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chrissyslave -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 10:59:08 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston
I suppose my agreement or disagreement would depend on the use of the term submit and serve. A dominant does not yield authority to the submissive nor does s/he comply to commands or demands of the submissive in the relationsip (in most cases). If that were so, it would seem to me that the power shifted to the submissive. Most D/s relationships I know of, including my own, do not work from that perspective.
Instead, the authority remains solely with the dominant. The submissive serves the dominant. The submissive submits to the dominant. Part of that service often includes the open and honest communication of the submissive's desires and needs so that the dominant can consider the best course of action. The resulting decision may sometimes and even often coincide directly with the submissive's needs and desires.
I think the problem here is use of particular terms. Most everyone agrees that a dominant and submissive often agree with what to do in a relationship. Often a dominant will ask the opinion of and indulge the submissive in their wants and needs. But when you take terms like "serve" and "submit" it depends on the context. I do not submit to or serve my submissive. I do however, serve his needs on occasion because we happen to be highly compatible. I will sometimes submit to his desires in the meaning of "to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion [or authority] of another. In my case, it is his opinion I defer to as he has no authority in our relationship.
Great post!... and exactly why I seek to provide my mentor/Sir all the needed information that might warrant due consideration to any area of our relationship, though not yet going into my wants/desires yet (such as for pleasure) but the thinking, and to me reality, is that by doing so he is not serving me in a sub way but exercising his position and rights as a Dom to make more encompassing decisions...whether they agree with my own preferences or not. That to me is actually providing a higher "service" to me than following any directives I might throw out.
Just his being my dominant in the higher perspective is "service" to me if one looks at it, regardless of whether it is during the period of consideration or collared. If he were to allow our relationship to be at the "relationship" level in reverse and submit to my desires just because I made a request then not only would I be topping from the bottom, but loose the real value of his greater "service" to myself, which to some extent would lessen my value to himself as my growth would be stymied, stopped and/or likely have me ask for release. The challenge for me is to have my "need to understand" at times met when what is decided or feedback recieved is confusing or seems less than optimal, when the "norm" seems to go with anything without question, even if confused about it. Some Doms seem to prefer a "mindless" sub/slave and others prefer a thinking little one, but fortunately my Sir seems to prefer the latter.
I think in the greater discussion here with terms, I think we should be careful not to let an "act" (doing as a preference/like) mean something else on the higher "relationship" level, or seen as a form of weakness on the part of a dominant, when in fact it takes a wiser One to know when to, or not, grant that request, just like Kings often heard and granted requests before his throne, and sometimes not. His view for his subjects encompassed more factors that he was in a better position to see what is good for his subjects, for his kingdom, and when well considered that was called "wisdom" just as I hope and need my dominant to be wiser (but not necessarily perfect) in his decisions for myself, and himself. I much appreciate it when it is relevant to ask for my opinion, and taken as just another factor to consider.
Note that the request for or by the sub making of such requests of likes/dislikes needs to be properly worded so it is clear the giving/recieving of such information is in accord with the established relationship, especially in the initial phase of the relationship. Please consider my views as just those of a newbie, and how I see my own new relationship, and just having cleaned up a minor misperception of some information provided...thus "careful wording" by either party is a key factor.
chrissyslave
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