RE: Why don't doms like sissies?

RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

BreakHim4Me -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/15/2007 1:11:16 PM)
That's the whole nature of a fetish: It is something that appeals to you and others don't "get". quote: ORIGINAL: beltainefaerie For me, I think that generally what we are seeking is someone whose fetishes match our own. My Master enjoys that I am a masochist and he, being a sadist, likes to hurt me, so we match up nicely. He has also led me to understand that I cannot experience all kinds of pain as pleasure and delights, being a sadist, in finding the things that ACTUALLY cause me pain to mix in with those that blur the line between pain and pleasure. And so, we enjoy our fetishes together and enjoy pushing the boundries of what is good for the other person. It would make sense to me that a dom with a crossdresser might indulge/enjoy that fetish most of the time, but might find ways to make it evil other times. Choosing to not allow them to wear the clothes sometimes or choosing feminine clothes that were mismatched or unflattering might assert the control and divert from the possibility of feeling scripted. I personally love CD, sissies, TV, TS, and genderbending in general whether it be as a fetish or to fulfill how you know you were meant to live. There is such truth, strength and beauty in doing what you need to do despite what society may throw at you. My husband is the only person I have ever known who used to crossdress, not as a sexual thing at all, but a) because skirts were comfy and b) because it amused the heck out of him that he could "pass". I thought it was sexy. He hasn't really felt the need to do it in years, though. Anyway, the basic answer is that some doms like it and some don't. Find the ones that work for you. People in general just don't want to feel like your fetish is more important than they are to you.

skirtboy43 -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/15/2007 2:06:12 PM)
Hi Everyone, I'm not at all sure about one thread of argument that's been running through this topic: why, I wonder do so many posters want to say something akin to, "You have to separate you from your fetish!" Even when this advice is offered as assistance (i.e. if you talk about yourself, not your fetish, you'll find it easier to attract a dom), for which much thanks, it seems rather to miss the point. When I come here, it's ALL about my fetish. I know that makes me a selfish little girl, but to paraphrase Martin Luther, "Here I stand, in just the cutest little black skirt, I can do no other." Skirt Boy (actually, I'm not wearing a skirt right now, would anybody like me to put one on?)

MsKatHouston -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/15/2007 2:10:14 PM)
The thing about it is, I don't think those who say that say to separate yourself from the fetish if you don't want to. But don't wrap it up into something it is not. If someone is a submissive sissy, then wonderful. But if all they are is a fetishist (whatever that may be) don't claim to be submissive when all you want to do is have an outlet to explore your specific fetish. Just be honest. There are plenty of people who would like a play partner to just do specific things. But, many dominant females would prefer the whole package and that includes submission.

skirtboy43 -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/15/2007 3:30:41 PM)
But why assume it's go to be one or the other? I mean, I'll do most anything, but suck cock! By the way, I'm wearing my tight little brown skirt! Skirt Boy

MsKatHouston -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/15/2007 5:00:55 PM)
It's not an assumption, it's a fact with some people. When you get right down to it, their only motivation is their particular fetish. That's not enough for some people.

cloudboy -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/15/2007 8:49:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FemmeOwner Now, I don't mean this as any kind of indictment. I have nothing against sissies or CD's, etc. I just don't want to own one, as my personal choice. Let us know when you find a male slave who wants no kink and no sex, but who has a burning desire to revolve around you, clean your house, run your errands, escort you to events, and rub your feet. I have seen this kind of man. He's the de-sexed, pussy-whipped husband. The problem is that he tends to be unhappy and complaining of his wife, or if not that, living a life of quiet desperation.

skirtboy43 -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/15/2007 9:40:46 PM)
To Ms Kat Houston (& others), Why is a sub so much more exalted than a fetishist? He asked from the entirly disinterested position of his skirt clad ass (the tight brown one!!!!). You've all been DELIGHTFUL by the way! I just noticed we, yes me and you, my little sissy boy loving friends, confidants and enemies, have gone soaring above the magical 100 posts barrier. [I'm doing a little curtsy in your honor] Oh I feel so proud in my lil' skirt! "I guess you guys do love me!"

beltainefaerie -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/15/2007 11:19:16 PM)
I don't think that anyone is saying that any one or the other is better (fetishist or submissive) but merely that if you are seeking one, then getting the other is unfulfilling. If I want to play with a CD for the joy of dressing him up, making him do the dishes in an adorable skirt, etc, that is one thing. If I am a dom and I just want the dishes done, I should have to take time out of my life to make sure he looks cute first. Does that help explain the difference?

Smythe -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/16/2007 4:55:55 AM)
ORIGINAL: BreakHim4Me That's the whole nature of a fetish: It is something that appeals to you and others don't "get". Actually, that's not the case. A fetish is an object or a part of the body that causes arousal. So you can say that cross-dressing is truly a fetish if the CD MUST be dressed in order to become aroused or if the Dom MUST have their sub X-dressed. In general, a fetish substitutes for the person in causing arousal; often the person doesn't even have to be there, and the fetishist can get aroused by just the shoe, the latex hood, the petticoat. This is only one problem that some Dommes have with X-dressing fetishists: they soon begin to suspect that they don't really need to be there at all! Smythe

Smythe -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/16/2007 5:07:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: skirtboy43 To Ms Kat Houston (& others), Why is a sub so much more exalted than a fetishist? He asked from the entirly disinterested position of his skirt clad ass (the tight brown one!!!!). You've all been DELIGHTFUL by the way! I just noticed we, yes me and you, my little sissy boy loving friends, confidants and enemies, have gone soaring above the magical 100 posts barrier. [I'm doing a little curtsy in your honor] Oh I feel so proud in my lil' skirt! "I guess you guys do love me!" skirtboy, you have been very good natured and sweet throughout this exchange but you seem determined not to see the simple point that Dommes generally don't like to be told what to do. And if her sub or playmate requires that he be dressed, or "forced to dress" it pretty much puts her in the position of being directed or told what to do. Smythe

LotusSong -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/16/2007 6:15:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy CDs, TVs, and TSs know all about women not finding them attractive. In my experience, this repulsion or rejection is viceral, but it also stems too from the discomfort of gender confusion. A guy raised as a guy with a drive to TV, CD or TS is somewhat at a loss for what to do and he has ZERO open, societal or family backed roads to follow. He is, at least starting out, 100% on his own, operating in total secrecy and oftentimes shame. When such a guy takes things further, usually the first thing he does encounter is rejection, awkwardness, and also excitement and sexual stimulation. So, this thing that he cannot integrate into his life is not something he can shed b/c its linked to one of his primary drives. On the other side, from what I have seen --- Fs don't have a natural or preexisting inclination to cross-gender or cross dress males. Its not like spanking or bondage, an activity that some women feel an internal drive to pursue. Next, woman naturally prefer men as men and want them as men --- in general. Add it all up, and CDs, TVs, TSs aruably have a disorder, b/c there is not yin to their yang. Pile on top of that such criticisms and views like "you're not being a real man," "sissy," "wimp," etc.... and guys in this position have a real, steep uphill climb. Women have it much easier. For instance, my Mistress dresses like a man all the time --- if I can even say that --- because male dress --- except for maybe suits and ties (if that) is now unisex. Skirts, blouses, pantyhose, heels, et. al. are not unisex. I do think it would be interesting to explore this disparity. In the post sexual revolution, emancipation of women phase of today, its ok for women to want to be "like men," but its not so ok for men to want to be like women. Oddly, much of the problem here comes from the women's side, which I must say is ironic to me. I think the answer to finding a mate for a CD is a bi-sexual female, To seek a strictly het female and expect her to warm up to her man in drag, is rather disappointing.

cloudboy -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/16/2007 6:34:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong I think the answer to finding a mate for a CD is a bi-sexual female, To seek a strictly het female and expect her to warm up to her man in drag, is rather disappointing. Maybe. I've got about zero (0) experience with bisexual Fs. Lesbians tend to be rather dismissive of CDs and are also not particularly interested. "Barbi Satin" lives in my own home town and is a Shemale. We used to correspond, and according to her the best matches for her (those most inclined to connect) were other CD's, shemales, or TS's. I've always thought shemales were rather cool, but my experience with them is very limited to non existent in RT. I used to have a palpable CD impulse in my 20s, but it has subsided considerably. Needless to say, I have learned that my masculine card is the best one to play with Fs. This is true for two reasons: 1) I know what I'm doing and how to act as a male; 2) Women are more comfortable with me as a M. Success is a whole lot more possible here. My Mistress still thinks I have some strong feminine traits which she likes a lot, but I'm not always sure what she means when she says that. But I think maybe its a manifestation of my feminine side w/o any clothing to go along with it. I suppose this kind of makes me like a girlfriend with the right equipment and physique. My wife, on the other hand, can't see my as anything but masculine. Thanks to poly, I've been able to broaden my experience.

MsKatHouston -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/16/2007 7:06:26 AM)
quote: Why is a sub so much more exalted than a fetishist? For me, (and my opinion alone) it is not more exalted. Each one is just fine. However, in a long term relationship what I am looking for is the whole package. I want someone who can go with me to vanilla events, dress fem, dress masculine, obey me, indulge in my kinks, serve me. I want that person to do those things not because he wants sex or to dress in a particular article of clothing but because he wants to please me. The person who would be perfect for me, though, would be someone who has similar interests and fetishes and kinks so that we are both fulfilled in the relationship. Thankfully, I have that. I have not always. I have played with those who are really only looking for one aspect such as a particular fetish. That is also rewarding to me. I enjoy it and for that particular thing, it's great. But in the long run, it's not what I am looking for in a LTR. I can have fun. I can enjoy a person for who they are. If they are up front, I can work within their and my needs. But if I feel like I am a means to an end or feel like I am being placated so they can get what they want, that will not work for me. So to go back to the OP. I think saying doms do not like sissies is not accurate. I think some do and some do not and it is a personal preference. The ones who do not, though, do not for a variety of reasons including past issues with particular fetishists or simple aesthetics or any number of reasons or combination of reasons. But I also think people in this thread have expressed that it is their preference for ___. Not that if you are not ___ that you are any less worthy of finding what you seek.

VeryMercurial -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/16/2007 7:32:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: undergroundsea In my opinion, wanting submission to be based on certain activities (expressions of dominance and submission) does not necessarily make one a bottom or a fetishist. I think the whole distinction between bottom, submissive, and fetishist is complex because a given act could be each, and a given person could be each. Cheers, Sea There is a difference between a fetish and demanding that some one cater to what you want. This is not being submissive, this is being a bottom.

SweetDommes -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/16/2007 9:48:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong I think the answer to finding a mate for a CD is a bi-sexual female, To seek a strictly het female and expect her to warm up to her man in drag, is rather disappointing. It still takes a certain bi-sexual female ... I'm bi, but I have no interest in crossdressers. If I want fem, I'll go to Holly (or get permission to seek a female out) - Holly and I both want our boys to be boys and our girls (should we ever have any) to be girls.

maidheather -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/16/2007 10:16:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetDommes quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong I think the answer to finding a mate for a CD is a bi-sexual female, To seek a strictly het female and expect her to warm up to her man in drag, is rather disappointing. It still takes a certain bi-sexual female ... I'm bi, but I have no interest in crossdressers. If I want fem, I'll go to Holly (or get permission to seek a female out) - Holly and I both want our boys to be boys and our girls (should we ever have any) to be girls. And that's what I've seen with most of the bi F that I've seen before. They want their girls to be girls and their men to be men. That's why at this point I've basically given up on looking for someone in my area that could have a real interest in me that way. If I move to someplace like California that may change, but I'm in Idaho now where "the men are men and the sheep are nervous"

LotusSong -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/16/2007 11:00:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: maidheather quote: ORIGINAL: SweetDommes quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong I think the answer to finding a mate for a CD is a bi-sexual female, To seek a strictly het female and expect her to warm up to her man in drag, is rather disappointing. It still takes a certain bi-sexual female ... I'm bi, but I have no interest in crossdressers. If I want fem, I'll go to Holly (or get permission to seek a female out) - Holly and I both want our boys to be boys and our girls (should we ever have any) to be girls. And that's what I've seen with most of the bi F that I've seen before. They want their girls to be girls and their men to be men. That's why at this point I've basically given up on looking for someone in my area that could have a real interest in me that way. If I move to someplace like California that may change, but I'm in Idaho now where "the men are men and the sheep are nervous" My comments following are to no one in particular, I just ended at the end of the thread and wanted to share a thought or two since I last posted to this thread. I have no problem with males dressing in female attire.. what I do have a problem with is that they wish to be identified as female, they adopt a fem name and mannerisms. This is the difference between men cross dressing and women who"wear men's clothing". I could dress in a 3 piece suite and go into a business meeting and have no one bat an eye. Why? Because I'm wouldn't asking people to address me as 'Bruce', speak in a basso voice and present what I think are other male mannerisms. The general populous of women dressing in "men's clothing" isn't a fetish for them.. usually it's for durability of the clothing and practicality.

maidheather -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/16/2007 11:13:35 AM)
I can understand that, and please, understand that when I ask this, I am in no way critisizing you, but does that mean that to you there are only two genders, male and female? I ask because I have been diagnosed by a medical professional as being in between the two. When I'm not at work, I live, dress, and speak as a girl, and when I am at work, I'm still mistaken for a girl most of the time. I would work there as Heather, except the company that I'm working for wants me to cough up the money for a $20,000 surgery before I can start working there as Heather. In the meantime, I get embarrased on an almost daily basis when I'm using the bathroom and I have someone come in and freak out thinking they walked into the women's room. Yes, I know I could chop my hair short and try to deepen my voice to act more "manly", but it's not who I am.

LotusSong -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/16/2007 11:23:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: maidheather I can understand that, and please, understand that when I ask this, I am in no way critisizing you, but does that mean that to you there are only two genders, male and female? I ask because I have been diagnosed by a medical professional as being in between the two. When I'm not at work, I live, dress, and speak as a girl, and when I am at work, I'm still mistaken for a girl most of the time. I would work there as Heather, except the company that I'm working for wants me to cough up the money for a $20,000 surgery before I can start working there as Heather. In the meantime, I get embarrased on an almost daily basis when I'm using the bathroom and I have someone come in and freak out thinking they walked into the women's room. Yes, I know I could chop my hair short and try to deepen my voice to act more "manly", but it's not who I am. I see you as a transgendered individual- that's a whole differnet kettle of fish. My comment was directed only as my thoughts on Crossdressing as a fetish. Actually, I hear you can get a sexual reassignment in Thailand for around $1500 :) And yes, I'm aware of the different "genders" out there now. I have friends across the board. In my personal intimate interactions, I keep it simple, if I'm the girl.. the other better be a boy :)

skirtboy43 -> RE: Why don't doms like sissies? (2/16/2007 6:48:59 PM)
Did you say "bottom?" Oh please spank me, Very Mercurial, I've been a bad girl again.

Page: << < prev 4 5 [6] 7 8 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125