RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking?

RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (Full Version)

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SusanofO -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (2/28/2007 6:40:35 PM)
Well BrainSlug83 - I just didn't understand why your first statement to me ever had to include saying things referring to my "stupid profile." I rarely get offended, but that statement, plus the assumption you jumped to about mail controls, were really irritating and didn't sound particularly like the came from someone who was very adult-like. I didn't understand why you jumped on me, and still don't. I don't particularly care anymore - I just thought it was odd. I would have pharsed my response a lot more nicely - I am certainly capable of that (I've been messageing on these boards for over 2 years, and am normally very diplomatic to everyone) - but not when someone says things like "your stupid profile", etc. It's just not very diplomatic. It's immature, and presumptious. So, I can be very nice, and usually, I am. But - don't dish it out if you can't take it. Because Ill dish it right back, bub. I am not "moody". What I was was offended. And for that reason. Your interpretation of how the "friends only" software works is wrong (IMO) - but do what you will, it's your incoming and outgoing mail, not mine. Yes, a person can indeed specify what kind of "friends" they seek - TVs, Doms, Dommes, subs, couples, etc. - anything that is listed. That isn't any gaurantee that is how anyone else will interpet it - I agree with you there. I did change my re-locatable option (good to point that out). However - I do not control the mail-control softtware, but that is my (proably very accurate) interpretation of how it works. It is true a click on bringing up "freinds only" will also only bring up folks who have also checked "friends only". However, that point clouds the issue and your interpretation of why most people check "friends only" as well as other preferences in conjunction with that really is not accurazte, IMO. I could be wrong, but -If someone checks "friends only" they can still specify whether they seek freinds who are any of the other preferences. Sorry if you don't believe me - contact Admin support. They know for sure. I am glad you have had people contact you, and that you do indeed bother to read soemone's profile, and I do wish you good luck. I am sorry I gave you a hard time, but was taken aback by your initial contact toward me. Normally, I'd assume people who were so focussed on the mail-control preferences were not willing to also read profiles - the way you worded what you said about all that made me think you were just e-mailing submissives in a mass-mail campaign, and not reading their profiles at all. Maybe that's not what you're dong but it tends to be one of submissive's pet peeves, when men (you or anyone) do that. But personally, I don't care. People are gonna do what they wanna do. I am certainly not going to stop them. Poeple will, unfortunately, leave their profile un-touched as far as indicating they even have a Dom, and yes,when you contact them sometimes, some Dom says you cannot speak to them, or a submissive says that. It'sjust plain weird, IMO. That is what I was talkinng about earlier. I don't think that's fair either - and think it is idiotic people cannot manage to simply take 5 minutes and say "Daddy won't let me talk to you if you write " - or something, and not make you waste your time contacting them. Some submissives are cheating on their Dominants - not pretty, but that is the reality. Some Dominants are cheating on their submissives, who knows why? If they are Polyamorous - it might be a different scenario, and maybe their Master or Daddy just doesn't like someone, or the submissive is having him say for her she doesn't want to talk. Within bounds, I guess, but pretty rude IMO if she's answering e-mail from somone and saying she'll talk on the phone. I say she has her priorities screwed up, doesn't know what she wants, etc. - none of which is your problem. Count your blessings you found out now if someone cannot run their life well, which a person like this obviously cannot. You saved yourself some future misery by avoiding someone who looks like they've got problems. A rude awakening, but fortunate, too. Who needs her? If you have an issue or toher questions on the software, Amin. Support - can answer your questions about "why" it is set up the way it is. I don't work here (but I know a few things). But I cannot change anything, at all, about how any of it works. I was just tossing out a few suggestions and observations, based on my experience. Take what you will. - Susan

BrainSlugs83 -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (2/28/2007 7:00:52 PM)
"and am normally very diplomatic to everyone" -- I've only read three of your posts, and will agree. Actually, I think your profile is rather nice! (Except for the willing-to-relocate preference that I already mentioned -- and I will admit I didn't read your entire profile, just the first few paragraphs... But I also didn't message you! :-P) -- I didn't realize that I had offended you first -- you should have said so! I tend to generalize things, and yeah I do over use my expletives (I'm in a phase where expletives are cool to me), and yeah, I'm not very mature -- I'm a kid at heart! :-D If you're ever in seattle, let me know! I'll take you out to ice cream as an apology! :-D :: ice cream sounds great right now ::

SusanofO -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (2/28/2007 7:19:05 PM)
BrainSlug83 -Well thank you I am sorry I was a little snappy (maybe a lot) Please forgive me - I am sorry and I really apologize. I did not mean to be short with you. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night (not your problem - at all). Thanks for being so kind. Maybe you are right about your software opinion - it could possibly be true. Admin Support could tell us all for absolute certaim I guess. You are brand new, and I shoud have been more patient. I didn't know any of how all of this worked when I was new and was impressed, but also confused by the features, software optins, etc. - and to a degree, I still am. But I did think (honestly) that was how I interpeted the whole "friends only" plus adding other preferences at the ame time thing. Anyway, good luck to you. I wish if there wa some IT guy (member or not) out ther who has opinions/knowledge on this and other software featuires related to maill controls here at CM, they'd write in to this thread - because I can answer some questions but frankly some of ths stuff does confuse me. I am no software guy, at all. - Susan

BrainSlugs83 -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (2/28/2007 7:39:10 PM)
" I didn't get a lot of sleep last night" -- awww! That sucks babe. "I wish if there wa some IT guy" -- I'm a website programmer -- I do mostly database backends, search engine stuff -- but I do NOT work-with/have any association to/etc the collar-me programmers -- so it's just my interpretation/instinct -- I'm much newer, and know a lot less about BDSM etiquitte/terminology/this website than you do -- so I will say that I could be very wrong -- but until proven wrong I will choose to trust my own judgement and be stubburn. I've also been in the situation before where I was working with a client who was using a previously developed website, but the main developer wasn't around anymore, and left absolutely no documentation (all too common!) -- in such systems the later developers (us!) get to have the fun of parsing thru the old server-side code and trying to figure out what certain features actually did (the users usually have their own idea of what the various functions do, and they usually conflict...) and we also get the extremley wonderful joy of figuring out what the developers were even thinking (or smoking) in the first place!

SusanofO -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (2/28/2007 9:37:00 PM)
*BrainSlug83:* I completely misunderstood you. Sorry (really). I didn't realize that was what had happened before. And thanks for the ice cream offer - if I am ever in Seattle, I will find you (I will try). That was sweet and a classy move, considering how grouchy I was. Big Oops. My husband (now passed) was an IT guy. I knew nothng about it, really, but he was an expert. To me, it was pretty complex, I have to say - and it is a constantly changing field, too. HUGs![:)] - Susan

boltaction -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (2/28/2007 9:54:35 PM)
I am new to the scene in terms of dating others. I can say with certainty that my respect of other people has gotten me this far, and will continue to take me farther. As a hetero male dom I understand there are a lot of competitors... but you know what? I decided I won't lie about my moments of self doubt, or bouts of laziness, or any other human condition. I am who I am, and by accepting that I love to dominate (within boundaries) my self confidence is higher than it has ever been before. I expect trouble, heartache, all that stuff. After all I don't really know all that much yet. Even now, I can see why some sub females tend to stay single: they're smart sub females. They are safe, secure in themselves and are willing to wait. That gets my respect. edit: not to say people can't meet someone their first day and have a perfect relationship.

BrainSlugs83 -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (2/28/2007 11:08:27 PM)
:: gets hugged :: :-D !!!

Shylahgirl -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (3/1/2007 9:46:51 AM)
1.They're probably not looking as actuvly as you might think. 2.They say they're looking to a master/owner/whatever you want to call it, but are really just looking to play and fuck 3.They don't know what service is and when a prospective Dom/Domme conciters them they are rejected. 4.They're made up profiles. 5.They don't know what they're looking for so they never find it. 6. They are nuts and can't make a relationship last more then a few days to a month. 7.The majority on Doms/Dommes on here aren't worth the time or energey. 8.Most of the messages women get on here are from men who just want a quick kinky fuck and it's very discuriging. 9. They don't update theire profiles. 10.They are in other relationships and Doms/Dommes want someone who is singel. Shylah

roland23 -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (3/1/2007 2:00:40 PM)
There are lots of great doms out there but they lack what many female subs are looking for. Namely looks, wealth etc. In short, many of these sub women have pretty vanilla values. I became interested in BDSM 30 years ago because it was an alternative community. It seems that today its about as alternative as McDonalds and American Idol. Sad. Roland

stef -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (3/1/2007 2:14:02 PM)
Maybe this is your cue to go search for a new "alternative community" in which to become involved. I hear the trepanation community is the place for the cool people to be these days. Let us know how that works out for you. ~stef

CreativeDominant -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (3/1/2007 2:16:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterChav I keep an eye on the list of female subs on this site and the thing that strikes me the most that I see the same names over and over again. I read their profiles and they are actively looking for owners / Doms / Masters etc and have very attractive profiles and most attractive pictures, too. So why haven't they found anyone? Some have signup dates that are months old and they must have received 100s of offers yet they're still here? Are they too fussy? Are they Timewasters or made-up profiles? Or out of all the offers they must have received are there really no suitable Doms? What's going on? And before someone says "maybe they're just looking for friends", I'm talking about the femsubs who state on their profile that they are looking for Doms, owners, etc. They haven't met me yet? [:D]

BrainSlugs83 -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (3/1/2007 4:11:27 PM)
I think Roland's post might have a little bit of merit in it even if it does come off a tad shallow, not sure how to put that into words though... [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m21.gif[/image] ...It seems that when pop culture "eats" things, they loose value to the "insiders" ... Maybe they just plain loose value.

Quivver -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (3/1/2007 4:36:52 PM)
Well Slug Rolands post might have merit. Things do change over time and 30 years is a good bit of time. What starts small tends to grow if others like it, things evolve. I tend to take a bit of offence to his outlook on what he feels Subs are looking for. Nilla huh? WTF, like People back in the day didnt pick partners who appealed to them too. People back in the day never looked at earning potential or other Nilla items that effected their life then? Roland, I could be wrong cause I wasnt involved back in the day, but human nature doesnt change as quick as we age and trust me, Men shopped for eye candy even back then. Every coin has two sides!

cuddleheart50 -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (3/1/2007 4:40:40 PM)
Still looking. [;)]

scottjk -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (3/1/2007 5:18:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BrainSlugs83 I think Roland's post might have a little bit of merit in it even if it does come off a tad shallow, not sure how to put that into words though... [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m21.gif[/image] ...It seems that when pop culture "eats" things, they loose value to the "insiders" ... Maybe they just plain loose value. I have seen that, actually. The two terms I've seen most often used is 'Old Guard' and 'Mainstream'. I can only use what happened here in Seattle as an example. I kind of became interested just about the time when there was a lot of different clubs that were 'specialized' in genre. Leathermen, lesbian D/s or bdsm, TS and TV clubs, you name it, there was probably a small and exclusive club for it, along with the swinger clubs as well. I'm pretty clueless when it all started, but I'm pretty sure it happened when the internet access was becoming more availabe for the general public in the form of dial up, like AOL. Alternative lifestyles, sexual or not was becoming more visible, it wasn't long before booklets and full blown books were being published for general public consumption. There was growing alarm in the community in general that with so many rookies and thrill seekers, there wasn't enough mentors and vets to go around to deal with the influx. In fact, there was an online article about it. (Don't think I could find it now) The truth is, there still isn't enough mentors to go around. Some of these venerable vets decided that to avoid a backlash and to protect their lifestyle, they had to write books for the general public that wanted to get involved in the alternative lifestyle. Classes were set up too. New rules were set up and passed around regarding safety as well that didn't exist before. What was common sense before needed to be codified in the interest in protecting what was 'under the radar' for a long time. Eventually, a kind of coalition was formed to better manage the mainstream influx, protect the public from themselves as well as educate them. A lot of the exclusive clubs either banded together to create a central community or became even more exclusive, dropping off the map altogether. The politics is just too big to adress at this point. This might be too much information, and some one else might be better able to clarify what I'm saying, however, Brain and Roland are generally correct in my opinion. There are a lot of people out there looking for a thrill, but just can't get at the roots of alternative living, or are just not interested to get the most out of it. I suppose you could equate it to chocolate. A taste now and then, but a daily dose is often too much for most.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (3/1/2007 5:41:58 PM)
Because good Doms are hard to find, and a lot of subs are simply not worth having! LOL...

findmedaddy -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (3/1/2007 5:54:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterChav I keep an eye on the list of female subs on this site and the thing that strikes me the most that I see the same names over and over again. I read their profiles and they are actively looking for owners / Doms / Masters etc and have very attractive profiles and most attractive pictures, too. So why haven't they found anyone? Some have signup dates that are months old and they must have received 100s of offers yet they're still here? Are they too fussy? Are they Timewasters or made-up profiles? Or out of all the offers they must have received are there really no suitable Doms? What's going on? And before someone says "maybe they're just looking for friends", I'm talking about the femsubs who state on their profile that they are looking for Doms, owners, etc. I've wondered about that some with the doms whose profiles appear on the list every time I log in: "Why haven't they found someone?" Answer (I think): relationships aren't a game, and to expect that, for example, my submissiveness means I should settle for less than I need in a relationship is a little odd. I have a real job, with real responsibility. I have a real brain that works well, and real feelings and fears that were designed by nature to protect me. I won't cede my essence to just anybody -- how could I? And if I did, how could that be a good situation for either of us? More simply put, this isn't Wal-Mart, and I can't go to the dom section and pick the model I want. So I wait for a relationship that works, and if I never find it, it wasn't meant to be. fmd

angelic -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (3/1/2007 6:54:33 PM)
~fast reply to no one in particular~ i, personally, do not need a Master to survive, tyvm. If i never, ever, for the rest of my life, ever find my One, i am just fine with that. i would rather live alone for the rest of my life, than to settle.

sublizzie -> RE: Why are there female subs who are STILL looking? (3/1/2007 7:23:01 PM)
I agree, angelic. I do okay on my own. I, frankly, am very happy being alone now that I've had time to adjust to it. I don't need someone with fantastic looks and huge paychecks. I'm more concerned with who someone is on the inside then what he looks like. As long as he isn't looking for me to support him, then how much he makes isn't a major issue for me either. It would be nice to find a Dominant. If I don't, then I don't and I'll continue to live my life. It's not like I'm going to slit my throat without a Dom in my life!

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