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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

• Some nights I shouldn't post and instead should focus on this horrible paper I am working on.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Troll

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  Are you afraid you cannot live up to their expectations of Dominance/submission?

This is SO common on so many levels. 

• They are so terrified of topping from the bottom that they never state their needs or downplay them.  Reality is you can't top from the bottom unless the top isn't up to the job.  In fact, WITHHOLDING that information is the only real way to top from the bottom.  But it takes a long time to learn that.
  
• They have notions of what they should be doing and instead of asking or even listening, they think they are failing because they meet those notions.  Many inexperienced submissives think their submission should be easy, or that they should be able to obey without hesitation.  Hell if they could do what I wanted effortless, I would ask them to do something else.  I WANT to see them struggle.
  
• Along the same lines are images of what dominance should look like.  I am sure for some, they are the same no matter who their submissive/slave/bottom is but it isn't that way for me.  One thinks of a dominant as being the manly man and perhaps always ordering the food and choosing for the submissive.  A wonderful woman I was with knew far more about food than I and I had her order FOR me because I got tired of wanting what she ordered!  I tend to cook for my women, does that make me submissive, NO!  Again, for me, I reversed role with that woman and let her cook for me.  The problem comes in when a submissive sees their dominant doing something they percieve as "submissive" and reacting to their perception of what they should be doing rather than stepping back and looking at it from a perspective of "our relationship is unique and this works for my dominant".
  
• Some nights I shouldn't post and instead should focus on this horrible paper I am working on.

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ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

I suppose in all fairness I will chime in here.

I don’t consider what I do sabotage, I have high standards and want to insure that it is the right connection for all of us. I had chose to be a rake I would be in the happy hunting grounds of rakedom. It is not that I don’t find an ocean of attractive women here, however I am here to make a commitment and that means that there must be something special and exclusive between us. I need to be certain that she meets my criteria of a slave and that she is capable of the burden of serving me.

You have high standards and a vision of what you want.
Be grateful that you do, most people only have a vague
notion of their needs, wants and identity.

My profile is harsh and unrealistic for a number of reasons, as well as self-defeating. It is in place to dissuade the HNG’s and let the rest know that I, me, myself is in charge and the only topping that will be done from the bottom is me telling her where to rub as she massages my back. Many of you read my posts and I suspect a few give me the red hand of STFU. However my posts are the best representation I have of myself and the first look into my ID. I am a playfully notorious flirt and a hopeless smartass from which there is no reprieve. I am sharp as a whip and the snappy comebacks are at light speed. All this you know.

Loki, no one ever said that self-awareness would be easy.
Stupidity is easy.  Knowing yourself is fucking brutal.
 
One test for a Dominant personality is -
"If I take or not take a particular course of action,
will I be able to face myself the next morning?"


I don’t often initiate contact, it is the sub/slaves market and it will just sit in the wank folder until such a time that it might, possibly, be read. After contact I like to keep it in the e-mails for a long time and eventually into chat. One day over the phone, although I despise speaking on the phone, and then with some luck and the absence of red flags a public meet. I feel a little different about Domme’s. I tend to mail with them a little, IM a lot, gab on the phone, and love to sip mead across pillows and talk until they say; please shut up and go to sleep (ain’t it Ven).
I know some sub/slaves want to go slow, some fast, but my speed is the only speed and it very well could be sabotage.
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No my dear, your speed is the right speed, because you are
The Dom.  When a person, situation and timing are right,
you will know, in your heart and in your gut.  If you take
action not in tune with your heart and your instincts, then
you will fail.
 
Trust your heart and your instincts.  That is what separates
us from the ones who live life without searching, seeking,
wondering and imagining our own reality.
 
Ven
 
 
 

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ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

mythi, I know how my words come across sometimes and it isn't always the way I meant for them to come across. Of course everyone has certain things they simply will not accept or absolutely have to have. But there are a LOT of people that have this ideal in their head about what they are looking for with no room to wiggle, that's what I was talking about. Too many go through life looking for the imperfections of every potential partner they meet rather then focusing on the humanity of that individual. I'm sure we all know the at least one of them... the "OMG, you should see the way he combs out his hair after a shower... it drives me NUTS" type of person. That's generally followed by "I just can't live with that" attitude. All I was saying is that those are the people that will spend a great deal of time alone because they are looking for absolute perfection in extremely imperfect people.
 
I can say that because for the longest time I refused to accept anyone that didn't live up to what I believed I wanted and needed in my life. It took getting slapped around a little bit by reality for me to understand that what I thought I was looking for didn't exist and what I really needed and wanted is what found me. Simple advice, open the doors and windows and be ready for what you want and need to find you.
 
Yes, there are beasties and monsters along the way... but no one ever got anywhere by staying in one place.
 
Jewel