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RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 12:37:15 AM

bludemonn

Posts: 2619
Joined: 9/10/2006
Status: offline

Also i'd like to add you did the right thing letting people know, never ever attempt to 'categorize' a bully or stalker big mistake and foolish, I agree you need to speak with the police as this is a very dangerous situation and like another poster added he maybe doing this to others but you do need emotional support, you need friends, if you wish to be discreet about it then perhaps people on here will be of great support but sitting in silence and hoping it will go away wont work, also another great point someone mentioned is that you are empowering him with attention, 'stalkers' on the net or rather using the net as a starting point are VERY common, they like everyone else seek attention, if you are truly scared you need to tell the police as they do understand and have the tools to catch these pests. You are not alone with this type of issue trust me, dont try to analyse the person just make sure you report him and let the authorities both on collarme and the Police deal with this nuisance.

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A hopeless dreamer she said, eyes of cloud and feet of lead.

(in reply to alwaysobeyingyou)

Post #: 41

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 12:46:29 AM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

I think that dbg has demonstrated in several ways in past threads on here she does not have a firm grip on what reality is nor is she always showing the brightest judgment, I would never recommend stalking a stalker, Mopst of them are so delusional they would t ake your following them around as interest and be encouraged more, or at the very least the person trying to make a point could get arrested.

< Message edited by FelinePersuasion -- 2/28/2007 12:48:35 AM >

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Post #: 42

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 1:33:18 AM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bludemonn

Also i'd like to add you did the right thing letting people know, never ever attempt to 'categorize' a bully or stalker big mistake and foolish, I agree you need to speak with the police as this is a very dangerous situation and like another poster added he maybe doing this to others but you do need emotional support, you need friends, if you wish to be discreet about it then perhaps people on here will be of great support but sitting in silence and hoping it will go away wont work, also another great point someone mentioned is that you are empowering him with attention, 'stalkers' on the net or rather using the net as a starting point are VERY common, they like everyone else seek attention, if you are truly scared you need to tell the police as they do understand and have the tools to catch these pests. You are not alone with this type of issue trust me, dont try to analyse the person just make sure you report him and let the authorities both on collarme and the Police deal with this nuisance.

I totally agree with this great advice here!
Plus, if he actually does do something to you, other people will know who he is, and his ass will wind up in Jail! The media will not be all over it for reporting it. The police and other agencies are used to dealing with this crap, and how situations like this came about! You are not the first from an online Adult Dating site to be stalked you know!! If the media was this big on it, then you'd be seeing people's name in flashing light on the bottom of the screen like the stock market!!!

(in reply to bludemonn)

Post #: 43

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 3:05:40 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

I'm kinda of with the one who said that if you're that scared of being outed, meeting someone from a site like this is prolly not a very good idea. I mean use your head girl.

(in reply to alwaysobeyingyou)

Post #: 44

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 3:29:57 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

Personally, I'd find a bunch of bikers and have the crap beat outta him.

Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 45

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 3:36:23 AM

MasterNdorei

Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

You need to know what kind of person you are really dealing with. Anyone can be a bully online. A visit from the police is more likely to take care of the problem for you than cause him to react worse towards you.

There was a man in San Diego county years ago who threatened a number of girls. When one girl finally involved the police, they discovered this guy was doing all of this harrassment from his computer at work. Of course he lost his job, and a wife no one had heard about before became aware of what her creepy husband was doing.

The one who is stalking you may have more to lose by being outed than you do. You will never know until you call the police. Do whatever you have to do to feel safe.

i wish you well~*
Master's dorei

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 46

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 4:02:31 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I was stalked for two years. He showed up at my house and threatened me via IM programs and emails. I'd had two dates with this man. I had not given him my home phone or told him where I live. I met him at a pier local to my home. He was a very nice looking man but there was just something off. After the second date I told him I wasn't willing to go out again. The harassing messages started that night. I changed my IDs and it took him less than a week to find them again. A couple of weeks after that, when my housemate was in Tx for a month, he showed up on my doorstep. (turns out he lived eight blocks away and after seeing me in my car on another occasion, followed me home.) He didn't knock or ring the bell. I became aware of him because of a noise the top step made. I looked out the peep hole and there he was. After watching for about 90 seconds (it took a while for me to process that not only was there someone standing in the dark on my front step, but that it was this man who had been threatening me) I got the phone, went to the back of the house and called the police. They were there within two minutes and caught him in the back alley, about two houses down from mine. He told the cops that he had just mistaken the house for one an old friend of his lived in. (This was 11:30 PM) As he wasn't "doing anything wrong at that time" they couldn't even detain him more than asking who he was and why he was there. They did record his name and it became part of the police record. After that, he became more vicious in his threats. I tried to be reasonable when he'd IM me. They say you're supposed to be very calm and sane with a crazy person, and from his threats and his actions, I was convinced he was not stable. He'd harass me heavily for two months or so, then disappear for three months. My housemate was vanilla and an ex boyfriend. I did not want him knowing my business.

Two years.. I lived with this hanging over my head, not knowing how to stop him and too embarrassed to go to the police or my housemate. I was definitely high strung on the subject after two years. If I was home alone, any noise made me check all the doors and windows. I'd not leave the house by myself after dark. I have to admit that by that time, I wasn't very stable myself. This guy found my new ID (yet again) and was in the process of IMing me about how he was going to rape me with a bottle until the bottle broke. Something snapped and I quit trying to be calm, reasonable or sane with this man. I told him that I had had enough. That I was going to print out every threat, email and IM that he had ever sent me, along with the photos I had of him. That I knew within two blocks where he lived and that I was going to take the photos and print outs door to door, telling people what he had been doing to me. When I found his apartment, I was going to tell his girlfriend what he had been doing (yes, this ass had a girlfriend) and then wait with her till he came home.. at which point we were going to slice off his dick and put it down the garbage disposal. My tirade came off to him as very serious because I meant every word of it. Yeah.. as I said I snapped. Hey, after two years you try keeping calm. At that, he tried to pass stalking me off as a joke!!! Aww, didn't I know we'd been playing a game? Cops called twice.. and it was a game?? I haven't heard one peep from the guy since.

The sad part is that this man got to victimize me for two years because I let him. I wasn't willing to out myself. Looking back, I was such a fool! Don't let yourself end up in the same state. Take your action NOW, not in two years. Make it plain to him that you are reporting him by name to the police. He is counting on your fear and ignorance to keep you silent. You've not said, but I suspect this man is older and thinks that he can bamboozle the young college student. You will be the victim in this instance only if you give him this power over you. Learn from my mistake and do not allow it.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to alwaysobeyingyou)

Post #: 47

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 4:12:30 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

I agree going to the police seems to be the answer.
I also know from going to the cops to put a restraining order on a old boyfriend who stalked me for almost a year after we broke up without an address for the stalker they can't do much.
One night this guy said if I didn't open the door he'd wreck my car. I didn't open the door, he was parallel parked in front of my car, he got in his truck, pulled up about 15 feet and slammed back into my car twice.
Even then without an address nothing was done.
I think ignoring him after sending a message telling him if he keeps up (bluffing) you will get a restraining order and you'll print out his photo and letters and drop them all over town outing him.
I'd also not allow him to think outing you to your school is going to hurt you.
Tell him feel free to go to the heads of your school as (again bluffing) you've already been to them to alert them so they'll watch out for you better.
If that does not keep him away then make good on your prior statements and go talk to the Administrators in your college and tell them an online date went bad. You can say he's making up all the kinky conversation and it will be your word against his.
Over all don't allow this ass to have power over you. Coming out of the closet is much safer than being stalked by a predator IMO.
suzanne

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 48

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 4:24:57 AM

angeldevil

Posts: 503
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: uk
Status: offline

One thing to consider is that if he "outs" you he outs himself. He is obviously enjoying the fact that you are frightened, and that won't go away unless you deal with it. Personally....the fear of being "outed" would be far less than the fear of being controlled by this guy. If people do gossip it will pass, if people are even interested at all.

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(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 49

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 5:14:06 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

Greetings,

to the OP:

Since you met him on this site, i am not sure starting this thread was the greatest thing to do, you have all but told him his bullying and his threats are working. What i would do if the incident happened on campus is go to security and make a report. Tell them that you would like to make a report not for present prosecution but as a documented incident in case things get out of hand. I don't believe you will have to tell them anything about the type of relationship, but simply the incident involved. You can also go to the police and ask to speak with someone about an incident you would like to document. I would be honest and explain what he said, did and is threatening to do. Tell them your fears and tell them you felt it was important to make a report for documentation purposes and ask them if you do what does it involve. Also, he is for all intent and purposes blackmailing you in to not reporting a crime, that in and of itself is also illegal, it can also be seen as intimidating a witness to a criminal case.

A report is different from a complaint in the criminal system, but i personally believe if you are actually as scared of him because of what he has threatened (beyond outting you) i would at least make a report someplace so there is documentation. Also, if you are worried about his outting you, contact a lawyer and ask them about slander laws and what recourse you would have. Perhaps a lawyer will send him a letter telling him to cease his communication with you, etc, or you will be forced to take legal action to stop the harassment. Sometimes all bullies need are a push to make them realize they are stepping over a line. His threats could be a sign he is just as afraid as you are of being outted. So maybe a letter from a lawyer giving him a warning to cease his actions towards you, will be enough to get him to stop harassing you and threatening you and blackmailing you. Or find someone bigger and badder than he is and ask them to communicate with him on your behalf.

I would also make sure that any contact you have with him starts with, Stop harassing me. Stop sending me messages. Stop Threatening me. Make sure you NO and STOP is clear. If this ever does get to trial, it would be helpful in prosecuting to have proof the victim in whatever capacity was very clear in her NO and STOP. If you are communicating with him beyond the leave me alone, i would make very sure you explain WHY you are still communicating with him, as in, i feel you are blackmailing me into communicating with you holding your threats over my head etc. Any documentation of any kind is helpful.

Only you can determine if your being outted is more of a threat than any physical threat he has made against you.

Good luck,
angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 2/28/2007 5:28:38 AM >

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to angeldevil)

Post #: 50

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 5:15:49 AM

xBullx

Posts: 4206
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

Greetings defiantbadgirl,

I thought you had a 4.0 your last two years of school. Do you realize that this only gives this eledged stalker his out in court after he completes the rape of this girl. Now, I'm not the smartest man walking, but give anyone with the least bit of cunning an opportunity to manipulate a situation and your had. He has been smart enough to this point to have her runnning scared and your suggestion offers him more evidence in his favor, let her be seen publicly lusting for him......Get a grip!!!! She'll end up on one of those have you seen this girl TV shows. Assuming he is this terrible prick she has made him out to be, Troll and others have gave her great advise, you have not. Maybe she's a prick tease, we have no idea, remember there are three sides to every story. Hers, his and the truth.

Wake the hell up,

Bull

_____________________________

Live well,

Bull

I'm not an asshole; I'm simply resolute...

"A Republic, If You Can Keep It."

Caution: My humor is a bit skewed.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 51

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 5:18:56 AM

xBullx

Posts: 4206
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

Jewel, Jewel, Jewel,

If she had the Bikers beat his ass, then she would end up falling in love with bikers and say to hell with what the school thinks and, and, and, uhmmmmm well, hell that might not be such a bad idea after all....(winks and grinz)

Oh happy day,

Bull

_____________________________

Live well,

Bull

I'm not an asshole; I'm simply resolute...

"A Republic, If You Can Keep It."

Caution: My humor is a bit skewed.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 52

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 5:37:28 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xBullx

Jewel, Jewel, Jewel,

If she had the Bikers beat his ass, then she would end up falling in love with bikers and say to hell with what the school thinks and, and, and, uhmmmmm well, hell that might not be such a bad idea after all....(winks and grinz)

Oh happy day,

Bull

LOL! i liked the biker idea too!

But seriously, some great advice is given, and the authorities are the answer. On a philosophical note - our lifestyle choices should be made with all the consequences in mind - as all decisions should be. If the discovery of a deviant lifestyle is enough to cause such serious reprecussions that you would compromise your safety to protect it, then maybe you should re-examine your choice of lifestyles...just my opinion~

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Flobots

(in reply to xBullx)

Post #: 53

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 6:13:16 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

The conflict here is that you want CollarMe to do something, yet you don’t want what is the proper thing to do by calling the police. You want to put the onus on CM when they are nothing more than a means of communication. You shouldn’t expect CollarMe to do anything more than you would expect your ISP to do anything, your phone company or Bill Gates. This is simply a tool that you use. How do we know you are not making up a story about a Dom you have decided to make trouble for? If CM played that game, anyone could make trouble for anyone without proof.

You block him and if he comes to you again, you tell the police. Simple. I’m sure many subs and Doms have done it in the past. They are not going to ask you specifics of how you play anymore than they would ask others what sexual positions they use. What you do does not matter to them. They can work an intimidation factor on him even if they don’t arrest him…assuming your side of the story is accurate.

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(in reply to alwaysobeyingyou)

Post #: 54

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 8:23:46 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

WAKE UP PEOPLE...

Doesn't anyone think before they post? Read this nitwits posts, she started one about getting drunk and having threesomes, another one about cheating, she is a drama queen. Stop feeding the trolls....

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 55

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 9:00:45 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

One of my biggest gripes on these boards is people without experience on a subject yelling authoritatively over the voice of people that have experience. Susan definitely has experience on this subject, and I would be inclined to take her advice over that of someone that has chosen from apparent obstinance to yell louder.

I have been stalked by a former lover that knew a lot of my personal information. Just because we do not overtly state our experiences in life on the board does not mean we do not have them

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 2/28/2007 9:02:24 AM >

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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(in reply to aSlavesLife)

Post #: 56

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 9:14:47 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

she started one about getting drunk and having threesomes,

linky please

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 57

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 12:45:03 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

I agree with julia - no one around you is really going to care. Winding up on tv? Naaahhhhh. Not that interesting to anyone else although it is a very big deal for you personally. I am not trying to be sarcastic or mean, but your profile is nothing extreme and the world is full of nuts who demand a whole lot of media attention. You say you were raped but not really, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me - don't know what that means in the grand scheme of things, but if he is threatening you then by all means you must contact the authorities. Or buy a nail gun and a butterfly board and invite him over for drinks.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 58

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 12:52:07 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alwaysobeyingyou

He said if i had him get in trouble the cops will force collarme to show my whole account he says hes saved messages, which have nothing incirminating in them on MY part.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I put before you exhibit A........no incriminating evidence against my client.

I reckon you can to the police with peace of mind.

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 2/28/2007 12:53:18 PM >

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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to alwaysobeyingyou)

Post #: 59

RE: I'm being stalked... - 2/28/2007 1:02:49 PM

RWAble

Posts: 282
Joined: 1/5/2007
Status: offline

I had a sister stalked like this, very close to the same way. While she was in college. I know this may not be the right thing to do or even a choice for you.
When she told me, I broke his knee. It stopped and with no witnesses, he became the victim. Got a big brother?

quote:

ORIGINAL: alwaysobeyingyou

I have a huge problem. Long story short - I met someone on here for a weekend, it was a horrible experience and i felt horribly taken advandtage of and basically scared of the person.
Now he is threatening to come to my college, to out me - he will not leave me alone. I do not know what to do. How can I report him to Collarme? He said if i had him get in trouble the cops will force collarme to show my whole account he says hes saved messages, which have nothing incirminating in them on MY part.
But he is essentially saying he met someone else when he was at my college and his coming back here, he basically sexually assaulted me when he was here. I'm so scared right now I don't know what to do. How can I make sure that collarme won't give out my personal info, like IP address to people? And what do i do about this?

_____________________________

When the Yankees leave Florida, then we can be free.

Life is a voyage, not a destination.

(in reply to alwaysobeyingyou)

Post #: 60

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