RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom?

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 2/28/2007 6:19:04 PM

MistressDolly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kate

nice guys are nice....i like nice

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 2/28/2007 6:21:52 PM

kate

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ha ha, troll..you are Mr. NiceDom, arn't you, lol

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 2/28/2007 6:22:08 PM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
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From: Indianapolis, Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
I think, from my own observations, where the "too nice" part factors in for many is a belief the person would be "too gentle" in play. Sometimes its an unfair assumption someone makes because they think a gentleman, or lady, would also be too gentle during a scene. In some cases its accurate, depends on the individual. Some people have a very hard time imagining a gentleman or lady with impeccable manners could also have a wicked grin as they give a hard flogging or engage in some clever and exquisite torment. Oh how naive some are...

BINGO! I finally put a disclaimer on my profile to this effect.

Submissives are not the only ones who fall for this fantasy. Haven't you ever seen a female domme who just can't "put it away"? Or a male dom who just seems so full of himself all the time? Incorrect perceptions on both sides of the fence.

Mistress Scarlet

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 2/28/2007 6:24:27 PM

FukinTroll

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kate

ha ha, troll..you are Mr. NiceDom, arn't you, lol

Only one way to be sure.

*works on a devious taunt*

But I am sure you are not sub enough to handle it.

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 2/28/2007 7:42:33 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear DaddyDeSade, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my mind's eyes I see--there are many wonderful Dominants who are nice. These Dominants are men and women, Gay, Straight, Lesbian, Bi-sexual and whatever style they participate in the lifestyle and or scene.

In my mind's eyes, the most important is being authentic to yourself. Only able to control yourself; by this you can control what comes into your personal space. Nice individuals, I've found have found themselves and are comfortable in their skin per se.

What might be happening, is that knowledge and experiences of those who participate in the scene/lifestyle. Those who are authentic to ourselves knows that there is a different 'enviormental' process that happens between a home's living room and the dungeon in the basement. Like the harmony in music, what happens on the living floor is different than in the dungeon; so is the energy, protocol/etiquette/manners/behavior and or expectations for those two areas and the D/s power and energy exchanges when a M/s relationship couple moves room to room and or physical into spiritual realms. It is hard to explain to some how a lady or gentleman can be a Sadist in the dungeon but, it happens and those who know of this--knows this to be true.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 2/28/2007 9:37:28 PM

Mustardseed

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From: Seattle, WA
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I don't think I've ever said this to anyone. Usually it's the evil looking people who I avoid, because they always look offended that I'm breathing their air.

Okay, granted -- there are people who I can't picture bottoming to because I fear that I'd look up at them and say, "No, you're joking ... right?" However, some of the people I find the hottest usually have excellent senses of humor, are of great help to their local kink communities and are easy to talk to. Go figure.

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 3/1/2007 6:20:29 AM

Padriag

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mustardseed

"No, you're joking ... right?"

Hehe... I get that all the time... right up until they find out I'm not joking. Just yesterday I was talking with a submissive and I told her about an occasion when I was tickling a girl and accidentally made her wet herself. Now she's worried. LOL

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 3/1/2007 7:07:44 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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They SAY they are worried, but they are really intrigued. Except when they really are worried. :)

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 3/1/2007 7:07:58 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mustardseed

"No, you're joking ... right?"

Hehe... I get that all the time... right up until they find out I'm not joking. Just yesterday I was talking with a submissive and I told her about an occasion when I was tickling a girl and accidentally made her wet herself. Now she's worried. LOL

~wicked smile~...now THAT I like...good one, Padriag!

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 3/1/2007 7:46:48 AM

ExSteelAgain

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Ha, I’ve been accused of that on these same, very hallowed halls of our message board. My answer is that I like to think I have the ability to connect with a sub on a deep level. I’m not ignoring her condition in some vague idea that she just wants pain when she is “there.” That does not mean I won’t whip her harder and harder as she begs for it. If I think things are right, there will come a point whether she won’t or can’t ask for it and it is up to me to choose if I give her more. Sometimes I will even if she can’t ask (so there goes the nice guy image). It depends.

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 3/1/2007 8:14:26 AM

dawntreader

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quote:

ORIGINAL: StellaByStarlite

My owner knows all the words to "Oh, What a Beautiful Morning". Does that count?

Stella

LMAO!!! well it should count for something!

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 3/1/2007 9:35:30 AM

azzmaster

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both in vanilla life and BDSM lifestyle life people tell me i m much too nice but i just gotta b me. i always say u get more ass with honey than vinegar. now once u got someone tied up u can be even nicer, wink wink

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 3/2/2007 1:50:03 AM

DaddyDeSade

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The funny thing is I think I look more like a young Santa than a crazed biker. But I have had people avoid me at munches and parties because they think I look psychotic. I have been emailed on this site and others by strangers who tell me they have pre-emptively blocked me because I look crazy and unsafe and they don't want to chance me contacting them. So people who don't know me at all think I am scary and dangerrous. People who know me a bit think I am too nice to be fun. And only people who know me well know I am crazy scary and nice

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 3/2/2007 3:27:28 PM

boltaction

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I was sitting down with a sub after smoking some pot and she asked me what I was about. When I told her dom, she said she didn't believe me! :)

She got a good spanking later that night.

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 3/2/2007 4:24:56 PM

LadyPact

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All quite interesting. Personally, I happen to think I am one of the nicest Domme's anyone would want to meet. I've often heard people tell Me that they can't believe I'm a Domme, because of My demeanor towards others. In most cases, I'm polite, respectful, have a good deal of concern for their welfare, etc. It has little to do with the way I exert My authority. I don't go stomping around the general public that way because I have never felt I have a need to. I'm not looking to fulfill the fantasy conjured up by someone after watching a bad bdsm porno. If they don't find My style appealing, it's quite all right. There will be another boy just begging to kiss My feet tomorrow..... *laughs*

Lady Pact

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 3/2/2007 4:46:14 PM

taintedgypsy

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It works both ways.

When I first discovered L/s I was sent an email that said I had it wrong, I was way too tall to be a sub lol ... I can laugh now but at the time it left me very confused ...

I work in steel caps in a quarry, I am strong and work hard. I come home smelling of diesel and covered in sweat and dirt ... there are those who tell me I can not possiblly be a sub!

I am argumentative at times, have a strong attitude and can be quite assertive when in the mood ... I have friends who say "no way" to my choice of L/s as a submissive.

There are those who know my past and say I am way to damaged for this L/s and it is unhealthy for me to be a sub?

Whether these people mean well or not ... I am the one who knows me and my choices are my own and if I do not fit there fantasy ... well they are welcome to look elsewhere and I wish them well.

All subs and Doms are different and all look for that someone who fullfills their life and dreams ... so you may well be to nice to be "her" Dom, that does not make you too nice to be someone elses Dom, lol.

Staying true to oneself is important, it is yourself you should see in the mirror not an image someone else has of you ... that is the path to true turmoil.

Just my opinon

warm smiles

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 3/2/2007 7:35:05 PM

cillydom

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I consider dominance a character trait and not a behaviour.
There are doms that act well and doms that act badly.

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 3/2/2007 9:26:30 PM

sugarcandy

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I think if someone says a Dom can't ever be "nice" is living in a brain dead fantasy world.

You know the kind: newbie subbie from chatroom who swears she lives to die in agony nailed to a tree, gang banged by the entire population of Riker's Island, sprayed with shaken 2 liter of Mountain Dew, as a hive of bees are set loose, have a sign above her stating "fire hydrant- dog park closed" during a K9 run, doused with kerosene to clean her off, then left all by her lonesome.
Oh... on the way out, some dude carelessly flicked his still lit ciggie in nearby dry bushes.

Sigh. Loss and destruction of a fine old growth forest.

Mr. Nice: to be called a cross between Santa and a crazed biker is a compliment. What a mindfuck! No worries :)

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RE: Is there such a thing as too nice to be a Dom? - 3/4/2007 1:27:39 AM

obis

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In my experience, the owho say I'm "too nice" are less experienced, and equate the fantasy or misconception of what a dom should be with what a real, confident person should be like. Many inexperienced subs also have an unfortunate past of being attracted to abusers, because they mistake the subtle signs of the abuser as signs of strength, which is what they really crave.

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