Well, he beat her with a belt and when he described it, i felt pain for that girl.
my question to him was....did he really need to be so severe? i mean, she obviously made a mistake and i am most certain she regretted every minute of it and felt bad enough about it. And then he went on to explain why he strapped her and i realized this is what was expected and accepted in that relationship. So CP can be used for many reasons other than someone being bratty and willfully disobedient and he most certainly was not just going to talk to her about it then walk away..and he wasn't going to sit her in no damn corner neither.
However...
When these things happen, my Master always addresses them. And every time he does, I thank him for it. Whether he simply gives me a sharp verbal correction - "Stop...NOW." or if he feels the need to administer a hard corporal punishment, I thank him. I thank him for caring enough to correct me. I thank him for caring enough for ensuring my boundaries are exactly where he last left them, so that I do not wander outside of them and get lost. I thank him for knowing me well enough to understand I might need a sharp zinger now and again. All these things that he does have made my world brighter. And he does them because he cares.
Perhaps unbelievable to some, but this made me feel cared for too. If he suddenly stopped the 'enforcement', i would be wondering about a whole bunch of things. Was it something i did? would probably be my first question. And i suspected the OP was asking something similar....did he lose interest in her for some reason?
These days punishments are a rarety, and it would require something big to receive one. Sometimes if we are embarking on a new "venture," and he has concerns with how I might handle it, he will issue a warning that if I pull any bullshit on him, he will come down hard on me. I guess I'm different from some of the posters here, in that I respond favorably to this, and I need a Master who runs his slave like this. This works for us, because this is how he prefers to run his slave. If my Master were to shrug things off off, ignore them, not respond to them,...I would indeed feel he didn't care all that much. I strive to obey. It it his commitment to our dynamic that he will address me when I don't. About 99% of the time, I catch my error first, and tell him about it, it is quickly addressed, and we move on. Admitting my wrong-doings is part of my commitment to our dynamic, also.
In my relationship, the spankings became less frequent for repeated behaviors. Not to say i didn't 'slip', but overall, the modifications he was trying to reach were starting to replace the old, unacceptable habits....and that was how it worked so well. Sitting me down and telling me what a bad little girl i was and then going on his merry way just never would have worked for either of us. And if that's what works for some...or even most...then fine...have at it. But that would not have worked for us. i can respect that and expect the same in return.
To the OP, I say talk to your Dom about this. To those who express perfection in their submission - I'll pay close attention as I could learn something from you. [;)]
Well, i hope you learned something because i sure did, and it had a lot more to do with the minds of some people than any perfect submission. But if you ever do become perfect, just obey because that's what subs do, and never require any further type of punishment, please let me know so i can be the first to offer you the 'Slave of the Year' award.
I thought we were all different here, and there was no "one true way." Yet there seems to be an intolerance expressed here about those of us who need a dom who punishes, versus those who do not. What's up with that?
Yes, and the most intolerant are the first to say 'Well this is what works for me and my partner, and he is the only one that matters, and we don't base our relationship on what others do....yadda, yadda, yadda" yet spew forth their contempt...or disapproval.... for what others do in their relationships. i've really got to stop this head shaking....it's beginning to make my brains rattle.
DG
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