Padriag
Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: IronBear
Weakness is like strength, goodness, and cowardice as far as labels for people go. They are ok (sort of) in a general way, however they can stick even when things change and don’t always apply to everything.
Another way of looking at it is to say that if we want to discuss weakness we need to give it context... weakness in what way? For example, in what ways might a dominant be considered weak. wipmebeetme100 gives us one example when she stated...
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though. The one in particular i am thinking of, in addition to loving, appreciating and having pride in his sub...he would never punish. She (I) could get away with anything. I came up with some of the craziest excuses for not being on time, or not getting something done. There were never any consequences. That i see as a weakness on his part.
He was weak as a dominant because he would not enforce discipline, he did not correct when it was needed, he did not punish when it was needed. Presumeably he did not or could not because he allowed his feelings (love) to get in the way. This is probably the main reason for this statement by some dominants and submissives...
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A true Ds relationship can and does work well without love. Because love gets in the way of the Dominant and submissive roles, and disciplenes.
But it raises the question of why does love interfere with these roles? First, it does not in all cases since not all dominants or submissives agree that it does... this is not a statement that can be taken as generally true, but only true in some cases. Second, it is not the roles it interferes with, but with the enforcement of discipline, the use of correction, that it interferes with in some cases. Why this happens is a matter of fear, or more directly an avoidance of pain or unpleasant consequences on the part of the dominant. When you love something or someone the natural tendancy is to want to avoid causing the object of that affection pain or injury. Yet using punitive measures in discipline (which might be physical, mental, emotional, or environmental) entails doing exactly that, which makes it an unnatural act... an act requiring self discipline. Those who hesitate often do so because they fear that if they do so, they may lose what they love, or else they cannot bear to see what they love suffer... both also natural reactions. Yet yielding to these natural tendancies is weakness, it allows the situation to control the dominant. Punishment, discipline and correction are necessary aspects of a D/s or M/s relationship... they are necessary to establishing boundaries and consequences. To be able to hurt that which you love requires strength. To do so when it is not what you want to do, but what you know is necessary; to do so when it causes you pain to see what you love suffer; to do so when you take no pleasure in it; that requires strength. When that strength is lacking, we call it weakness.
Some, in attempting to cope with this weakness choose to avoid the emotion of love completely... a Master believing he should not love a slave since he perceives doing so would weaken him by hampering his ability to discipline and punish when necessary. But this is in itself another form of weakness, as it does not deal with the actual problem (which is the dominants inability to overcome those natural tendancies through self discipline), but instead avoids it. Others choose anger as a method of coping, since their anger temporarily gives them the capacity to ignore the tendancies love engenders and thus they are able to inflict pain. This is an even worse solution since the tendancy then becomes to inflict pain whenever angry which becomes abuse, not discipline. Lastly, some choose to take pleasure in inflicting pain on what they love as a means of enabling them to act. While sadism is an accepted fetish, it has no place in discipline, correction or punishment since the tendancy then becomes to punish for the sake of the sadists pleasure and the submissive becomes confused as to when they are being punished and when it is merely play... this in turn can create bratty behavior where in the submissive no longer particularly cares to be obedient since both obedience and disobedience are treated the same, with the sadistic infliction of pain.
That leaves us back with love mixed with a firm, disciplined hand that inflicts pain not in anger, not for pleasure, but out of genuine love even though doing so is itself painful to the punisher. And in this the submissive is always certain that the punishment is done for cause, precisely because they know it is never a pleasure. What is more, knowing that because their actions require the dominant to punish them and that that is painful to the dominant who does love them makes the punishment more effective.
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Padriag
A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer
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RE: What is weakness? - 
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You've hit on one of the base misconception that started the whole thing... controlling one's emotions is not the same thing as supressing them entirely. And yes, it does take more "strength", or a better word "self-discipline," to show emotion and yet remain in control. Controlled anger, controlled love, controlled hate, controlled passion, all things in moderation... all things in restraint.... or better still... all things in balance. Is it not true that it is not hate itself which is bad... but only when we allow our hatred to control us? Do we not admire someone who hates evil, who hates evil doers? If this is true of hate, is it not also true of love... that it is not love nor the expression of love that is wrong... but only when we let love control us? Should we not then admire one who loves freely and expresses it freely (that is without fear) and yet is not controlled by it? And what of one who feels joy, feels sorrow, feels life in a similar fashion? Does that not in fact echo what we mean when we say to have love of life. To live it fully, yet not love it so much we cannot turn lose of it, not so much our love of life controls us too. 
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