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SusanofO -> RE: CIAW (3/11/2007 8:30:47 PM)
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I think part of a prohibition against it is culturally induced in the U.S, as far as other places possibly having more things like "open relationships". I do realize this is very different than "cheating" - my point is that I think there's just generally a more tolerant atmosphere in some other places, maybe then in the U.S. (I could be worng).
As for whether I think it's ironic that CIAWers are seeming to beat up on SOTS ers, I don't find it unsual, although I can sometimes find it short-sighted, for the reasons velvetears (and some others)stated. I don't appreciate black-and-white thinking. Celeste brought this up, too.
I don't fault people for holding their own values. People have a right to their own beliefs.
I can envision some good and bad fallout, from divorce (kids can suffer, one spouse gets left being financially wiped out, or worse, alienated from their kids.) On the other hand, for some, the relief alone is worth some (or any) fallout.
I can also envision good and bad fallout where a marriage is maintained but one spouse hasn't left, simply, because the risk to other areas of a family or simply a spouse, have been deemed too great: Kids would suffer, they'd possibly lose a job or family contact, finances would suffer (and then everyone suffers, etc.) -
By the same token, I do have friends whose father, for instance (like Aquaticsub mentioned) cheated on their mom, and it screwed the kids up in the family for years on end. Hmmm.
I think how people react to these situations and life decisions, has to do with how they were raised and how they reacted to the peculiar (as in unique to their own situation) circumstances in which they grew up, and the ones that have happened since then, too.
I am of the opinion that nothing will ever change someone's previously staunchly held opinion like experiencing something in person, themselves. My uncle killed his own daughter in a drunk-driving accident, when she was 10 years old. He's been a rabidly affective AA counsellor, and an Anglican priest, and earned a Ph.D. since then. None of these things would he have done, if not for that accident.
Is he a "murderer"? Has he "paid his dues"? Who the hell would I be to judge that? The man has suffered in ways I can't even imagine, probably.
Why would I imagine someone's marriage (or whatever their relationship is) couldn't be equally rewarding or devastating in effect, to all those involved, and years down the line - and who is to say this final outcome is any less valuable, simply because it resulted from original pain? Or pleasure, for that matter?
*Everyone is on their own path, as a friend of mine likes to say. Nobody really knows why, for certain, IMO, anyone is here, or just what effect they are supposed to be having on someone else, in the "final analysis". I know that might sound "way out there" and "too spiritual" to be a valid answer, but it's about the only one I can think of, that would be an adequate answer for a topic of this magnitude.
So, IMO, one really needs to take a long-term view, when assessing why people are the way they are, before judging it as good or bad. Or I try to, anyway. Sure there are "evil" people in the world. My opinion, though, really? Most people are just trying to get through the day. I haven't had tons of bad experiences, but I've had my fair share. I still think a situational view is probably wise, and not blanket pronouncements on what is always this or that.
One might say attitudes like the ones expressed on this thread, are culturally induced within a person's own family-of-origin, as well as larger society. And whichever one of these was paid more attention to by te person had a greater influence (some folks pay not heed to their families, and hate 'em - others love' em and hang on their every opinion). Partners, teachers, and friends, IMO influence people, too, as far as their choices.
***I really do think there are many folks who don't bother much to question previously held beliefs, even those that have been handed down, and simply accept them, and that sometimes wirks fine. Until, pssibly some circumstance rears its ugly head that has them questioning some of them. Even folks in the bdsm world. I don't think it's ever a bad thing to question whether some protocol one is raised with is still serving one's life. I know divorced Catholics, for instance, that are happy as clams. Divorce used to be a huge no-no for Catholics. Pretty mild example, but you get the idea. I'll see if I can think of a better one.
People sometimes don't seem willing to discuss this stuff in much detail, mainly I think because, it can go on forever, but also very much so beacuse as one looks deeper, IMO, it becomes ever apparent there arent any easy, cut-and-dried answers that always fit neatly, for all.
- Susan
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