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RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 9:49:14 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

This is what i've found too, Sir. It seems to me in my exprience that often play parties are used as a chance to play with each others submissives. i've often wondered why that is.

With that said i'm not so sure that having a scene with someone else makes them less monogamous. i say this because i was shocked once when my former Dom commented that we are sort of monogamous when in my mind we were totally monogamous. When he saw my shock at that comment his reply was that i had been involved in demos so we couldn't really be momogamous.
i had no emotional connecting to either of the Doms that i did the demos with. i'd not met two of the Doms that i'd done the demos with before the day of the demo.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

There are vast numbers of straight and gay dominants who are monogamous. They are underrepresented in the scene because the scene puts such a focus on playing with multiple partners that they tend to drop out or at least step back.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 41

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 9:49:52 AM

Valyraen

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline

I've contemplated being poly, or swinging, or just bringing some cute little thing home for me'n Aqua to fuck... but ultimately, if I'm being honest with myself, I realize that I'm just not wired that way. What makes me monogamous? I don't know that any more than I know which chromosome in my DNA makes my hair look so good right out of the shower and turn into a puffball when it's dry. I would have to agree, though, that the emphasis on poly dominants here on CM is a bit skewed - all of the BDSM folks that I know in my area, to my knowledge, are monogamous.

Ultimately, I think I might just be too damn possessive to share. I don't really understand it any better than that.

_____________________________

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There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

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(in reply to novicecourtesan)

Post #: 42

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 9:51:14 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: azzmaster

juliaoceana, u really don't have much of a sense of humor do u? ur dom seems more ironic, maybe he will loosen u up a lil when u 2 r together longer.geeky, i can spell assfuck just fine and i find that works for me, but thanks for gettin back.

Yeah but you can't be bothered to type out "you".

To the OP: Go for what makes you happy. There are plenty of male doms out there who want monogamy. You just may to look outside of the lifestyle. That's where I found mine!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to azzmaster)

Post #: 43

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 9:55:22 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

and what I ultimately want in the future. Will I try swinging, open relatinships, poly, whatever? Here is my official answer: I. Do. Not. Know. But it's very clear that if I leave the possiblity of "maybe" or "the right guy" or "in the future," it may prove that I am open minded as well as precise, but it will also be like waving a red flag in front of a bull for every dom who thinks he can change my mind.

Have you tried being open about that? Believe it or not, some doms I have had discourse in the past with were very firm about never sharing a submissive with anyone anytime ever. No other women or men in their dynamic, ever. I had marked I was open to it in the future on my other profile, and in fact it stated this when I met my Daddy through that profile. I personally found that there were many traditional type doms that were less open than I am about it when reading my profile...

In my opinion any dominant worth his salt is going to look for what he wants, and if monogamy is not a deal breaker for him, he is going to honor a monogamous sub by not trying to remake her into something she is not and emotionally harming her. I do not see being open in talking about it as being an open invitation to make you poly, I see it as getting to know each other on a deeper level. I always said, "If it felt right after we were completely committed, I would consider it".. it was a soft limit for me.

I know there are things my Daddy tells me about some of his fantasies that he could not share with another perhaps because they would be insecure, judgmental, or he would at least hesitate stating these things to them... he does not have to hide it with me.. I want to know, and I always have because it lets me know what makes him hot... and I can use this to serve him better

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to novicecourtesan)

Post #: 44

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 10:06:58 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

My personal response:
Poly just isnt for everyone. When you meet someone, you have to let them know upfront that it is not your thing. *I* am a monogamous type. It is part of what is causing the problems in the relationship I have now. If you meet the right person, they will be the right person bcasue you do agree on the priorities. IF you re monogamous and he isnt, and will not be, then he is not the right person. Simple.
With that said, there are many mongamous Dominants. I know personally, I demand it of my subs becasue I do not believe you can be completely dedicated to someone as a submissive if you are not completely dedicated to them in your relationship. I need to be my subs only focus relationship wise. He cannot worry about makieng others happy and still be completely mine. But of course, thats just my opinion.

Hope it helps
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 45

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 10:51:37 AM

Domrob

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/7/2004
Status: offline

I miosread your meaning first off

Is a dom who has sex with his partner and CP play with his sub(s) monogamous?

(in reply to azzmaster)

Post #: 46

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 10:58:57 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

permitted to speak for my Daddy

He's only interested in a monogamous relationship for the most of the same reasons posted by NorthernGent and has no interest in sharing Himself (or me) with others.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

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(in reply to novicecourtesan)

Post #: 47

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 12:56:43 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

How many times and in how many posts does she have to repeat that she is monogamous.

No disrespect intended here toward the OP...but this is the 3rd Thread she has started in less than a week - 2 in ask a Master and 1 in ask a sub/slave all with the same question about monogamy. Am i the only one that has noticed this?

To the OP, i would say - chill a bit on this... you seem to me to be leaning towards obsession with monogamy before you have even gotten more than your feet wet in this lifestyle. Why not try experiencing some things before putting up all types of walls?

just my opinion...

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 48

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 1:15:14 PM

touchthesky

Posts: 121
Joined: 1/27/2007
Status: offline

ok, i am not into monogamy particularly. But i really think its foolish to start out asking people too much before you get to know them. If i was monagamous, it wouldn't mean that every guy who claimed to be that would be right for me.It just seems like a question you should ask before you get too involved but after you know more about the other persons character and personality. If i were a guy it would be a turnoff to be asked that upfront.You know? i would want to be asked about my travels and things i like to do, like i was a person, not a fish to be hooked. I have my sexual likes and dislikes but i don't start out discussing that, i delay it till i figure out if he is someone i want to go to bed with at all.

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 49

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 1:40:23 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

How many times and in how many posts does she have to repeat that she is monogamous.

No disrespect intended here toward the OP...but this is the 3rd Thread she has started in less than a week - 2 in ask a Master and 1 in ask a sub/slave all with the same question about monogamy. Am i the only one that has noticed this?

To the OP, i would say - chill a bit on this... you seem to me to be leaning towards obsession with monogamy before you have even gotten more than your feet wet in this lifestyle. Why not try experiencing some things before putting up all types of walls?

just my opinion...

Lol, "No!", to answer your question - quite obviously Celeste has noticed it too! And considering I posted in both the OP's "Ask a Master" inquiries, you can add me to the list....

While some might consider the OP is getting a touch obsessive about monogamy, I've never felt she's leading some sort of crusade. lol However, some things don't need diverse experience before "putting up all types of walls", either. For eg, I certainly never needed a gay experience to rationalise I was straight - put that wall up from day one!

Focus.

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 50

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 1:46:08 PM

Skier

Posts: 52
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

There are monogamous doms out there. Don't settle and do your research on him before getting too involved. Nothing too profound about this unless you want to delve into the vagaries of sexual preferences.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 51

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 2:39:20 PM

SimplySubmissive

Posts: 216
Joined: 1/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
Here's a sampling of what I've been told when talking to Doms: "be open to it", "try it you may enjoy it", "I'd let you pick the girl", "you'd always be alpha" "I'm the Master and if I say we do it, we'll do it". They think that these phrases are attractive. They are not.

And those are the NICE ways of doing it, the not nice ones are more of shaming a slave by saying she's not really a slave or a bad slave if they don't want it.

that is soo true LA, and why so many who try, do so with these idots with the harem fantasy, who but them through emotional hell.
i also like.. "oh, but you'll like her, she's a lot like you"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 52

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 2:40:46 PM

SimplySubmissive

Posts: 216
Joined: 1/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: touchthesky

ok, i am not into monogamy particularly. But i really think its foolish to start out asking people too much before you get to know them. If i was monagamous, it wouldn't mean that every guy who claimed to be that would be right for me.It just seems like a question you should ask before you get too involved but after you know more about the other persons character and personality. If i were a guy it would be a turnoff to be asked that upfront.You know? i would want to be asked about my travels and things i like to do, like i was a person, not a fish to be hooked. I have my sexual likes and dislikes but i don't start out discussing that, i delay it till i figure out if he is someone i want to go to bed with at all.

no point in talking about all that other stuff if the deal breaker issues aren't a match

(in reply to touchthesky)

Post #: 53

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 2:45:46 PM

GregoryMK

Posts: 20
Joined: 12/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: novicecourtesan
So I'm curious to know what makes a dom choose to remain sexually faithful and demand the same of his sub. Any thoughts?

thanks...

Becuase what I am looking for is an intense and deep emotional connection, and that takes my attention and effort. I don't want to spread it thin. Given what I am looking for, the additional complications that come from a poly relatinship provide too little benefit for the additional efforts required to maintain it.

Gregory

(in reply to novicecourtesan)

Post #: 54

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 2:57:30 PM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

Oh man.

quote:

That moron: juliaoceana, u really don't have much of a sense of humor do u?

In my experience she has a very good sense of humor. What she doesn't do is suffer fools. And she shouldn't have to.

To those that felt that they HAD to attack the OP for asking about monogamy, even to the point of accusing her of being obsessional about it: Why can't she simply ask the question? How are you in any way "diminished" by her desire to explore (in an articulate and intelligent manner, I might add) this issue? Of course, insecure people who are infirm in their choices don't welcome discussions that might highlight that they are in fact insecure and infirm.

And to those who saw an intelligent inquiry and replied in kind (you know who you are), thank you. It makes for very interesting reading, and I'm thinking about the flip side -- why I'm not monogamous, and why it doesn't trouble me.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to GregoryMK)

Post #: 55

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 3:23:12 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

How many times and in how many posts does she have to repeat that she is monogamous.

No disrespect intended here toward the OP...but this is the 3rd Thread she has started in less than a week - 2 in ask a Master and 1 in ask a sub/slave all with the same question about monogamy. Am i the only one that has noticed this?

To the OP, i would say - chill a bit on this... you seem to me to be leaning towards obsession with monogamy before you have even gotten more than your feet wet in this lifestyle. Why not try experiencing some things before putting up all types of walls?

just my opinion...

Lol, "No!", to answer your question - quite obviously Celeste has noticed it too! And considering I posted in both the OP's "Ask a Master" inquiries, you can add me to the list....

While some might consider the OP is getting a touch obsessive about monogamy, I've never felt she's leading some sort of crusade. lol However, some things don't need diverse experience before "putting up all types of walls", either. For eg, I certainly never needed a gay experience to rationalise I was straight - put that wall up from day one!

Focus.

LOL!!! i would have to agree some "walls" can go up in a day or a moment even! :-) The reason i used the word obsessive is because of the 3 threads on the same topic in less than a week - a bit odd that one thread does not suffice for the subject...

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 56

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 3:34:50 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

To those that felt that they HAD to attack the OP for asking about monogamy, even to the point of accusing her of being obsessional about it: Why can't she simply ask the question? How are you in any way "diminished" by her desire to explore (in an articulate and intelligent manner, I might add) this issue? Of course, insecure people who are infirm in their choices don't welcome discussions that might highlight that they are in fact insecure and infirm.

E.

i certainly hope you were not implying that i was attacking the OP for posting 3 seperate threads on "monogamy" in a week...and i did not accuse her of being obsessional, i only stated it "appeared so" by the number of threads she has started all asking the same question. i don't feel diminished by her desire for a monogamous relationship however most of the posts have validated her position and most Doms seem to want monogamy that have replied - i could almost go as far as to say the multiplicity of threads on the subject by the OP might be a way of drawing attention to her profile... however that would be rude, so i won't. However, i am highly amused by the whole thing

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Emperor1956)

Post #: 57

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 3:48:13 PM

NightWindWhisper

Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

I am only interested in a monagamous relationship. I don't fault others for interest in poly, it just isn't my cup of tea. Also it seems that poly relationships have a higher risk of STI's, though careful testing beforehand, and "closed poly" would negate that. (Closed poly is a group that is committed to each other in getting tested properly and then reamaining only with those who have also agreed to be tested and who haven't strayed out of the closed tested group--though I don't know if that exists.

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 58

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 5:15:17 PM

moki1984

Posts: 274
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline

my husband would have it no other way. he would attack any other man who dare try to touch my body so for him its not an option

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)

Post #: 59

RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 5:19:37 PM

azzmaster

Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

well well well. looks like emperor1956 is tryin to hit on juliaociana. waste of time dude she seems pretty devoted to sinergy. try 2 respect boundaries! i never try to hijack subs but then i have morals

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)

Post #: 60

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