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RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/19/2007 9:31:12 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Awesome post, Julia.

To the OP, I don't have a safe word.  I express myself with words, cries or gestures and he decides where to go from there.

Such a whiny baby controlling slut! Dayum, can't I find a decent slave around here?


God damned subs trying to top from the bottom again by making "noises"

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/19/2007 9:34:43 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Oh my God he's everywhere....I promise, I'll breathe more quietly next time....

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/19/2007 9:53:53 PM   
WingedSnake


Posts: 61
Joined: 2/8/2007
From: Dawn Weyr
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Awesome post, Julia.

To the OP, I don't have a safe word.  I express myself with words, cries or gestures and he decides where to go from there.

Such a whiny baby controlling slut! Dayum, can't I find a decent slave around here?


Oh my god...Master is that you, disguised as LA???? 


Ownedgirlie, if that is the case your Master is remarkbly good looking:-).

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(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/19/2007 10:10:50 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WingedSnake
Ownedgirlie, if that is the case your Master is remarkbly good looking:-).


LOL well I do think he is, actually...but he doesn't look like LA, no....I just thought maybe he infiltrated her account.

(in reply to WingedSnake)
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RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/19/2007 11:26:26 PM   
painlovingsub


Posts: 44
Joined: 2/7/2007
From: my mother :p
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tasha_tart

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

Too prideful to say your safeword?

Why?


Ross 
©º°¨¨°º©


Can't really say I'm too prideful (at least I don't see it that way) to use my safeword, though I've only used it a very few times.
 
The reason for "refusing" to use it, was not pride; rather I think I was challenging myself to go that little bit farther.  I had the advantage that most of my play was with a trusted friend who seemed very attuned to my responses.  That was no mean feat, since I am virtually silent during play.  She was also very attentive, asking frequently where I was at pain-wise, which I suppose kept us from getting into safeword territory as often as we might have.
 
Tasha
 



i totally agree with the "challenging myself to go that little bit further". i tend to do that myself. :p i like to push myself and honestly don't see anything wrong with it. Failure is not an option...

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RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/19/2007 11:29:59 PM   
HCWT1


Posts: 161
Joined: 7/7/2005
Status: offline 		No but......................

three times in thirty years,twice for medical reasons and once for safety.All three times,it hurt me more than the impact play going on at the time.

Pride does run deep in this one,but common sense does to.



< Message edited by HCWT1 -- 2/19/2007 11:38:36 PM >

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RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/20/2007 12:21:09 AM   
twistedwillow


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		I do have a safeword, but as i'm very new to bdsm, i havn't had to use it yet, however the first time i was spanked ( hard for me, which i do know would be more like love pats for some of the more experienced subs ) it hurt but i internalised it,  and would say to myself, 'ok that hurt, but i can handle another one'  pride? maybe, but i don't think so, at the time it was more about his pride in me, i wanted to make him proud. 

twistedwillow

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(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)
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RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/20/2007 7:14:42 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: painlovingsub
i totally agree with the "challenging myself to go that little bit further". i tend to do that myself. :p i like to push myself and honestly don't see anything wrong with it. Failure is not an option...

True.  But if you've accepted a safeword and agreed that "Upon these circumstances, I will use this tool" and then you fail to do so, in fact CHOOSE not to do so, then you've failed in your commitment.

IMO most slaves like to decide for themselves what they consider failure, even when they've said otherwise, and that tends to cause a lot of confusion.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/20/2007 7:59:10 AM   
MasterMataeo


Posts: 215
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline 		safe word is just that , at anytime one feels uncomfortable it should be used,, for that is what it is for,, i dont pride myself n gettting a sub/slave to say it,, but sometimes i have found that they want me to get them to that point or just before it,, kinda like they want to push the limits,, and i dont mind,, but if it is siad ,, Every thing stops and well the Cuddleing begeins, just to reenforce that everything is alright and to reestablish that i would do nothing to intentionaly hurt or harm in any way , thus alowing the relationship to blossum even more,,,

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RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/20/2007 8:00:28 AM   
missturbation


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From: another planet
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sternhand4

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Nope not too proud. Just never had a reason to use it.

You have to love a challenge..lol


Then love me

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RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/20/2007 8:09:12 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		No, I'm not to proud:

SERENITY NOW!!!!
SERENITY NOW!!!!
SERENITY NOW!!!!

Frank Costanza

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RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/20/2007 8:17:18 AM   
needdiscipline23


Posts: 106
Joined: 5/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: painlovingsub
i totally agree with the "challenging myself to go that little bit further". i tend to do that myself. :p i like to push myself and honestly don't see anything wrong with it. Failure is not an option...

True.  But if you've accepted a safeword and agreed that "Upon these circumstances, I will use this tool" and then you fail to do so, in fact CHOOSE not to do so, then you've failed in your commitment.

IMO most slaves like to decide for themselves what they consider failure, even when they've said otherwise, and that tends to cause a lot of confusion.


What an interesting point, LA! I mean, my top has not remotely indicated that she views me using a safe word as a failure of any kind--quite the opposite...yet I feel hesitant about using it, b/c I feel like it is a sort of failure, or letting her down...

I'm not incredibly emotionally involved with the idea of failure--if I felt I was in danger, I would absolutely use it...for anything less than that, even when I feel uncomfortable or scared, during my first couple sessions, I hesitated, though, because of not wanting to feel like I'd let her down or something.

But from what you're saying...choosing to define failure myself...differently than how she's defined it, is not entirely submitting...or something like that, right?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/20/2007 8:30:16 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

No, I'm not to proud:

SERENITY NOW!!!!
SERENITY NOW!!!!
SERENITY NOW!!!!

Frank Costanza


LOL!

My safeword is "Manziere"

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/20/2007 8:37:22 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: needdiscipline23
What an interesting point, LA! I mean, my top has not remotely indicated that she views me using a safe word as a failure of any kind--quite the opposite...yet I feel hesitant about using it, b/c I feel like it is a sort of failure, or letting her down...

It's understandable and a lot of slaves do that.  But that's not your judgement to make unless they have told you it is.

I've known a lot of slaves get themselves into serious trouble because they were exhibiting behaviors based on what THEY felt was accurate, versus what they had actually been told was expected.

quote:

 I hesitated, though, because of not wanting to feel like I'd let her down or something.

Again, understandable.  And really that's one of the many reasons people choose NOT to use safewords at all- you eliminate that emotional blockage.  But I do hope you discussed it afterwards- she might need to know that she needs to clarify what "letting her down" consists of and specific expectations.

quote:

But from what you're saying...choosing to define failure myself...differently than how she's defined it, is not entirely submitting...or something like that, right?

Eh i don't care much about "quantities" of submission- but if you are going to live under another's authority, it requires you to be the judge only when trained to do so, and not take it upon yourself whenever your own insecure sense of self tries to assert itself.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to needdiscipline23)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/20/2007 8:46:37 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		NO safe words around here,DIANE and I have many years of s and m experience between us.Enought to know when enought is enought...A question to the dominents have you ever quit play early  beacuse your sub was a whinner and an attention slut...you know the type you touch her she/he whines...BH

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

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RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/20/2007 8:51:50 AM   
needdiscipline23


Posts: 106
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: needdiscipline23
What an interesting point, LA! I mean, my top has not remotely indicated that she views me using a safe word as a failure of any kind--quite the opposite...yet I feel hesitant about using it, b/c I feel like it is a sort of failure, or letting her down...

It's understandable and a lot of slaves do that.  But that's not your judgement to make unless they have told you it is.

I've known a lot of slaves get themselves into serious trouble because they were exhibiting behaviors based on what THEY felt was accurate, versus what they had actually been told was expected.

quote:

 I hesitated, though, because of not wanting to feel like I'd let her down or something.

Again, understandable.  And really that's one of the many reasons people choose NOT to use safewords at all- you eliminate that emotional blockage.  But I do hope you discussed it afterwards- she might need to know that she needs to clarify what "letting her down" consists of and specific expectations.

quote:

But from what you're saying...choosing to define failure myself...differently than how she's defined it, is not entirely submitting...or something like that, right?

Eh i don't care much about "quantities" of submission- but if you are going to live under another's authority, it requires you to be the judge only when trained to do so, and not take it upon yourself whenever your own insecure sense of self tries to assert itself.


Thanks, LA--I hadn't considered this idea of allowing my domme's definitions of things like failure to take precedence over my own...I'm going to have to mull that one over a bit!

And I didn't discuss it afterwards with her, but I can see now that I'm going to have to! Again, thanks!

Edited, b/c I was rereading the post, and bolded this last part that really stuck out at me--this is something that I think it would be a major challenge to overcome as a submissive, but one that seems hugely important in actually experience TPE.


< Message edited by needdiscipline23 -- 2/20/2007 8:54:03 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/20/2007 10:30:59 AM   
painlovingsub


Posts: 44
Joined: 2/7/2007
From: my mother :p
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: painlovingsub
i totally agree with the "challenging myself to go that little bit further". i tend to do that myself. :p i like to push myself and honestly don't see anything wrong with it. Failure is not an option...

True.  But if you've accepted a safeword and agreed that "Upon these circumstances, I will use this tool" and then you fail to do so, in fact CHOOSE not to do so, then you've failed in your commitment.

IMO most slaves like to decide for themselves what they consider failure, even when they've said otherwise, and that tends to cause a lot of confusion.


There were no agreed upon circumstances, and if i choose to push myself, or be pushed,  further in certain situations, then that is my perogative and i am not failing any commitment. i do decide when i have failed myself or others. That does not make my actions a failure regardless.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/20/2007 10:51:34 AM   
sugarcandy


Posts: 96
Status: offline 		Just my opinion:
 safewords
----  or anything that signals a top that something is wrong, very wrong ---  like your leg is going to break any sec from the chains,  are vital for the well being of those involved.

Though experience and long time pairing, sharing and practice many a dominant is able "read" the situation. Even those very experienced dominants aren't psychic, they could miss something sometime.

"pride" as in being too stubborn to use a signal in an emergency is foolish. "Pride" or being "proud" you have pleased and grown is another story.

To be "proud" to had endured and serve is a sign of a devoted, healthy, thoughtful submissive.

To have "pride" as in thinking you are so tough you can endure anything is naive, uncaring, unhealthy and may be an insult to your Dominant. Pride is Ego.

I did say I haven't safeworded, just begged ( in extreme) . Master was knowledable, in a relationship, he cared enough to protect us both---
and he knew --- my screams: were different that time.




(in reply to needdiscipline23)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/20/2007 10:54:24 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		It is really disturbing to see so many say they won't use their safeword. There has been all kinds of excuses so far, pushing yourself beyond your endurance to see how much you can take, not wanting to disappoint your Master, etc., etc., etc. It is not your call to make.

If you have been given a safe word, and your Master has an expectation that you will use it, you are being insubordinate by refusing to do so for whatever reason. You are also setting up an unsafe and unfair environment. Many Masters watch very closely and can judge for themselves when you have had enough. But if they are not paying attention for some reason, they are going to hurt you because your not speaking up indicates to them you have not been pushed beyond your limit.

I wonder how many Masters out there trust their subs to use their safe word, when in reality the sub has NO intention of doing so, short of serious injury. If you are one of these subs, you are honor bound to tell your Master the truth, that you would be unlikely to use your safe word, and the reason why. They NEED to know this.

Better to have no safe word, than a perceived one that does not exist.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to painlovingsub)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? - 2/20/2007 10:57:53 AM   
sugarcandy


Posts: 96
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Eh i don't care much about "quantities" of submission- but if you are going to live under another's authority, it requires you to be the judge only when trained to do so, and not take it upon yourself whenever your own insecure sense of self tries to assert itself.


Superb point! A hard one to learn. THAT is submission! I haven't reached it. I do "get" it. I hope getting it will grow into actualization.
Deep......

Thank you, sugarcandy

wow

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 40
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