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RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 6:26:38 AM   
wickednnc


Posts: 21
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

[I am wondering how submissives or slaves know just when it is wise to Re-locate/quote]

When they realize that no successful relationship is single faceted. Dominance is an aspect of personality, just as submission is. Neither completely comprise who a person is. What that means is simple, rather than be a groupie, be a person. Understand what you want, what you need, and learn to recognize when what is offered falls short of either. Understand what your prospective Dom wants and needs, and be realistic in terms of whether or not you can thrive in that environment. Ignore either, your needs or theirs, and the chances of it just being another failure are huge. And by all means, do not imagine or invent what is not there in terms of either.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 6:33:45 AM   
aSlavesLife


Posts: 347
Joined: 12/1/2006
Status: offline 		My slave moved from the top of the country to the bottom, 1,600 miles, after knowing me for all of 4 months. She traded an incredibly stressful job for a smallish cage, a stunning antique collection for a collar, and a life worth of friends, family, and acquaintances for a man she had never even met in person. You can write her if you wish to ask if it were a fair trade.

You have heard one extreme from numerous people, so I decided to let you hear the other extreme from at least one. I am not saying that a move will always work out, because it won't. But then neither do all marriages, careers, or ambitions. We take risks all the time. If you fly on a plane you are placing your life into the hands of a stranger. The same goes with taxis and busses. If the man feels right to you, I would say to trust your instincts.

Shakespeare said it best... A coward dies a thousand deaths. The valiant ne'er taste of death but once.

_____________________________

It takes a village to raise an idiot.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 7:00:56 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
Red flag waving.
I don't agree at all.   Unless he's saying "you will no longer be able to go out and do anything or stay in touch with the people you love"...   I see him not wanting her to work as a matter of him feeling he can keep his slave without sending her out to the daily grind.    M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 7:04:37 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I would have to agree with that.  He didn't say she couldn't work, he just inferred he would rather she didn't.  That is how it was with Master and I, he never told me not to, but he preferred that I stay at home to take of the home and him.

It is something to watch, but not something to be too excited about.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 7:32:51 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		When would you move in if you were in a vanilla relationship? Relationships are relationships...common sense shouldn't be thrown out the window simply because we're Ds or Ms.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 7:58:14 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

It is something to watch, but not something to be too excited about.


That's what I'm saying, it's a reason to question the motivation.  It may be innocent or there may be a need for control that is abusive. 


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Questions about when to re-locate... - 2/12/2007 8:04:59 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
Wel, you are right. I am meeting him for the first time in March.

This would have been a nice tidbit to have right off.

I'm not sure why you're even seriously entertaining this question right now?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 8:15:18 AM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I am wondering how submissives or slaves know just when it is wise to Re-locate to be living close to a Master or Dominant - and when it might not be? Are there any general guidelines you use?


Yes.  Would you relocate for a vanilla partner?  Exactly the same thing.  There are no formulas and no relevant advice other than that.  If you feel this has long term potential and the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, then you do it.  Otherwise stay put.  Do not be impulsive and ask plenty of questions.  And for pete's sakes, be very cynical and analytical, and pay attention to your gut instincts.  Just because it is not easy finding a Dom does not mean you should jump at the first opportunity.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 8:27:47 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I'm going to join you here. I met my husband online. He was local and we dated... went out three times actually. Then we moved in together. He told me he would prefer that I don't work... my heart skipped a beat or twenty... "You mean I don't have to find a job?", "You mean I can stay at home and never have to brave the elements all by myself again??" I was thrilled. Here it is three or four years later (I can never remember for sure) and I've never been happier. Twicehappy wasn't exactly thrilled about not working outside the home when she got here... but he told her to try it for a month... it's been over a year and she's happy with it. He simply enjoys having his family home when he gets here, having us around when he takes a last minute vacation day and us being here when he decides to come home early... the good part is... we enjoy it too.
 
Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to aSlavesLife)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 8:36:12 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Speaking for me, I would never entertain the thought of relocating to a person I've not met in real life.  And I would have to know  someone for a period of time before I would relocate.  I'd rather err on the side of caution.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 10:11:29 AM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline 		I'm with Katy...relocating for someone I have never met honestly sounds a little overadventurous to me. I'm a home body, highly attached to my home and everything near it..I would have to date someone for a VERY long time and in PERSON before I would move.

But we are all different and have to do what makes us happy.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 11:55:36 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well, he didn't say I couldn't work. Frankly, I'd been "just a housewife" for at least 8 years before I became acquainted with him, and I really did enjoy being "just a housewife". I've got baking skills that might give Martha Stewart a run for her money (I really do. Ask my friends and relatives). I love doing things like making a great dinner, and laundry, and even cleaning the house. I love making sure the other person is comfortable, and has everything they need. It's might be something I'd consider abusive if he'd out-right asked me not to work - but he didn't do that. We had one conversation about it.

I said: "I really should probably look for a job this year, I guess."  

Then he said: "Why? If you're happier at home, then stay there." The we talked about the stresses of working. He likes his job - I didn't always like my job. He likes the idea of someone taking care of him. I like taking care of people.

If our financial situations were different, I'd go out and get a job, no question about it. But if we're both happy with me being home, then that's fine with me.

If he forbade me working, I might feel differently, but he never said anything like that. Sorry if I gave that impression - I should have clarified it. I appreciate the protective instincts of those who said they maybe saw it as a "red flag" though, that kind of nice on my behalf. I should have been more clear.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/12/2007 12:06:15 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 1:17:56 PM   
Siona


Posts: 242
Joined: 10/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

I say if you are moving to his area of the nation because of him, close your house door, leave it with family or rent it out for a few months, or even sell and invest the money in your name for another home perhaps...  But move in with him if that is the plan rather than take an apartment near him because that is a waste of money and doesn't exactly accomplish the desired 24/7.   Before doing that, I would take a couple of trips and spend several days together at his place and see how that goes.   
My first slave was from FL, and we got along famously on 2-3day trips, but once we spent 6days together, we knew long term collaring wasn't in the cards. 
Hope that helps,   M



I totally agree with this!

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 1:44:10 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well, he (my Daddy) said the same thing, too. He also thinks we should have several visits of a week (or longer) to get to know eachother and how we deal with eachother for longer periods of time, before either of us would seriously consider re-location. But it is a distinct possibility. And since I've never done it, I wanted some feed-back from those who have, or who have opinions about it anyway. I appreciate all of the comments, I really do. I am considering them all.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Siona)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 1:53:10 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		I would want the other person to know me very well. This is also about letting the other person see the you. That can take a long time.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 2:03:56 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the feedback, Ex-Steel. I always appreciate your thoughts.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 2:12:10 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		My situation is a little bit different, but I think we have some of the same questions.  My Dominant lives about an hour and a half away.  I am transfering to a university in the near future.  I've applied and been accepted to one that is even further away from him now.  This was at one time my dream school in my dream city.  But dreams change. He lives near some decent schools and I am considering applying to one and moving there--simply to be closer to him. The important piece of information?  We've only been dating for a month.  But in that month we have spent obscene amounts of time together talking, laughing, and feeling each other out.  You know those obnoxious lovey dovey people who say that the moment they met each other, they 'knew'?  It's not QUITE that obnoxious, but it is close.  If you click with someone, you click with them.  Just because the feelings in a relationship and the dynamics of a relationship are established quickly does automatically discredit those dynamics.  I honestly believe some people are capable of opening up to each other and going through the things it takes others months or years to go through in a shorter period of time.  If it works, why knock it?  I certainly think that caution should be taken, but if some good comes I accepted it at whatever its natural pace is. Maybe you are one of those people.  Maybe you are ready to move to be with him after such a short period of time.  It is possible.  It is also possible that moving might be a horrible decision.  Evaluate if it is or is not worth the potential consequences and act accordingly. At least it is less permanent than tattooing his name on your butt, right?

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 3:29:13 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

relocating for someone I have never met honestly sounds a little overadventurous to me.

Overadventurous is a nice word to describe it . . .  the words stupid or insane work better for me.


_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to GeekyGirl)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 3:33:16 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Now Happy, Susan did say she was daydreaming or just looking ahead...not that she was actually going to do it now.

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Questions about when to Re-locate for a Dominant... - 2/12/2007 3:34:52 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		**What kind of "back-up plan" do you need to have for yourself if things don't work out? My Daddy assumes we'll be living together immediately - and while this seems attractive to us both, in many ways, I am not sure I don't think my own apartment might not be a better idea - at least for a few months, at first. I would also also have 10K in a special bank account for myself to use to move home if "things" don't work out. I am not trying to be negative, just realistic.


Good plan.  ALWAYS keep a backup plan.  Good girl :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 60
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