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Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 9:38:21 AM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I was wondering if appreciation plays a part in other people's relationships. In other words, do you find yourself being grateful for the relationship, appreciating what it brings into your life, and if so do you think that this concept brings more into your relationship. How does appreciation figure into how you relate, if at all?

This question is pointed at all orientations.

I will answer later myself.

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Post #: 1

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 9:44:22 AM

canupleaseme

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I am constanly appreciative that I found what to me is my perfect partner. I look at my friends vanilla relationships and regularly think about how lucky I am. I appreciate that I learnt so much from my past relationships to make thisone better. And i do appreciate the happiness that the relationship hasbrought to myself and my life. Life is so short Ithink its important to appreciate and look after the good in your life !!!

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RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 9:45:55 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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OMG yes, constantly. It wasn't a conscious choice at all, but in my relationship with my partner, I simply began a few times a day telling him how grateful I am to be able to have this relationship with him and appreciate who he is in my life.

It's not a ritual, but we do it almost daily. There's just no way NOT to show appreciation, and while we show in ways other than direct verbal confirmation, I really feel blessed for this and don't know any other way to give due to a blessing.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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Post #: 3

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 9:52:08 AM

SirDominic

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Gosh yes, Julia. I wouldn't see the point of the relationship if it wasn't being appreciated by both parties. That we are both so grateful to have found each other, deepens the dynamics in all aspects of our time together.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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Post #: 4

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 9:53:17 AM

canupleaseme

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I like to tell my boy all the time too and he likes to tell me. Its the first relationship ihave been in where we are honest and upfront about how we feel constantly, and it couldnt be going any better if i tried. Comminication is the ley especially with posotive things like appreciation.

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Post #: 5

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 9:56:32 AM

Lashra

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Definately. I appreciate our relationship and everything that we do for each other. I think the fact that we love each other deepens that feeling of appreciation even more. Because lets face it relationships are hard work no matter what the dynamic.

~Lashra

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Post #: 6

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 9:56:55 AM

ownedgirlie

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Oh wow, absolutely yes. I thank him every single day! For where he has taken me, for who he is, for the way he manages me, for being so good, for being so consistant, for caring for me as he does, for keeping me....for everything!

In turn he has expressed appreciation for the work I have put into myself, and for what I do for him. Neither of us is taken for granted.

As to how we relate, I am grateful and he is proud and this comes through in our interaction. I have some evening rituals that I do, but mostly my appreciation is expressed through words and how I behave. Sometimes he talks to me and I just cry because I'm so happy and thankful (but then I'm a sap).

I agree with LA, there really is no way to describe it.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 7

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 12:06:21 PM

StellaByStarlite

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Joined: 2/10/2007
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Hello. =)

We express our appreciation for each other in non-verbal ways, a lot. He never leaves for work in the morning without a sweet kiss for me, I make sure his favorite Cajun seasoning is always in the cupboard. Stuff like that, lol.

I think a healthy appreciation for each other is essential in any relationship, whether it's vanilla or otherwise. And after losing my little brother suddenly in November, I find myself being grateful that he's just alive.... loving me and the kids, blessing us with his laughter and his incredibly capacity for kindness.

Death has a way of making us look long and hard at priorities. I will never, ever let one single day go by without letting the people I love know how grateful I am that they're still here. They can be gone in an instant.

Oh, gosh, I went off on a mini-tangent, lol. I'm sorry, the thread just struck a real chord in me.

Cheers,
Stella

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 8

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 12:58:05 PM

novicecourtesan

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Joined: 2/11/2007
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this is a very lovely thread!

(in reply to StellaByStarlite)

Post #: 9

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 1:20:22 PM

completenz

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
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without a doubt- yes
We spent so long searching for each other, we count our blessings every day.
One year ago today we admitted that to each other- now we are engaged to be married.
We constantly are thankful that we are so happy, so in love and that we did find each other, despite the odds. We look at others around us and wish they could feel the depth of what we feel. To know another as we know each other. We feel lucky and complete
C & c

(in reply to novicecourtesan)

Post #: 10

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 1:24:22 PM

Morghan

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I do my best to appreciate those who interact with mem appropriately, respectfully, and honorably regardless of whether I have collared them. I have a close friend, who while different from me in terms of play intensity, is quite sincere. He is better behaved than most self-proclaimed "lifestyle" submissives or slaves! Its important to let folks know when they're doing it right, not just when they're 'doing it wrong'

(in reply to novicecourtesan)

Post #: 11

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 1:25:02 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I was wondering if appreciation plays a part in other people's relationships. In other words, do you find yourself being grateful for the relationship, appreciating what it brings into your life, and if so do you think that this concept brings more into your relationship. How does appreciation figure into how you relate, if at all?

This question is pointed at all orientations.

I will answer later myself.

Julia,

Very good topic.

It takes a bit of maturity to appreciate BDSM, mostly emotional maturity. I gravitate to the D/s dynamic because it holds many truths beyond the round hole square peg relationship. In the nilla world people are ingrained to approach a relationship through attraction first, chemistry, and then connection. There is an advantage to D/s that gives it strength and stability. Communication is the finite line that we can, mostly, rely on. We quickly learn the “truths” of one another and do not get ambushed months or years later by the “truths” that our partner craves that could lead to the disintegration of a the relationship.

D/s is not the burger an fry, you-might-do relationship. It is discussed, negotiated, and analyzed again and again. We do not tread lightly into a D/s dynamic. In essence we are doing everything backwards from the way we are “trained” in the nilla world. We do not tentatively delve into communication we dive in headfirst. We establish our dynamics, limits, and ideals; often before we meet. Bearing that in mind I will give you my appreciation of D/s.

Awe:

I can look down at her at my feet and see her eagerness to serve and please. Anything my sadistic mind has in store for her she leaps to the challenge. I can unleash hell upon her and she pleads for more. As powerful as my unbridled energy is released on her, she is ever diligent to take that power, that energy, and turn it into something I simply sit in awe of. What ever I need she is my all. She is servant, slave, lover, artist, critic, counsel, footstool, cook… No pressure is too great and she serves because she understands. I sit in Awe because she understands me. I sit in Awe because she serves me not through sacrifice, but because she understands me. Whatever I mete out upon her she happily takes. I am not a pillar of endless strength and she understands. I am not without my faults and she understands. I have bad days and good days and she understands. I set in awe of her, marveling at her strength and integrity. It does not matter that we have discussed and negotiated all of this. If I cannot be in awe of her I do not deserve her.

I am sure many D’s will challenge my thoughts as weak. However, I know that you submissives and slaves will understand.

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TrollTopia
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The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 12

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 1:28:23 PM

windchymes

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Joined: 4/18/2005
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In general, when you don't have something good, it makes you greatly appreciate it when you do. At least, I do.

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Post #: 13

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 1:43:15 PM

LadyHugs

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear juliaoceania, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I do appreciate the M/s and or D/s dynamic and grateful for any dynamic which D/s plays a role, be it in a personal relationship, social relationship, work and dealing with others and living life itself.

How I appreciate the dynamic to maintain my authentic self, I appreciate the opportunity to share what the dynamic means to me, as to inspire others to explore for themselves. As life is a series of D/s, or give and take; knowing the secrets can open the doors to awareness and gain more power as 'self' and 'giving and receiving' in different levels of relationships and life itself in society.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 14

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 1:47:07 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll
In the nilla world people are ingrained to approach a relationship through attraction first, chemistry, and then connection.

Not everyone, and plenty of people in Ds do this as well.

quote:

There is an advantage to D/s that gives it strength and stability.

It really doesn't. Just look at the instability you see here everyday.

quote:

Communication is the finite line that we can, mostly, rely on. We quickly learn the “truths” of one another and do not get ambushed months or years later by the “truths” that our partner craves that could lead to the disintegration of a the relationship.

False. This still happens all the time in Ds and Ms relationships. Communication is no better here than in vanilla relationships as a whole.

quote:

is discussed, negotiated, and analyzed again and again.

No it's not- not in general anyway.

quote:

We do not tread lightly into a D/s dynamic.

Plenty of people treat lightly and swiftly into Ds.

quote:

In essence we are doing everything backwards from the way we are “trained” in the nilla world. We do not tentatively delve into communication we dive in headfirst. We establish our dynamics, limits, and ideals; often before we meet. Bearing that in mind I will give you my appreciation of D/s.

I think establishing dynamics, limits and ideals before you meet sets you up for some serious problems when reality hits.

And again, people really don't do things differently than they do in vanilla relationships. We have all the same issues, dysfunctions, problems, glories, fun and disaster.

Oh and don't make the mistake of thinking that slaves are any less lenient on masters having "feelings" go check out all the threads we have on "is it ok to be a nice guy and a dom?"

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 15

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 1:50:28 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
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if you met me 6months ago, you could describe me as the lost, wayward child with no sense direction and guidance while starting over as a single mom of 2 after my divorce was finalized. i had very low self-esteem and confidence ...didn't know what to do next and was meeting guys at a whim without a care in the world - i knew what i wanted but was lowering my standards in the guys i was meeting.

that's how Daddy found me and when he sent me that message on the site where i was member (until recently), i appreciated the kind words and compliments that He wrote to me. it was finally seeing the light at the end of a very very long dark tunnel. immediately i responded back to Him thanking Him for being the only guy who completely understood what i was searching for. Daddy knows how much i appreciate everything that He has directly and indirectly done for me (and my family). when He hears the excitement in my voice whenever calls or receives a small note in His morning IM, He knows deep in His heart the love i have for Him.

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 16

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 1:56:43 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

Well LA LA if bitter and cynical works for you, who am I to judge? Your kink is not my kink and that is okay.

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Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 17

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 1:57:04 PM

bastardandthewen

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Joined: 11/3/2006
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I have immense gratitude for my life in general as of late past 4 years or so)...and my relationship is but one aspect of that.

Life in general is pretty bloody stellar at the moment, and I remember this each day.

As to my relationship, my appreciation for that is remembered everytime I see someone else arguing, being nasty to or ignoring thier partner; usually over something completely trivial.

my life is peaceful - and I know what a rare and precious thing that is, and don't take it for granted.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 18

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 2:08:41 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll
Well LA LA if bitter and cynical works for you, who am I to judge? Your kink is not my kink and that is okay.

There's quite a difference between "bitter/cynical" and "realistic."

Saying "Men are not better than women" isn't a bitter and cynical statement, it's just reality.

Ds and Ms relationships are no better than vanilla relationships in general.

They are also no worse.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Post #: 19

RE: Appreciation and the D/s Dynamic - 2/23/2007 2:11:58 PM

cjenny

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Joined: 11/27/2006
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Bah. Bah dang it I say. I had this lovely bit all typed and n it wouldn't post. This has happened allllllllll day so this post is a test.

Yes, I run on appreciation of others & require it like a plant needs sunshine to grow.

Sigh it really was a nice post :( I even mentioned how it prompted me to call my dreaded mother n appreciate her too. lol.

edit, well doesnt that figure? the choppy post goes thru, the wordy full of prose happy one goes into the wild blue yonder. official sulk.

< Message edited by cjenny -- 2/23/2007 2:13:14 PM >

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Post #: 20

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