Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: question for monogamous doms


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: question for monogamous doms Page: <<   < prev  2 3 [4] 5 6   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 5:32:40 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		Some "people" and partnerings are monogamous some are not.
Being a Dom or a slave does not decide that destinction.
I am a Dom who has non monogamous feelings and desires, My slave does not
Could I force the issue ... Yes.
Would I... no. as she would not enjoy it.
Do I encourage her to try everything once. Yes.
Will either of us change in the future probably. In my case she is about as perfect a slave and ""fit"" for me then I could wish for my my most wildest dreams. But do I want to cause that harm by not respecting her feelings and fears.  No.
But again the fact that I could and that she would obey my command is not the issue here I know she would.

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to novicecourtesan)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 5:39:00 PM   
novicecourtesan


Posts: 116
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline 		okay, first off, thank you very much for those people who actually read the original post and my further explanations. As I have stated, I did post this initally in the Ask A Sub thread--once. Someone else posted a similar question in the General bdsm thread, so I'm not the only one interested in the subject. During a debate on the Sub thread, a poster pointed out that I was asking the wrong people--submissives who generally feel that monogamous doms are out there or are in a happy relationship of their own. He seem to feel that doms would not be as likely to commit, or would need a specific reason to do so. So, I took his advice and posted on this thread, but I tried very hard not ask the same question. I am asking for the dom's point of view, which I am ultimately most interested in, and have given some ideas of things that I would like to know more about. Again, this is not the only  thread I post to nor is it the only subject I am interested in. If these are personal questions, I apologize and no one is required to answer.

For the clever posters who thought that my "multiple postings"--again, there were two-- was some advertising technique...I think the men I would like to know would be more annoyed by any flashy manuevers than intrigued by it. People like that are usually transparent. I post the questions I ask here because I can't get them answered anywhere else, and because this site is what made me stop searching online for a guy and start thinking about more of what I wanted. Clearly, what I want isn't everyone's choice, but I hardly think I'm boil-the-bunny obsesssed with monogamy. I simply want to know if the experience of doms--who can in theory demand anything they want from their subs--choose monogamy. Many thanks to those who answered.

What I find interesting is how quickly many people jumped at the hot-button word of monogamy. It seems almost...reactionary. On one hand I have concerned posters warning me to be clear about what I want and don't want and think carefully and learn as much as I can about the dom/sub relationship. On the other hand, the idea of simply wanting to be with one man is somehow construed as "putting up walls" and trying to get another perspective is obsession. And someone called me hyperbolic.

Also--I don't post everything I do here. I haven't claimed to be totally inexperienced. Just a novice.

Thank you very much to those of you who encouraged or wrote informative posts or shared personal experiences. The last was probably the most helpful and most appreciated.

< Message edited by novicecourtesan -- 2/23/2007 5:46:55 PM >

(in reply to azzmaster)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 5:47:26 PM   
azzmaster


Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		hey u could post a million threads sayin the same thing if u wanted anyway, not sayin u did, jus sayin whats it matter anyway. i hope u got the info u wanted

(in reply to novicecourtesan)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 6:20:56 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azzmaster

well well well. looks like emperor1956 is tryin to hit on juliaociana. waste of time dude she seems pretty devoted to sinergy. try 2 respect boundaries! i never try to hijack subs but then i have morals


He is well aware of my relationship and is respectful of it, your the one making up false motivations for behaviors and making azz-umptions because he pointed out there is nothing wrong with my sense of humor. I do not enjoy fart jokes, jokes about gay people, racial humor either... denigrating people sexually and talking about performing nonconsensual acts with them is not funny. It is what men do when they are trying to make a woman feel inferior, small, and less than. You think his behavior is improper, no dude, you're the one that talked about ass fucking taken submissives, not him. And you did it because you did not agree with our opinions.. jokes make all people laugh, they do not denigrate someone to cast them in a lower position

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 2/23/2007 6:22:36 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to azzmaster)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 6:30:30 PM   
azzmaster


Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		sigh, juliaocean... i can't stand stuck up women

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 6:35:54 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azzmaster

sigh, juliaocean... i can't stand stuck up women


perhaps because she refuses to stoop to your childish level like the rest of us stuck up women

*hugs*  for juliaoceania


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to azzmaster)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 6:48:04 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomManager

Really good head.


i have to disagree. He claims i give the best head He's ever had (and He's had quite a bit), but we're still poly. ;)

this post is in response to novicecourtesan's first post on this thread; i haven't read through the entire thread.

at any rate, in response to the op, it just depends on the people. He encourages me to seek out other relationships because it pleases Him for me to do so, while He is fairly monogamous; in the past, He has explored poly quite a bit and before i was ever with Him, i was very monogamous. it really just depends. if both people tend towards monogamy and get no satisfaction, sexual or emotional, out of polyamory or swinging, then that's what will keep them monogamous. i think there are people who are just poly or monogamy wired, and people who just fit into those lifestyles differently at different points in their lives. it's a matter of where someone is in their life and what they want out of a relationship, really. that said, being polyamorous doesn't make one a cheater, etc., and poly means different things to different people. for us, it means that i am seeking out emotional and sexual relationships with other partners. however, He is my primary partner, and my only dominant, and the dynamic of D/s won't necessarily be prevalent or encouraged in my other relationships, nor is He seeking any other submissives. at this time we don't really have a desire to have a closed poly relationship with anyone...i think there are different dynamics and issues present in different types of poly relationships - for example, a master or mistress with multiple slaves would have different issues poly-wise than we do, because their setup is different. not sure if i'm rambling and getting off topic here, but i hope i helped somewhat.


< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 2/23/2007 6:51:18 PM >

(in reply to DomManager)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 7:23:45 PM   
azzmaster


Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		good head and good ass and good pussy are great but attraction is infinitely more complex

(in reply to hisannabelle)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 7:35:56 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

azzwiper:  blah blah blah (if you've been reading, you know)


Actually, No.  I think Ms. Julia is lovely, intelligent and delightful, but I'm not hitting on her because:

1.  I respect her monogamous relationship
2.  I'm delightfully and blissfully occupied with my girl
3.  Julia is 3000+ miles away and I don't do online/fantasy/long distance well.
4.  I drive a Toyota Prius.  Sinergy drives this 84 ton fire-breathing steam-rolling forklift and...well...I hate to outmaneuver a good man *GRIN*

But thank you for your dribbles.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 7:45:15 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: novicecourtesan

As I have stated, I did post this initally in the Ask A Sub thread--once. For the clever posters who thought that my "multiple postings"--again, there were two ( ?) was some advertising technique...I think the men I would like to know would be more annoyed by any flashy manuevers than intrigued by it. People like that are usually transparent. I post the questions I ask here because I can't get them answered anywhere else, and because this site is what made me stop searching online for a guy and start thinking about more of what I wanted. Clearly, what I want isn't everyone's choice, but I hardly think I'm boil-the-bunny obsesssed ( no one called you this extreme) with monogamy. I simply want to know if the experience of doms--who can in theory demand anything they want from their subs--choose monogamy. Many thanks to those who answered.



monogamy-hopeless? - 2/11/2007 11:56:37 PM  Ask a sub/slave 
 
monogamy - 2/12/2007 12:10:08 AM  Ask a Master
  
question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 1:45:28 AM    Ask a Master
 
These 3 threads were started by you - i was just stating the facts - please check to see if i am right -

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to novicecourtesan)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 7:56:54 PM   
novicecourtesan


Posts: 116
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline 		dawntreader:

you are right. I forgot about that first thread, so it is three rather than two. It may have been necessary because of how easily people get off topic or because I couldn't find the original thread to post to. Or perhaps I am truly obsessed as the obvious conclusion seems to be, so thank you for your factchecking. I wish I had the energy to return the favor.

< Message edited by novicecourtesan -- 2/23/2007 7:59:24 PM >

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 71
a monogamy poem - 2/23/2007 8:51:58 PM   
thaimeeuppppp


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline

> In the early morning hour,
> just before dawn, lover and beloved wake
> to take a drink of water
>
> She asks, " Do you love me or yourself more?
> Really, tell me the absolute truth."
>
> He says, " There's nothing left of me.
> I am like a ruby held up to the sunrise.
> Is it still a stone, or a world
> made of redness? It has no
> resisitance to sunlight."
>
> The ruby and the sunlight are one.
> Be courageous and discipline yourself
>
> Completely become the hearing and ear,
> and wear this sun ruby as an earring.
>
> Work. Keep digging your well.
> Don't think about getting off from work.
> Water is ther somewhere.
>
> Submit to a daily practice.
> Your loyalty to that
> is a ring on the door.
>
> Keep knocking and the joy inside
> willeventually open a window
> and look out to see who 's there.
>
> Yesterday the beauty of an early dawn
> came over me, and i wondered who
>
> My heart would reach toward. Then
> this morning again and you. Who
>
> am I? Wind and fire and watery
> ground move me mightily because
>
> they're pregnant with love, love
> pregnant with God. These are the
>
> Early morning generations I praise
>



(in reply to azzmaster)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 8:53:14 PM   
HatesParisHilton


Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		apologies for the late reply carefully composed to address your original question IN CONTEXT (and I wish more would, particularly on this issue).  I'd written out a long detailed reply, tried to post and got a message saying "timed out", lol, so had to begin again.  That's the case with so many things; nice guy finishes last (kidding, kidding).  *wink*

anyway... (warning, LONG reply) ~

The debate is great, but I prefer to actually answer NC’s question, directly and pragmatically, as despite our widdle accidental snafu I feel it is an important question especially as - whether on this site or others, despite other posts - I think it CAN be answered directly, and considering the thousands (possibly millions) of posts on the issue/topic that from the female side ask "why can’t he" and from the male reply side say "why should I", well, as they say in Australia, "Time to have a go, time to have a punt". ("Punt" in Oz is a gamble, not a kick in NFL, btw. People whom bet on horses are "having a punt").

so, what would make me, as a het male dom, be happily monog?

It’s conditional. And not just on sex and kink, sometimes on something far more important which has not yet been addressed directly (and I’m surprised at that), so I’ll hit that one first:

In Love versus loving someone.

Meaning, yes, sex can be great with someone you love as a person ("loving someone, growing to love them") but it will never compare to the Richard Burton/Liz Taylor thing of eyes locking from across the room and you KNOW yuou HAVE to have/be with that person, you have no hope of thinking about ANYTYHING else, until you have that special alone time with them. Yes I am speaking about that "love at first sight" thing, the beast of our hearts that is a crush x 1000 or worse.

So, let’s say I am with someone I can love intellectually, maybe she gives me 60% or more of what I need sexually. But no love at first sight, no Tristan/Isolde, no matter what (and sorry to all the folks that like to say "love can grow" - BULLSHIT. The passionate thing *I’m* talking about is something you feel in the first five minutes, and many women know this RE when they see a guy and speak the first ten words, and hear his. In Love and Growing to love are NOT the same, I don’t cop to that as it’s crap, but I DO value both equally, so no bullcrap Oprah-approved replies on THAT one from other folks, thanks). In this case, I’ll be CONDITIONALLY monog, meaning I’ll tell them flat out that I won’t be falling in love with them since that didn't hapen in the Rich/Liz manner initially, BUT I won’t cheat on them or go poly while I am with them.  However if any other woman I meet gives me the feeling Liz Taylor gave Rich Burton, sorry, I’ll have to pursue that, full stop, NO negotiation.

That’s cull one.

Cull two is sexual, and I’m equally honest with that one - if someone is giving me 90% of what I need sexually, I’ll stay and not go poly/whatever WHILE that is the case, but a lot of women do "bait and switch" sexually after some committment is garnered. I let them know that (and apologies for being crass) as long as the 90% of assplay which *I* like (with no crap attached) is in play, I won’t look around, but if they start dropping that % down / go somewhat vanilla / start making things into a "violet wand and hot wax with roses and candles" crappola scenario when I was clear from the start "No, I loathe that crap, I am an assman from hell", then I’m honest and let them know the moment someone else is offering that 90% of assplay that I need (sans bait and switch garbage ala other sexual practices often levied later), I’ll be interested in the woman ewhom appears into the real assplay sans Dr. Phil crap and asking for other things while decreasing tyhe assplay, and express that interest in that assplay-oriented woman.

People whom STICK to the initial sexual agreement, I will show sexual AND emotional fidelity to (and both types of fidelity should be ingredients in the recipe), whereas people whom try to change the dynamic once a little emotion is exchanged are back to square one?   I won’t stay for.  Sex is like food; if I came to a venue for fillet mignon, and a woman offres me a soup dinner when I came to the restaurant for a fillet mignon and I never wanted that, and the woman KNOWS that, I'm not staying "in her restaurant".  If she has a prob with that she can dump me, big deal, why would I want to stay hooked up with someone whom basicaly tried to con be anyway? That’s not "love". That’s not relating. That’s CRAP.

cull three: anyone whom claims to be supportive but nags, anyone whom claims to be "discussing relating" but is throughing a full blown borderline personality character disorder fucking meltdown. Getting attention unhealthily is NOT romance nor relating. NO MAN should committ to a BPCD psycho bunny, and BPCD’s ARE psycho’s, since the term comes from "Borderline Psychotic" as any PhD Psych will tell you. They are just the female form of the male sociopath and are JUST as common, especially in sexually charged/laden subsets of society and subcultures.

Now, if any woman is my type, I fall for her ala Rich and Liz, she does not lie about the sexual compatibility % (by MY standards, ala ass reddening and male to female sodomy and assplay)? Plus respects my career needs and never goes nutbag or gets unfair over that?

She’ll have my WHOLEHEARTED monog heart, brain and cock for as long as she wants it, AS OF THE FIRST DATE, even if we don;t fuck or "play" for over a week, until she somehow indicates I was being conned.
I hope this reply was informative and/or entertaining.

You have a big brain and a glorious face, NC< so I reallllllly hope this all works out for you, and the guy I hope you find.  Particularly since I was the jackhole that exhorted you to start this thread here in this forum, LOL.

So for the people giving her a hard time, in THIS threadf, hey, as an ex Catholic? MEA CULPA.  *I* suggested she post this here, NC was NOT "just starting another thread on monog", okay?

Slainte, NC

< Message edited by HatesParisHilton -- 2/23/2007 9:15:22 PM >

_____________________________

I am (now) "Hiltie", hear me ROARRRRR! And have a cuffy cake, they're nice.

(in reply to novicecourtesan)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 8:55:47 PM   
novicecourtesan


Posts: 116
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you, HatesParisHilton. I think I love you. Especially for your answer.

sainte yourself...:)


< Message edited by novicecourtesan -- 2/23/2007 9:11:15 PM >

(in reply to HatesParisHilton)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 9:23:00 PM   
HatesParisHilton


Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		well, since you love words as much as myself, I edited and improved the answer for you. 

Just sad you live so far away. 

But one never knows...

By the way, I love the fact you seem to prefer your hair "natural" rather than being cosmetically transmogrified by buckets of "product".  I am not a fan of "product", I like a woman's face to stand on it's own.  Just like her words.

Nice that both your appearance and writings have done so.

BTW, if azzmaster goes for the brass ring in your thread again, being an assman from hell myself, I'll happily distract him.

Sometimes speaking to someone in their own parlance is more effective than chiding.  If people gave him more of a chance, I'd punt on the % threy'd like him better.  He's already used some polysyllabic verbage in other posts, I reckon we can encourage him to show his "best self", if given a chance rather than slammed outright.

_____________________________

I am (now) "Hiltie", hear me ROARRRRR! And have a cuffy cake, they're nice.

(in reply to novicecourtesan)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 9:47:38 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: novicecourtesan

dawntreader:

you are right. I forgot about that first thread, so it is three rather than two. It may have been necessary because of how easily people get off topic or because I couldn't find the original thread to post to. Or perhaps I am truly obsessed as the obvious conclusion seems to be, so thank you for your factchecking. I wish I had the energy to return the favor.


nc:
thankyou for the acknowledgement...
Only you can determine if you are "truly obsessed" with this - i have made no conclusions - i merely stated the posibility based on the number of threads you started about it - nothing more... i wish you well in your search. You are both beautiful and intelligent so i am sure you will attract what you seek~ 

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to novicecourtesan)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 9:52:24 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HatesParisHilton

Sometimes speaking to someone in their own parlance is more effective than chiding.  If people gave him more of a chance, I'd punt on the % threy'd like him better.  He's already used some polysyllabic verbage in other posts, I reckon we can encourage him to show his "best self", if given a chance rather than slammed outright.


LOL! very true! i have read some of his polysyllabic posts - he can do it and he has made quite a few good points on some other topics :-)

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to HatesParisHilton)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 9:59:44 PM   
thaimeeuppppp


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline 		I met azzmaster this week and he is a great guy. Some of you don't realize people of color can talk in slang or proper English and its part of cultural identity. What i think some people don't realize is azzmaster is a guy who likes to kid around alot and he likes to irritate what he calls the tight asses. Well what can I say, my ass is loose as a goose! And HatesParisHilton, you seem mad cool and I can appreciate an assman from hell if you ever want to test that you let me know. Bless you all

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 10:02:04 PM   
HatesParisHilton


Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		he also has let some things slip that - if he accepted them - would inpire more supportive replies.

example:  we both know women read between the lines RE women's posts...

men do to, RE men reading men's posts.

I've read between his lines in several threads.

He has a heart, he'd prefer a real relationship, as long as enough/hard enough assfucking was in play.  That's clear as day.

which is fine, he's as entitled to his fetish (which is also one of my own 2) as any woman whom wants "daddy" or hair pulling or clit torture.

always more reactions via positive reinforcemant rahther than negative...

_____________________________

I am (now) "Hiltie", hear me ROARRRRR! And have a cuffy cake, they're nice.

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: question for monogamous doms - 2/23/2007 10:06:07 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

What i think some people don't realize is azzmaster is a guy who likes to kid around alot and he likes to irritate what he calls the tight asses
 
If I am one of the "tight asses" that you are referring to, I am not irritated by him.. I am just telling it like I see it.. I do not appreciate his humor on this thread. He can go around trying to nonconsensually irritate whomever he likes if that is his kink... I expect to see a "post pending" sign on his posts soon because he does not seem to have respect for other people.

His ethnicity and his use of English slang do not bother me at all, if he gets too hard to read or too obnoxious I will just skip him like I do many many others that I consider time wasters.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to thaimeeuppppp)
Profile   Post #: 80
Page:   <<   < prev  2 3 [4] 5 6   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: question for monogamous doms Page: <<   < prev  2 3 [4] 5 6   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109