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Do you judge - 2/27/2007 3:41:52 PM

KurtKaboom

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Do you judge the competence of a Master or Dominant by how they’re slave or submissive behaves? When I encounter smart ass masochists, I often assume they’re Master is unworthy of the title.

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 3:44:35 PM

asubmissiveheart

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I do, you are judged by the company you keep.
A submissive most certainly is a direct reflection on the Dominant.
Often I can't tell which one is the submissive and which one is the Dominant.
The submissive often appears to be in charge.

< Message edited by asubmissiveheart -- 2/27/2007 3:46:10 PM >

(in reply to KurtKaboom)

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 3:44:41 PM

valeca

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I try not to judge competence. I do think a submissive's behavior reflects on their Dominant, though.

What does masochist have to do with anything?

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 3:47:26 PM

SilverShadows

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Some domanents like SAMs. They of course should show you due respect since you haven't agreed to their SAMing.

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 3:48:54 PM

charismagirrl

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There are Masters who like a slave/sub with some "fire" although so many do not, there are some. So maybe they like that side of their slave/sub. (just a thought)

As far as things in my relationship go i asked my Daddy about that...assuming the same thing, that my behavior good or bad reflects on him as well as things around the house etc. i was curious how he felt about it and trying to find out what were priorities. He shocked me when he said that he doesn't think things reflect back on him. What he did say reflects back on him the most is having a happy slavegirl....So i took that thought alittle further and what i came up with logically is that if i am happy then i will be doing things even better than if i were unhappy....Ultimately the thing that matters the most to him is that people see a happy girl and the rest is between the two of us....Really not caring what other people think about us as long as he is personally happy with me and We/i am happy to the world.

< Message edited by charismagirrl -- 2/27/2007 3:49:46 PM >

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 3:49:43 PM

KurtKaboom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: valeca

What does masochist have to do with anything?

If they are still lipping off then they aren't getting what they need. Master must not be very good at what he dishes out.

(in reply to valeca)

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 3:49:50 PM

TheGaggingWh0re

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It really depends, for me. I generally watch both of them- not just the sub. If the sub is whiny and annoying and the Master does nothing, there's one of two things- either he doesn't care, or maybe he just doesn't take as much control as I would personally prefer. I do, however, keep in mind that there are differing views on control and punishment and so I judge them more as a person than I do as a slave/dom, etc. I think the only real judgement I'd ever pass is, "Ugh, I'd never be his slave if he let me get away with that", LOL!

With that being said, my Master certainly let's me have relatively free reign over my social personality. He likes my biting, witty comments and, as I've discovered since being owned by him, he has plenty to hand back to me to quell that obnoxious fire in my eyes to his liking.

(in reply to valeca)

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 3:56:10 PM

Padriag

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I judge a lot of things, but only when its worth my while to do so.

In the example you give, I might be inclined to question the competence of the dominant and the dynamic of the relationship. But more likely, unless it directly affects me somehow, I'll ignore it because it isn't worth my time.

I might judge a "master" on a variety of other things, such as how well he manages his own life, how in control of himself he is, how effective a leader he is, and so on. But here again, these judgements might be bits of information I file away... yet unless this person is somehow important enough to really warrant my attention that information is ultimately so much useless trivia.

In short, yes I judge... but most of the time I just don't give a damn.

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 3:59:30 PM

LaTigresse

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In addition, I think that different people will have different views of what being a smartass entails.

Behaviour one dominant finds acceptable in their sub/slave may be completely unacceptable to another. Go to a restaurant and watch the families with small children, same principle applies.

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 4:13:09 PM

onestandingstill

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I judge people based on their own actions.
If someone has a SAM that does not necessarily instantly mean they are bad Doms IMO.
You can't judge a book by it's cover so if you have no idea how he handles the relationship or his business with that sub in private how do you have any notion of what's happening between them?
I judge people based on THEIR OWN actions, words, and deeds, Not on the actions of others, not even their sub.
What if they just got together and he's just beginning his rules & standards with a new sub who's been allowed to be a brat before?
What if there's a ton of personal issues the sub has from other life experiences or things happening in her life that make her resist him or act out.
Till you know for sure he's not training her to curb inappropriate behavior, to decide from one viewing he's not a good Dom just isn't wise or fair.

suaznne

(in reply to KurtKaboom)

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 4:24:06 PM

ownedgirlie

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I would also take into account the duration of their dynamic. I think people are quick to judge without realizing maybe she is new to him and still has much to learn. 2 1/2 years ago I was a real treat (not). Now here I am - calmer, wiser, more confident, more stable. Same Master, changed girl. Perhaps it is best to judge the Master based on conversations with the Master, no?

(in reply to KurtKaboom)

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 4:31:34 PM

KurtKaboom

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Words lie. Results do not. Conversation is useless without observation.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 4:36:09 PM

ownedgirlie

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Ok. Then why are we talking? :)

I'll adjust my judgment statement and say perhaps it is best to judge a dominant after observing the dominant.

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 4:37:05 PM

onestandingstill

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom

Words lie. Results do not. Conversation is useless without observation.

Observing a few hours in someone's 24/7 life and thinking you know what's going on is also useless IMO.
What are you going to do? Follow them around for a week to make up your mind?

(in reply to KurtKaboom)

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 4:40:34 PM

juliaoceania

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I think it works both ways, if we are a true reflection of each other, either one of us can reflect badly upon the other. Ultimately though, as long as the two are happy I do not think it matters one whit what others say or think about them and their dynamic. At least as long as my Daddy is pleased with me it would not matter a jot what others think.

His is the only opinion that matters when it comes to WIITWD, everyone else might be interesting to consider, meet at events, read on message boards... but their opinion does not really matter

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 2/27/2007 4:43:48 PM >

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 4:42:39 PM

KurtKaboom

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Reading what they may say in forums or more restricted groups and watching the reality at Munches or parties. Private detectives are not normally needed.

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 4:51:51 PM

SimplyMichael

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I judge them by how judgemental they are. I mean it is a given they are not as good as I am so it is really only a matter of determining how badly they compare.

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 4:52:47 PM

bastardandthewen

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My behaviour, submissive and partnered or not, reflects on me,on my attitude, but it is never, I feel, and indication of the honour/integrity/whatever, of my partner.

Sorry. Sub, slave, what have you; we are all still only human. Still capable of independant thought and behaviour. Even with a partner, I am not an extension of that other person. Still me. Still as likely to call a wanker a wanker.

I have a basic level of common curtesy and respect for those that deserve it. But I don't feel that people universally deserve my respect by the simple fact that they refer to themselves as "Master", "Dom", or "SirLordFuzzybutt" , for that matter - and usually, when people complain that submissives are acting "unbecomingly", it is because THEY are a top and expect that they should be treated BETTER because of it. Not just well, but better.

But that is just me, and I am a self awknowledged mouthy git, so take it all with a large puinch of salt.

(in reply to Padriag)

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 4:55:15 PM

FukinTroll

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I judge the hell out of people all the time. Then I wrestle with my ego and try for the benefit of the doubt.

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RE: Do you judge - 2/27/2007 4:57:01 PM

BeachMystress

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Of course I judge a Dominant by the behaviour of the submissive. HOWEVER, a SAM is not a sub. Why are you holding the Top who plays with them and the bottom to the standards of D/s? You're mixing apples and oranges here.....

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