RE: elegance in serving (Full Version)

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mixielicous -> RE: elegance in serving (3/6/2007 8:32:30 AM)

fast reply,

so many lovely personal insights and tips, i love it! thank you all so much!

it appears this will be a looooooong journey, but there are SO many great ideas, the sarong, book on the head - up the stairs sounds especially challenging.. and pouring tea without rattling the china, oh man. excellent.


looks like i have a bit of practice ahead of me, but i look forward to it. [:D]




onestandingstill -> RE: elegance in serving (3/6/2007 8:43:33 AM)

Hello There,
When I read your question I thought of an old Lucy episode where dhe tried to learn to be graceful.
I was going to mention the books on the head, practicing sticking your hip out before you lift you foot off the floor so your hip leads you not your toe, and a couple of other things already mentioned.
I think Tai Chi would be perfect as it combines balance, self awareness of your movements and your Chi energy.
What I learned in Tai Chi helped me with my submission and pain processing extremely. On top of that I understood the energy exchange from a martial arts Chi oriented point of view.
I'd also say even though you're not gorean to learn the slave positions will teach you more about submissive elegance in posture and movement between those postures.
Lastly imagine in your mind you float across the floor, and move slowly and with accent on exposing your sensuality (you know oooze sexuality) on top of picturing yourself moving like a beauty competition contender.
Eventually once your head gets use to seeing you be graceful your feet will follow.
Good luck I know you'll do well with this,
suzanne




PONYSEEKER -> RE: elegance in serving (3/6/2007 3:19:26 PM)

When I was like 13 or 14 my girlfriend at the time recieved a book from her mother that her mother had given to her...LOL
Anyways, the book was writen in the early 50's and wa all about how to behave as a woman... we would read it and laugh our buts off (it was the early 80's and the womans sufferage was in full swing)
Now that I look back on it damn wouldnt that book sell in this kind of enviroment.

--- okay so whats the point.

            You might want to check around used book stores and ebay for simular material... it actually did cover a lot like how to practive ballance ... how to walk where you were suppose to be when walking with a guy... how to behave in virtually every situation ... kind of like a dog training manual only for woman.




novicecourtesan -> RE: elegance in serving (3/6/2007 7:58:37 PM)

IMVeryHO:

Grace, elegance, charm....for the purposes of this discussion, I think there are two types of these: personal and in service.

Personal grace comes from within--just like beauty. The fastest way to improve your posture is to think of something that makes you happy, or laugh. Ever notice your posture when stuck on a project? You hunch and slouch and frown. But if you just came out of a really great interview or yoga class, you're glowing, standing up straight and probably the most charming you can be. The exercises in this thread are great--I'd just like to add some more questions for you to ponder. Are you dressing in a way that express who you are, and the image you want to portray? Are you exercising and eating well so that you're healthy and feeling good about your body? Do you take some time to pamper your body without distraction--a bath, getting a massage, soaking your feet in a bath of hot salts? Are you getting enough sleep? Do you indulge in girly things like perfume or lingerie, challenge your mind with new ideas, spend time grooming your mind as well as your body?

In service, I think all of the above advice is very good, and I will be re-reading it again. I would also like to add a few thoughts here: to listen, and listen actively. The Japanese geishas said very little, but knew how to keep a conversation flowing, and the speaker appreciated. I would extend that to how you feel about your social skills. These are things that can be learned, and I am proof, as I was not born with them and am still learning. But if you can get to a point where you can speak elegantly to your dom's boss or mother or gracefully entertain your dom or his friends, then I think the confidence would be very charming. Talking slowly helps--you wouldn't believe how fast the average person talks. It always helps to keep an eye on what is appropriate for the situation, and to make shy people feel welcome.

Personally, I am trying to keep a better home, so I can entertain.  I think you can tell a lot about people from their home. I've been in huge lofts with amazing decor that was clearly all picked out by a decorator, down to the knicknacks. It's somewhat offputting to think that someone's personality cannot extend to their immediate surroundings--which I think can only enhance a sub. I always imagine that a great sub would bring an electric charge of promise into any atmosphere.

Most important: eye contact! Don't stare into people's eyes for too long--let your eyes wander over their lips and forehead and anything else you'd like to kiss, and then back to their eyes.. This was advice given to me fifteen years ago by a very tart Frenchwoman how pointed out that the best way to keep a man's attention focused on you is to keep yourself focused on your own "pleasurable thoughts" (I'm not sure that it was the exact phrase--but she later said "dirty thoughts. My French es no bueno). I can testify that it's worked for me. :)

Good luck and keep this thread going!

p.s. FukinTroll: it's so sadistic that you won't share your secrets, it makes me tingly all over... :)




servicewithsmile -> RE: elegance in serving (3/6/2007 8:17:37 PM)

Yep, I have one of those.  It's called, "The Fascinating Girl".  Being raised Mormon, it wasn't handed to me as a joke. [:D]




novicecourtesan -> RE: elegance in serving (3/6/2007 8:24:23 PM)

For a great book, written originally in 1921 by a flapper, rereleased recently, I suggest The Technique of the Love Affair by Doris Langley Moore. Not everything inside is applicable to a bdsm context, but the chapters on what men find attractive in women, and how to increase your charms are very enlightening. 




MasterNdorei -> RE: elegance in serving (3/6/2007 11:31:07 PM)

ServiceWithSmile... how ironic i just posted asking about The Fascinating Woman in another thread. If it's not too much trouble, i would like to know (on the other side) what you think of the "Girl" book you read by the same author?

Master's dorei





behindmirrors -> RE: elegance in serving (3/7/2007 12:00:46 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous


so, THE QUESTION IS:

if your Master/Owner/Dom has had you working on this, what are some exercises He has you utilize, or that you have read about?



I have not received any training from my Dom in this, though I was trained in grace my entire life. I started in ballet at age 3 (and still dance), and going through 6 years of charm school (which, by the way, was really hard to tolerate as a kid), I have a wealth of ideas for you, and I hope they help. To warn you, this will be horribly long to read!

First off, I agree with Beth that dance, and especially ballet, will really help. Ballet dancers are taught some very important things about grace, because it is the basis behind the whole style of dance. Here's some of the more practical things I have learned from ballet:

- Graceful movement requires strength. Without strength, even the most delicate movement of an arm would not work. All your tomboy skills can come into play with this- think of channeling that strength and energy into how you hold your body up, how you move each limb, and in each motion you make. Feel how much strength it takes to be delicate and fluid in your movements.

- Good posture is the foundation for graceful movement. You need to find your "neutral" position through your torso, first things first. The best way I can describe this in words is that you want to envision your back like a string of pearls held at one end, unclasped. Each pearl should fall into a straight line. Start at your sternum, and feel it lift upwards- not like sticking your chest out, but like you are being pulled towards the ceiling by an invisible string. Make sure your shoulders stay pressed down the entire time, making your neck feel elongated, and holding your head high. Then think about your abs- your navel should feel slightly pulled towards your spine- but not uncomfortably sucked in. Think of trying to create as much length between your ribcage and your hipbones as you can- it's a lifted feeling. Your derriere should be pulled underneath you, but not pushing your hips forward. Use a mirror and try this, standing in a comfortable position with your legs.

- Ballet (and graceful movement) feel long to me. You are always trying to reach past the extension of your body and your limbs. It's a stretching where you're trying to extend two inches past how tall or extended you already are.

- Graceful movement is deliberate and fluid. It should feel like you're moving through peanut butter when you move- making each motion controlled, strong, and purposeful. Everything should feel connected together, even though each movement is separate- think of it as "suspending" a gesture before moving to the next one, much like a breath. One thing you can try is holding your arms, slightly curved by your sides but not touching them, and working on "breathing" the arms- moving them about three inches upwards, sustaining them for a moment, and then back down again. The movement should be leading with your elbow, and carried through down to your fingertips.

- The "finish" is really important. Think of extensions like I talked about before- where you're always trying to reach past your length by a few inches. That would reach through your fingers and your toes- otherwise, it looks like you have a dead fish attached to each of your limbs. Ballet extensions are "turned out"- where you are rotating your feet outwards through your hip joints- and the foot is slightly "winged" when extended and pointed- meaning you are using your ankle to slightly turn your toes out away from your heels, instead of making a straight line. With your hands, try this: take two coins (quarters work well), and put one in each hand on the place where your middle finger meets your palm. Use your thumb to keep the coin in place- this is teaching you the position ballet dancers use to make their hands look delicate and refined. Slightly extend your fingers, but keep them a little soft. Ideally, you learn to keep your thumb pulled slightly towards your palm, but not actually touching it. For me, this is so ingrained that I hold my hands that way automatically whenever I am not doing something with them.

- The best way to improve your grace is to work on it consistently. Your body does have a capacity for it, but it has to be instructed on what to do. Look at yourself, and look at videos of dancers or photographs. See how much energy they seem to exude in their movement- that's coming out of the extensions I talked about. Try to imitate what you appreciate about their movements- and adapt these things into your daily motions. When you grab something out of a high cupboard, stand on one foot and extend the other leg, and try to reach out of your body to get what you need. Feel yourself lifting up and out of your hips when you walk.

To me, the grace in movement is like a silent form of pride. You are showing, through careful action, that you are proud of your bearing and place, and that you are to be respected- but it's not an "in your face" pride, it's quiet and internal. It's not that you are not humble or that you don't have humility- it's that you have the ability to convey those things while being proud. Dance, and grace, are non-verbal art forms- try to portray how you are feeling through your positioning. I try to captivate intense beauty when I move, and pride behind that beauty. An interesting side effect is that when you get it, you will know it- because when you walk into a room with perfect posture and that silent pride and grace in your movements, everyone around you will stand up straighter, and you can see it. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/image/s2.gif[/image] Don't shed your powerful persona- use it to your advantage here!

Once you start to get this stuff down, start seeping it into your daily activities. See how you can incorporate it. Treat everything you do like a dance, and be constantly aware of how you are moving and presenting yourself. The focus on your physical movements will teach you many things you may have never known about yourself, how your body feels and the way you relate to the world around you with your movement. It's as much a mental thing as a physical one- think about your grace, your strength, and your silent pride. Feel beautiful. Good luck.

Links to look at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xvmsqD_lC8 A YouTube Video about dance posture- about 5 minutes long and informative, very basic and step-by-step.
http://www.amazon.com/New-York-City-Ballet-Workout/dp/B000056MMR The New York City Ballet Workout- they have books and DVDs, this is for the first DVD. The book is beautiful, and very informative. I personally swear by this stuff, as it gives you exercises meant to lengthen and stretch your muscles as you develop strength and control.
And, some beautiful dancers who exemplify what I am talking about:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riHKAMGhuVw (an amateur in recital, but with lovely flow in her movements and very long extensions- and a very, very good amateur, by the way)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uz2Gp7a38DM (exquisite dancer, one of the best professionals of the day- watch her arms as she slowly moves them)

I hope all this helps, and let me know if there's anything you have questions about or would like to know. Best to you in developing extraordinary grace!
behindmirrors.






mixielicous -> RE: elegance in serving (3/7/2007 8:10:38 AM)

novice and courtsean, WOW amazing, thanks for sharing so much! this is something i am really excited to start, and as soon as i get back from the DMV [eeeeeeeeeeeeeeew] i cant wait to watch the vids, and go looking for some old school books, lol [:D]




novicecourtesan -> RE: elegance in serving (3/7/2007 8:16:11 AM)

behindthemirrors:

that's excellent advice--I will be rereading it. Thanks for sharing so much, especially those links....

mixielicious--good luck and do share what you find!





behindmirrors -> RE: elegance in serving (3/7/2007 8:20:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: novicecourtesan

behindthemirrors:

that's excellent advice--I will be rereading it. Thanks for sharing so much, especially those links....

mixielicious--good luck and do share what you find!




You are very welcome. I'm glad you found it to be useful.
behindmirrors.




swtrayn -> RE: elegance in serving (3/8/2007 1:27:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtrayn

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Mail me.




I was hoping you would share your ideas and insight with the group.

rayn



You forget I am sadistic.



aww You never did share that info with me.. [&o]

rayn




FukinTroll -> RE: elegance in serving (3/8/2007 1:30:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtrayn

aww You never did share that info with me.. [&o]

rayn

 
I thought it might shatter you Locate fetish.
 
Slurp!




swtrayn -> RE: elegance in serving (3/8/2007 2:04:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtrayn

aww You never did share that info with me.. [&o]

rayn
 
 
I thought it might shatter you Locate fetish.
 
Slurp!



LOL sometimes you are just way to much.

What's a girl gotta do to get some info out of you?? LOL

rayn




FukinTroll -> RE: elegance in serving (3/8/2007 2:08:17 PM)

Beg. That is what e-mail is for.




swtrayn -> RE: elegance in serving (3/8/2007 3:57:54 PM)

sent




FukinTroll -> RE: elegance in serving (3/8/2007 4:48:19 PM)

You got mail!




swtrayn -> RE: elegance in serving (3/8/2007 5:40:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

The name is a nome de plume but Mistress Abernathy's two books are being combined into one revised edition.  I am not sure when Greenery Press will be shipping but those have a lot of good advice in them.


May I ask what two books are being combined into one revised edition? I did look for the nome de plume, but as you said, you didn't know when they would be shipped so could not find it. 

Thank you in advance.

rayn




andyskayla -> RE: elegance in serving (3/8/2007 9:54:22 PM)

I found that doing figure skating (not jumps and turns, but "patch" where you make figure 8s) did far more for me than ballet.  (It is also a bigger commitment money and time wise, and ironically, I got very clumsy when I first started doing it, but then it really helped me be much more precise and control extraneous movement, when I think about it and want to.)

I'm not particularly graceful.  I strive to be gracious (and think I succeed some of the time) but graceful is another issue entirely.  However, my grandmother, who attended finishing school for years in England and had the nanny and butler and all that jazz, spent several years trying to teach me how to serve tea properly, and I think it did teach me something (although perhaps more on the gracious than graceful side).  You might pick just one thing and really focus on that in-depth.  The most important thing she taught me was to anticipate the needs of your guests.  We always had a pot of tea, one of hot water to warm the cups first and an empty pot to pour the water into (and left over bits of tea when they were offered a fresh cup).  I'd watch how much people drank and offer them more tea when they had about 1 sip left.  Remember how each person liked their tea and always give them one more cookie than they asked for so they didn't have to ask.  Also, we had questions ready in case the conversation lulled that would pull people in to the conversation.  Generally, she would have me monitor the conversation, note who was being left out and then try to pull them into the conversation with a question to reaveal his (or more likely her) strengths.  Not that I was ever good at this when I was a kid, but now I'm aware as to how much went into daily tea growing up and I think repeating the small ritual over and over helped me learn a great deal.

A couple of other things:  Listen to people--really listen and make eye contact.  I suck at this one, but I think it helps and I'm trying to do it better.    When you sit, try putting both feet down flat directly down from your hips, then loop one ankle behind the other.  I find it helps my posture as well as keeping a nicer line than my usual throwing an ankle over a knee. When standing, I do a ballet position 4 (legs turned out, one leg slightly in front of the other.) When eating, small bites and put your silverware down between bites.   I also think meditation helps; I don't do it for that reason, but I note that when I do practice regularly, I'm more grounded and fidget less. 

Finally, and I don't like this one and don't do it, but I think if you breathe into your chest and keep your abdomen tight it gives a more elegant line and graceful look.  However, it tends to make me less grounded and less gracious so for me it just isn't worth it. 




junecleaver -> RE: elegance in serving (3/9/2007 6:21:44 AM)

Yoga does wonders.




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