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SusanofO -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (2/28/2007 9:37:02 AM)
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Wow. Seven pages of replies and I cannot believe that some didn't say (because it's true) - Some inconsiderate people do not bother to change their profile when they are "taken" and thus no longer looking for a partner. So they appear to be seeking partner - even though they are really not (or are they?)
I think they should make up their mind, and change their profile. Or their Dominants should bring this up, and ask (or demand) that they do this. Dominants do this too, btw (as was mentioned below).
When I said I was just seeking friends, I meant that - even thought I still got e-mail froms Dominants seeking a partner and did sometimes find that annoying (but at least I understood they may not have believed me. But - it was true, and still is - if I say I am not looking. I am seeking friends only at this point).
But - I did change my profile when I was seeking. And I changed it back when I found what I hope will be a good Dominant for me in the long-term.
It might be hard to believe, but I know there are people who - for whatever reason, laziness, still playing the field even though they've found someone and think they will be happy with them - cannot bear to take themselves out of the ball field, or write a few sentences and change their profile to indicate their current status. Or, for what ever reason (and yes, it is their prerogative - I suppose). But it's also a bit cruel as well, perhaps.
I mean, I know it might take a few weeks to decide if you think someone could be for you. But not 4 months, does it? If you've found someone who could be a good match? I mean - You're either "still seeking", or you're not "still seeking." If you're monogamous (and for heaven's sake if you are happily paired up), change the profile to indicate your current status, if you think you've found someone who's right for you. It's only fair. Even if you're Poly, IMO, it helps to indicate if you're seeking, or not - people can't assume just because you're Poly that you're seeking possibly them - or can they?
Why not simply add even one line at the top of a profile when you are "taken"? if you were previously "seeking"? (or put it somewhere in your profile that indicates you are taken). I think it's only fair to do this. I've read posts here that indicate some submissives are in a supposed "quandary" about whether to do this or not - so they do nothing, regardless of having found a very, very good potential match.
I know there are arguments one could make forever about how someone is "just not sure they are the one for me, so I am not chaging my profile yet."
Face it - if you're a submissive female, you're gonna get mail even if you've explicitly stated you are not seeking, probably. I doubt if this is the last chance you'll ever have to find someone, and if you're happy, even if you're "not altogether sure they are the right one," then you are probably focussing on that person you've found, and not much on your incoming e-mail from people thinking you're still looking. Is that fair?
If you're really not looking, don't bitch if you get e-mail that assumes you are, if you don't explicitly state you are "taken".
By the same token, IMO - if someone says they are not looking, you should take them at their word.
And IMO, If you can't even be bothered to actually read their profile to try to figure out what a person's status is, then you don't deserve their response.
- Susan
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