RE: Dominants submit to requests? (Full Version)

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KeirasSecret -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 2:25:47 PM)

An after thought….even if it could be said a Dom does “service” their sub on occasion (for some reason still doesn’t sit well with me), I still feel it does not involve submitting.

I serviced my car the other day; changed the plugs, oil, wires. I did not submit to my car….did I?



heartfeltsub -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 2:42:05 PM)

As i mentioned all of the thank you's i obviously was not ignoring them, i was merely pointing out that one really incredibly rude and crude comment can and does supercede any other attempt at apparent politeness.

And just for the record, you took LA's comment at being rude because she was trying to point out that you didn't seem to like the answers you were getting so you just kept repeating your previous question and that it might do you well to think about the answers you were getting. There was no doubt that your comment was rude, as even you said that it was rude.

heartfelt



KeirasSecret -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 2:44:50 PM)

btw....just thought I would thank you for posting an interesting topic. There are so few I feel I can contribute to in a productive manner these days.

Also, I apreciate the fact that you got back to most if not everyone who posted. It is not something that happens often.

Thank you and be well,



CreatfreeAccount -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 2:54:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

one really incredibly rude and crude comment can and does supercede any other attempt at apparent politeness.



You have had a great week with the exception of one crappy day.  In your view,
one incredibly bad day can and does supercedes an otherwise great week?

How about focusing on something positive? 

Choice is your to focus on the good days or just the one bad day. 

Geesh, I'm glad I don't view the world through your eyes. 



CreatfreeAccount -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 2:59:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KeirasSecret

An after thought….even if it could be said a Dom does “service” their sub on occasion (for some reason still doesn’t sit well with me), I still feel it does not involve submitting.

I serviced my car the other day; changed the plugs, oil, wires. I did not submit to my car….did I?


I see your point.  Servicing a sub so the sub gets what she wants is not submitting to the sub's request, it's "servicing" the sub.   Thank you again Keira.



CreatfreeAccount -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 3:01:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

And just for the record, you took LA's comment at being rude because she was trying to point out that you didn't seem to like the answers you were getting so you just kept repeating your previous question and that it might do you well to think about the answers you were getting.
heartfelt


That's a bunch of bull crap and you know it.  How the hell does she know what I think of the answers.  If I choose to stay in the thread and either thank the responders or ask for clarifications when an answer is indirect in my viewpoint, to hell with those that can't handle it.



agirl -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 3:05:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

Good.


lol........well, that supposed enigmatic response to a question is a little dull. But hey ho.



pedanticatic, enigmatic, pragmatic, systematic, it's all the same, no,?


Absolutely, right?



CreatfreeAccount -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 3:12:01 PM)

Thumbs up this way!



LadyMyles -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 3:17:59 PM)

--fast reply--

I've skimmed through most of this, and it seems that a lot of the discussion is semantics.

In any relationship, whether D/s or vanilla, there is give and take between involved parties. Whether you call it service, or granting, or submitting, or caring for, or rewarding, the bottom line is that one party takes and the other gives, back and forth. In WIIWD, "submissive" has the connotation of service, submission, yielding, perhaps even being less than, while "dominant" has the connotation of power, control, decision-maker, even superior. The key thing to remember is that it is a power exchange, something that must flow between those involved, back and forth, like a feedback loop.

The submissive yields to the choices of the Dominant; the Dominant cares for and protects the submissive. As a part of that, hopefully both enjoy a wide range of activities, and are open to discovering new things.

I don't expect my submissive to be a non-thinking creature. I enjoy his input, ideas, suggestions--he's an intelligent man. He's also very creative, and often comes up with a wicked idea that I may not have considered. Quite often it will be incorporated into our play, with a great deal of mutual enjoyment. I don't consider that "submitting" to him, simply taking best advantage of my resources. If he enjoys it as much as I do, that's even better.



CreatfreeAccount -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 3:18:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Well, whatever works. If they're happy, who can argue with success? I don't think it would make him any less "Domly" to go along with a request, if there is some question about that, IMO. But if they are debating it, or can't decide or something, I think it'sthe Dominant's desires that take precedence, due to the nature of the relationship.

They hopefully have discussed things like "limits" between them, etc. before they agreed to embark on a D/s relationship to begin with. But if not, there's no time like the present, I guess. 

- Susan


I don't niether -think it makes the dom any less "Domly" because she services a sub's request, nor do I think it hands the power to her just because the dom does what she requested and I don't think the sub has the control just because the dom does her like she wanted.  But that's just my two cents.  Thanks again,  Susan.



CreatfreeAccount -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 3:22:50 PM)

LadyMyles, I thank you for sharing your thoughts. 

Would a dominant still comply, grant or service a sub even if the dom does not necessarily enjoy it himself?



LadyMyles -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 3:26:14 PM)

I can't speak for any other Dominant, but I'm generally willing to discuss my submissive's request, and possibly work it into our play with modifications in such a way that I can get enjoyment from it. If it's something that I absolutely do not enjoy, regardless of modifications to the original request, I don't grant his request.



BBBTBW -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 3:29:17 PM)

People submit to many things at different times in their lives, they also provide service to different things at different times in their lives.  They also honor the needs of their significant others regardless of the dynamics of their relationship.  I think people get too hung up on title and forget about the inner workings.  If honoring someones needs/desires makes your relationship work, who cares what other people call it.  It's your relationship, its your life.  If honoring your submissive's needs causes you a problem, then you probably won't have that submissive for long.  Just like any other relationship, these relationships require give and take.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 3:35:42 PM)

My 2 cents, though I havent realy read much of the thread.
I occasionally do something I dont particularly enjoy for Angel. Its a treat, for extremely good behavior. If he has ben a good boy, I have found that treating the good behavior works better for me than simply orrecting bad. So, even though it might not be one of my favorite activities, I will humor him on occasion.
I dont see it as "serving" him. I see it as rewarding him for a job well done.

DV



adaddysgirl -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 3:48:42 PM)

i haven't read all the responses here yet but i wonder if you are thinking along the lines of a sub i once knew.  She was not allowed to ask for anything....but she was allowed to express a desire.  For example....she could say that she would love to go to the beach today.  Her dom never responded.  It could either happen or not.  It could happen the next day or never.  She never knew.  And that went for anything and everything. 
 
He called it a 'lesson in discipline'.  She could make her desires known but she could not ask him if he would/could do anything.  She said this took a long time for her to learn.  But afterward....she loved it.
 
He said he was not there to acquiesce to her desires, but she was free to make them known.  And to be honest, i don't know how much he did 'indulge' her or where it all went as i haven't talked with her in a couple of years...but she seemed quite content when we last spoke.
 
Edited to add:  in reading back a bit....she was not allowed to make requests.  That was his whole point.

Daddysgirl



SimplySubmissive -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 3:53:50 PM)

Agreeing to a request is not "submitting".  It sounds to me like you have issues with saying yes.. that a submissive should never ask for anything, or make a request of a Dominant. Because if she does, and he say yes, instead of no, he is then "submitting" to her.
jmo



asubmissiveheart -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 3:56:06 PM)

At that point IMHO, she is not a Dominant, at best she is a switch.



SimplySubmissive -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 3:57:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

LadyMyles, I thank you for sharing your thoughts. 

Would a dominant still comply, grant or service a sub even if the dom does not necessarily enjoy it himself?


There are no "rules" . A Dominant can do anything he wishes to do or not do, as agreed on in the particular relationship. The Dominant makes the decision. Some would, some would not.



asubmissiveheart -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 3:57:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplySubmissive

Agreeing to a request is not "submitting".  It sounds to me like you have issues with saying yes.. that a submissive should never ask for anything, or make a request of a Dominant. Because if she does, and he say yes, instead of no, he is then "submitting" to her.
jmo


I often can't tell who is the real Dominant and who is the real submissive.
big wink



mnottertail -> RE: Dominants submit to requests? (2/27/2007 3:58:45 PM)

I am fond of saying when they ask me for something................


Do you want me to punch you dead in the goddamn face you cloth eared bint?


Kinda turn it around like that, see what I mean?

MasterMirror



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