does your body image affect play

does your body image affect play (Full Version)

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ruffnecksbabygir -> does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 11:07:57 AM)
Ok, i am over weight, i am currently trying to get in shape and all that good stuff.... however...how do those of you who are not content with your body deal with feeling comfortable in your own skin.... with your Master/Dom/me.... do you feel embarressed to be naked infront of Him/Her...? I'd love to hear from all sides of this.... personally, i do not feel comfortable being naked most of the time...at times of course i am too busy to worry about it! lol but for the most part it really prevents me, i think, from enjoying myself more during a scene, and i feel it affects my "performance" sorry couldn't think of a better word lol... [image]local://upfiles/77460/D636E1E0E24F482191EAA0E0F18A71C5.jpg[/image]

subjolynn -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 11:21:32 AM)
I am over weight to i was at 310 got with my master and he made me feel better about myself and i got selfesteam. Some thing happened between feb last year and now i lost 70 lbs. I see a few women with him just losing lbs that are in his presents. I dont know it it the submission and finding are true selfs. But I dont see where it would affect your play if he is a true Master

ruffnecksbabygir -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 11:43:09 AM)
my Master makes me feel as if i am the most beautiful person in this world...that's not the problem...He makes me feel great, yet i still feel uncomfortable at times...can't help it. Edited to include this congratulations on your weight loss!! : )

subjolynn -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 11:50:47 AM)
Thank you. and hope you can open up and not be quit as shy around him

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 12:14:28 PM)
I love being naked and I'm an exhibitionist, I'm overweight but am well proportioned and have great curves and enough people have told me I'm sexy that it doesn't affect me much. BUT it's very common for people to have bad self-image and not comfortable with nudity. Lots of doms enjoy breaking down this boundary while enjoying the humiliation of the experience on the path. As far as performing in a scene, unless it's a scene thats focusing ON your self-image, remember that YOU are not the one judging yourself, that's the doms job. If he wants you and enjoys your naked body so he can play with you, then you just suck it up and be there for what he wants to do to you. Plus practice makes perfect, the more you do it the more comfortable you will be in it. Trust me, most people are far too wrapped up in their own body image to care about what your body looks like. And being overweight in the scene is pretty standard.

ARoseAndAnEye -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 12:15:58 PM)
i think body image affects ALL aspects of play! if i am feeling poorly about myself (about my body), it is virtually impossible for me to properly submit to Master. i am not overweight, ruffnecksbabygir, as a matter of fact i'm in pretty good shape if i do say so myself! but i have a five inch scar across my rib cage. it is very difficult for me to bare myself in front of others. But the beautiful part is that the scar becomes non-existent with Master. we are all unique. we all have flaws and perfections that are both visible and invisible to our selves and others. The fact that your Dominant has put you in such a loving, secure position: that's what matters. ~ anna

ruffnecksbabygir -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 12:24:52 PM)
quote: Emerald: As far as performing in a scene, unless it's a scene thats focusing ON your self-image, remember that YOU are not the one judging yourself, that's the doms job. If he wants you and enjoys your naked body so he can play with you, then you just suck it up and be there for what he wants to do to you. WOW! what great advice! that just put it in perspective for me! thanks! See? THIS is why i love this forum .. lol...get riled up at times, but it's well worth it when i am able to get such great advice as this! quote: ARoseAndAnEye: we are all unique. we all have flaws and perfections that are both visible and invisible to our selves and others. The fact that your Dominant has put you in such a loving, secure position: that's what matters. That was beautiful, thank you. : )

BeachMystress -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 1:34:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir quote: Emerald: As far as performing in a scene, unless it's a scene thats focusing ON your self-image, remember that YOU are not the one judging yourself, that's the doms job. If he wants you and enjoys your naked body so he can play with you, then you just suck it up and be there for what he wants to do to you. WOW! what great advice! that just put it in perspective for me! thanks! See? THIS is why i love this forum .. lol...get riled up at times, but it's well worth it when i am able to get such great advice as this! Remember, Madison Ave doesn't control everyone's idea of beauty. A lot of men like larger women. What you need to realize is that not everyone is everyone else's beauty ideal. Some people look at the supermodels and go.. uck. Other people feel that way about BBW. The supermodels shouldn't date men who feel they need to gain weight and BBW shouldn't date men who feel they need to lose weight. Sexy is in your eye and the eye of the beholder. I'll actually attach a photo of myself. I usually don't do that on forums but am making an exception for you. I happen to know I'm sexy. [;)] One problem here is that it is so socially unacceptable to make fun of most groups of people today based on religion, ethnicity and such, that overweight people become the main butt of humor many times. Because so many people are sensitive about their weight, or worse, agree with the "humorist," this form of discrimination continues. It is an easy way to hurt many people. A lot of people are so miserable in their own lives, that they look to pass that misery on to others.. Anytime someone tries to use your weight to hurt you, think about what a miserable existence they have and how an external is all they can come up with to hurt you. Not overly intelligent or original is it? They're the substandard of the world. Remember your mother telling you that swearing was the sign of a limited mind and vocabulary? Having to resort to cheap shots is also a sign of a limited, unimaginative mind. A friend of mine saw a new gynocologist recently. My friend weighs 220 lbs, down from 280lbs about 2 years ago. She is very happy at her new weight. This Dr takes one look at her and starts in on the "you need to lose weight" thing. My friend stopped her in mid sentance with.. "Do you know how long it took me to feel comfortable in my own body? Your idea of what I should weigh is unimportant to me. My heart is healthy and I'm fit. That is what matters to me, not your kneejerk reaction to someone you see as fat." I was so proud of her. As emerald said.. if you weren't pleasing to your Dom, he'd not have you. Shut up, take off your clothes and do what the "nice" Dom tells you,[:D] [image]local://upfiles/22073/4EF46EAAE4C34C9B973C5DD9A07B6A48.jpg[/image]

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 2:57:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeachMystress A lot of people are so miserable in their own lives, that they look to pass that misery on to others.. Anytime someone tries to use your weight to hurt you, think about what a miserable existence they have and how an external is all they can come up with to hurt you. I have a good/bad story in relation to this..... I agree that any time someone decides to put you down because of your weight, they are passing their misery onto you, and in that vein... I have a coworker to whom I was very supportive when she first began working with us, because she needed help getting over the trial by fire women do to each other sometimes; given that support, she considered me a friend (in my view I was simply doing what I would do for any human being treated unkindly/unfarily). At one point, She began furiously dieting and exercising (because she was getting a divorce, needed to be hot again I guess), so one day, she walks up to me and asks: so when are you going to start dieting to lose weight? I reply "fuck you" (I know limited mind, but it's the only proper response when someone who calls herself my friend wants to dump baggage on me without asking first if it's ok); so, she gets apologetic, and starts with "no, it's not because I think you're unattractive, I'm not like that; it's for your health.... I reply, since when do you know more about my health than I do? She certainly had more health complaints, even though she's smaller than I ever have. Than I proceed to explain to her, that my weight is not something she needs to worry about, and my looks not something open for our discussion. I can understand if a friend is working out, and wants a buddy to come along, or dieting and wants a buddy to help along the way, but that's not the way people approach you... They usually approach with the attitude that you should feel less woman, less attractive, less hot, less beautiful, less desirable because you're not like mainstrem perfect look and size, and this is when MaitressEden/Audre Lorde's quote comes in handy; You MUST define yourself for yourself, because you will NEVER become hot/beautiful/small enough/big enough for Everyone; so love the body you're in, learn to be as bad as you want to be (or good, wink), and do your best to stay healthy, than Fuck everybody else. JMHO, lol..... M

danae -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 3:30:04 PM)
I wasn't comfortable being naked at first, either. There's always something. If it's not weight in general, it's weight in a specific place (my pooch) or not enough weight in a specific place (my small breasts) or scarring (my c-section scar) or just getting OLD (birthday coming up soon - you can check my profile, I don't want to write the number down lol.) The beauty is, the release is, my Master knows everything about me, every flaw, blemish, sag, roll, whatever, inside and out (he's got a speculum [sp] lol) and still loves me and claims me and wants to own me. I think we've had sex without the lights on twice in five years. It's all about trust, isn't it? Trust that he wants to see you naked, because he LIKES YOU NAKED! It eventually sinks in. It finally did with me. danae [:)]

LadyAngelika -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 3:55:54 PM)
quote: I'd love to hear from all sides of this.... I personally believe that my body weight has much affected how I play. I've lost almost 40lbs in the last 5 months and I can say it has affected first and foremost the way I approach people. I am just as forward as I was before, but not as imposing physically. I used to use my body mass a great deal to dominate in the past where as now I need to get a lot more of that strength from inside of me. This applies to business dealings and other relationships outside wiitwd. As for being naked, I've totally changed. I used to grab a shirt or robe the moment I got out of bed if someone was present. Now, I just walk around totally naked. It's a very powerful feeling when you know you are torturing your boy who has "don't touch" orders. Mind you he was also drooling when I was 40lbs heavier, but now I have the confidence to exercise that kind of power. Hope that makes sense. - LA

velvetvixen -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 5:00:52 PM)
Your Dominant didn't settle, I can promise you that. To think that He did is at the very least and insult to Him. Don't ever be ashamed or embarassed or inhibited by what you think of your body. Does your Dominant enjoy your body? Yes He does. And isn't it His opinion the only one that matters? I didn't come to this conclusion on my own. Master spoke those same words (more or less) to me once and they were like magic. That isn't to say that I don't work at improving what is His, but I never worry about giving my body to Him for His pleasure. I hope this can help you, too. [:)]

subcheryl -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 5:08:48 PM)
I am overweight also, and yes at times I think it does effect how I play with my Master/Daddy, like for instance when he takes me over his knee for a good spanking, some part of my mind says I'm going to crush him,LOL, but am thankful that Master knew I was overweight before I even met him and we discussed it at length, I think I couldn't beleive 170 lb 6 ft man could want me. And we agreed that he would help me with a diet and excercise program to take the weight off gradually, as master at one time weighed 240lbs. and took it off by himself. And he has set a 2lb a week limit and if I fail my diet and don't loose or end up gaining there are of course consequences for it. but we agreed on this as it was a problem for me and we have had our ups and downs about it along the way, but I know I will never have the "perfect" figure, as have 4 boys who where almost 10lbers at birth except the twins and they did their share of damage, so have a baggy stomache that may go away some but not all. and then deal with stretchmarks, surgery scars and just being older, need I say more it will never be perfect, but can do what I can to make it better, and know master excepts me for all the imperfections and the willingness to try and improve. So I set out to please him in every way I can, hope this wasn't to rambling, I guess it comes down to excepting who you are what you are and doing the best to improve these and know that the person you are on the inside is more important then the outside looks, I have know some pretty skinny women who where total bitches , but many bbw who were lovely inside and out.

celestia -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 5:17:40 PM)
First, let me say congrats to you all, your attitudes and self images are wonderful, refreshing even. It's very sad that our society puts such negativity on shapes, heights, and weights that are not the "norm". Who the heck determines what the "norm" is? If you are happy then that is the norm for you. quote: we are all unique. we all have flaws and perfections that are both visible and invisible to our selves and others. The fact that your Dominant has put you in such a loving, secure position: that's what matters. Amen! Speaking for myself here, I changed my body image because I was unhappy with it, I did not enjoy being naked by myself let alone when others where around, so I decided I would do something about it. Which I did. Low and behold, I still have body image problems even after I changed the areas that were bothering me, now I just have other areas to work on. So I have learned to accept that I am not perfect, no one is, and what may be unattractive to one could be the absolute bomb to another [;)] You have to be happy with you first, if you can acheive that it's going to show through and be more attractive than any physical feature you have.

happypervert -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 6:04:58 PM)
What's the ugliest Part of your body? What's the ugliest Part of your body? Some say your nose Some say your toes (I think it's your mind) lyrics by Frank Zappa Anyway, we're our own worst critics when it comes to body image. Even rail thin anorexics are worried about being too fat. So, as others have already noted, if your partner is happy with you, that's all that really matters.

sputniklove -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 7:27:44 PM)
I think here that old idea of beauty lies in the eye of the beholder holds true. I myself PREFER someone with weight as oppossed to waifs,and I feel that the role of a Dom is to adress this problem if YOU and he percieve it to be one. A solution is not do I need to change but rather should I change,my last sub struggled/struggles with weight issues to the point that she has thought from another post of living on dog semen to give her enough protien to lose weight. Of course I reject this idea,but that is not my place for her anymore,alas....My simple point here is as follows, IF you,and your DOM are comfy then be angelic, cheribesc (sp?) and go for it, if you desire to lose weight for sceneing or whatever reason,then by all means do so. But IF your DOM is comfy with U and you and he knows who you are,then by all means enjoy yourself,as he enjoys YOU. Again beauty lies in the eye of the beholder,not in the tele or society as a greater whole,because most of the ideas expressed here are lost on a ignorant society (unkowing) anyway...in short rock on....sputnik[:D]

PlayfulRaquel -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 7:28:45 PM)
When I first starting chatting with the man who was soon became my Master I was a size 26 and incredibly self conscience of my body. It was to the point where I would put off meeting him in person because I just didn't feel comfortable at all. Even tho I had a web cam and my Master was fully aware of how big I was. My Master could tell it was distracting me to the point where I couldn't focus on his instructions because I was too worry about him seeing me naked. He then implimented weight control as part of my training. He had me go see a doctor and get advise on what I should do to loose the weight. Then if I failed to comply with those instructions he punished me. He would reward me as well for acheiving weight loss. With his instructions and some very creative punishments and rewards I went down to a size 16. I wouldn't say I'm completely comfortable being naked yet but, I definately focused better on his instruction and orders when I was naked.

sub4hire -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 7:38:54 PM)
It isn't your body image that is affecting your play. It is your self esteem. I see people much larger than you running around naked at parties all of the time. Why? Because they feel good about themselves. However, certain bondage and larger bodies do have issues. Certain types of ties with Shibari bondage. I've never been happy with my body my entire life, yet at the same time I've been a nudist almost my entire life. So, yep my self esteem is not exactly where it should be. Yet at the same time I am a well balanced individual. No issue with nudity. When I did have the slightest issue, I merely looked around the room. All issues went out the window. So, I suggest you go to a play party and take in the eye candy. You'll be feeling much better about yourself in no time. A good dom will also help you with your self esteem.

proudsub -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/16/2005 8:42:55 PM)
This thread might help: body image

LadyAngelika -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/17/2005 4:21:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: happypervert Anyway, we're our own worst critics when it comes to body image. Even rail thin anorexics are worried about being too fat. So, as others have already noted, if your partner is happy with you, that's all that really matters. HP - You and I usually agree on almost everything. But now I'm going to disagree with you because I'm like that sometimes ;) You wrote: "if your partner is happy with you, that's all that really matters". I think that what really matters is that YOU are happy with you. I've always been a firm believer that if you don't love yourself first, it makes you very hard to love. I know a few large women who comfortable with their bodies and their body image who are absolutely radiant. They have great posture, chin up, well groomed, proud... they are radiant in fact. I also know a few size 6-8 women who send off the "I'm not really all that" vibe because you can tell they have body issues. The sexiness that you choose to display to people emanates from your mind. And in order for a individual to be seen as an attractive, desirable person, then they first have to see themselves as such. Sure, someone can see the potential in someone that they don’t see themselves at first, but that is simply the first step. I think people must do what they need to do to feel good about their body image, whether it is accepting themselves the way they are and focussing on the parts of them they like best or by making the necessary changes to get the body they wish they had. For the longest time, I worked on my body image and accepted myself for who I was. After a while, that didn’t work for me anymore and I resorted to the second option, making necessary changes. In the end, both are legitimate approaches and it has to do with what every individual wants for themselves and needs to love themselves. - LA

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