RE: honesty about sexual orientation

RE: honesty about sexual orientation (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

stef -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 11:49:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Maybe you get off on being hit for crying. Not particularly. quote: I know you think it's ok for a man to get his wife pregnant and choose that time to tell her he wants another woman. Yet another thing that you "know" which, in reality, is nothing but a fabrication in that tightly shut mind of yours. I never said anything of the sort. I said we had no way of knowing what was said when in that particular instance. quote: Seems to me like you would put up with anything Stef. If you honestly believe that, then it's clear that you haven't understood a single thing I've written here in the past 3 years. quote: Does one have to be a doormat to be ready for the lifestyle or a relationship? Not even remotely. What they do need, is a mind that's at least partially open and the desire to use it. ~stef

heartfeltsub -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 11:49:46 AM)
One of the defining 'characteristics' of this lifestyle is that we are NOT mainstream, proudly so, and most people's definitions are colored by that difference. You are searching on a "lifestyle" site obstensibly for other lifestyle people, why are you then demanding that they have mainstream definitions to different terms?

defiantbadgirl -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 11:54:48 AM)
Sorry for confusing you Benji. The pregnancy thing refers to another thread. Stef knows what I refer to.

Valyraen -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:01:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl I understand that most of the people who have responded on this thread have a different definition of bisexuality than I do. But alot of the mainstream would agree with me. A straight person who never read the forums or was new to bdsm might not know the bdsm definition for bisexuality is different. "Alot of the mainstream" don't know a damn thing about BDSM other than the popularized stereotypes. Speaking as someone who came from just about as stereotypcially "mainstream" a community as it gets (good ol' boys who go hunting every weekend and drink copious amounts of beer, a predominantly Christian religious bent with near-zero tolerance for other points of view, a community that ridiculed homo- and bisexuals for their lifestyle choices), it doesn't matter whether the mainstream would agree with you or not, because you're not identifying yourself by a "mainstream" nature. You're identifying yourself as a switch, which is most certainly a BDSM and not mainstream concept. Furthermore, the "BDSM definition" and the standard definition of bisexuality, as shown already in this thread, are remarkably similar - they differ only in that the so-called "BDSM definition" encompasses the necessary complications of a BDSM relationship's power dynamic. Well, at least you've acknowledged that your definition of bisexuality is different from the commonly accepted definition. Like I've said before, function from your definition and let other people function from their own.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:03:12 PM)
The OP in that post said the husband had gotten his wife pregnant and then told her he wanted another woman. I thought that was the wrong time to bring it up and the wife didn't deserve punishment for her reaction. You disagreed. Maybe we have a different definition of doormat.

sensualmagirl -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:04:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl I understand that most of the people who have responded on this thread have a different definition of bisexuality than I do. But alot of the mainstream would agree with me. A straight person who never read the forums or was new to bdsm might not know the bdsm definition for bisexuality is different. I've said it before, others have said it... BDSM may not be for you if you want to go along with the "mainstream". You are not new here and yet, somehow, you are just discovering now that people are more sexually open than your narrow definitions of straight and bisexual? I get it, you have been really hurt by someone you trusted and now have closed your mind and heart and put up a lot of walls to people. Understandable to a point -- it's easy to do when you have felt wronged by someone you placed trust in. However, someone can not trust you if you don't know how to trust. Someone can not love you if you can not love openly and free of judgement. How can you consider being a Domme or a submissive even when you are so untrusting of anyone and have such a narrow point of view on the world? Maybe the best thing to do for you right now is to try have healthy relationships first, worry about your "kinks" later because, quite frankly, most people are a lot more open minded than yourself. Once you have learned that people are not all out to get you, than your mind can begin to open to other possibilities and you can start to trust again.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:07:35 PM)
Not everyone knows the bdsm definition of bisexuality is different. Unfortunately, that will lead to more people going through what I did.

dcnovice -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:08:24 PM)
quote: Hon, I hate cleaning. I do it because it makes Valyraen happy. That doesn't mean I like it. Sometimes people do things they don't like because it makes their owner happy. That really doesn't make them bisexual. Oh, I don't know about that. Every cleaner I've ever hired has been bisexual. [:)] <Edited to add a smiley so it's clear that I'm joking.>

cjenny -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:11:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl I understand that most of the people who have responded on this thread have a different definition of bisexuality than I do. But alot of the mainstream would agree with me. A straight person who never read the forums or was new to bdsm might not know the bdsm definition for bisexuality is different. You are not in a mainstream world yet you keep forcing mainstream views into it, it clashes. It will NOT work. It is okay, not to be into BDSM. Criminy most of the world isnt! While driving to the store I thought of this thread and had this idea/thought. You seem to really need protection from the world & you seem to be seeking a protector/lover. Why are you limiting the search to BDSM people? This can be a harsh world dbg, it isn't some refuge from the real world. This is part of the real world. It just may not be the world that you need.

bearincuffs -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:11:30 PM)
I fully agree and it should also be pointed out that many are intimate with the opposite gender and still fantasize about same sex realtions and they do consider themselves bisexual.

agirl -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:14:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl I understand that most of the people who have responded on this thread have a different definition of bisexuality than I do. But alot of the mainstream would agree with me. A straight person who never read the forums or was new to bdsm might not know the bdsm definition for bisexuality is different. The bdsm definition isn't any different than the most universally accepted definition or the dictionary definition. You've given it a personal definition......which you're free to do. You can develop a lot of muscle swimming against the stream..........but waste a lot of energy too. I suppose it depends what your goal is. agirl

Valyraen -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:14:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Not everyone knows the bdsm definition of bisexuality is different. Unfortunately, that will lead to more people going through what I did. Please reference post # 153. People are going to go through what you did, regardless of whether male submissives list any and all previous sexual partners, activities, inclinations, and whimsies in triplicate. The smart people, the cautious people, the people who are genuinely interested in exploring BDSM and their understandings of themselves will spend some time looking before they leap.

LaTigresse -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:16:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Not everyone knows the bdsm definition of bisexuality is different. Unfortunately, that will lead to more people going through what I did. Ahhhhhhhhhh helloooooooooooo! Since when did wether or not a person is into BDSM have ANYTHING to do with their sexuality??????????? Please, splain that one to me Lucy!

defiantbadgirl -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:17:11 PM)
I consider myself very mainstream. Living the lifestyle 24/7 would be very unrealistic for me. I want someone to date that enjoys power exchanges behind closed doors from time to time. If I am ever collared with a gold chain, it will represent the vanilla as well as the kink.

stef -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:23:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl The OP in that post said the husband had gotten his wife pregnant and then told her he wanted another woman. No, she didn't. Her exact words were: "One thing that has come up from their conversation is that a lot it came from him wanting to take on another slave and her reaction instead of telling him of her fears and worries about that was he doesn't need me anymore so I will just keep myself happy." quote: I thought that was the wrong time to bring it up and the wife didn't deserve punishment for her reaction. You disagreed. Maybe we have a different definition of doormat. No, I think we just have a different definition of reality. You can try and filter/spin/interpret that above purple quote however you like, but the simple fact of the matter is that *nowhere* in any of destinykitty's three posts on that issue was any timeline established to say when the topic was brought up. It could have been a month ago and it could have been a year ago. I tried to make this same point in the other thread, but strangely enough, you ignored the truth that time as well. I suppose it would be foolish of me to expect different behavior from you this time around. Anyone interested in reading about that other goatfuck, can do so in this thread. ~stef

topcat -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:26:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl I consider myself very mainstream. Living the lifestyle 24/7 would be very unrealistic for me. I want someone to date that enjoys power exchanges behind closed doors from time to time. If I am ever collared with a gold chain, it will represent the vanilla as well as the kink. If you are ever collared with a gold chain, I will eat my third best whip.

sensualmagirl -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:30:29 PM)
Just a thought, maybe the thing to do is to find someone in the mainstream world who wants what you do. More vanilla with a hint of cinnamon -- just some "kink" in the bedroom at first. Honestly, I don't think it would be difficult to find a hard-line "straight" borderlining on homo-phobe man (although, I'd worry about the ones who protest too much about it, they might be hiding something) in the mainstream world who would enjoy being tied up by a woman. Men aren't that hard to convince of trying new things when it comes to sex [;)] (I'm joking, but, I find it to be true for the most part). I think it's going to be more difficult for you to find a sub male on CM that fits into your definitions. To me, I would work on the relationship first as well as my trust issues if I were you... and learn to love and live with an open heart and mind. Then you can give yourself freely to that person. After some time slowly introduce/teach more of what you are wanting sexually and for your kinks. People in "vanilla" or "mainstream" relationships can grow into other roles as well. BTW, I'm not 24/7 either, but, am most definitelynot mainstream either, nor would I want to be... way too open for that.

BunnySoft -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:32:21 PM)
New here but been reading this train wreck since yesterday. All i can say is that you people have alot of patience to keep attempting to educate this twit. For some reason she reminds me of the character from Rainman who just keeps repeating the same thing over and again. Honey listen to these nice people because you need some serious therapy and a 747 for all that baggage you are hauling around with you.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:32:24 PM)
Why do you find the idea so unlikely?

stef -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/19/2007 12:33:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: topcat If you are ever collared with a gold chain, I will eat my third best whip. I'll go you one better. If she's ever collared with a gold chain, I'll eat your third best whip after you're done with it. ~stef

Page: << < prev 11 12 [13] 14 15 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875