quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Okay, based upon another thread in another zone. I am asking a question.

To all the submissives and slaves (why did I just hear a Julio Iglesias song in my head....to all the girls I've loved befoooooorrrrrrre.....)anyway back to the topic at hand.

What would you do/think/say IF you found out that your dominant/master/mistress had neglected to inform you that they had been submissive/slave in the past? Would it matter if it was more of a scene/bottoming thing versus a relationship? Why? Or, would you view it as a learning experience?

AND to add an extra kink in the chain.....what if you found out they still had switch tendencies and had not told you about it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

End of relationship. 


It would completely alter my view of Him.  I could not submit to Him knowing He had in the past submitted to another.  And I would be seriously freaked to know He still had the desire to do it now.  [sm=ugh.gif]


I'm the same way. It may not be fair to many of them, but I would only be attracted to a dominant who always was that way, as a basic part of the personality. I've thought about this many times before.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

What would you do/think/say IF you found out that your dominant/master/mistress had neglected to inform you that they had been submissive/slave in the past? Would it matter if it was more of a scene/bottoming thing versus a relationship? Why? Or, would you view it as a learning experience?

AND to add an extra kink in the chain.....what if you found out they still had switch tendencies and had not told you about it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Just a quick note regarding telling all.

I think you will find very different points of view on this subject. As agirl has already stated, for many people it is not something needed or perhaps even wanted. There are many things that may be in someone's past I do not feel I need to know. However, if they feel they need to tell me everything I am always open to listen.

That is a very sensible way to show your acceptance of a person.

I think the key on this particular subject is communicating your specific needs. If you need to know everything about a person to have a trusting relationship, it is your responsibility to explain that.

Exactly!

Many people, especially many of my male friends, operate on a "need to know basis". They do not tell their female S.O. alot of things. More than you would imagine actually. Why? Not because they wish to be secretive but because they do not want to deal with the backlash from divulging the information.

I employ the same technique to avoid hurting people's feelings
or causing jealousy, insecurity, etc.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs
I believe its misguided to think that bottoming or submitting will give you insight into another person. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

I disagree. Bottoming or submitting might not give you complete insight about a submissive, but it will give you, at least, some general insight.

A dominant who bottoms will find insights about sensation and intensity of implements--some dominants adopt this practice. A dominant who submits will not understand the pleasure to the psyche submission brings. However, the dominant may get some understanding for challenges a submissive can face.

A dominant who once was a submissive carries insights about the submissive psyche and experience. These insights pertain to various aspects of submission: physical sensation, psychological responses, and emotional difficulties.

Sure, these insights can also be adequately gained through discussions with submissives, or through intuition. And not every such insight may be essential to being dominant. So while having been submissive or having all insights about submissives is not a prerequisite for dominance, having been a submissive does indeed bring insights.

Cheers,

Sea