AquaticSub
Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
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Respectfully, perhaps she has permission to seek guidance on issues she is unsure about? There are times I turn to friends for advice and opinions before speaking with Valyraen on something.
Agreed and will apologize if that is the case. Our participation and reason for joining CM was primarily so that beth would have a different perspective than mine concerning the lifestyle. But when it came to specifics about us, we kept it between us. No question was banned or considered inappropiate. In fact I required that she knew and understood the "why" moreso than the "what" and "how".
However based upon the OP it was not the case in this instance. He gave her instructions and a task to be served as punishment. Her questions seemed to be directed to whether her pain and emotions she was experiencing were "normal". Whether the punishment was fair and/or appropriate isn't for us to say, anymore than Valyraen's are for you.
I would like to challenge you with a few questions if you permit concerning something you posted. They aren't for you to answer. Instead I pose them to give you an idea of my perspective concerning soliciting "advice" as a thin disguise for a direct challenging your Master.
You said; "There are times I turn to friends for advice and opinions before speaking with Valyraen on something."
- Is there ever a time that information or opinions solicited from your friends would supersede a directive from Valyraen?
Only if he was telling me drink a liquid that my friends informed me was posionous. Then I would have to investigate a bit more. *smiles* I didn't get the feeling that she was going to make her choice to obey or not based soley on the advice we gave. However, I could be reading it wrong.
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- If information gleaned from them contradicted his decision but was in line with your position or definition of "fairness" would it cause you to tell him he was wrong?
I would not tell him he was wrong. I would present the information to him, tell that I felt it was unfair for the reasons XY and Z, and that *insert name of person who we know and respect* feels it is unfair for reasons XY and Z. Having said (in a less in your face manner of course), he would make his own decision and I would live with it as gracefully as possible.
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- What could you talk about to your friends easier than you can talk about with him?
It's not a matter of easy, it's matter of understanding what I want to say. I don't know if my ADHD plays into this, but I often muddle what I want to say and make a complete mess of things! I'd much rather talk it out with a friend who understands and figure exactly what I want to say and how I want to say it and then be clear in my communication with Valyraen. Also, I do stutter and I hate it. I stutter much less when I already know what I want to say.
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- Can your friends ever have more, or as much, insight about your relationship than the two of you?
Of course not. That's why I don't do something or believe something just because they say it. However, they do provide a good sounding board and it's useful to talk with other subs and their experiences.
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- If bringing up a problem you are having should these friends know about it before him?
Should they? I don't see why. If they know about it before him it's simply because I want some girl talk first. I would like to say that most of the time he is the one who knows first. If the issue isn't resolved quickly and we've decided to give ourselves some time to think it over, I don't see any problem with talking it over with some close friends.
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- Do you think these questions indicate a lack of confidence in Valyraen's ability to be Master within your relationship?
Abosulately not. Valyraen is my dominant and I never question his authority or his ability to dominant me. However, we are both young, both fairly inexperienced and are both very comfortable admitting it. He has less real time experience then me and for both us this our first "offical" d/s relationship. We know that we both have things to learn.
As for what d/s issues I personally discuss with friends - it's really not much. Valyraen and I handle pretty much everything ourselves and privately. I've sought some advice on being both submissive and trying to get a bit more "playtime" from a very close friend who Valyraen trusts completely and has already given me blanket permission to discuss very personal aspects of our life.
I suppose I've discovered, in answering these questions, that I really don't bring our issues outside of our relationship much. At least the d/s ones. Yet, I still can't blame another submissive, particularly one new and searching for answers, for seeking advice.
Oh and sorry I haven't responded till now. Somehow I didn't notice it. And sorry for the bad spelling. It's really late where I am. Hope I didn't jumble things up too much! 
< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 3/9/2007 1:47:51 AM >
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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val
It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me
Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair
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RE: Please help - 
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