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Wanker rage! - 1/28/2007 7:56:10 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline 		Okay, obviously my situation is very different from y'alls, so i need a little help understanding...

If i were to find out that that the stories i've written, or a picture or something else i posted, aroused someone so much that they brought themselves of with it, i think i'd find that kind of flattering.

However, from all that i've seen in various discussions, to a Female Dominant, such a thing is an affront similar to having someone call you a fat ugly whore, rape your mother, or step on your blue suede thigh-high boots.

And while i understand the basic male/female sexuality disparity, i don't see anywhere near the... hostility from female submissives, much less any other gender/BDSM orientation combo.

So what is it that's so offensive? Is it just because male masturbation is icky and pathetic? Is it because as Dominants, you feel that pleasure is yours only to receive, not to give? Is it just weariness with an overall bad signal-to-noise ratio in the online Femdom/malesub community?

What's the explanation for the malice, for the spite? (with apologies to Fat Mike)


Cheers,

...dave
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Wanker rage! - 1/28/2007 8:10:04 PM   
BabyNyla


Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline
When I was a Domme I used to write stories just to torment my male sub friends, because I knew they loved it and it got them all wiggly in their seats.  I got a kick out of it, never pissy about it.  If anything were to upset me though, it'd be when they saved my pics to their computer without asking, and then used it as jerk off material (one guy told me he saved all my feet pics and made a slideshow of them).  I always felt that to be a violation of some sorts.  If they had asked me if they could save them for that purpose ahead of time...then it flattering however.  And as a sub I still write the stories for the guys, just to have something to still giggle about, lol.


_____________________________

My Journal

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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/28/2007 8:39:25 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

However, from all that i've seen in various discussions, to a Female Dominant, such a thing is an affront similar to having someone call you a fat ugly whore, rape your mother, or step on your blue suede thigh-high boots.
I think you misunderstand us.  No one cares what you do on your own time with mine or anyone else's public image.   I love it when a man compliments me/or thinks I'm hot.  What I cannot stand is being treated like a cheap whore.
I have begun conversations with men who start with nothing more than "I like your pictures."   However, after a whole week of "I can't help it if I get hard when I look at you," or "I can't help it if I think you're hot/sexy", even that gets phucking boring, and I want to know what he does when he's not wanking, and did he notice there is much more to me than the ability to get him off sexually.     M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to petdave)
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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/28/2007 8:49:11 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		When I take offense is not what someone has decided to do with my pictures or stories. I strongly dislike when a sub of either gender mails me to announce that they plan on bringing themselves to orgasm by way of my pictures or stories.  I dont care what they do on their own time, but I dont like being brought actively into the fantasy of them telling someone, usualy in the hpes that we wil be flattered and ask them to tell us about it.  I also dont like the ones that ask me for permission to wank off to my photos.  They will ALWAYS get told no. I doubt that stops them, but I am not goingto get dragged into their fantasy of having been told by a domme to wank for them.

My 2 cents
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/28/2007 8:52:36 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		While this is directed at mistresses, I would like to put in my two cents if I may. For me it depends on why I posted it. If you jerk off to an erotic story I wrote, I don't care. If you take the picture of me and my dominant and wank to it - that bothers me. It's not there to arouse you. It's there so that the people I get along with and even call friends here can see what I look like.Tto wank to that without my permission feels like a violation to me.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/28/2007 8:52:49 PM   
StacyCat


Posts: 112
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Because, I choose who gets to treat me like an object :-)  If a man is only interested in me sexually or for what I can do for him in BDSM, thats not something I enjoy. 

And, its a far different thing for someone to say that I am attractive, or that they got off on my pictures, and wanting me to talk to them.  Fine, jerk yourself off, but I dont want to hear about it if its the only thing you want to discuss.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Wanker rage! - 1/28/2007 9:18:47 PM   
MstrssScarlet


Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline 		Doesn't really bother me either.  I've had male subs tell me they enjoyed my pictures and as long as the conversation doesn't stall there, I'm fine with it.  A few of the male subs I've become good friends with will sometimes let me know that they often do more than just look at the pictures.  Hey!  Once I've posted the pics, they pretty much become public domain.  The only thing I would say is that sometimes I'd rather not be told what they're doing with them.  Kind of an 'oversharing' sort of thing, you know? 
Mistress Scarlet

Edited because a few people posted before I got this out who didn't agree with me.  I feel pretty much the same as BabyNyla and BlkTallFullfig.

< Message edited by MstrssScarlet -- 1/28/2007 9:22:23 PM >

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/28/2007 9:28:17 PM   
obey1


Posts: 227
Joined: 11/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

Okay, obviously my situation is very different from y'alls, so i need a little help understanding...

Is it just weariness with an overall bad signal-to-noise ratio in the online Femdom/malesub community?

What's the explanation for the malice, for the spite?

Cheers,

...dave



Signal to noise is a very intelligent concept.  Please IM me for details. Other than that I have observed the same thing, y'all.

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Wanker rage! - 1/28/2007 9:55:42 PM   
Adrenochrome


Posts: 50
Joined: 12/27/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Pah. I really don't get how "seeing you made me want to cum" translates into "horrible violation."

 More people getting off to my image, my writing, or my lovely singing voice, the better.

_____________________________

"Guidance is internal." -- NASA Countdown

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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/28/2007 10:09:27 PM   
TxBlkMistress


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline 		I get upset because of the fact that the person is not respecting my wishes.  I state in my profile that I am in no way shape or form interested in anything online.  These people know good and well by contacting me telling me what they intend to do, just did, or asking my permission to do, is not to flatter, it's to drag me into their online fantasy crap.

no matter how you answer, they use that answer to get off...if it's I couldn't care less, then that is giving them, in their mind permission, and that I am some how their "mistress" now

If I give a negative response, they use that too...cause at least someone responded to them, and they look on it as an instruction or being bad to defy.....

I rarely block anyone, I try to reason with a person as best I can, but I've learned, to just block these people....because whether you answer or not, these idiots will continue to contact you with their one line emails...guess that's all they can muster with one hand on the keyboard....lol   Besides, they are not paying attention to what you are actually typing to them any way.  They just respond with whatever the next sentence is on their script...not to what you typed

If that's all they have in their lives is to go around wanking to pics, who the hell cares...just leave me out of it



< Message edited by TxBlkMistress -- 1/28/2007 10:13:23 PM >

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Wanker rage! - 1/28/2007 10:12:02 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		On why someone bringing themself off with my photo would be unappreciated ...

As you noted, you (as a submissive male) and I are on opposite sides of the dynamic.  You have to work your ass off to get a response, I am deluged with crap.  It gets old.  Really old.  It's like being felt-up on the subway by a stranger -- creepy, sucky, but rather predictable.  It's not sexy.  After a while there's nothing hot about a stranger thrusting himself at you (if it was *ever* titillating).  This statement may not be true of every Domme (what is, after all?), but at bottom, I am still a woman.  I want to be treated like a person.  Yes, I want to do all kinds of unspeakable things, but I don't want to do it with every dude who sends me a one line email, or even discuss it with them.

The attitude you see is a mechanism put in place to protect one's private space.  Like many other ladies, I'm sure, I put men through a song and dance in part to try to sift out the wankers.  Honestly, 80-90% of the people who get in contact are clearly not compatible.  Try to imagine how disappointing that might be.  I hope that doesn't sound condescending.  I don't mean it to be.

Hope this offers some insight.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to obey1)
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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/28/2007 10:19:04 PM   
demistress


Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

Okay, obviously my situation is very different from y'alls, so i need a little help understanding...

Is it just weariness with an overall bad signal-to-noise ratio in the online Femdom/malesub community?

What's the explanation for the malice, for the spite? (with apologies to Fat Mike)


If someone wanks to my picture, or stories, I don't really care.  It's the fact that even though I provide pix and stories and a very well filled out profile, etc.  men INSIST on wasting my time, not reading my profile, and contacting me when they are obviously NOT a good fit.  Then they go and ask for more time explaining WHY I have no interest in them (which is generally REALLY obvious in my profile details) which means they are either too lazy to read, or want to get some humiliation.

_____________________________

Mistress Heather
www.niteflirt.com/MizzSpice

Wether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Wanker rage! - 1/28/2007 10:23:08 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		I think being the focus of masturbation has potential to be invasive and whether or not it is depends on the persons involved; how one feels about being the focus of masturbation, and how one feels about the person doing it.

As a man, I do not find the thought invasive. However, through a past dicussion, I saw the potential for violation by imagining how I would feel if a female family member or a partner was the focus of the masturbation. I think the potential for a feeling of being violated is different for the two sexes and this difference is related to a greater concern amongst women about sexual objectification.

All that said, I think such a complaint is more valid in the absence of sexually overt stories or photos.

And I think it is best for one who does maturbate to such a story or photo to not say anything. I think the violation of space occurs not as much with the act of the masturbation as by telling that person about the masturbation--it's not what you think on your time but what you say to the person that matters in this case. If the intent is to pass a compliment, I think the compliment can be directed at the photo or story without reference to masturbation.

Cheers,

Sea


(in reply to Adrenochrome)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Wanker rage! - 1/28/2007 10:31:44 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

If i were to find out that that the stories i've written, or a picture or something else i posted, aroused someone so much that they brought themselves of with it, i think i'd find that kind of flattering.



For me, it's not that it's awful, it's just no big deal. It falls into the same category as the guys who pledge their undying love and devotion in their first message, more about what's in the sub's head, not much to do about *me*.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Wanker rage! - 1/29/2007 12:06:01 AM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		I write porn. More specifically, I write guy-on-guy porn. Having my gay or bi male friends tell me that the story was hot and/or it's probably going to be used as wank fodder is taken as a compliment to my writing skills. But I'd be kinda creeped out to have someone say the same thing about my picture.

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Wanker rage! - 1/29/2007 4:07:52 AM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TxBlkMistress
I get upset because of the fact that the person is not respecting my wishes.  I state in my profile that I am in no way shape or form interested in anything online.  These people know good and well by contacting me telling me what they intend to do, just did, or asking my permission to do, is not to flatter, it's to drag me into their online fantasy crap.

no matter how you answer, they use that answer to get off...if it's I couldn't care less, then that is giving them, in their mind permission, and that I am some how their "mistress" now


Ahh, this is actually more along the lines of what i had originally intended to get at... i can understand irritation with contact from people who obviously are nothing like what you're looking for and have nothing interesting to say, but what sets me back is that it's always ascribed to masturbation, and accompanied by such condescension and hostility.

So on the one hand, i wonder why there's no pity for the lonely, but on the other hand, it's not like i have any more sympathy for the impoverished souls overseas who constantly send me emails seeking assistance in transferring millions of dollars to the U.S... Is that really what it comes down to? Sad state of affairs, if so... are submissive men, collectively speaking, the sexual equivalent of Nigerian spammers?

...dave

< Message edited by petdave -- 1/29/2007 4:41:36 AM >

(in reply to TxBlkMistress)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Wanker rage! - 1/29/2007 6:12:21 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		I think it's all in the delivery.  Hell, if someone wants to wank to my pictures more power to them.  But to write to me, without any prior history or relationship to tell me you did it and how you did it, in graphic detail brings me into something I have no desire to be a part of.  I find it disrespectful and a violation of my comfort and personal space.  I feel it objectifies me and I neither game my consent for you to do that nor did I intend to put myself out there for that purpose.

So, I think there is intent and consent as considerations.  If I posted erotica I would intend for people to be aroused by it.  I would have no problem with someone wanking to it because that is the intent behind it.  If, however, I replied to an otherwise respectful question regarding technique or philosophy where the intent behind the answer was opinion or eductaion then that was followed by "that was so hot, I imagined you doing that to me and..." that would offend me because it was not my intent to arouse. 

Then there is consent involved.  If I want you wanking for me, you will know it.  I can get off to that myself in a relationship that I have that is existing.  But to draw me in to some fantasy someone has from a random stranger who writes to me with their wank material starring me...well I had no desire for that and certainly did not consent to it so I would appreciate it being kept to yourself. 

I think it is not the act of masturbation itself that is offensive or what evokes hostility.  It is, instead, letting us know what you did and how you did it, unprovoked directly fromus, without permission, from a complete stranger and often in a disrespectful manner. 

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Wanker rage! - 1/29/2007 6:39:32 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

Okay, obviously my situation is very different from y'alls, so i need a little help understanding...

If i were to find out that that the stories i've written, or a picture or something else i posted, aroused someone so much that they brought themselves of with it, i think i'd find that kind of flattering.

However, from all that i've seen in various discussions, to a Female Dominant, such a thing is an affront similar to having someone call you a fat ugly whore, rape your mother, or step on your blue suede thigh-high boots.

And while i understand the basic male/female sexuality disparity, i don't see anywhere near the... hostility from female submissives, much less any other gender/BDSM orientation combo.

So what is it that's so offensive? Is it just because male masturbation is icky and pathetic? Is it because as Dominants, you feel that pleasure is yours only to receive, not to give? Is it just weariness with an overall bad signal-to-noise ratio in the online Femdom/malesub community?

What's the explanation for the malice, for the spite? (with apologies to Fat Mike)


Cheers,

...dave



I dont do men....period.  But, when my 24/7, real life sub verbally expresses any sexual desire or infers one in any way, she doesnt get anything from me.  Nor is she allowed to masturbate.  I decide, when, where, how and how often she is REWARDED by being pleasured, and that is defined by good behavior and service.  That's just part and parcel of my dominance which was agreed upon during initial negotiations, and she had the right to make a choice of whom she wished to submit too.  Plain and simple.

LBO

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Wanker rage! - 1/29/2007 7:09:59 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		If I wrote a story I'd expect it to turn someone on -- unless it wasn't an erotica story but even then I know even about human sexuality to know it might turn someone on.

If my picture turns someone on, great.

However why do I need to know what that someone did after they were turned on? I don't need to know that. Just saying "I loved your picture/story" is all I need to know. Frankly it is all anyone you are not in an initimate relationship needs to know.

Anyone who tells me is asking for censure because he/she is not behaving in a socially acceptable manner for this sort of group.

Hey if you read someone on a porn site and it has a button you can push to send a message about how horny it got you, that's something quite different because you are being asked to share.

Otherwise what motivates the sharing of details?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Wanker rage! - 1/29/2007 7:17:46 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

And I think it is best for one who does maturbate to such a story or photo to not say anything. I think the violation of space occurs not as much with the act of the masturbation as by telling that person about the masturbation--it's not what you think on your time but what you say to the person that matters in this case. If the intent is to pass a compliment, I think the compliment can be directed at the photo or story without reference to masturbation.



Exactly.

Why share details? What is the goal of sharing such details?

I think it is far more polite and far more likely to generate positive results if you just say "I really liked that" to someone.

If she/he wants more details, they can ask and then you are free to say what you wish.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 20
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