RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (Full Version)

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KatyLied -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 8:50:11 AM)

Whoa.  I could never put a man's needs before my children's.  I don't understand that thinking.  I feel that when you commit to parenthood and child raising it should be your first priority until your ums are independent.



Wildfleurs -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 9:07:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bignipplessub

[:D]The question should have been “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?!
Let’s be real about the life style we lead and come out of fantasy land. I do not do chores for any Dom, because I have always had to do house work for my children. In this point in my life, I will hire an assistance, house cleaner or a male sub, anybody but me to clean a house.

Now after dealing with the children mess and we know children are little hurricanes, do you really want to clean your Dom’s house.

If there are many of you out there that feels different can you please come over and clean my HOUSE!!!! I am a submissive


In a heartbeat I'd clean my owners house.  I've certainly picked it up, but because I know he is particular about where things are put I usually only go so far.

But no, I'm not cleaning your house :-)

C~



valeca -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 9:28:05 AM)

I asked Loraith, "Who comes first, You or the spawnlings?"

His answer, "The spawnlings, no question.  I'm not that self-important."

We wanted offspring.  We knew the responsibility going in.  We make choices based on need, not want.  He doesn't need me to drop to my knees at any given moment so He can relieve Himself.  But neither do we need to drop everything and come running at the whim of a UM.  It's quite possible to find a happy balance.  We're living proof.

Not every Dominant needs to have His or Her needs put above everyone else's at all times.  I'm damn if I'm not thankful for that.






GeekyGirl -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 9:52:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: valeca
He doesn't need me to drop to my knees at any given moment so He can relieve Himself.


And I don't NEED to run around the house naked or leave my sex toys lying out in the open in my bedroom or have an x-rated screensaver on my PC or have sex several times a day or give blowjobs under the kitchen table during meal time.....

....but I'll be damned if I understand somebody choosing to give up those pleasures.

I can't imagine enjoying life with the restrictions that UMs would put upon one's sexual freedom.

Not to mention finances. I don't NEED to shop at the mall or get my nails done or spend thousands on my hobbies or drive a nice car.....

....but I wouldn't give that up to buy diapers and forumula either.

*not trying to be difficult* but I just don't "get it".



valeca -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 10:08:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl


....but I'll be damned if I understand somebody choosing to give up those pleasures.

I can't imagine enjoying life with the restrictions that UMs would put upon one's sexual freedom.

Not to mention finances. I don't NEED to shop at the mall or get my nails done or spend thousands on my hobbies or drive a nice car.....

....but I wouldn't give that up to buy diapers and forumula either.

*not trying to be difficult* but I just don't "get it".



It's fine that you don't.  No harm, no foul.  What you view as 'giving up', we see as gaining in ways that are far more important to us than sexual freedom.  That's it's a priority in your life is great...for you.

Loraith and I both wanted to have a family.  We gladly made that a priority for us, and we reap the benefits of that choice.

We don't find it all that restricting, no more than not being able to jump each other's bones in the grocery store, really. 

And what makes you think everyone has to give up getting their nails done, or driving a nice car, etc. just because they have offspring? [;)]  Some have to, some don't have to.



GeekyGirl -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 10:14:46 AM)

The point I was making is that you DO give up sexual freedom, unless you're banging each other in front of the kids , which I hope you aren't...What's the point of being in a BDSM relationship if you can only do the deed after the kids go to bed? That sounds little vanilla to me.."Not yet hon, the kids are up, and make sure we don't make too much noise!" You must not a screamer...I know I could wake the dead even through a ball gag.

As for money, well look at it this way: Kids cut into your finanaces. Whether you make 30k a year or 300,000, you're still allocating money to the kids that you could spend on yourself.

Think I'll pass on that.

As for gaining..what are you gaining? other than loss of money, loss of sexual freedom, tons of dirty diapers, puke, pee, vomit, and poop all over everything, loss of sleep, screaming babies all over the place, a stretched out vagina, etc. Yeah that sounds horribly romantic/sexual!

ETA: I understand why vanilla folks have kids...their sex life is boring anyway and they don't have much to lose. Totallly confounds me why kinky folks would want them though.



valeca -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 10:32:48 AM)

Heh.  That reminds me of something I said to my parents when I was a kid (although I can't for the life of me remember what brought it up).

"You have to wait until I go to bed to get busy. Ha Ha!"

The answer I got was, "What makes you think we only wait until you've gone to bed?"

To which I replied, "Ewwww!"

lol.  The same thing applies here.  We don't always have to wait.  I work shift work (something I believe you're familiar with [;)]).  So there are times I'm home when the kids are at school (or some other activity). 

(by the by, work is no less restricting to sexual freedom than offspring...more so in some cases.)

You might feel it's restricting for you, but there are endless ways we are able to express our sexual freedoms (and not all of them include being physical, how about that, eh?). 

There's also the nice little bonus about occassionally having to wait...build up.  When those times happen, and we've been worked into a lather in our minds, getting that release is all that much better...more passionate.  Instant gratification isn't something either of us would wish for on a constant basis.

Believe me, I get your point about the financial aspect, but as I said, having spawnlings was something we wanted, and we reap the benefits from that choice (just like you're wanting to get your nails done).  Having said that, we feel the things we've had to 'give up' were worth the exchange of those benefits.  That you don't feel the same is just fine and dandy.

Edited to answer your questions in edit:  I doubt I could explain our views on the benefits of parenthood in a way you'd understand.  Not because you aren't capable of understanding, but because I don't think you're capable of seeing them as benefits--your knowledge of parenthood is exceedlingly limited by your own examples.  The best answer I can give is one we hear often about BDSM.  "Because it fulfills something inside me."

Your feelings on 'nilla relationships are your own as they apply to you.  I don't share them.



GeekyGirl -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 10:44:11 AM)

I respect what you're saying Valeca and I'm glad it makes you happy. I don't think I'll ever understand on a personal basis, because, as you said, what you consider "benefits" are probably not things that *I* would consider benefits.

ETA: You mentioned my examples of parenthood being limited and that's true...I'm on only child from an extremely small family and was never around families growing up. My sole experiences of parenthood are from my own parents. My mom loves me but told me for years that she couldn't wait for me to grow up so she could have her freedom back. Perhaps that has influenced my opinion.



valeca -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 10:47:16 AM)

I think we're proof that opposing views can converse from opposing sides without resorting to being negative and nasty.

It's been nice debating with you, Geeky.  Have a great one! [:)]



GeekyGirl -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 10:49:59 AM)

And you as well...People often get offended when I discuss this subject and I honestly mean no offense. I just don't understand the other viewpoint and hope that one day someone will explain it in such a way as to make it clearer to me.

Your answer "if just fulfills me" is as good a one as I've heard. Kudos to you for having a real reason as opposed to some of the other reasons I hear ("I want someone to care for me when I'm old" "I don't want my last name to die" "It's just what you do when you get married" "You're not a real woman until you have kids" etc)



aSlavesLife -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 11:13:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

The point I was making is that you DO give up sexual freedom, unless you're banging each other in front of the kids , which I hope you aren't...What's the point of being in a BDSM relationship if you can only do the deed after the kids go to bed? That sounds little vanilla to me.."Not yet hon, the kids are up, and make sure we don't make too much noise!" You must not a screamer...I know I could wake the dead even through a ball gag.

As for money, well look at it this way: Kids cut into your finanaces. Whether you make 30k a year or 300,000, you're still allocating money to the kids that you could spend on yourself.

Think I'll pass on that.

As for gaining..what are you gaining? other than loss of money, loss of sexual freedom, tons of dirty diapers, puke, pee, vomit, and poop all over everything, loss of sleep, screaming babies all over the place, a stretched out vagina, etc. Yeah that sounds horribly romantic/sexual!

ETA: I understand why vanilla folks have kids...their sex life is boring anyway and they don't have much to lose. Totallly confounds me why kinky folks would want them though.



I could not agree more with anyone on this subject. It may be viewed as selfish, but it is my life. My lifestyle does not have room to incorporate drooling dependents, and I have no desire to ever make accommodations for them. I have always desired a M/s lifestyle, and even between slaves I have kept that goal in mind. I have never had a playroom as such, being free to modify my entire home to suit my desires. Various toys can be found scattered from the living room to the kitchen. And when I see many people yelling that their critters will always come first, I find myself becoming even more committed to this position, in part because I find that pronouncement insulting to the point of offensiveness. It is a given that any sane mother would feel this way, but it is heartlessly callous of them to shout it from rooftops in order to remind their partner of how insignificant they consider him to be. Believe me folks, he already knows this without you having to grind salt into the wound.

My money can be spent on things that I desire rather than on countless expenses to maintain dependents. I do not have to worry about extra food, clothing, medical expenses, etc. I can make use of my pet at my discretion without having to worry about traumatizing some runny nosed unmentionable. The world suffers from overpopulation and resource depletion as it is. I feel no compulsion to contribute further to these problems.

Kids can be entertaining, and I do enjoy seeing my niece and nephews from time to time. But I am not overly fond of little critters in general and find that the novelty of them wears off within an hour or two. I am not cut out to be a parent due to that. And for this reason, I have always actively sought out slaves that harbor the same feelings. I expect all of her resources, attention, and time to be directed at me. I am unwilling to share these things for the sake of reproduction. Like I said before, I desire a slave, not a kinky wife.



GeekyGirl -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 11:23:19 AM)

Bravo  :)

I assume you are male?

Luckily for you, as a male, society in general thinks it's ok for you to want your life to be your own, your money to be your own, your sex life to come first and  for you to dislike kids in general.

While I agree with you 100%, as a woman, society feels differently towards me. Just because I have a vagina, the expectations are different. There are still plenty of people who expect me to put my sex life on hold to raise kids and to go ga-ga every time someone mentions a baby.

If a man doesn't like kids/want kids, then everyone says, "Well you know how men are, they aren't all cut out for it..."

But if you're a woman, people will call you an aberration, unnatural, etc.



MsNdsisuv -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 11:55:37 AM)

I dont think that there is anything wrong with you not wanting children. As a matter of fact I think it would be perfect for you not to. Not that I think you are horrid or anything of the sort. I commend you for knowing what you do or do not want. There are many people that get started and then decide it isn't what they want (little late don't ya think?)

As for Sir and I, we have a child together and I others from a previous relationship.  It works for us. I serve him to the very best of my abilities. Sexual for us is only a small part in our lives. So the children are not a burden. He is truly happy when he interacts with his son. He lights up, he radiates, he loves him.  This absolutely makes me feel as though everything I do is appreciated, and I don't ask for that. It is an excellent benefit that he makes sure I get.
I feel fulfilled when he is. ~ As cliche as that may seem, it is truth for me.
The greatest thing about being us is just that. We are not you, or him, or her, or them... we are us.

As for the OP... I do things to make his life simpler, easier and more enjoyable.  I do it because I want to. I am not the housekeeping queen by all means, but when I say I will do something- come hell or high water I do. He works hard for us. He deserves to enjoy things when he gets home. He doesn't however feel offended if the children took priority due to circumstances. He knows that I still serve him, and he expects me to tend to them.. after all.. he said he knew I would be good because of how well I serve my children. So something there worked for us. ::big grin and childish giggle:: I still get butterflies in my stomach when I think about him.  Lucky Us...

Ms.



junecleaver -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 11:59:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bignipplessub

[:D]The question should have been “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?!
Let’s be real about the life style we lead and come out of fantasy land. I do not do chores for any Dom, because I have always had to do house work for my children. In this point in my life, I will hire an assistance, house cleaner or a male sub, anybody but me to clean a house.

Now after dealing with the children mess and we know children are little hurricanes, do you really want to clean your Dom’s house.

If there are many of you out there that feels different can you please come over and clean my HOUSE!!!! I am a submissive
 In my current relationship, there are universal human goals like fufillment, companionship, fun etc etc.  But there is also our goal of creating and maintaining a D/s dynamic in which he has the authority and the control.  If he chooses to excercise that control by telling me to clean his house, then even though I dislike (LOATHE) cleaning, we are both fufilling our ultimate goal.  It is so much deeper than "I do whatever he tells me to do..."  but honestly, that's a pretty accurate summation too.   Generally, carrying out orders is an excellent stress reliever for me.  Perhaps adjusting your perspective would make the situation something that gave you energy instead of draining it. He relies on me to ask, "May I please have a moment?" and to keep him up to date about what's going on in my brain.  We are both actively involved in taking care of one another.  It is the whole exchange part in the expression power exchange.



Celeste43 -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 12:04:24 PM)

Housecleaning isn't a big fetish for him. We live together and a have a housekeeper come by once every two weeks. In the meantime I try to deal with the clutter and laundry.

When I went looking for someone, I only chose men who were parents themselves and intensely involved with their children. We agreed from the first that our children come first. There was no resentment from him that I couldn't  play this morning because my youngest is home with a bad cold. Just as I don't resent it when he drives 3 hours to attend his youngest's IEP meetings. We both take our role as parents to be the most important thing in our lives.

What I wouldn't do was speak to a man who had no idea of who his kids' friends were, what sports they did, never bothered to see them or pay child support yet complained about the way the ex was raising them. I've known too many men of that type, move out into an apartment purposely too small for the kids to stay in, throw all child raising responsibility on the gf of the week and I have contempt for them.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 12:19:50 PM)

Hmm, yes I will add that, should I have the financial freedom to do so, I'd certainly be fine with hiring people to maintain the neatness of where I live.  I'd still want to do some organizing and cleaning myself, but that's just personal preference. 

I CAN certainly enjoy the service aspect of cleaning something and a job well done taht makes my partner proud, I won't feel somehow less fulfilled if I pass it on to someone else.



justfortheforums -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 12:27:31 PM)

i have cleaned my Dominants house for a special occassion for him.  he was so impressed his face had a permanent grin on it that evening.  i think what really got to him was when he started to point out to me a specific way to clean the bathroom and i had already done it his way!!

i have 3 children at home :)



Mercnbeth -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 1:10:10 PM)

since the mods have decided to let this thread continue, in spite of what this slave would have considered violations of the TOS...this slave has been wanting to ask Bignipplessub why is it so important to validate some sort of universal qualifier for "slaves" that is so incredibly subjective to their Owner/Masters individual will?
 
there is no single qualifier of "reality" for the lives that ALL slaves live, there is not ONE definition, in ANY dictionary...
 
quote:

Let’s be real about the life style we lead and come out of fantasy land.  I do not do chores for any Dom, because I have always had to do house work for my children. In this point in my life, I will hire an assistance, house cleaner or a male sub, anybody but me to clean a house.


as soon as this slave was old enough to hold a cleaning cloth and had enough motor skills to clean, ALL the housework for a family of 5 was done BY the minor girls in the home, not the Mom and not the maid.  we didn't have a dishwasher, we were the dishwashers.
 
this slave was trained early and often that making a "home" out of a "house" was something that, done correctly, was done with love, not begrudgingly and especially not begrudgingly from someone who is owned.  this slave was also taught to appreciate the good health and healthy attitude necessary for maintaining a healthy happy home.  perhaps that is why, but this slave has never found any sort of service that is related to making one's home or one's Master's home a pleasant environment--cleaning, decorating, cooking, gardening, etc. as some sort of disgusting CHORE that one is forced to do because they can't afford to hire it out.
 
as a matter of fact, this slave has, in the past, served domestically for no compensation whatsoever because there was a need for that service in a community member's home that was greater than this slave's need for compensation.



GeekyGirl -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 1:29:31 PM)

That's great that you have such a good attitude about cleaning...unfortunately we weren't all raised that way.

I personally detest housework (though I would glady do it at my dominants request.) However, I will always find it an unpleasant chore.

Both my parents worked long hours growing up and housework was "that nasty chore we do on our day off". It was never portrayed to me as being something pleasant...more like an unfortunate necessity. My mother resented housework immensely (and it was very far down her list of priorities, meaning sometimes it just didn't get done....Our house, while rarely filthy, always looked "lived-in" to say the least.)

In our situation, both parents were working full time and then some. I, the only child, was busy with school work and extracurricular acitvities. Housework was a huge inconvenience that took away from other activities we considered "more important." Our definition of clean house meant dishes were done, clothes washed, trash taken out,  food wiped off counters, floors swept every other day and mopped once a week..Anything other than that was considered something we didn't have time for, and to this day I resent the hell out of having to scrub a floor or clean out a fridge, etc.That goes double for cooking. My idea of cooking a fancy dinner is thawing out a Stouffers Lasagna.

Again, we come back to how one's childhood influences one's adult preferences...I detest housework and cooking...quite likely because my mother detested it/didn't do it and I wasn't made to do it often as a child.

That said, I would do whatever my dominant asked of me and be happy that I pleased him, even if the act itself was displeasurable to me.

ETA: I do somewhat envy those of you who grew up in domestic homes..I'm constantly being told I don't "properly" clean. It looks clean by my standards, but apparantly it isn't clean by the standards of others. While I'm trying to learn, I do feel that I have an awful lot of catching up to do since I never learned how to do those things as a child. Apparantly what I do is called "surface cleaning" or some such...I also wish I knew how to cook well enough to make just one decent meal or to sew well enough to replace a button...my attempts to learn these things have not been too successful. Seems like I have no natural aptitude for it. Then again, people tend to not excel at subjects they dislike. For example, I've never really tried to learn how to make a bed properly. We didn't do it in my house growing up and I've yet to learn of one logical, rational reason why a bed should be made. ("because it looks nicer" is not acceptable to me...I haven't got time to make things "look nice". I have a hard enough time just getting them clean/hygienic.)



BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: “slaves who have children do they get sick days”!??!?!?! (2/5/2007 2:02:51 PM)

Thank you beth for a beautiful post. [sm=smile.gif]



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