RE: Dominants submit to requests?

RE: Dominants submit to requests? (Full Version)

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SimplyMichael -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/28/2007 11:42:56 PM)
quote: Heck, I've even let a sub try topping me, and while this may be seen by some as being submissive, I don't think it is, because I was in control the entire time. That is a very ballsy and Dominant thing to state, my hat is off to you Sir!

eyesopened -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/1/2007 2:17:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount My point isnt to say "it's a 'bad thing' to do what a sub asks you to do." Your car needs an oil change to function properly. You can choose to change the oil or not. When you take the car in for an oil change, you are not submitting to the needs of the car, you are protecting your property. If you never change the oil because that would be giving the car too much control, the car will actually cease to function at all and you'll have to find a different car. A Dom will often do things that please the submissive because it's good for her emotional health therefore He is simply protecting His property and ensuring she will continue to function properly.

mons -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/1/2007 2:31:09 AM)
greetingfs to all what a wonderful question to ask if anyone know anything of BDSM it is that a slave or submissive is as inportamt as the dominant. without on another we do not exist we both need each, and yes i do think the submissive as power. it is a exhange of power for each of us. some say the submisive is the one in control more then many know this is something i know is true but it is a fun power the submissive has not a ego trip but just something we both enjoy warm wishes mons

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/1/2007 6:20:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount Do Dominants ever submit to a sub's request to do something specific to the sub that the sub likes? yes but only if i crave the something specific to me and that He would enjoy as well. quote: If so, is the dominant being submissive when acting out the sub's fantasy for the sub? no, Daddy's not being submissive because He enjoys hearing and doing things that i crave and desire. it's a major arousal factor for Him.

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/1/2007 6:21:46 AM)
Am I wrong or were you simply trying to get your terminology straight and somehow things went terribly, terribly wrong?

SirDraven -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/1/2007 3:34:39 PM)
I dont submit to anyone. As a Dom I am at the top of the food chain. As a matter of respect and courtesy I am polite and would consider any request made by a submissive. I control how, when and IF I grant the request. A lot of Doms think its all about them. They order the sub arround, "clean my car" "suck my dick" and so on but I think they are missing the point. The sub/slave holds the true power. Where would I as a Dom be without a sub? If My sub likes to be flogged and not whipped why would I choose to whip her?

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/1/2007 5:48:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: Heck, I've even let a sub try topping me, and while this may be seen by some as being submissive, I don't think it is, because I was in control the entire time. That is a very ballsy and Dominant thing to state, my hat is off to you Sir! Yes, topping from the bottom... Have you ever wondered how a Domme and Dom play together as well... without it turning into a D/s relationship? Just some food for thought... don't let it eat the mind too badly...

CelticPrince -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/1/2007 6:00:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount When he incorporates and does things you have requested of him, is that not submitting to your request? Not in my book, he/she is simply granting it not submitting to a demand CP

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/1/2007 6:28:38 PM)
Hope I am not repeating what has already been said - its a long thread! Role playing is a specific (and fun!) BDSM practice. Internet based BDSM is role play with very specific rules, stereotyping of role, agreed norms etc I cannot make any comment what is expected by the net BDSM community when you role play online that you are "Dominant". I have no idea. In a real life D/s relationship (which is completely different), it really can be hard to feel dominant if your sub keep expecting you do do things for him or her. A few years ago I had a lovely but over-excited, demanding sub. he was a kid in a candy store and wanted to do everything every night! I handled it by telling him we had a new rule: whatever he asked for , he didn't get. he wasn't stupid. Demanding behaviour stopped immediately On the other hand my current sub is sweet but he is too shy to tell me exactly what he wants or needs - it is driving me crazy!! I am intuitive but I am not a bloody mind reader! I have to figure out how to make him feel submissive by trial and error. Create, you do not want one of these silent (but undemanding) types!! Meeting your sub's desires is a kind thing to do. Refusing them is a cruel thing to do. Do you need to be cruel to feel Dominant? Do you feel that kindness to others is a submissive thing to do? If so, then for you it is going to be hard to feel Dominant if you do what your partner wants. I get my head around this by treating subs as my pets. Pets want food, shelter, closeness and affection whether you feel like giving it to them or not . You can be a caring owner or a cruel owner, but you are still the owner. That is how I can spoil my subs rotten and still feel Dominant. If a sub is demanding or manipulative and I caved into their demands begrudgingly, I would not feel dominant. I might feel submissive - or just cranky!! But my feelings are internal to me, not a universal rule. Hope this makes sense, CFA. You can yield to submissives and still be a "real Dominant" (whatever that means!!!!).

juliaoceania -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/1/2007 6:30:03 PM)
I am about half way through this thread and I will answer you a little differently... You seem to be asking if dominants service their submissives, in my opinion smart ones do. That is only my opinion. Now does being of service make someone "servile", no it does not. The president of the USA supposedly is a public servant, no one thinks of him as being servile. A lord served not only a crown in ancient myth, but he also served those who depended on him for protection. And because he served them, they submitted to his authority. Jesus Christ supposedly died for the sins of mankind... talk about the service in that action, yet no one thinks of him as being submissive. Anyone worth a crap is service minded, and I would not submit to a man that did not think that his role was partially to be of service to me too. He protects me, cares for me, respect me, and yes sometimes he will grant a wish of mine for my expressed pleasure... and he gets pleasure from that too. Ask yourself this, parents grant their children little things all the time, and they are not submissive to their kids as a result. You seem to be saying that because a dominant grants a request he is not a twue dom... that is just silly, and I know you just repeatedly asked the question again in a socratic way, but now you have a weal answer to match your twue question.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/1/2007 9:57:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania You seem to be asking if dominants service their submissives, in my opinion smart ones do. The dumb ones keep wondering what went wrong over and over again, after she's left!!

mp072004 -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/2/2007 5:35:54 AM)
Brief hijack: Actually, "topping from the bottom" is a bit of a misnomer. That would mean you were hitting yourself. If you're getting hit and running the scene, you're a dominant bottom, or dominant masochist--you might be "dominating from the bottom." Monica

Aubre -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/2/2007 7:38:43 AM)
I remember one scene where the top gave the sub a choice - whipping the breasts or the crotch. He started whipping the breasts, then she asked for the crotch, then back again. She had a certain type of control - maybe not what she wanted, but she did have some control.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/2/2007 11:15:01 AM)
Aa, umm... I have a question for everybody! What do these two things have in common? A Dom which never pleases a sub A lone foraging Barbarian wandering the land. "Collarme.com... so easy a cave man can do it"

agirl -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/2/2007 1:30:53 PM)
The fact that I would have to ask, places ME firmly in the submissive role. HE can do as he pleases, he doesn't have to ask. Whatever takes place, under whatever circumstances, that doesn't alter. agirl

Padriag -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/2/2007 3:25:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount Do Dominants ever submit to a sub's request to do something specific to the sub that the sub likes? If so, is the dominant being submissive when acting out the sub's fantasy for the sub? If yes, does that mean the sub has some type of control within the sub/dom relationship? Your question, as worded, cannot be answered. One cannot and does not submit to a request. A request is just that, the hope of something without guarantee. One does not submit to a request, one considers a request and, if one chooses and it is within their power, grants the request. This is not exclusive to the lifestyle, it is universal to life. Thus if a child makes a request of a parent, the parent chooses whether to grant it or not. A subject makes a request of their king, but has no guarantee it will be granted, they may only plead their case and hope. The devout may make a request of their god, but there is no guarantee it will be granted and again they may only plead their case. A slave may make a request of their owner, but they have no guarantee it will be granted, only the hope that the dominant will see fit to do so. In any of these examples, that the parent, king, god or dominant choose to grant a request, it is only because they choose to do so for whatever reasons appeal to them, yet they are under no obligation nor compulsion to do so. Perhaps it is granted as a reward, perhaps because it merely amuses them to do so. There is no submission involved in that. Submission only occurs when a demand is made and it is acceded too because the one making the demand has the authority / control. A submissive who makes a demand is treading on dangerous ground, one who does so repeatedly will be shown the door. Dominants do not service submissives. There is however a word for individuals who do... Service Tops, and they are a different animal. Dominants reward and reinforce, they punish and take away. How well, fairly and reliably they do this may sometimes be given as a measure of their quality as a dominant. But they do not serve.

CreatfreeAccount -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/10/2007 10:43:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag quote: ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount Do Dominants ever submit to a sub's request to do something specific to the sub that the sub likes? If so, is the dominant being submissive when acting out the sub's fantasy for the sub? If yes, does that mean the sub has some type of control within the sub/dom relationship? Your question, as worded, cannot be answered. One cannot and does not submit to a request. A request is just that, the hope of something without guarantee. One does not submit to a request, one considers a request and, if one chooses and it is within their power, grants the request. This is not exclusive to the lifestyle, it is universal to life. Thus if a child makes a request of a parent, the parent chooses whether to grant it or not. A subject makes a request of their king, but has no guarantee it will be granted, they may only plead their case and hope. The devout may make a request of their god, but there is no guarantee it will be granted and again they may only plead their case. A slave may make a request of their owner, but they have no guarantee it will be granted, only the hope that the dominant will see fit to do so. In any of these examples, that the parent, king, god or dominant choose to grant a request, it is only because they choose to do so for whatever reasons appeal to them, yet they are under no obligation nor compulsion to do so. Perhaps it is granted as a reward, perhaps because it merely amuses them to do so. There is no submission involved in that. Submission only occurs when a demand is made and it is acceded too because the one making the demand has the authority / control. A submissive who makes a demand is treading on dangerous ground, one who does so repeatedly will be shown the door. Dominants do not service submissives. There is however a word for individuals who do... Service Tops, and they are a different animal. Dominants reward and reinforce, they punish and take away. How well, fairly and reliably they do this may sometimes be given as a measure of their quality as a dominant. But they do not serve. No dancing around the question here. Thank you, well written. Direct and to the point.

ladyofthecastle -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/10/2007 11:23:42 AM)
Everyone seems stuck on the word submit [sm=ofcourse.gif]. Trying out new ideas and different approaches is what makes this so much fun. I will allow my slaves specail treats for excellent behavior or conquering a new challenge. They give me their entire selves, and in any relationship if both parties do not feel satisfied then the ship sails. I do not think of it as submitting to their ideas as much as saying I am allowing them a reward [sm=applause.gif].

CreativeDominant -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/10/2007 3:11:40 PM)
Interesting thread. I've never submitted to a submissive's request. I've never granted each request a submissive has made. I leave that to Service Tops. However, I'd be a foolish dominant not to listen to her request and her reasons for her request, process them, and occasionally grant her request. That is true whether the request is play-oriented or relationship-oriented. A dominant who says "No" all the time will soon be saying it to the dog (or cat) only and even then, the animal will soon quit coming to the dominant and once outside, may look for the easiest means of escape. As julia and others have noted, there is nothing submissive in the fact that in a D/s relationship, service of one sort or another, no matter how unevenly weighted, flows back and forth...not just one way.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (3/10/2007 4:21:08 PM)
Do good leaders take the time to listen to those under them or not? Why the Hell, do some many people limit the aspects of being DOM to the bedroom or with their relationship at home? This this Question can be applied to any situation where a Dom/me is in charge of one or more people in any facet of life!

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