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RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through - 1/28/2007 11:31:45 AM

justagirl2

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Joined: 3/12/2005
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I am soooo glad you posted again, and it all about the learning. We argue all the time on this board, and it is not your fault

I have made mistakes, I will make more, and I do not think I am more submissive or better than you. Only your dominant can truly answer your question, and I hope you will ask him.
[/quote]
Thank you Julia,

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through - 1/28/2007 3:59:17 PM

adaddysgirl

Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
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Well, it's good to know that maybe something here helped. i hope all goes well for you and maybe someday you'll want to share how it all worked out for you.

And never believe that you are a 'weaker sub'. What the heck is that anyway? lol

Best wishes to you.

DG

(in reply to justagirl2)

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RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through - 1/28/2007 4:26:06 PM

justagirl2

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Thank you Dg yes it has helped

(in reply to adaddysgirl)

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RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through - 1/28/2007 7:38:27 PM

afeathr

Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: justagirl2

if a dom doesn't follow through with punishments does it mean a lack of interest in the sub ?

What do you mean by "follow through"? Is this *your* concept of punishment, or his? Remember, as a sub/slave you are at his disposal. If he doesn't feel that punishment is necessary or warranted, then it doesn't happen. If you are *trying* to make it happen (by being bratty, or what have you)- then punishment is really NOT punishing you, since it appears you *want* it (as someone else pointed out).

Reevaluate what you are doing - and how that fits into your desires. If you desire more spanking, flogging or caning then ask for it - don't make him punish you. It dilutes the "punishment" factor when you are looking forward to it.

What would be a "punishment" to you? And how do you know he is not punishing you by making you question his ability to follow-through? Why are you here if you are not tormented by his actions?

< Message edited by afeathr -- 1/28/2007 7:41:05 PM >

_____________________________

afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

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RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through - 1/28/2007 9:51:16 PM

obey1

Posts: 227
Joined: 11/26/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I am soooo glad you posted again, and it all about the learning. We argue all the time on this board, and it is not your fault

I have made mistakes, I will make more....

We all do and will. "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law."

It is a learning process.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through - 1/29/2007 11:37:09 AM

obey1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: afeathr
how do you know he is not punishing you by making you question his ability to follow-through? Why are you here if you are not tormented by his actions?

That was really well said. I like the evil twisted way you think! I have done that on more than one occasion, keep 'em guessing. If they are expecting lemonaide, give it to them without sugar, and laugh at the sour-puss face they make 'cuz they didn't get it 'their way'.

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Post #: 106

Missing punishments - 1/29/2007 8:49:47 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: justagirl2

If a dom[inant male] doesn't follow through with punishments does it mean a lack of interest in the sub?

It is a simple enough law of beasts that the absence of corrective punishment only subverts the Master's authority and ultimately corrupts what serves him. Some may employ such notions as positive reinforcement and compassionate teaching quite liberally and with much aplomb, but training without some thorn, some subtle show of teeth or even the mere suggestion of consequence for failure is ultimately training which is easily subverted—especially among humans.

While not following through with correction may not necessarily show a lack of interest a Master has for his girl, it may indeed display his lack of understanding about the basic psychology of discipline and conditioning.

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RE: Missing punishments - 1/29/2007 11:35:39 PM

obey1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos
While not following through with correction may not necessarily show a lack of interest a Master has for his girl, it may indeed display his lack of understanding about the basic psychology of discipline and conditioning.

Amayos,

You are absolutely correct but about 6 pages too late. This conversation has gone far beyond normal understanding.

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Post #: 108

RE: Missing punishments - 1/30/2007 7:37:55 AM

Celeste43

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From: NYS
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Speaking only of my own relationship. He doesn't see it as his job to enforce rules no matter what. He views it as my job to follow through or else come talk to him about why I couldn't. Sometimes it's just a one day thing and sometimes the rule just isn't workable. But it isn't his job to follow me around all day to figure out which rule I follow and which I don't and why.

In addition, he's working very long hours and hasn't the time for anything like that now. So instead of shoving all the work on him, I have to be a grown up and take a lot of the responsibility on myself.

Moreover, after more than three years together most of the rules have either become internalized or fallen to the wayside. We know what works, I know what he wants done, what he cares about controlling and what he doesn't care to. We're compatible.

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RE: Missing punishments - 2/1/2007 10:55:01 PM

obey1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

I know what he wants done, what he cares about controlling and what he doesn't care to. We're compatible.

Exactly it. Immature people would drop each other because they need more spice. I think you have become the best sub/s that you can be. Next step is poly or Gor poly.....(if you want something to bitch about)

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RE: Missing punishments - 2/1/2007 11:00:22 PM

obey1

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Sorry, double post.

< Message edited by obey1 -- 2/1/2007 11:04:30 PM >

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RE: Missing punishments - 2/2/2007 1:56:38 PM

Celeste43

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I don't understand why you feel there has to be "a next step". This emphasis on constantly growing and changing strikes me as odd.

However at 50 odd years of age I have a different viewpoint than the younger members. I see nothing wrong on stopping at a good place and staying there. I see no purpose in changing houses just to change either. You find a house you love, you stay there and work on it. You don't just enjoy it for six months and then move because you "need to grow".

Emotionally, we don't need to change because our needs are being met and we are happy where we are.

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RE: Missing punishments - 2/4/2007 10:05:19 AM

obey1

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I did not mean that there is always a "next step". It is like the swimming pool. There is diving off the edge (feet first, then head first), diving off the low-dive (Ff/Hf) diving off the high-dive (Ff,Hf) joining a diving team, going through the ranks, becoming an olympic team member, and finally moving to Acapulco to jump off cliffs with at the right time so you coincide with the wave coming in.

Not all things are even desired by all people. And there are children in Acapulco that simply follow in the steps of their elders and just start jumping off the cliffs. They never need the wading pool to learn what water is.

My post was similar to yours. If you're going to complain that there should be more, you either have to go find that or be content where you are.

< Message edited by obey1 -- 2/4/2007 10:07:16 AM >

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RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through - 2/7/2007 3:39:28 AM

Sire60

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Joined: 2/3/2007
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There are many Dom's who aren't... they just like kinky sex. It's a Dom/Domme/Master's job to instruct, and to correct knowing his sub/slave benefits from his or her guidance, and that the sub/slave will love and obey him/her more when he/she does. It doesn't have to cruel, because most subs/slaves will do anything to avoid their Dom/Domme/Master's disapproval. Being chained the the foot of the bed for a night, being caged for a night, being given an enema, are ways to correct a sub/slave. Spanking or whipping is not... that's a reward for being a good sub/slave. Did I miss something?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: If a Dom doesn't follow through - 2/9/2007 8:01:06 AM

Celeste43

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Yes you missed something, talking things over as adults and finding out why. Contrary to your belief, just because someone does not need a punishment dynamic in their relationship does not mean there is no power exchange. It means they operate differently. And sometimes it just means they are dominants but not sadists so they don't immediately jump on inflicting pain or other unpleasant experiences simply to indulge their need to inflict pain.

You've also missed the fact that not all subs are masochists and would view a hard spanking or a whipping as a reward. Some of us, in fact, aren't into s & m at all. Equating sadist with dominant is as silly as assuming anyone who plays golf is a sadist. Personally I view golf as masochistic but that's another subject.

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Post #: 115