AAkasha
Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kittywithklaws
I'm fairly new to the lifestyle. IN a great relationship. I'm the domme in the relationship, which is how i like it Anyway, during the day I spend most of my time being "nice". I'm a server so my job is to be thier lbitch with a smile until they give me a few dollars. I 'm very good at my job and in general im a nice person. However, I'm trying to get over the "nice" part of me when my b/f and I play. What's wrong with being a nice domme? nuttin i guess. id perfer to get over it though. Like i said, im still fairly new so maybe ill learn in time. but i was hioping to see if ne one had ne suggestions on how to help me get over being "nice. also ne suggestions how how to be not nice are very welcome!
Here's part of an article for my web site I wrote just a couple of weeks ago about this very topic. I snipped a lot of it and just kept the middle part:
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You do NOT have to be a bitch!
I think most men are attracted to different types of dominance, far more than they are to the stereotypical “cruel bitch” that is common in literature and porn. I’d like to offer a few alternatives to the “cruel bitch” that I think are just as effective – and much more natural and fun – for women to embrace.
Here are a few “styles” of dominance that I’ve used:
1. The playful, unpredictable domina.
She smiles a lot. She’s mischievous. She clearly is enjoying what she is doing, and she’s treating her partner like he’s a bit of a plaything. She likes to use the element of surprise a lot – blindfolds, guessing games. Because she almost seems innocent and merely amused by it all, the moments when she gets slightly serious or does something unpredictably scary, she can become incredibly intimidating. Key to this demeanor is to not be too “over the top” with silliness; she’s not silly, she’s merely amused. Her smiles are subtle and leave a lot to the imagination.
2. The aloof, mysterious domina
She may not say as much, but her expressions give it all away. She may offer a slight smile now and then, a bit of a smirk, but she does not give away much information about what she is thinking, and it makes her partner feel more vulnerable and helpless. She adopts a sort of cool, confident sensual aura about her and does things slow and deliberate. She enjoys moments of pause, just to stare at him and make him uneasy. She is the type to slowly pull a riding crop out and slide her hand through it while staring at his eyes. She makes it a point to be hard to read – he can never know what she is thinking. When she speaks, it is usually a simple command – she doesn’t even need to raise her voice though, he’s listening with rapt attention.
3. The sensual siren
This domina uses her sexuality and her sexual self confidence to unnerve her partner. She is a constant tease, doing things like revealing a little thigh and taunting him for looking, or straddling his lap and brushing her lips across his. She knows that he wants her very badly, and she likes to toy with that. She makes him express to her how badly he wants her – she constantly keeps him on the edge.
Of course, none of these are 100% -- some women use all sorts of mixes of them. But when you read these examples, you’ll see that none of these demeanors use things like raising the voice, using profanity, being unnecessarily cruel, or being extremely stern.
Akasha
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RE: How do I get over being too nice as a domme - 
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