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Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 1:01:52 PM   
MissEnchantress


Posts: 23
Joined: 10/4/2006
Status: offline 		While I appreciate ritualistic questions and answers, sometimes I ask a straight up question and get a ritualized answer.

For example, I might ask My sub, 'Do you like this'.  And I get 'If you like it Mistress'.

What I really want to know is if _they_ like it or not.  Simple.  Fact finding.  If they don't like it, it can be used as a punishment, if they do it can be used as a reward.

How do you get straight answers out of submissives when you really want to gather facts?  And question two, why do some subs tend to think that a Mistress is submissive for asking if he likes something - when all you're doing is gathering facts and .... information is power?!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 1:31:57 PM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		I state it up front that when I ask a question I require an honest answer.  If I ask what would you like for dinner?  Do you like strap on play?  etc...I want to know what they think.

I tell potentials up front or at least after the first "whatever you wish" answer that it is not what I am looking for. 

I know I can do whatever I want...kinda comes with the territory.  But if I ask, I want an answer.  I think some submissives are programmed to give stock answers and once you let them know your expectations, they are more comfortable with voicing their opinions.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to MissEnchantress)
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RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 1:43:30 PM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		i think it is becoue it is somtimes confusing for uss submissives, many beeoks and real life Dominants to tell us to answer like that, it is very easy to be chategorised as a do me sub or the like, and more then one argument have broke out on this forum aboute how mutch a sub should espress what they themself wish. i think comunication is inportant here, so the sub in question know what the Dominant want.

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad


(in reply to MsKatHouston)
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RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 2:02:35 PM   
Sternhand4


Posts: 422
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		The truth belongs to you. If you require a ritual answer assign a ritual pet name. So when you ask the question using that name they know to respond in kind.

S

(in reply to nephandi)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 2:07:26 PM   
BabyNyla


Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline 		I often have to repeat a question back to my husband ... only I reword it for him ... for expample, I will ask him something and he will answer "sure, I like it" and I will re-ask saying "I didn't ask if you liked it, I asked WHY you like it" ... this will lead him to answer it better. 
 
In reverse, he will say to me "I expect a better answer than that" when I don't give a true opinion, but rather a generic answer.  I have just learned from his tone and speech what he expects and what doesn't fly. 

_____________________________

My Journal

(in reply to Sternhand4)
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RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 2:10:27 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

I state it up front that when I ask a question I require an honest answer.  If I ask what would you like for dinner?  Do you like strap on play?  etc...I want to know what they think.

I tell potentials up front or at least after the first "whatever you wish" answer that it is not what I am looking for. 

I know I can do whatever I want...kinda comes with the territory.  But if I ask, I want an answer.  I think some submissives are programmed to give stock answers and once you let them know your expectations, they are more comfortable with voicing their opinions.


Ditto on this but adding:  I've dropped a lot of potentials because even after clarifying they kept on with this... and have had a god number lose interest in me once I tell them I want a direct answer.   Win-Win.  If they can't or won't answer a direct question, I don't have the time for them.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)
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RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 2:58:06 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		hehehe, you would get along with my dominant pretty well. He likes to ask me my opinion on things and expects a straightforward answer. i have gotten a lot better with giving Him those, although being the indecisive and often self-conscious submissive that i am (still, a little bit, despite all His hard work), i will occasionally give ritualized answers (often because i used to say, "i don't know," when i didn't, and He -really- does -not- like to hear that). i think that the only way to reassure a submissive that you're still dominant to them even when you want to know their thoughts and feelings on things is to honestly sit down and talk it out with them, or reinforce your dominance in other ways. i was nervous about answering questions once, so i would say i don't know, and one of His ways of dealing with that was a face slap or two to make me understand that He didn't have room for self-consciousness and He didn't want to hear a bullshit answer.

(in reply to MissEnchantress)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 4:38:35 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Ya know the saying, "If I'd wanted your opinion, I'd have given it"? Well, try a new one: "If I'd wanted to assume your opinion, I'd have done so. Now, I asked you a fucking question." *stare at them until they answer properly* Usually works. *chuckle*

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MissEnchantress)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 5:28:38 PM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		I sympathize, and my chief tactic for responding to 'whatever you wish' is a lot like MasterFire's. "I know I get to do what I want. I want you to tell me which you prefer." That doesn't necessarily mean that I'll do the thing that the submissive likes better--nor that I'll do what he or she dislikes. Insisting on a straight answer generally works for me--if the person is coherent enough to murmur "whatever you like," he or she is coherent enough to give me a more appropriate answer. (If, of course, this is a submissive or bottom who becomes non-verbal, that's a whole different ball of wax.)

It is sometimes helpful to phrase the question in more precise terms than "like" and "dislike", though, and to make questions less open-ended. Since I often enjoy creating dilemmas and switching from one activity to another, I'll ask, "Do you find activity one easier to handle than activity two?" "Is one turning you on more than two?" "Is two more embarrassing than one?"

Sometimes, though, it really is most important for playmates to observe my enthusiasm. Then ranking becomes important--if I'm showing equal amounts of enthusiasm, which activity do you like better?

Not so long ago, I had a charming conversation that fits this questioning model nicely. I asked my playmate whether he liked an activity, and he said something like "if it's making you happy, it's making me happy." Later on, I increased the intensity of our play and informed him that I was a nice person indeed to grant him such pleasure. He was befuddled, remarking that he was hurting more than previously, and I reminded him that I was very happy indeed, and so he must be in great throes of bliss. (Note: this was all very lighthearted and fun, if it's not coming across in text, and I think it transmitted the message clearly--he might be chiefly satisfied by seeing me express delight, but it's a rather complex sort of pleasure.)

Monica

(in reply to MissEnchantress)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 6:16:32 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEnchantress

While I appreciate ritualistic questions and answers, sometimes I ask a straight up question and get a ritualized answer.

For example, I might ask My sub, 'Do you like this'.  And I get 'If you like it Mistress'.

What I really want to know is if _they_ like it or not.  Simple.  Fact finding.  If they don't like it, it can be used as a punishment, if they do it can be used as a reward.

How do you get straight answers out of submissives when you really want to gather facts?  And question two, why do some subs tend to think that a Mistress is submissive for asking if he likes something - when all you're doing is gathering facts and .... information is power?!


Ask your question and pay attention to body language... they don't make ity that easy, at times :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to MissEnchantress)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 7:14:50 PM   
needdiscipline23


Posts: 106
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not sure how related this is, but I definitely struggle not with giving stock answers, but with giving the answer I think my top wants to hear--I'm not likely to say "if you like it, Ma'am" b/c I understand that I am being asked a question...I am however likely to try to figure out in my head WHAT answer will make them happy/approve/pleased with me....that's something that I'm really struggling with, and I'd imagine that it's just as frustrating to a Mistress as a stock answer, except, more insidious.

In fact, now that I've considered it, I'm having a major guilt trip about it, b/c it's, like, what, half a step (if that) shy of actually lying to my Mistress.

Damn.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 7:31:07 PM   
porthuronsub


Posts: 339
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		I must have this whole thing screwed up.  If my Mistress asks me a question I answer it, plain and simple.  You have to have open communication to have a strong relationship.  I feel that if she asks me something there has to be a reason so answer it truthfully.  I seldom say something like what the OP quoted.  I feel it is kind of lame.  Do you Mistresses really like a "yes" sub?  Or one with a mind?

(in reply to needdiscipline23)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 7:44:33 PM   
needdiscipline23


Posts: 106
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah, I've got to agree porthuron--I was kinda surprised to hear that they get those kind of answers--Mine would probably smack me. :)

While I KNOW that good relationship is key, I do sometimes struggle to act on that, though, as I posted above.

(in reply to porthuronsub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 8:11:07 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEnchantress

While I appreciate ritualistic questions and answers, sometimes I ask a straight up question and get a ritualized answer.

For example, I might ask My sub, 'Do you like this'.  And I get 'If you like it Mistress'.

What I really want to know is if _they_ like it or not.  Simple.  Fact finding.  If they don't like it, it can be used as a punishment, if they do it can be used as a reward.

How do you get straight answers out of submissives when you really want to gather facts?  And question two, why do some subs tend to think that a Mistress is submissive for asking if he likes something - when all you're doing is gathering facts and .... information is power?!


Many submissives especially online have that anything you like or want syndrome.
I have had to stop communicating with many on here because they refused to stop
talking like robots.
I have found that confronting them about this behavior and asking them to stop,
is the best policy.  It is very hard to really get to know someone that continues
to behave in that manner.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MissEnchantress)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 8:57:45 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I get this samething from my submale. I had always wondered if it was because he was a Master before recognizing his submissiveness. What I do now is when I say "Do you like this?" and he replies "If you say so Mistress." I deepen my voice and take his chin in my hand and say "Wrong answer! I said Do YOU like this?" then I get my answer.

For awhile he did believe that  my asking if he liked something was submissive. He told me it wasnt about what he liked but about what I liked. I straightened him out real quick on that one. I told him I KNOW what I like and right now I want to know what you like boy...

I saw a sticker the other day that read "boys are dumb, throw rocks at them." for a minute I thought that might not be a bad idea when my sub gets like this j/k

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to MissEnchantress)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 9:13:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		BTW a lot of slaves have this problem of owning their feelings and desires- part of why they love slavery is to help release that "burden."  And don't us doms just love taking on those burdens? :)

I find just not letting them get away with copout answers and asking very specific and direct questions, reminding them that I already KNOW that they'll obey me and that they want to make me happy helps in the moment.

I also focus a lot of training on making them own their desires and feelings- forcing them to verbalize "I want to do X" and be completely selfish in some choices.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 9:18:29 PM   
SCDommie


Posts: 176
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline 		I have the same problem with please and thank you.  I am raised a proper southern woman, and we say please and thank you because we were taught to do so at a very early age.
I try to state it in a fashion that it is not asking them please?  There is a different tone.
For example, thank you for getting that, or will you please get the dinner ready.
No, I do not think a slave should be punished for trying to communicate that way because they don't want to disappoint someone.  As long as they are not being disrespectful or rude about it, I would say just keep trying to talk freely.
My slave and I have will say, this is free time to talk. It helps us both to express what we are feeling without any actions coming.

SCD

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 9:19:21 PM   
porthuronsub


Posts: 339
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		Can a Mistress here answer my related question?  Do you like "yes" subs/slaves or ones with a mind that can communicate?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 9:31:51 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porthuronsub
Can a Mistress here answer my related question?  Do you like "yes" subs/slaves or ones with a mind that can communicate?

I want both :)  That's what training is about- teaching them when to simply obey and when to not.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to porthuronsub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Straight up questions - 2/20/2007 9:36:03 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I HATE yes-subs.  I dont want someone who yesses me to death and cant or wont communicate. Even if I dont necessarily like what they might have to say, I do want them to be able and willing to say it.  Most of my enjoyment comes from having a boy or girl that is truly getting into what I am getting into. When someone agrees to everything, I never know if it is really what they like or not, and it lessens things for me.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 20
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