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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/27/2007 11:03:48 PM

Kendra

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smiles....

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/27/2007 11:08:46 PM

YourhandMyAss

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kendra why are you "smiling" at the stalker thread?

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/27/2007 11:12:19 PM

azzmaster

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i have had many dealings with domestic violence calls. the police t trained 2 b sensitive and they will have a female officer help u. u must remember that preditors deal in threats to gain power and control. u need to get an order of protection against him and file harrassment charges. depending on the state u live in u can also go to the sexual preditor site online.if u know his name and see if he has a record of rape. if u live in NY state just call the domestic violence hotline and they could give u any referral u might need

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/27/2007 11:12:23 PM

bludemonn

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Let me just say that fear does perpetuate on-line assholes like your stalker to keep going with threats, why dont YOU out HIM, put his user name on this thread and lets spread it, maybe collarme can also send his IP addy to the Police, it would be good fun to shame this pile of crap stalker! When he gets a knock at the door from the Police he wont be so cocky!

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/27/2007 11:28:36 PM

SusanofO

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This happened to me last Spring, and the police didn't "Out" me. It wasn't a cyber-stalker, it was a real-time stalker (kinda - he wasn't violent, but a weirdo who kept following me and leavng notes at my house, parking on my street and waiting for me, etc.). I had to explain what was happening, and they said they'd try to help. Then the police followed me to a bdsm "play house" where I'd initially met my stalker, to see if he was there. They didn't see him there, but he gradually gave it up - I made it very clear I was not interested, more than a few times.

Of course, I don't live with my parents, either. I know it can be scary. I vote for telling the police, maybe talk to some one in the sex crimes unit? Tell them you don't want your parents to know how he found you - there really isn't a reason they need to know that (your parents). The police are not going to "Out" you, unless there is a specific reason for them to have to do it! You can out him and yourself, IF you take him to court - and it might be worth it (depends). If he has any brains, he'll stop when-if the police tell him to stop. If you tell them what is happening. Good luck.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/27/2007 11:42:35 PM >

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/27/2007 11:29:42 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

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Just being Devils Advocate:

Justice requires both the accused and the accuser be given a fair hearing.

Not saying this is what happened, but it is very common for newcomers to have post play regret/disappointment after a BDSM blind date and cry abuse.

I have seen it so often in my own city now that we don't accept the accusers version of events unless s/he is prepared to go to the police and have the facts tested in that forum. Too many Dominants have been called "predators" when in all truth they were just a lousy lay, inconsiderate lover, user, let down, unfaithful....etc etc It may well be a lack of aftercare and really bad sub drop, but inexperienced subs can go pretty crazy after their first really bad scene..

Don't lynch anyone - the justice system exists for a reason. Exhaust that option first.

The police will be sensitive (as pointed out) and advise you of your rights and options far better than we can over the internet.

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 2/27/2007 11:32:57 PM >

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/27/2007 11:41:31 PM

defiantbadgirl

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I disagree. Pressing charges against this guy could end up being very embarassing in court on a cross examination. If he wants attention, give him attention.......threefold. Call him several times a day at work. Show up at his place of business every day you can. Tell him you're in love with him and follow him around like a puppy.......even when he takes a shit. Don't give him a moment's peace. In no time, he will be begging you to leave him alone. Problem solved.

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/27/2007 11:44:59 PM

SusanofO

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defiantbadgirl: Extremely bad idea. Understandable why you might say that, and kind of you to empathize, but - do you want to take the chance that "reverse psychology is going to 100% work on a compulsive, narcissistic sociopath who could kill someone? I don't, no disrespect to you intended, but the research says she should let police handle it. Really and truly.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/27/2007 11:50:11 PM >

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/27/2007 11:49:50 PM

defiantbadgirl

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Calling the cops will only piss him off more and then he'll be out on bail. Reverse psychology is much safer.

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/27/2007 11:52:22 PM

SusanofO

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I wouldn't worry too much about pissing this guy off. He could get pissed off no matter what she does - he is counting on the fact she'll be overly-concerned about that, in fact. He needs his balls nailed to a wall. Better she have police protection if she's gonna piss him off by telling him off, and-or ignoring him.

That will undoubtedly piss him off - ignoring him. Attention encourages stalkers, it does not deter them. About the only thing she could do is marry this guy...why the hell should she even give him the time of day? And after he assualted her? It's just too much to comprehend.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/28/2007 12:18:06 AM >

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And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/27/2007 11:57:33 PM

simplewhispers

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You are impowering him by allowing him to still speak with you ........ chances are he is a damn bully, and if he is not a bully and actually tries to do hurtful things toyou , the only way to stop the nut is with the authorities...... block him , walk away and if he persues you he has made your choice as to bringing in the authorities.

Sorry someone is being ugly to you .........

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/27/2007 11:57:36 PM

defiantbadgirl

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Guys like that feed off of fear. The more afraid she acts, the more threatening and dangerous he will get. If she tried followed him around like a puppy and he started to get mad, she should act like his anger turns her on. He will lose interest and she will be free of him without suffering public embarassment.

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 12:00:19 AM

soultoshare

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I've given this advice before to folks in the same situation......DO NOT BUY OR PULL A GUN UNLESS YOU ARE 1110% (that's NOT a typo!) PREPARED TO USE IT! He gets hold of it, and where does that leave you? Being outed is nothing compared to the grief that your family and friends will be exposed to should something happen to you. Call the cops....look 'em straight in the eye, and tell them what he's doing. They don't need the details......the stalking laws in most states have changed so that now the victim actually has some grounds to stand on. Get a restraining order, the courts don't need all the details either......as others have said, he's using your own fears against you. Beat him to the punch, and take aggressive action NOW...not later! On a side note, tell the girl he met that hes's a jerk too!

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 12:00:53 AM

SusanofO

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I understand the psychology of what you suggested. I think acting afraid if fine - I'd be afraid, too. On the other hand, if he is unpredictable, which is also highly likely, he could kill or seriously injure her. It happens, and more than occasionally. She needs to contact police, period. If she can't do that, then game over.

The police don't need to "out" her, and won't - unless it is for some reason, necessary (which it is probably not, unless she prosecutes). The police can put the fear of God into this guy without him, or anyone else, knowing how they got the info he is stalking her. As far as him "outing" her - I say call his bluff, the little prick.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/28/2007 12:20:06 AM >

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And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 12:05:09 AM

defiantbadgirl

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I think he would be more likely to hurt her if she has him thrown in jail. And the details will come out in court because he will have his own attorney to cross examine her.

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 12:08:27 AM

SusanofO

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Well it's a tough choice, no doubt. Maybe she could hire her own security (like a big huge guy, like a friend who'd do it for free) to protect her. But I think the police need to know. If he hurts her, it needs to be on record, from this point on, if there is to be any justice, here. Her decision, bottom-line. Frankly, if it was me, I'd be too mad (and also afraid - one can be both, you know) too worrry about what would happen to me in court, as a result of his attorney. - Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/28/2007 12:14:04 AM >

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And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 12:10:04 AM

touchthesky

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the advice abut not pulling a gun unless ur prepared to use it is spot on! if a perp sees ur afraid he will take the gun. and OP please don't pay attention to the idiotic advice about turnin the tables and stalking him. that kind of thing only works in TV movies. the police will not inform ur parents if ur over 18 and most people who r not totally insane will back off when they see u mean business, especially if they just met u. and order of protection is what u need. they are not hard to get and the police will not try to embarrass u in any way.

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 12:15:26 AM

aSlavesLife

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

This happened to me last Spring, and the police didn't "Out" me. It wasn't a cyber-stalker, it was a real-time stalker (kinda - he wasn't violent, but a weirdo who kept following me and leavng notes at my house, parking on my street and waiting for me, etc.). I had to explain what was happening, and they said they'd try to help. Then the police followed me to a bdsm "play house" where I'd initially met my stalker, to see if he was there. They didn't see him there, but he gradually gave it up - I made it very clear I was not interested, more than a few times.

Of course, I don't live with my parents, either. I know it can be scary. I vote for telling the police, maybe talk to some one in the sex crimes unit? Tell them you don't want your parents to know how he found you - there really isn't a reason they need to know that (your parents). The police are not going to "Out" you, unless there is a specific reason for them to have to do it! You can out him and yourself, IF you take him to court - and it might be worth it (depends). If he has any brains, he'll stop when-if the police tell him to stop. If you tell them what is happening. Good luck.

- Susan

One of my biggest gripes on these boards is people without experience on a subject yelling authoritatively over the voice of people that have experience. Susan definitely has experience on this subject, and I would be inclined to take her advice over that of someone that has chosen from apparent obstinance to yell louder.

Stalker characteristics include being vengeful., having drastic mood swings, and violent behavior. Does it really sound like a good idea to risk making this person think that you are toying with them? Going to the police might be embarrassing, but hadn't you rather be embarrassed and alive rather than smugly confident that reverse psychology is a good idea and carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey?

Thank you, Susan, for sharing your experience and knowledge of this matter with people that may benefit from it.

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 12:24:33 AM

SusanofO

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Thank you, ASlave'sLife.

I do think the police should be involved. They handle this stuff on a professional basis. They know what they are doing.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/28/2007 12:52:38 AM >

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
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And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 12:36:35 AM

Kendra

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in reply,,
Your hand my ass

asked me why i smiled when i was reading a stalker thread,

i was smiling at the previous post,,
drama is as drama does,,

smiling still..

k

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