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How long - 3/12/2007 9:50:53 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		did it take you to be ready for a new relationship after a hurtful one?

i am asking this for personal reasons.

And with the way some of the threads have been going, i am going to state:  Please be nice (i.e. you can beat me up if you do it with decorum and manners).

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~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

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RE: How long - 3/12/2007 9:56:29 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		About a year after the first one.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How long - 3/12/2007 9:57:36 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I once met a man on neutral ground who attacked me.  It didn't really get to the hurtful stage beyond that of mental.
I was also able to chaulk it up to some people are just assholes.  Moved on rather quickly.

Though it seems it takes year's for most to be able to move on.  Faster you can coem to terms with it yourself the faster you can move forward.

(in reply to angelic)
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RE: How long - 3/12/2007 10:02:24 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		i am sorry that happened to you sub4hire.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


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RE: How long - 3/12/2007 10:06:04 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Considering I have multiple relationships simultaneously, it's not really feasible to end all of them one when ends until I'm ready for another :)  But I'd say if it was a serious relationship, you should wait at least 6 months before making any other serious decisions in your life, specially when it comes to relationships.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How long - 3/12/2007 10:07:39 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Don't be sorry.  I wasn't.  As I said I chaulked it up to a learning experience.  Believe me, he was much more sorry than I ever was in the end.
I can bench press more than most men.  I had a brother who was quite adept at wrestling.
I can handle myself.
In the time between doms it took me 5 year's to find Doug.  Over at least a thousand people only two tried to
attack me physically.
You can be as careful as can be and still meet an asshole. 
Just look at it as experience, you've learned from it and in the future you will be more careful and move on.

(in reply to angelic)
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RE: How long - 3/12/2007 10:12:12 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		it took 3 years...after 19 years of hurtful.
 
during those three years, this slave purposely went out solo every birthday in lieu of a "date" with another--yes, made the big fancy reservation and took herself out for dinner, dancing and an hour or two in a hot springs mineral tub.
also:
took classes on a wide range of topics that interested this slave.
spent many hours meditating in the wilderness.
donated any extra spare free time to a variety of worthwhile causes.
turned down several offers for relationship.
began recovering from the hurt.
 
best of luck to you!

(in reply to angelic)
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RE: How long - 3/12/2007 10:13:46 AM   
lilsubl


Posts: 4595
Joined: 2/6/2006
Status: offline 		i have been known to take as long as 4 years after a relationship ends before i find another that i feel will enhance my life...not that i'm spending the years wallowing in the awful things that may have happened in the earlier relationship, just that i haven't felt ready to start another...there have also been times--more sledom, though--when i have gone from one relationship to the next in a matter of weeks...& times when i have multiple relationships simultaneously...

so my answer would be that it takes as long as it takes & that you decide when you're really ready to jump back in, this time into a healthy one....


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Linea, collarded pet of the evil Sir Max & his lovely & equally evil wife


it's no fun unless you're scared

if you can't be brave, be determined & you'll get to the same place

wannabe member of the subbi mafia

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RE: How long - 3/12/2007 10:15:37 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		beth, thank you for responding.  i hold both you and Merc in very high regard. 

Yes, i will make it, i am just going through some growing pains and thought others experiences might help to put mine into perspective. 

Thank you again.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: How long - 3/12/2007 10:20:09 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		I took some classes, when I was in the process of getting my divorce, that said it took a year for every five that you were married to recover from divorce. I'm not sure how true that is but I'm on my 4th year out and beginning to realize I'm seeing more clearly and breathing more easily now so they may be right.

Just my thoughts....

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How long - 3/12/2007 10:25:48 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i was with my former for about 2yrs before leaving him when our relationship turned from playful to bordering on abusive (it was one of his fantasies to actually treat me like a African slave on a plantation). i knew it was merely role-playing however when he totally began degrading me until i was afraid for my life because he wanted to beat me black and blue as part of the experience - i left him as quickly as possible. i took a break from my submissive side for a couple of months and focused on me and my family. 

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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

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RE: How long - 3/12/2007 10:43:18 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have been in love twice.  The first time it took me years to recover.  So long that if virginity could grow back, it did.  This time around, I hope that it does not take as long.  If I have to force it from me, then I will try my best to make it be gone.
Good luck,
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How long - 3/12/2007 10:50:03 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you all.  After i posted this thread, i thought maybe i would be bringing up bad stuff for others.  That was not my intent and i apologize if it did.

Someone said something last week to me that made me stop and think.  i am a work in progress (i seriously had forgotten that).  Maybe there is hope for me after all!

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How long - 3/12/2007 10:55:44 AM   
bellanotte


Posts: 125
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Tornado Alley, USA
Status: offline 		It took me somewhere roughly 2 years before I felt "ready" to start looking again.
Recovering from the hurt does take awhile, but investing the time in yourself to do so is worth the effort
And be as patient with yourself as you can
Good luck


_____________________________

"The world is not yet exhausted; let me see something tomorrow which I never saw before." -Samuel Johnson

“It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.” -Joseph Campbell

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How long - 3/12/2007 11:28:05 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		A good six months after the split...but the split was a while in coming. I knew, but didn't want to admit, the relationship was over about six months before that.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How long - 3/12/2007 11:31:00 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		It was 3 years after me and my ex separated before I started to think about dating.  We were together 13 yrs, and for another 3 years, I didn't really know what was happening.

I was involved with a dominant for about 2 years.  After that break up (which got scary) it took me 2 years to even think about a relationship and I shied away from anything lifestyle related (there were a bunch of other things going on in my life at that time, also).



_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How long - 3/12/2007 11:59:46 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		angelic, I don't think there is a magic time frame.

For me, it's when I stop comparing every potential to her. When I don't feel the need to be in a relationship. When I can think of her without feeling horrible. When I can honestly hope she is happy. When I know I want her to have someone to be happy with.

Then I know I can be 100% available to someone new without carrying alot of potentially hurtful garbage into a new relationship.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How long - 3/12/2007 12:18:55 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		Very wise words.   i am working on it.  i honestly do not know if i will ever think or want him happy.  i feel proud of myself when i don't want to run him over with my car...lol... wishing him happy will be a stretch.

Thank you.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How long - 3/12/2007 12:52:20 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		When its a serious relationship, a good 4 or 5 years before i can even come close to investing myself emotionally again.  It usually takes me about 2 years to have any interest in the opposite sex.  Generally speaking, i'm sure i'm not always on that mark - but i've been dating for about 14 years now. 

its just a slow gradual feeling,

Course if its not serious, or i'm not invested.... then there is no time frame.  i'm ready as soon as i see some one that sparks my interest




_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How long - 3/12/2007 12:58:35 PM   
Darkhaven80


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline 		I had two relationships go sour in a row (one online, never got to the meeting part but the mental aspect was as strong as 'online' can get), and the second I was with for 2 years, although it was never a satisfying D/s relationship. Instead both was confusing messes that left me stressed and feeling my head was being put through the garbage disposal. I'm not with anyone in the lifestyle now, likely because of that. Frankly I have so many doubts about it now, I'm not sure where to go from here. But the lifestyle still churns in my mind, hence why I'm on the message board at any rate.

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 20
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