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RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 9:42:53 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I was just discussing this with someone (someone very important to me) this morning.

In contrast to what some here may feel (although I've no idea what "the norm" mght be - or even if there is one) - I really don't feel I can become intimately involved in a bdsm relationship until I've been intimate (sexually) with someone first.

I really have no ida why this seems to be true (and honestly, I've only had one other bdsm relationship, so I've no idea if this is generally true - but it's what I feel is probably true - for me).

I think it might have something to do with the fact that if I've seen and felt them being very tender and caring toward me in that intimate a context, then nothing they ever do to me consequently, in a bdsm context, (that might be really painful) will then turn me off to the point I would really think of them as some mean, awful, truly sadistic bastard.

Or something like that.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/5/2007 9:45:42 AM >

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RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 11:47:46 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		The energy comments make me think you ought to investigate Tantric sex.
Sorry, too lazy to google a decent site.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 12:34:52 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I have been avoiding this thread since I first saw it pop up.

This is a subject almost too close to my heart right now. I haven't had sex for quite a long time now, sorry I don't remember the date but suffice to say triple digit number of days. I could, anytime I want. But there came a time that it just hurt too much, not physically but at a much deeper level.

I saw a glimmer of something, what it could be, was tantilized and seduced by it. Then it just disappeared. Leaving behind the hunger but lacking the partner necessary. Oh I know there are alot of people that would call me crazy but after knowing what it could be I just cannot force myself to go back to what was before. That's where the hurt comes in, to even try and get to that point with someone I don't have that connection with causes this horrible, agonizing feeling almost like a silent scream or moan of "noooooooo". I physically want to yank myself away from them.

It's just easier to not even try and go there right now.





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RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 12:47:48 PM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I saw a glimmer of something, what it could be, was tantilized and seduced by it. Then it just disappeared. Leaving behind the hunger but lacking the partner necessary. Oh I know there are alot of people that would call me crazy but after knowing what it could be I just cannot force myself to go back to what was before. That's where the hurt comes in, to even try and get to that point with someone I don't have that connection with causes this horrible, agonizing feeling almost like a silent scream or moan of "noooooooo". I physically want to yank myself away from them.

It's just easier to not even try and go there right now.


Aw, babe, my heart bleeds with you. I do know the feeling.
 
Not from distance but from loss. In 6 years time i had sex three times because i had a partner that burned like a flame in truth and in my memory so i simply could not force myself to accept sex without that fire.
 
One of those times i was drunk, once with an old friend and once a vanilla experiment. All of them were like making myself swim in ice water after knowing the burn of molten lava.
 
Yours will come when you least expect it. Meantime cuddle your furry babies, enjoy the woods and invest wisely in fine wine and exquisite chocolates.
 
Mine did and there are times at his feet i feel like i am drowning in sunlight, so bright i have to close my eyes sometimes in order to see.

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 1:14:32 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Oh 2X, you are so sweet to me.

What was in my head probably came out way more drama filled than I intended. Jali always has that effect on me, she makes me look deep inside, one of the reasons I adore her threads. Going without sex isn't exactly the worst thing in the world a person can do, contrary to popular belief.

It's just that sometimes you get to a certain point that you begin to demand the best, or at least the best as you see it for yourself. After you have tasted it, it ruins you for everything else. Kinda like chocolate. I used to like Hershey's dark, now it tastes like dirty wax. It could be sitting in a bowl in plain sight and not tempt me at all, I would end up throwing it away. But give me some Ghirardelli dark chocolate and I am all over it.

And your right, it has been a very good time to focus on other things in life more.

We probably do need to get Vulfie a box of Kleenex before he drowns the thread......


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RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 1:19:58 PM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse


It's just that sometimes you get to a certain point that you begin to demand the best, or at least the best as you see it for yourself. After you have tasted it, it ruins you for everything else. And your right, it has been a very good time to focus on other things in life more.

We probably do need to get Vulfie a box of Kleenex before he drowns the thread......


Not drama filled, i knew exactly what you were talking about. Felt that way myself for the longest time. There were times i just KNEW i would never have that again. And it hurt.
 
But i do have it again, with some sparks added that are new and unique as well.
 
I spent a lot of time riding then, a lot.
 
Don't worry about Wulfie, he is emptying his piggy bank of singles so he can spank mixie for a buck, repeatedly.

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Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 2:23:52 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		Oh you two and the chocolate!  Knock it off already!  LaT already talked straight me into making a swerve with promises of chocolate and warm sandy beaches. 



*I will stick to my low carb diet, I will stick to my low carb diet*

*I am straight, I am straight, I am straight*



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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 2:57:02 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

It's just that sometimes you get to a certain point that you begin to demand the best, or at least the best as you see it for yourself. After you have tasted it, it ruins you for everything else.


Its kinda like being educated. Once educated, its pretty hard to have a deep and meaningful with a 5 year old..you've outgrown them...you just have to hope in hell there are other people educated in the same field as you so you can have a conversation (*relate*ionship). I don't think its even a demand, well perhaps it is, but certainly not an unrealistic one....it's one made out of necessity, so that you can experience yourself fulfilled and operating with a significant other on the highest level you're capable of....

.......and the big wide world suddenly gets smaller...ugh.

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 3:01:44 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Thats an excellent way of putting it. Better than my obsessive chocolate analogy

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 3:03:14 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:


Quote: Celeste43
The energy comments make me think you ought to investigate Tantric sex.


Well I purposefully didn't write about Tantra as I felt the language would disclude some people from the topic (some not knowing what it was)..but I'm pretty confident there are a lot of people experiencing Tantric relationships and sex that don't have a name for it. I think D/s M/s itself is Tantric by its very nature.

< Message edited by slavejali -- 2/5/2007 3:05:10 PM >

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RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 3:07:15 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well everything is tantric by it's nature- tantra is simply being consciously aware of energy and using specific methods to manipulate it.

Tantra isn't necessarily about sex, it's simply the popularized form that everyone hears about.

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RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 3:08:23 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

Mine did and there are times at his feet i feel like i am drowning in sunlight, so bright i have to close my eyes sometimes in order to see.

 
Dang, I wish I wrote that, it's brilliant (scuse the bright pun). Made me smile a lot , mind if I bask in your happiness? (scuse the bask pun). hehe

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 3:12:44 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

Tantra isn't necessarily about sex, it's simply the popularized form that everyone hears about.


True that, it's actually about Union on an..umm.. energetic level 

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 3:48:22 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:


Quote: SusanofO
I really don't feel I can become intimately involved in a bdsm relationship until I've been intimate (sexually) with someone first.


Me either. With the frame of mind and experiencing I'm in right now, its just so logical. I am sex, sex is my being, how could I have a relationship with anyone fully without me being part of it..and if sex is disluded, so am I...thats what I mean when I say (in other threads) D/s to me is about sex. My submission is an attribute of my femininity which is my sexuality. That's the doorway into it. (just for the Dommes out there, I appreciate there are many 'aspects' of femininity that can be embraced and manifested).

I sometimes wonder why I couldn't be a Domme (realising that role is just channeling another aspect of the Divine Female really)..and perhaps it just comes down to, we all have our place and role in the world by some grand design and we filter through the windows that are available to us ..and that all makes the world go round)...or something *grin*.

I've actually experimented to see if i could find a place in myself that could channel that energy..but whenever i go there, its just so fierce I couldn't even imagine being able to maintain a relationship that way..i would probably be like the black widow or something... lol

Ok..im getting to far out hey hehe..but I love flowing with thoughts, so there they are

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 3:55:06 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		That's what I love so much about art, gardening, taking care of and training my animals. It allows me to channel all that energy in a positive way. I don't mean just the sexual energy, obviously I am not rolling around in the rose garden naked in orgasmic delight, but the feminine energy that I feel from nature, creating art and the care and training of animals. It's so powerful.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 4:01:53 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

That's what I love so much about art, gardening, taking care of and training my animals. It allows me to channel all that energy in a positive way. I don't mean just the sexual energy, obviously I am not rolling around in the rose garden naked in orgasmic delight, but the feminine energy that I feel from nature, creating art and the care and training of animals. It's so powerful.


yeah..and walking with no shoes on the earth...wow :) (well cept if there are little rocks or bindies(thistles) hehe)

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 4:15:20 PM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

quote:

twicehappy
Mine did and there are times at his feet i feel like i am drowning in sunlight, so bright i have to close my eyes sometimes in order to see.

 
Dang, I wish I wrote that, it's brilliant (scuse the bright pun). Made me smile a lot , mind if I bask in your happiness? (scuse the bask pun). hehe


Bask away, smiles.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/5/2007 4:47:08 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I suppose it all has to do with how one view's sexuality, within themselves and within others. 
People use the term "casual" sex in a way that, for the most part, comes across as not so fulfilling but I wonder...if it were defined as to just how that person views casual sex and another were to explain to them that for them, that is not the definition of casual sex, would it make a difference?

Can you not have casual sex with a long-term partner or is each and every encounter of a sexual nature transformed by what you share with that person?  In other words, can sex sometimes just be sex for sex' sake? 

When I have a submissive partner, I feel a connection with them.  I would be the first to admit that the connection enhances the sexual interactions between us and yet, I would also be the first to admit that sometimes, the connection has little to do with some of the sexual encounters I have had with these partners...other than to make it easier to "go at it"...sometimes it was just sex for sex's sake.  And yes, these encounters often left me feeling more energized and closer to them mentally and emotionally.  Sometimes, they left my physical/lustful side satiated and that was it.  Did that make it casual?  Or, because they were my partner, was it more intimate than casual, even though lust was the only candle being burnt?  And if she was the one who had her "hornpuss" satisfied and that was all she was looking for, did that make it casual for her, even though she satisfied that lust with her master?

Nice thread, jali.  As others noted, it certainly got me thinking.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/6/2007 4:11:05 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings slavejali,
 
I feel that you and a few other posters here are experiencing
sex on a spiritual/energetic level that most other people do
not even realize exists or that it can be reached.  Some call
it sex magic, some call it tantric sex, some call it out of body
experiences. 
 
Sex for myself can be on a very physical level without
any expectations of an emotional connection, it can be
friendly and fun, it can be tender and loving, wild and crazy
and knocking down the furniture, and it can be something
to0 sublime to put into mere words.
 
Blessed Be,
 
Vendaval
 
 

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


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(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Sex and Stuff... - 2/6/2007 4:58:35 AM   
canupleaseme


Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Upto meeting my boy i led a very outrages casual sex life. I loved fucking for fun and worked as an escort, mainly because i liked that i could wrap someone round my finger flirting with them and then fuck them , it made me feel powerful in a way and good about myself.  I strongly believed i could never be manogamous, yet i was never happy often felt alone and realised it was just a kick nothing more.  I dont regret any of the things i did at all and it may sound cold or hard. 
Then i met my boy!!!   we have sex and i feel all the things you feel Jali.  I walk round on a cloud after, i feel the love he has for me so much from it. Its no longer a quick thrill its special and it unites our love and  means more to me than anything.  The thought of touching another in a sexual way now replusles me !!! Something i never thought i would feel like, it also scares me a little too, i cant imagine ever feeling like that with someone else ever.  I try to look back on my experiences as just my classes in being good in bed lmao. when i worked as an escort  it was just a function i could take it or leave it it didnt make me feel good or bad in anyway it just brought the dollar in lol.

Now my heartr flips when i know he is coming over because i know how amazing i will feel when we have sex.  When i havent seen him for weeks i am snappy and forgetful and not at all myself.  And of course the power of our sex allows me to use that in a bdsm way to controll him better

Im sure im rambling i hope what ive put is relevent i just wanted to add my piece
now i cant wait till next week i wish it would hurry up !!!!!!




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