RE: Subs who play with safewords

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MasterGremlin -> RE: Subs who play with safewords (3/29/2007 8:18:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domwolfe71 It's something that's been tugging at my mind for some time now. Perhaps some of you have experienced the same thing. There was a time long ago when I had a submissive who was very close to my heart. We partook of the lifestyle often and well. As we grew closer, she did something that just really jacked up my wiring. She used a safeword, apparently to just escape a punishment. I considered it a dreadful misuse of the safeword, but as I'd given my word to always obey it, here I was bound to stop. This did happen several other times until the ability to establish and maintain any kind of discipline was lost. Have any of you had to deal with this type of situation? What did you do to remedy such a thing? If you're a SSC-respecting normal person, You're going to of course stop whenever its uttered, but what do you do when it's used frivolously. It's like the boy who cried wolf without the object lesson at the end. In the very beginning of O/our relationship, Master gave me a safeword with the instructions that it was to be used if things got too much for me to handle either physically, mentally or emotionally. I was also told I could not use it to get out of punishment (He didn't use corporal punishment back then) and that if/when used, W/we would stop and discuss whatever the issue was. I think I only used it a total of 3 times in the time W/we have been together and that was early on. The first time I used it I remember the displeasure in His face and hated that I had caused that and never wanted to use it again. Since receiving my permenant collar, I no longer have a safeword and no longer need one. From what You have said, it seems like the sub has been "Topping from the bottom" so to speak, with this safeword. If she is going to be that way, stop playing with her, or maybe try using the safeword Yourself when she is about to cum.....[sm=evil.gif] But really, it just sounds like maybe a discussion is in order and some ground rules need to be defined or maybe re-defined. Sincerely, minxy

sweetstorm -> RE: Subs who play with safewords (3/30/2007 6:17:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterGremlin If she is going to be that way, stop playing with her, or maybe try using the safeword Yourself when she is about to cum.....[sm=evil.gif] LOL - that's *EVIL*!!!

SirKinkster -> RE: Subs who play with safewords (3/30/2007 6:25:00 AM)
very good response from gremlin.... I happen to agree with it

softness -> RE: Subs who play with safewords (3/30/2007 7:24:44 AM)
has to play with an emergency stop word ... (like cut me free call the cavalry, no stopping and discussing, just dive for the phone) .. because of a health problem other than my 999 word i prefer not to have one in case in a moment of weakness i do abuse it, i tend to play with lots of open communication and checking in with each other just because those are the types of partners i find myself with. in punishment you just cant have a safe word, if what you did is serious enough to warrant having a safe word to get through the punishment ... you prolly deserve worse! (unless you are with an abusive nutjob, in which case no safewords can help you .. only getting well rid) did chat and meet with a guy once who claimed he couldn't give out safe words because he got short term memory loss and would forget what the safe word was ... roflmao

sweetstorm -> RE: Subs who play with safewords (3/30/2007 7:44:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness did chat and meet with a guy once who claimed he couldn't give out safe words because he got short term memory loss and would forget what the safe word was ... roflmao That's happened to me in the middle of a scene! He stopped in the middle of a flogging, picked up my head by the hair, looked at my face and said "do you remember your safeword?" and I couldn't! (it was 'RED' - - D'oh!) [sm=ofcourse.gif]

softness -> RE: Subs who play with safewords (3/30/2007 7:49:06 AM)
lol at sweetstorm .. can imagine that ... but then also have problems remembering my name and date of birth.. or which way is up!

Rose4Mistress -> RE: Subs who play with safewords (4/1/2007 11:53:31 AM)
One Dom that I am on friendly terms with and I had this very discussion last week. He keeps a submissive, and they were having issues with her using safewords simply when she was tired or anxious, instead of when she actually felt things were going to far. Their solution was simple, and to me, it makes perfect sense. Find something your sub REALLY hates doing. Whether it be scrubbing the floor, being locked up for hours....whatever. The sub can use the safeword if he or she feels that they need to, but using it has a negative consequence like cleaning the house, being caged, etc. That way they are less likely to use it simply out of laziness or because they are trying to get out of a punishment, and the sanctity of the safeword is once again intact. Hope this helps. Play hard, live well, be happy!

DominaSmartass -> RE: Subs who play with safewords (4/1/2007 7:43:44 PM)
I disagree on that one. What's the point in having a safeword if you are punished by using it? If I play with someone, we generally don't even have safewords because the agreement is that I am not out to do anything the bottom doesn't consent to and as of now the best way has always just been to ask or let them know that feedback is welcome. Play, in my mind, is for mutual enjoyment no matter if I am playing with a friend who wants to bottom to me or my own slave (hypothetically.) I could only get enjoyment out of doing something hard and heavy to someone I know likes that kind of stuff - a tried and true masochist - if you will. I play with people my own age a good bit, most of them tend to be new and inexperienced so I am not trying to "push their limits" as so many people tend to say. Rather, just letting them experience things and see what they like and what they don't. I can get a lot of pleasure out of that kind of play without it getting seriously hard. So for me, playing without a safeword does not mean that I will not respect the bottom's wishes when it comes to something being too much. It's just I prefer to not do it in a coded way. But by suggesting that someone be punished for communicating that the play was too hard it reminds me too much of a situation in which a person is coerced into cooperating beyond where they really feel consentual for fear of what will happen if they say "stop."

BabyNyla -> RE: Subs who play with safewords (4/1/2007 7:49:24 PM)
my punishments never have to do with pain ... much like the whole diagraming sentences that was brought up in the beginning of the thread ... I have to write sentences. So there's never a need to safeword out of it ... even thought my hand kills me afterwards. I recently had to write 2000 very long sentences and it took about 100 pages to complete it :\

MasterMataeo -> RE: Subs who play with safewords (4/1/2007 9:07:49 PM)
i have had to deal with safe words and the misuse of them as well , i do have the 3 strike rule as well , strike 1 is when they use it to avoid an incurred punishment due to an infraction of rules, and that we sit and discuss the sides of each adn try to find common ground, the second time it's more fustrating and theyare reminded that it will not happen again and if it does they will be dismissed, for it seems to apper taht they are playing more of the Brat than a slave, for a slave is there to serve the Master/Mistress and should already know the rules and the punishments for breaking said. the third time , well that is the charm ,, so it is said ,, the Dismissal only if the safety word is misused is such a manner to avoid said punishments due to their own misactions

daejannaO -> RE: Subs who play with safewords (4/2/2007 12:00:54 PM)
i feel that if a submissive uses a safe word and it's not heeded or understood, then the trust and intimacies of the interplay starts to disolve. i've read the previous postings and i agree that it must be something that needs to be discussed with each other before it proceeds again. it could be something beyond the limits for the sub to even handle or tolerate, therefore, the safe words.

grlneedstolearn -> RE: Subs who play with safewords (4/2/2007 9:32:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domwolfe71 It's something that's been tugging at my mind for some time now. Perhaps some of you have experienced the same thing. There was a time long ago when I had a submissive who was very close to my heart. We partook of the lifestyle often and well. As we grew closer, she did something that just really jacked up my wiring. She used a safeword, apparently to just escape a punishment. I considered it a dreadful misuse of the safeword, but as I'd given my word to always obey it, here I was bound to stop. This did happen several other times until the ability to establish and maintain any kind of discipline was lost. Have any of you had to deal with this type of situation? What did you do to remedy such a thing? If you're a SSC-respecting normal person, You're going to of course stop whenever its uttered, but what do you do when it's used frivolously. It's like the boy who cried wolf without the object lesson at the end. i know with my Dom i can use a safeword during play, which is very rare since he knows my actions and knows when to stop. But as far as a punishment goes, well i have no safeword in that instance.

obey1 -> RE: Subs who play with safewords (8/28/2007 1:47:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass quote: ORIGINAL: obey1 "You will agree to wait 5 additional seconds from the time I started anew to the time I stopped, irregardless of when you speak the phrase....." Opinons? Yeah, I'll give you an opinion. First of all, this entire thing is ridiculous and from what I know about you Obey1, I believe you were attempting a joke. I can't imagine you were serious with this bandaid bullshit and if you were, god help your sub or future sub ;) Secondly, there is not such word as "irregardless." In the short film The Parlor two characters argue over the term: Joey: "Irregardless she's a twat." Beth: "Irregardless isn't even a word." Joey: "Yes it is, it means without lack of regard." From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irregardless That is how I used it. Read the sentence again. I know the difference between regardless or irregardless..[:'(]

defiantbadgirl -> RE: Subs who play with safewords (8/28/2007 2:48:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domwolfe71 It's something that's been tugging at my mind for some time now. Perhaps some of you have experienced the same thing. There was a time long ago when I had a submissive who was very close to my heart. We partook of the lifestyle often and well. As we grew closer, she did something that just really jacked up my wiring. She used a safeword, apparently to just escape a punishment. I considered it a dreadful misuse of the safeword, but as I'd given my word to always obey it, here I was bound to stop. This did happen several other times until the ability to establish and maintain any kind of discipline was lost. Have any of you had to deal with this type of situation? What did you do to remedy such a thing? If you're a SSC-respecting normal person, You're going to of course stop whenever its uttered, but what do you do when it's used frivolously. It's like the boy who cried wolf without the object lesson at the end. I would have to agree that safewording to avoid a punishment is wrong unless the infraction wasn't discussed before the punishment and the sub was about to get punished for something she didn't do. As far as safewords during physical punishment, my opinion is that there may or may not be a need for one depending on the dominant. With the first guy I scened with, I had the option but using the safeword was rarely necessary. He watched me very closely and when he saw I was on the verge of tears, he figured I had enough and put his arms around me. The second Dom I scened with wanted to continue the punishment until I safeworded. He wanted to hear the safeword. Every sub is different of course. But I couldn't imagine hysterically crying and apologizing and having the Dom continue to inflict pain on me once I got to this point with no option of safewording.

Celeste43 -> RE: Subs who play with safewords (8/28/2007 3:22:04 PM)
You said you partook of the relationship often. That says to me she was a sexual submissive primarily. Did you discuss ahead of time having a punishment dynamic? Because it's something she has to agree with. A lot of us don't have a punishment dynamic. They don't work for us. Sounds like it didn't work for her. So why didn't you ask her why she disobeyed? Communication, if successful, I find erases the need for punishment. In four years, every time there's been a major argument/refusal etc here, it has always come down to a misunderstanding. Had he punished me because he didn't allow me to explain, or because he hadn't been clear, then I would have found my respect for him to be eroded. Thankfully, I picked someone who understands the need for communication and that sometimes when people are upset, they can have difficulty talking things out immediately.

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