RE: does your body image affect play (Full Version)

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lyndseyswallows -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/17/2005 6:50:07 AM)

I do not thik there is a girl on the planet who is 100% happy with her body. We all have something we would like to change :-)



Mercnbeth -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/17/2005 8:42:29 AM)

quote:

how do those of you who are not content with your body deal with feeling comfortable in your own skin.... with your Master/Dom/me.... do you feel embarressed to be naked infront of Him/Her...?


this slave NEVER feels embarrassed to be naked in front of Master. It is not "her" body anymore, but His, however this slave often feels conflicted about how she feels about her own body....something that has been somewhat of a struggle over the last twenty years.
ever hear of that thing the psycho-babblists call BDD? Body Dysmorphic Disorder? It's where what you see in the mirror is not REALLY what is being reflected. Many moons ago, this slave weighed 98 pounds and at 5'8" not only is that physically unhealthy, but in reality looks rather bad......however, the mirror said "wow, don't you look great, like all those heroin-chic models!!!!" and this slave agreed.(btw, after a few run-ins with the evil mirror, this slave has found it to be one-sided, shallow, and not to be taken seriously!)

Nowadays, this slave's body belongs to Master. The mirror and the scale and that little voice that says "well, if you just lost 5 more pounds......." have to take a back seat or get the hell outta the car, because they are not in control. Master is. Master is very pleased with His slave's body---the way it looks and the way it performs. It matters not if this slave thinks she should lose or gain 10 pounds or 50, run to the nearest plastic surgeon for lipo and implants or wander down to the local tanning booth for a spray tan, what matters is if that is what Master wants for His slave's body.

[image]local://upfiles/33972/048B99D5C74D4086883F8CBF11F7E804.jpg[/image]



ruffnecksbabygir -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/17/2005 11:48:45 AM)


Beach Mystress,Thank you so very much for that post...you are incredibly beautiful! my goodness!! ~grins~

Everyones thoughts on this has been both very interesting to read and motivating as well... thank you all for making me see things in a different light.



cynthiamarie -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/17/2005 2:09:38 PM)

i can't thank you all enough...it's incredible to hear all this!

i'm scared to take my clothes off...i'm heavy, have an enormous amount of stretch marks from carrying my huge son (i went 3 weeks over, too), and i have a small implant. After refusing to date for 7 years my fantasy life was hurting so much that i wen't out of state to visit relatives...and had a one night stand. i hoped that he wouldn't notice, but he asked if i had a pacemaker...i could have DIED. That was a year ago...and though he's a friend of my cousin and wants to see me again...i know that i don't want to be with him. (i need a D/s relationship, and he was a sub or a slave...so s/s just won't do for me.)

quote:

if you weren't pleasing to your Dom, he'd not have you. Shut up, take off your clothes and do what the "nice" Dom tells you

LOL...loved that!!!

In the vanilla world, i spent 4 years with somebody who wanted me to lose weight (i was 5'7 and 160 lbs.), hunch, and not wear any heels...because he was an inch shorter than i was. it would be special and unique to find somebody who loves me just the way i am...and you all are making me see that it's possible. *hugs* Thank you!

it's hard to be big when most people expect you to be thin. But after reading what y'all said, i feel like sewing myself some flattering, sexy clothes now...even if i'm the only one who gets to see them.



michellewarner -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/17/2005 5:53:21 PM)

i don't think my body image is a hindrance to my play. the simple mechanics of my body are at times, but not my personal feelings about it. granted, i certainly don't have a perfect body, but i really enjoy playing, especially impact and bondage. both of these things are done more easily and effectively if the subject (me) is naked. the other thing that helps me be comfortable with my body is that, over the years, i've left my abusive relationships behind, and that includes the one i had with myself. i've reached a point in my life where i'm comfortable with who and what i am. i look at my relationship with my body as a symbiotic thing. if i continue to take care of it, it will continue to provide me with the intensity of input/sensation that i crave.



softysub -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/17/2005 7:01:20 PM)

I am overweight too and it took me a good year to get comfortably naked in front of Him. I knew what effect i had on Him and it was the greatest feeling i ever had. He made me feel sexy and would tell me i was sexy. It made it asier for me to scene/play/session with Him. I didnt have to think of what is He thinking while touching my love handles etc.....

softysub



strongnsubmissiv -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/17/2005 7:16:31 PM)

Who isn't fat or who isn't self concious?

The sad thing though really, is that physical self image causes us so much anxiety. It's a shame it has to be that way. It's funny too because we constantly reason with ourselves and compare don't we? I mean we all know a friend, who might be heavier than we are, and they always seem more comfortable in thier skin than we ourselves do. It's like the rules we make for acceptance of other people, never seem to apply to us. We're always different. We always have to adhere to a stricter code.

I'm guitly of it too. I've never been comfortable with my complexion, or my gut, however i've seen other men larger than me, enjoying themselves at play parties, letting it all hang out. I say to myself "Good for them because they really look great." However i'm the first to critisize my own appearance.

We really are hard on ourselves. Probably 100 times harder than anyone else in the room is going to be. It's a shame that we find it hard to remember that.

Above all i find confidence the most sexy thing there is.



LadyAngelika -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/17/2005 7:57:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: strongnsubmissiv
We really are hard on ourselves. Probably 100 times harder than anyone else in the room is going to be. It's a shame that we find it hard to remember that.


I always thought "if I'm not hard on myself, who else will be". But I understand what you are saying strongnsubmissiv. I think it's about being hard on oneself when we need a kick in the butt and being forgiving to one's self when we are feeling beaten down by life.

quote:

ORIGINAL: strongnsubmissiv
Above all i find confidence the most sexy thing there is.


I concur 100%.

- LA



jilleena -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/17/2005 10:27:22 PM)

i am an overweight submissive as well....weighing in at 220 pounds (give or take). Before my divorce i had very low self-esteem because my ex was always so negative. Since meeting my Master, that has all changed. For the first time in 37 years i am comfortable in my own skin. i like who and what i am.

my Master as well tells me how sexy i am and who am i to doubt Him. Why should i second guess my Masters thoughts, and opinions. Obviously He is pleased with what He owns just as i am or i wouldn't be wearing His collar. my Masters opinion is the only one that counts to me and if He is happy then i am happy.

Now that is not to say that i quite trying to improve myself. Far from it. i am constantly trying to improve myself in any way that i can, and my weight is included in that. Would my Master like to see me thinner for health reasons? Of course. Does He demand it and make a big issue over it? Nope.

So if your Master is happy with what He has in you, then open your mind and heart and be happy with yourself as well.

Honored to be His,
jilleena [sm=kiss.gif]




CalliopePurple -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/18/2005 12:29:54 AM)

I'm gonna post my interesting thoughts on this because I can and I'm tired and all that jazz. I have self-confidence issues. It's not that I think I'm too fat, rather the opposite. At 5'8 and around 150 (last I checked, anyway), I think I'm too thin. I want the curves my girlfriend has, though I know I didn't inherit the genes for it.

As a result, I hide my figure most of the time by wearing loose clothing and blushing furiously when my stepsister talks me into wearing pants that actually fit (size 8-10). Not all skinny people are comfortable with themselves and neither are all bigger people.

CP



softysub -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/22/2005 7:35:18 PM)

quote:

So if your Master is happy with what He has in you, then open your mind and heart and be happy with yourself as well.


I agree with you there, we are there to please our Dom/Master, if They are happy with us.......then why worry......at the end for me, all that mattered is that He was happy with what i looked like, if He didnt, He wouldnt have been there for so long. Always encouraged me and still does......helping me in being a better person and accept who i am and what i look like.

I have learned a great lesson from Him [:)]

softysub



srahfox -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/23/2005 2:26:53 PM)

Once upon a time my wieght really bother me when Master and I played. Now, I rarely notice it. I'm too caught up in what we are doing. Do I think about it at other times? You bet ya, but I know my Master Loves me and after Ten years he hasn't left me for it yet. It bothers me now because Master is about to give me to anouther Master to play with occationally. But then I remember that It was the other Masters Idea to begin with, so he must see something he really liked. There are people out there who enjoy all kinds of people, there is something in you that someone else will like. No one is perfect.
That having been said, I have a friend who is Very Thin. I mean in a painfully unattractive kind of way. The trick is that she can't gain wait. I've watched her eat and she eats like a horse. She's even tried taking wieght gain shakes. Nothing. People tease her all the time, and it bothers her but people think it's okay, after all she's thin so they can't hurt her right? Well while we were working together and people would tease her I would jump up, give them a huge smile and said "Yep we are trying to make a set, short and fat, tall and thin." People would clam up and get really nervious, but they didn't do it again. She never really said anything about it, but I know she was greatful they stopped teasing her and I wasn't obviously defending her, just making it so they would have to tease me too.



nella -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/23/2005 3:53:05 PM)

i was always pickes on at school for being fat, and i was called ugly. Now i can look in a mirror and see that i am not ugly, but still i can not shake that feeling, so i would say that it do affect play. but then i am never embaresed to be whit my fiance, as he make be feel butiful.



submissivesilk -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/26/2005 2:45:49 AM)

This doesn't concern weight, although I am in the process of losing 25lbs, with the help of my Master.

Almost three years ago, I had a breast reduction surgery. At the time I was a 36 EE and suffered terrible back pain. I had also always been very shy regarding my breast, to me they were ugly, nothing like you see in playgirl. Anyway, I thought the surgery would be a dream come true, it was more like a nightmare. I don't know why, because I had never had this problem before, but I scarred really bad, there was even some pigment shifting. I told my Master all about this before we ever met r/l. I also mentioned the possiblility of going down another size to perhaps removes some of the scarring, or corrective tattooing. My Master is an artist, and that wonderful Man is now designing a tattoo of his own making to mark me with. However, I've gotten off point. The scars never bothered Him. I just spent a week with Him and He couldnt seem to get enough of me. That alone has increased my self esteem.



littlesubbybitch -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/27/2005 2:16:58 AM)

ruffnecksbabygir,

This is my first posted message in the forum - I only found this site this morning. Maybe this won't make any difference to how you feel, but in your attached picture you are beautiful. I know it is our own perceptions of ourselves that influence how we feel more than those of others (for me anyways), and at the end of the day self-esteem comes from within but as an outsider looking at your picture I'd say your Master should be proud to be with you. (And from what you've written about him, he does.)



ProtagonistLily -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/27/2005 4:30:51 AM)

I've resisted for as long as I can to post to this thread, and I simply can't stop myself at this point.

You have a Master. The man obviously loves you. As you noted in a previous post, you and he are getting married. Honey, if your size was a problem, he'd let you know.

I'm a big girl, and I'll be damned if I'm going to apologize to anyone for that. There's a fine line between concern and self deprication. I'm done beating the shit out of myself on the weight thing.

So, take your clothes off. C'mon, you can do it. Good. Now, stand over there, in front of that full length mirror. Ok, so go to Target and buy one and then stand there. Look at yourself. If you find yourself so unappealing that you can't find something that you like about yourself, change it.

It's not about your Master. This is all about you feeling bad about yourself. Your worries are more about how you perceive yourself than anything else. It's a head thing much more than a body thing.

my 2 cents,

Lily



ProtagonistLily -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/27/2005 4:32:06 AM)

quote:

I had also always been very shy regarding my breast, to me they were ugly, nothing like you see in playgirl.


Hon, if you are buying playgirl for the boob shots, something's terribly wrong ~grins and winks~

I think you meant Playboy.

Lily



domtimothy46176 -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/27/2005 12:05:22 PM)

Sometimes I think folks have a tendency to obsess on something until it consumes them. I've noticed females can often do this with their physical appearance. When I was younger I used to get obsessed with my height, or more accurately, the lack thereof [;)]. The biggest problem with obsessing about what one sees as in imperfection, especially if it's difficult or impossible to correct, is that it tends to skew one's entire perception of self-worth.
Take me, for instance. I'm short. At 5'6", there's really no other way to put it. For an american male in my age group, I fall below the average height.
When I was younger, that one fact defined me, in my own eyes. I'm also incredibly good-looking, extremely intelligent and articulate, an awesome top and modest (you'll just have to trust me on that one [;)]). Whatever good qualities I might possess, however, were lost on me until I learned to accept myself as a whole person.
I'm still short and expect to shrink as I get older (we all do, due to loss of bone mass) but I've reached a point in my life where I'm happy with who I am. It would be nice to have a few more inches (not ~there~, you perverts [;)]) but being short no longer prevents me from enjoying myself, although it can and sometimes does limit my available choices of partners (their loss *shrug*).
This change in outlook didn't happen overnight and it wasn't a smooth, uninterrupted transition, by any means. It can be difficult to break yourself from the habit of internal criticism that I used to engage in and sometimes insecurities can pop up long after you think you're past that point. For me, it took a lot of willpower and determination to overcome my negative self-image, but it was an issue that I knew I needed to face down.
The hardest challenge can be accepting that you ~do~ have the power to change how you see yourself. Having folks you respect support you may make the task easier but the impetus must come from within, IMO. "Anything worth having is worth working for."
Timothy



LadyAngelika -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/27/2005 9:35:40 PM)

quote:

If you find yourself so unappealing that you can't find something that you like about yourself, change it.


Words to live by Lily.

- LA



BorderCollie -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/30/2005 9:33:50 PM)

Hi Gang,
I hope you don't mind getting a DOM's point of view here.

I am married to a Canadian sub, that is shall we say packing some emergency skin and YES it is an issue "For Her".
She is a sub to the bone, and loves being tied up. However she gets the I'm to fat, etc etc etc happening, which is followed by the safe word.
She openly admits that when a few beers are applied that the inhebitions disapear completely.
I must point out that she is 49, and constantly gets told that she doesn't look it and simply can't be old enough to be a grandmother.
She is the most amazing, fun, happy person you could meet, yet sometimes our style life sufferes.
I point out from my point of view, that yes. She is a little larger than some women, but FAT she ain't.

In perspective-: I am 43, was of solid build when I was playing Football, Sailing & Windsurfing. I am still reasonably fit, and can give young blokes 1/2 my age a run for their money but.......................................
Gravity has taken over, love handles are catching up with me, I have a grey goatee, and I'm BALD.
Shaved head, but if I let it grow I'm still bald.
Will I go buy a wig? Get a trans plant? Not a bloody chance!

It's like this ladies/subs. You get dealt a hand by the big fella upstairs and you play it the best you can.
You have all shown great courage to put your case forward, be proud of yourselves and allow your partners to also be proud of you.

Cheers

BorderCollie
Australia.



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