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Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 2:22:54 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
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I dont really know if this is actually a BDSM question..but I suppose because people in BDSM relationships have sex..its applies...

I have a weird relationship with sex. Having sex with someone unites me with them. its much more than a physical thing to me. When I have sex with someone its like it opens up a part of me and allows my partner to enter in (not just my legs). After sex, I feel so full (not just with cum) and for sometime afterwards, even days, I feel this energy flowing through me that could make me cry(not with sadness)..its a feeling of unification...or something and then that feeling of unification plays out in my interactions with my partner....and it plays out in my feelings of submission...

Like, after I have had sex, people have even said how pretty I look that day, or how I'm glowing..its not a physical thing to me though...its something inside me that's just radiating or something..it seems perfectly real to me...yet at the same time, I'm sure when I look in the mirror my eyes are brighter and my hair is more shiney...

If I havent had sex for sometime, I feel...kinda...blank..not blank as not being able to function or be kind or be loving or whatever..i cant really describe it.....but I know that I need sex...that sex will fix it....and make me totally right again...within the relationship, within my submission......

It seems to me my submission is in my sexuality...yet its not just the physical sex....am I making sense?

When I have sex, its like my submission is having a relationship..or being fed or something...

Whacky or no?

What is sex to you?

Comments?

Additional: Like the other night Master and I were at a pub playing pool. I was sitting on a stool watching the game, one of the players needed to make a shot and where I was sitting was in the way, I don't know how it happened but somehow he ended up between my legs while he was making the shot and I felt so repulsed...I felt it energetically...and it was really aweful....yet ..a bit later on in the evening...Master stood in front of me and pushed my legs apart standing between them..and I nearly collapsed from the energy I felt...

Like it doesnt actually have to be about sex..but its about sexual energy..or something....anyways...how do you experience sexuality with partners?

< Message edited by slavejali -- 2/4/2007 2:27:31 PM >

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RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 2:28:38 PM

Devilslilsister

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Sounds like it has to do with an energy flow of some sort. Edited because i just read the last line (hey i skim) and it says "sexual energy" What i'm thinking is that everyone has their own energy and when you are having sexual relations - you are sharing, recieiving, giving energy.... hence the internal glow....

But i'm speaking out my rear end as i honestly have no clue, but its what came to mind when i read the op. I'm sure some one has a better clue then me on this!

EDITED again - because i obviously skimmed too much. (sorry) Er, i think you are completely right? And i'll answer yer question later - )

< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 2/4/2007 2:31:35 PM >

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RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 2:44:57 PM

Wulfchyld

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Joined: 12/7/2005
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Good topic Jali.

For me sex is sacred and holy. I do not have casual sex. A person that I would become sexually involved with has to be someone that I would perpetuate a very long-term relationship with. Casual sex doesn’t do it for me. I need an emotional connection with that person. There are gentle moments in the embrace of a lover that I could only share with someone that was a part of my life in a deeper way. Perhaps sex is just the prelude to this space, but it takes a great deal of trust to reach it, and requires an emotional connection to be realized.

When I was younger I didn’t think this way and haven’t ever had a problem getting any woman I wanted. As I grew older it occurred to me that what I was hungry for wasn’t being met through sex, yet sex was the “method” of reaching that place. So I started being more selective with whom I shared my bed with and it became clearer to me what it was that I needed.

Now I tease and flirt relentlessly here but am quick to point out that it is flirting. It may require someone contacting me to discern this nevertheless that is the case. As for “playing” I am not so selective. I’ll top non-sexually but I am there for sensation and not sadism. I appreciate the energy exchanged between a top and a bottom, however if you are looking for someone to beat the flesh off your bones… keep looking.

I hope I conveyed this in a way that made sense to you.

Respectively
Loki

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Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to slavejali)

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RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 2:45:41 PM

slavejali

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dang devilslisister....it must be one of those twisted subjects no one is replying lol (cept you).

I think what I wrote above is why I'm monogamous too....( i think).

Oh sorry loki, i didn't see your response before I posted this initially.

quote:

For me sex is sacred and holy. I do not have casual sex. A person that I would become sexually involved with has to be someone that I would perpetuate a very long-term relationship with. Casual sex doesn’t do it for me.

Yes I'm the same, I think there is so much more to sex than just the physicality of it.
An another one of your points, I've played non sexually with people and the energy isn't the same, I don't feel intruded upon because they aren't my partner..its just a bit of fun..like..I dunno..going skiiing together or something.

< Message edited by slavejali -- 2/4/2007 2:52:08 PM >

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 3:04:38 PM

julietsierra

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Actually jali, I'm like that. While I can have casual sex and often do, I can only do that it he's involved because everything - even that casual sexual encounter ends up being by his design and for his benefit. In essence, regardless who I'm doing this with, if my Master is there, it's as if he and I are having sex through someone else. And if he's not there - I'm uncomfortable being too close to anyone.

What ties me even more closely to him is oral sex. Even in our more casual encounters, the prospect of doing this with someone else... um... turns my stomach. I hate to say that, but it's true. I've wondered if it's pheremones and all that stuff but whatever it is, the closer I get to him the more deeply I feel for him and if someone else comes near or presumes to expect that from me, the more I feel really really creepy - to the poin that I am looking immediately for an exit - regardless of how that exit happens.

juliet

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 5

RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 3:05:30 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
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I'd also really like to hear from people who have a contrary experience of sex. Like I know there are guys out there who could fuck anything that moves...and thinking about prostitutes that have sex with lots of partners how do you experience sex? Like every man I've been with once they have fucked me their energy stays with me....its like they own me in someway..I feel it subtely...

Its like to when i swallow cum, I can taste it yes..but its like I can feel it flowing through every cell of my body.....how could I do that casually?

Is it a male female thing? Is it an individual thing? Is it a where your coming from thing?

juliet saw your post after I posted the above..

quote:

Actually jali, I'm like that. While I can have casual sex and often do, I can only do that it he's involved because everything - even that casual sexual encounter ends up being by his design and for his benefit. In essence, regardless who I'm doing this with, if my Master is there, it's as if he and I are having sex through someone else. And if he's not there - I'm uncomfortable being too close to anyone.

In my first abusive marriage, it was after we started inviting other people into our bedroom that i started getting the idea of leaving...it was like because energetically I had shared myself sexually wth someone else that broke his absolute hold on me...I was really conscious of that....so I can relate to what your saying in that I felt no guilt and didnt feel badly about having sex with other people when he was there...but it was like each person left me with their energy ...so instead of just being filled with his energy and ownership..there were other influences there inside me....

ugh odd bod jali...

< Message edited by slavejali -- 2/4/2007 3:13:41 PM >

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 6

RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 3:32:02 PM

BabyNyla

Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
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Hmmm ... I think I am weird ... or I guess I know I am. I never had sex in the 8 years I Dommed ... for me it made sceneing even more intense (I actually didn't have sex period). Now that I am married, I feel sex detracts from our D/s relationship and I just don't get sex ... However, my hubby loves it and he loves the attachment from sex, so he has to have it daily ... and if he doesn't he becomes kinda like you described ... he becomes blank and can get somewhat distant and crabby.

But I will say that going 7 months without it has been difficult ... which surprised me. So now I find myself thinking about it all the time and on pins and needles until he comes home in March and we can have sex. I can't wait for that intimate feeling and being with him like that again.

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RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 3:49:43 PM

slavejali

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I was just thinking about couples...like when I see couples socially, or just walking along the street...its not anything they do...but you can just tell which of them are sexually united in some good way.....like some couples looked drained and old or even dirty (no matter how healthy or old or clean they are)....

Anyone notice that?

< Message edited by slavejali -- 2/4/2007 3:51:51 PM >

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to BabyNyla)

Post #: 8

RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 3:51:46 PM

Wulfchyld

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Joined: 12/7/2005
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Usually that couple that is holding hands and laughing are married. To other people.

I don't know if it is their parental models or what, but it seems they are happiest having an affair.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 9

RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 3:56:44 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

quote:

But I will say that going 7 months without it has been difficult ... which surprised me. So now I find myself thinking about it all the time and on pins and needles until he comes home in March and we can have sex. I can't wait for that intimate feeling and being with him like that again.

That sounds pretty much the same thing as I'm describing..like our sexuality is an alive thing that actually has a relationship...its beyond mental and emotional and physical but permeates through them all...

< Message edited by slavejali -- 2/4/2007 3:57:27 PM >

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to BabyNyla)

Post #: 10

RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 4:16:13 PM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
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From: DC Metro area
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have to say that all of this is very fascinating to me, as i honestly cannot relate at all. sex for me is a drive...an instinct, much like my submission. i submit not because i necessarily want to, but because i MUST, it's just the way i'm wired, and it's the same thing with sex. i've never been the type to have sex out pure lust or physical desire, but i've also never had sex due to some emotional connection with that particular person. sex is more than just the physical to me, but it is completely UN-emotional. sounds crazy huh? lol. it's like...when i go for a week or more without sex of any kind (oral, vaginal, whatever), i start getting a bit testy....irritable...just off. and the symptoms get steadily worse as time goes by. i'll become really absent-minded, easily fatigued, my appetite increases but food loses its taste. my heart beat becomes more rapid and erratic, like i'm having a constant mild panic attack. it's a terrible feeling. and it won't stop until i'm used again sexually.

i adore casual sex...most of the sex i've had in life has been very casual. with strangers, or mere acquaintances, or people i didn't like very much, etc. i've never felt an instant connection of any kind to a person simply because they used my body. i don't carry a little piece of them with me afterwards, i don't become more attached. actually quite the contrary...i often feel LESS emotionally attached to a person after sex takes place, and many of my sexual experiences and partners have been a blur, to where i've never been able to say with certainty how many partners i have had, nor can i remember (even visually) every man i've had sex with. there have been times i've had casual sex with someone, run into them again years or even months later, and don't recognize them even slightly...quite embarassing. sometimes when i'm out at some social event with my Master, a man will come up to us and start talking, and give me a certain look, smile, maybe touch me in some more-than-casual fashion, then they might make some comment about my sexual abilities, and i'll think, "oh, he must have f*cked me". so to say that i feel no sort of bond thru sex would be an understatement lol.

the core of me just cannot be touched through mere sexual contact. so while my Master may have me used by however many other men, they take no part of me with them. but i've always been wired that way. my first consensual sexual experience occured when i was (a year into my teenage-hood), with someone significantly older. before we had sex, i was totally infatuated with him...wanted to talk for hours everyday, always wanted to be with him, etc. after we had sex, it was like the spell had broken. i saw him for who he was, just some unemployed, aimless guy with a thing for young girls. i basically lost all interest in him, except to use him as a way to gain sexual experience. it was many years (actually not until i met my Master and was with him for some time) until i was able to mix sex with love...prior to that, the two always seemed like an unnatural, unsavory combination.

(in reply to BabyNyla)

Post #: 11

RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 4:21:23 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

quote:

have to say that all of this is very fascinating to me, as i honestly cannot relate at all.......

Yet then you say....

quote:

it's like...when i go for a week or more without sex of any kind (oral, vaginal, whatever), i start getting a bit testy....irritable...just off. and the symptoms get steadily worse as time goes by. i'll become really absent-minded, easily fatigued, my appetite increases but food loses its taste. my heart beat becomes more rapid and erratic, like i'm having a constant mild panic attack. it's a terrible feeling. and it won't stop until i'm used again sexually.

That's relating....(if its the original Op you're replying to)

I'm supposing the thing you can't relate to is how it plays out with me being monogamous...thats cool.

< Message edited by slavejali -- 2/4/2007 4:23:50 PM >

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to daddysprop247)

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RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 4:23:41 PM

Devilslilsister

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Okay for my experiences. Which is abit on the flip side. As i was "exploring" sex and all that there were some bumps in the road. i'm not sure what it was from, but i was always deathly afraid. Deathly afraid to orgasm, let go, let loose. i used to think about it long and hard and i was pretty sure the fear was based on trust. There was no one i trusted enough to share that part of me with and so i was deathly afraid to share that "secret" part of me. It was like i was afraid they would see into me. (dunno if that makes sense) So of course i stayed orgasmless for about 23 years of my life. LOL I also stayed very dettached and got pretty much zero interest from sex. Sex was the bane of my exisitance, i had deemed myself broken or i was completely gay and didnt realise it. LOL

With Master - its like WoW. It can be so amazing, at times i'm left speechless and stunned. Its been at times where i felt like i was flying, my soul was flying over and cross of everything. Sometimes its like we become one.. i'm not really sure how to explain it. I know that SOMETHING other then sex is going on. Its almost magical and its like he can take us anywhere he chooses.. either its soaring over the mountians or deeep down into the depths of darkness. i know what i'm trying to say isnt coming out well and i sound really lame. I dunno - i just never knew sex could be like this and i dare say, i'm afraid it wont be like it with anyone else.

Sex can be alot of different things for us. It can be this mystical stuff i'm trying to explain. It can be just purely physical, where we are just meeting needs. It can be merely his use of me (which brings a different sort of pleasure), it can be where he just lets me go and i get almost animalistic, like i am trying to claw - rip - get something from him. i dunno. It can be alot of different things.

Earlier this year i had slept with some others - and that was more along the lines of what i am used to when it comes to sex, except one wierd change being that i actually enjoyed myself physically.

Hopefully i answered your questions well. In the past its been a cold event, with Master is tons of different things, and since Master with others its just been purely physical.

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to slavejali)

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RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 4:24:12 PM

cjenny

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Daddysprop,
That was a really fascinating post & it gave me a totally new outlook. Thankyou for sharing it.

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RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 4:27:58 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
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quote:

It can be so amazing, at times i'm left speechless and stunned. Its been at times where i felt like i was flying, my soul was flying over and cross of everything. Sometimes its like we become one.. i'm not really sure how to explain it. I know that SOMETHING other then sex is going on. Its almost magical and its like he can take us anywhere he chooses.. either its soaring over the mountians or deeep down into the depths of darkness.

That doesn't sound at all lame to me..I can relate to that.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 15

RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 4:28:02 PM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

quote:

have to say that all of this is very fascinating to me, as i honestly cannot relate at all.......

Yet then you say....

quote:

it's like...when i go for a week or more without sex of any kind (oral, vaginal, whatever), i start getting a bit testy....irritable...just off. and the symptoms get steadily worse as time goes by. i'll become really absent-minded, easily fatigued, my appetite increases but food loses its taste. my heart beat becomes more rapid and erratic, like i'm having a constant mild panic attack. it's a terrible feeling. and it won't stop until i'm used again sexually.

That's relating....(if its the original Op you're replying to)

yes i was responding to the OP, along with some others...sorry, i should have been more clear. yes i can relate to feeling odd or off when i go without sex, however i cannot relate to the other things....the transfer of energy, the feeling as if a sexual partner is now a part of me in some small way, feeling a connection through sex, etc. also, unfortunately, i don't think i have any "glow" about me or any other outward change when i do have sex. i just feel normal again lol.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 16

RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 4:29:14 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I was just thinking about couples...like when I see couples socially, or just walking along the street...its not anything they do...but you can just tell which of them are sexually united in some good way.....like some couples looked drained and old or even dirty (no matter how healthy or old or clean they are)....

Anyone notice that?

i havent looked for it in other couples, because honestly its all new to me. But i know with Master - there is something about being with him. He fills me. Emotionally and spiritually. The only way i can explain it was one day when i wasnt doing so great health wise, he was laying down and watching a movie and i climbed into my spot next to him. Head on chest/shoulder and sort of drapped across of him. i think i sort of fell asleep, yet didnt. I was there but not, and he looked down at me and said "you're sleeping" i mumbled back "i'm healing" Closed my eyes again and went back to where ever i was. Not sure if thats understandable.......

We've had others who mention whatever it is that passes between us. i dont think its a sexual thing.. its just this thing.... that i cant explain, because i've never experienced it before in my life and i havent a clue how to describe it and i always feel silly for thinking it, so of course i havent asked Master about it. LOL

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 17

RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 4:30:24 PM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

Daddysprop,
That was a really fascinating post & it gave me a totally new outlook. Thankyou for sharing it.

you're welcome...glad someone could find it useful. :)

(in reply to cjenny)

Post #: 18

RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 4:34:33 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

have to say that all of this is very fascinating to me, as i honestly cannot relate at all. sex for me is a drive...an instinct, much like my submission. i submit not because i necessarily want to, but because i MUST, it's just the way i'm wired, and it's the same thing with sex. i've never been the type to have sex out pure lust or physical desire, but i've also never had sex due to some emotional connection with that particular person. sex is more than just the physical to me, but it is completely UN-emotional. sounds crazy huh?

Thats how it was for me the first 9 years of my sexual life, so i can relate. Yet everything else you describe i cant. Master does say "you just need to get laid" or "you just needed to get laid" and honestly i dont see where he's coming from. i'm sure his words have merit, i just cant apply them. Seeing your post on how you get with out, gives me food for thought.

edited for typo

< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 2/4/2007 4:35:57 PM >

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 19

RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/4/2007 4:34:53 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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Another interesting thread by Jali :)

I absolutely feel an intense connection to my Master when he uses me sexually. It is like no other sexual experience I have had. I feel like his energy takes over and penetrates my body, and I absorb and ingest it. Whatever it is that he has me do, it feels like I am communing with him somehow.

Sex in my past was always emotionally painful; something I prefer not to discuss on the boards. But Master has turned it into something rather spiritual for me. I connect with him and I connect with myself. For that moment in time, the world ceases to exist and all there is is this connection - this energy that fills me and returns back to him. It is absolutely blissful.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 20

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