RE: does your body image affect play

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FLButtSlut -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/30/2005 10:12:25 PM)
ruffnecksbabygirl, As everyone has said, YOU need to be happy with you. I have fought my weight for years, up and down the scale so much it was almost humorous (still do, I admit it). While I don't agree with the concept that "your master's opinion is all that counts", I will say this... Unless he is trying to keep you covered up all the time, he just doesn't think of your body the same way you do! Feeling comfortable naked is not easy for a lot of people. Personally, you wouldn't catch me on a nude beach for anything! Of course, my inability to not stare is a big part of that too! Have you tried talking to HIM about how you feel? I know that one thing that helped me tremendously was dating a man who never ceased to let me know how much he desired my body, no matter what the shape (which incidentally was about 175 when we first met, then went down to about 130 and then back up to over 200!). It didn't matter to him what I weighed, and his obvious desire for me helped me to become more comfortable with myself. So my point is this...I'm sure that HE has no doubt that to him you are sexy, desirable and beautiful. Perhaps communicating to him that it would be nice to hear (if he doesn't already and you ignore it) and see that he feels that way, will eventually help YOU come to the same conclusion. Everyone is sexy, beautiful and desirable to those that love them, and in time, we begin to see ourselves through their eyes in a sense. My long time boyfriend helped me to realize that (even if he ended up being an ass in so many other ways!) and now I have no concerns when I get naked with a partner. After all, I certainly didn't bring them there at gunpoint! It sometimes takes longer for us to accept our bodies than it does for others. Just keep reminding yourself that he wants YOU. Tell yourself everyday that you ARE sexy, you ARE desirable, and you ARE beautiful. The power of positive thinking can go a long way, and so can all of the support of us beautiful sexy women with not such perfect bodies that you have heard from here! Good luck!

softysub -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/31/2005 4:18:19 AM)
FLButtSlut, you have said something that makes good sense to me about Your Master's obvious desire for Him to help you to be more comfortable with yourself........ My Dom wants to help me too as He said, how can i make You happy when You're not happy with yourself. He is really helping me, not that my size matters to Him, but i do have a health issue (diabetes) as i know this worries Him. I am so glad to have Him [:)] softysub

cellogrrlMK -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/31/2005 5:56:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir Ok, i am over weight, i am currently trying to get in shape and all that good stuff.... however...how do those of you who are not content with your body deal with feeling comfortable in your own skin.... with your Master/Dom/me.... do you feel embarressed to be naked infront of Him/Her...? I'd love to hear from all sides of this.... personally, i do not feel comfortable being naked most of the time...at times of course i am too busy to worry about it! lol but for the most part it really prevents me, i think, from enjoying myself more during a scene, and i feel it affects my "performance" sorry couldn't think of a better word lol... Babygirl, I need to lose around 30 pounds (probably more) and I am VERY uncomfortable being naked, not only in front of my Master, but even just alone; I can't stand to look at myself. And yes, how "fat" I feel definitely influences my performance ability! So you are not alone [:)] cello

Alexander -> RE: does your body image affect play (3/31/2005 8:41:20 AM)
Hi. AngryLibrarian here. How are you doing? I highly reccomend the books by Judith Moore, "Never Eat Your Heart Out" and "Fat Girl" . These two memoirs chronicle without hesitation some of the issues women can bring into food and eating (and men too). They are very harsh, don't apply to all people, yet contain some insights you won't get from the usual bullshit that is American media and publishing. My ex wife was bulemic, my best friend from junior high died of anorexia and my last long term relationship involved a girl who couldnt gain weight no matter how she ate. I'm not attracted to these sorts of people or issues, they are simply everywhere in every ne of all sizes and shapes. As in all things educate yourself, and find the balance.

ProScatman -> RE: does your body image affect play (4/1/2005 12:11:51 AM)
Quite honestly for this slave, a Domme or Mistress being overweight isn't an obsticle, because it's the relationship and feelings that matter! I know I'm not ugly, but I'm no prize either! Any kind of relationship built on looks alone is like a house built without a foundation--it's bound to fall down! I commend you for trying to get into shape! quote: ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir Ok, i am over weight, i am currently trying to get in shape and all that good stuff.... however...how do those of you who are not content with your body deal with feeling comfortable in your own skin.... with your Master/Dom/me.... do you feel embarressed to be naked infront of Him/Her...? I'd love to hear from all sides of this.... personally, i do not feel comfortable being naked most of the time...at times of course i am too busy to worry about it! lol but for the most part it really prevents me, i think, from enjoying myself more during a scene, and i feel it affects my "performance" sorry couldn't think of a better word lol... [image]local://upfiles/77460/D636E1E0E24F482191EAA0E0F18A71C5.jpg[/image]

ProScatman -> RE: does your body image affect play (4/1/2005 12:43:09 AM)
I was going to shut down for the night, but you got me thinking, and I'd like to share this short story with you! At a scocial I use to attend, I met this beautiful girl who happened to be very overweight. We never spoke much to each other until one day I was heading for the men's room and saw her standing in front of the woman's room crying sorta. I walked over to her and asked what was wrong, and was there anything I could do? She explained it was an allergy attack, and some tissue would be nice. After that we became good friends! She revieled to me that I was the first man to ever be concerned about her enough to ask what's wrong? That men see her as a heavy woman and keep going. I told her I saw a woman in distress, and was concerned! I believe if your Master was worried about your looks he'd have mentioned it to you. Obviosly, he sees you as someone he wants to be with, so quit worrying and enjoy! , and with that good night, and have a great day! quote: ORIGINAL: ProScatman Quite honestly for this slave, a Domme or Mistress being overweight isn't an obsticle, because it's the relationship and feelings that matter! I know I'm not ugly, but I'm no prize either! Any kind of relationship built on looks alone is like a house built without a foundation--it's bound to fall down! I commend you for trying to get into shape! quote: ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir Ok, i am over weight, i am currently trying to get in shape and all that good stuff.... however...how do those of you who are not content with your body deal with feeling comfortable in your own skin.... with your Master/Dom/me.... do you feel embarressed to be naked infront of Him/Her...? I'd love to hear from all sides of this.... personally, i do not feel comfortable being naked most of the time...at times of course i am too busy to worry about it! lol but for the most part it really prevents me, i think, from enjoying myself more during a scene, and i feel it affects my "performance" sorry couldn't think of a better word lol... [image]local://upfiles/77460/D636E1E0E24F482191EAA0E0F18A71C5.jpg[/image]

ricanmami678 -> RE: does your body image affect play (7/11/2005 12:20:32 PM)
i completely unerstand where you are comin from ruffnecksbabygir i had my daughter over a year ago but i ha c section and it has been hard for me to get back in shape and it is so hard to seemy self as beautiful because i have always been in really good shape now i dont have it it is a self thing for me i dotn care what other people think of me i am very hard on my self and even though i hate it i have learned that iam the way ia m and until i get where i want to be i have to accept myself and lov e myself the way i am butstill try to better y self

BlouLady -> RE: does your body image affect play (7/11/2005 1:32:22 PM)
It looks as though you've gotten some good advise.I'm overwieght myself,and often self consious.Exspecially in today's world where sex is pushed at you in every corner,and the images they portray as sexy leave us normal gal's feeling lacking. The fact is how you see yourself is how you'll be received.If you see yourself as beautiful, so will others. I'm not a Big,beautiful woman. I'm a soft, feminine, sensual ,curvy woman. I see myself that way and as I am the only one who lives in my head, I am the only opinion that matters.I'll be darned if people I don't know will tell me how to feel about myself! Good Luck--Lady

dominmd -> RE: does your body image affect play (7/11/2005 4:17:55 PM)
Speaking as a guy and not in any sort of BDSM mode, just vanilla. I like women when I cannot see their ribs, bones or spine. This is not attractive at all to me. I do like women that are fit and healthy. They can be a little bigger than other girls but this does not matter to me. If you have a great personality, that is all you need. Someone out there will love you and care for you. Hell, look at me, I do not consider myself great looking or handsome, I am still 40 pounds overweight but I have lost 100 since Jan of 2004. But I am a very nice and accepting person. (Emerald help me out here) What I am trying to say is that many people will not judge you. I have found some heavier women to be completely attractive. It is not what you look like, but who YOU are. I would say do not be nude during a scene in public. But with HIM privately. Discuss your concerns and your fears. As a Dom my main concern is the woman who is in front of me. Her well being is foremost on my mind. Discuss this stuff with your Dom. If you have no Dom or Domme, then seek out others with whom you feel comfortable in talking to.

MstrHellsFury -> RE: does your body image affect play (7/11/2005 4:35:46 PM)
no matter how the world turns I'm still a firm believer in the old saying..."Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." We never see ourselves as others do and being so critical of ones self is to doubt the true value of your worth.

dominmd -> RE: does your body image affect play (7/11/2005 5:13:49 PM)
So true, I have heard that saying som many times in the past. It is abvious to me that I am attractive because I have women coming on to me. Clearly they like what they see, I don't have a fake personality and I just will be who I am not what I am not. I have been told by several women inside the community and in the vanilla world that I look better with hair (I shave it when I go into the woods). So this year I am hanging onto this and letting my hair grow out some. Small suggestions and compliments, however small, can have a large impact on someone. This is not in direct reply to MstrHellsFury, again I am just adding to what I have already said. He does speak the truth about self worth. I have always been self critical since that is the way I was raised as a child. I do believe that my own self worth is rising now. Especially since a major incident last fall. I feel more confident and ready to face the world "perfect" or not[:)]

sabis -> RE: does your body image affect play (7/11/2005 10:44:46 PM)
quote: ...how do those of you who are not content with your body deal with feeling comfortable in your own skin.... with your Master/Dom/me.... do you feel embarressed to be naked infront of Him/Her...? Ruffneck's Baby: Quick answer: Heck yes, i get embarassed.... I'm 5'3" and weigh 165. This puts me somewhere between 'voluptuous' and 'rubenesque'. I'm fortunate to some extent that i'm small boned - i don't look that heavy according to most. But I feel it; i know what i felt like at 135. When nude, i'm always more aware of those parts of my body that droop or sag in a manner i feel isn't good. (yeah, that ickky ole pooch! mutter) Whenever I start getting down about myself and my appearance, Master gives me a sharp whack on the ass and reminds me that it's not for me to decide if I'm pretty enough for him / sexy enough / look good enough naked / whatever... that's His to decide. He's aware and sensitive enough of my worries and foibles and weaknesses that He lets me pick clothing to wear in public and at 'play parties' that is the most possible flattering. He allows me a degree of coverage that helps me get through it, but requires other sacrifices (I can keep on my pants, but they're sheer, and i wear crotchless panties underneath. My tits are bare, but the corset hides my belly. etc etc...) There have also been Dire Threats as to what will happen if I loose too much weight and my tits get small.... and long discourses on the fact that "Skinny women can't take a good hard fucking" and that if i loose too much in my hips and butt, that i'll lose the shock absorbers that allow me to please Him in bed.... So take the good with the bad... look yourself in the mirror every day, lift your chin, and say, "I am who He chose." Sometimes we can't find the strength in ourselves. There's nothing wrong in borrowing it from others until we do. ~ sabis

Youcantmakemeeee -> RE: does your body image affect play (7/12/2005 2:21:50 AM)
I, like so many who have responded, am overweight. Just look over to the left and it's plainly obvious. <smiles> With each new lover/play partner I typically get quite nervous getting naked for a while in the beginning. But, I am one who loves what happens when I am naked that everything else fades to the background. It's still there lurking around, but my thoughts turn toward the fun that's about to start. I could say like so many have thus far that you should be happy with who you are. Well, that's a lot of times easier said than done. If you can't get there yet, I suggest every time you are to take your clothes off in front of your Master that you breathe and then think of all the wonderful things he's about to do to you and all the great things you get to do for him. If you concentrate on that, you might find yourself with quite a cute little grin on your face and the negative self image that was lurking around in the background has now faded to almost nothing solid. I hope that makes sense. It's way early for my brain to be thinking so much! C.

dominmd -> RE: does your body image affect play (7/12/2005 5:33:16 PM)
Here is what I have done and enjoyed with a new woman getting naked for the first time. Undress each other in front of the mirror. If the woman is shy, I will undress her from behind while we face the mirror. She can see my face and I can see hers. I will nuzzle her, kiss her and keep going all the while telling her how beautiful I think she is. After I have done that, I will have her undress me. To break the ice further, a hot steamy bath or shower. Your hands are all over each other and it can be very erotic. Especially knowing what will happen after the shower or bath. To be honest it would work for 2 people who are not shy as well. But, it is better sometimes than undressing seperately across the bed. Of course tearing each others clothes off in wild passion sex works too.[:)] And why can't they come out with something better than buttons on womens clothes? Jeez they can slow things down so much sometimes. LOL!

anopheles -> RE: does your body image affect play (7/12/2005 10:29:55 PM)
From a Dom point of view, I take a very simple and concise point of view: "If you aren't happy with how she looks now, then don't pursue her. Assume she will always look that way." Simply, don't get involved with someone, if you aren't comfortable with them. Your sub should be your most beautiful, prized possession, and that transcends extra pounds. It happens to most of us. It will happens to most of us. A Dom that feels immediate or urgent need to change someone's physical appearance is probably dealing with some internal issues. Besides, when the lights are low, and the cuffs are on, size don't mean nuthin ;) quote: ORIGINAL: ruffnecksbabygir Ok, i am over weight, i am currently trying to get in shape and all that good stuff.... however...how do those of you who are not content with your body deal with feeling comfortable in your own skin.... with your Master/Dom/me.... do you feel embarressed to be naked infront of Him/Her...? I'd love to hear from all sides of this.... personally, i do not feel comfortable being naked most of the time...at times of course i am too busy to worry about it! lol but for the most part it really prevents me, i think, from enjoying myself more during a scene, and i feel it affects my "performance" sorry couldn't think of a better word lol... [image]local://upfiles/77460/D636E1E0E24F482191EAA0E0F18A71C5.jpg[/image]

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