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domiguy -> RE: CIAW (3/13/2007 2:23:15 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SusanofO
domiguy: Show me some stats that support your conclusion that "most people cheat because they have failed to communicate with their partners". Yes it does sound very sensible, it also sounds a lil' self-righteous, and terms like "communciation" can mean just about anything. What exactly have they "failed" to do - exactly? Show me the stats and studies anyway - I am big on evidence.
I am not sure "failure"" is the term I'd always use. How about: "Tried desperately to get someone to listen to them, and show they care, and have sexual relations with them, who just apparently couldn't be bothered, for years on end and would not even go to a marriage counsellor, and stick with it, or switch from Viagra to Cialis or Levitra, bcause it supposedly gave them headaches?"
I am not trying to be disrespectful, nor saying I disbelieve your notion, but - I don't see why the thread topic needs to necessarily turn into a contest between people who will say that they would never ever do it, and people who say they might, or did (or are currently, for that matter).
Let's look at the stats: 90% of folks apparently say they'd never ever do it - and yet 40-80% apparently have done it.
SusanofO and to cloud boy....cloudboy is an attorney and SusanofO works as a researcher...I'm going to get off the topic of marriage but I am going to concentrate on how you are "making your argument."
The article states this:
"90 percent of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong."
"Not that people said they wouldn't do it" which you have repeated continuously in all of your posts.
The last 6 bullets are not a conclusion...Nor do they reach one, they just happen to be the last six bullets.
The conclusion of the article,who is the same person who gathered the data you used...Dr Reena Sommers.
"Dr. Reena Sommer is an internationally recognized relationship and divorce consultant."
THE CONCLUSION IS REACHED...By clicking "What Do Infidelity Statistics Mean."
http://www.menstuff.org/columns/sommer/archive.html#infidelity
Your conclusions are wrong....I will take the conclusions of a woman who is trained rather than someone who rants in her posts and doesn't take the time to read the reference that she is using to prove her unfounded conclusion.
Quote as to what she concludes in her "professional " opinion.
This is the conclusion reached by Dr Reena Sommers a "TRAINED PROFESSIONAL"...Not SusanofO
quote:
"these staggeringly high infidelity figures mean that something is really lacking in their marriages to lead them to look else where.
Lacking... So is it Sex? Or something else?
This may come as a complete surprise, but most extramarital affairs are NOT about sex! If not sex, then what? Pay attention - the reason most people find intimacy with someone outside of their marriage is because their emotional needs are not being met. Yes, it's true! Most cases of infidelity are about wanting to feel emotionally connected to someone."
The bottom line is - if you want to avoid becoming yet another infidelity statistic, then you must nurture and prioritize your relationship with your spouse or partner. As you may have already figured out, just like planes, relationships cannot be maintained on "auto-pilot" indefinately.
Now to clouboy who seems to need you to defend his actions and words...tremendous traits of a competent "attorney."
He used Dan Savages article to defend the action of people who cheat...But in the last part of Savages reply he says this which cloudboy, attorney extraordinaire, conveniently omitted.
(Last paragraph in Dan Savages article to SOTS)
quote:
Dan Savage
That said, SOTS, I'm not gonna give you a pass. You're not done with sex, he's not dying, you don't have kids—cheating under your particular circumstances can't be justified. Regardless of what happens with your coworker, SOTS, you need to end this relationship. You're not all that attracted to your boyfriend emotionally or physically, and you don't have the kind of entanglements—biological or durational—to rationalize having a fuck buddy. You need to do the right thing, SOTS, and break up with this guy.
So he's not giving a pass to the guy...In fact he sates "You need to do the "right thing" and break up with this guy."
The way cloudboys original statement began is "how does he get his bdsm groove on with a partner who presumably doesn't swing that way?"....Paraphrasing.
Does this meet the requirements as Dan Savage provided and on which clouboy is looking to be absolved under?
It seems that Dan Savage has a bit of CIAW within himself.
I have viewed way too many of your long winded posts...I hope this flies....You seem incapable of having an honest dialogue...You seem incapable of performing the act of listening, this is nothing but another of a series of SusanofO rants....It's one thing to believe in your cause; it's another to ignore facts, change or alter the wording of statistics and reach a conclusion that is not shared by either of the articles that you are using to validate your
"points."
I hope this sheds some light on the argument and the actual lack of one that is taking place. This is but another "all about" you segment on the forums. Both you and cloudboy do not respond to others views or acknowledge that your souces that you use actually come to quite a different conclusion.
You are a researcher he is an attorney....Wow.
This is tremendously long winded...But Goddam woman...What is wrong with you?
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