quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

quote:

ORIGINAL: behindmirrors
Hehe, this has happened to us many, many a time. Usually when related to what we want to eat when both of us are hungry. "Where do you want to go for dinner?"
- "Umm...I don't know, what are you in the mood for?"
"I don't know!"
- "Well...I don't know either. I'm just hungry. Pick something?"
(and it goes on, and on, and on...)

I might ask, but I refuse to be in this sort of confused limbo.

Not to decide is to decide.

(I hope you like sushi)

Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDiane
Sooooo....it's cooks choice around here. Like it or fix it yourself.

LOL, that wouldn't fly around here. Since the sub is the cook in my relationship, his saying like it or fix it yourself would result in some painful remedial training. *grins*

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

have to admit, i'm guilty of this as well. it sort of reminds me of that Eddie Murphy movie, "Coming to America"...the bit where he meets the wife who was trained from birth only to serve and please him, and he is attempting (fruitlessly) to get to know her.

him: "what do you like to do"
her: "whatever you like"
him: "well what do you like to eat"
her: "whatever you like to eat"

and on and on, lol. tho i'm not quite that bad, my first instinct when he asks me a question regarding my preferences or desires is to say "whatever you want."

this is how it typically goes with us: 
Him: "what do you want to eat/do/see?"
me: "whatever you want,"
Him: "I know I can do whatever I want, and I will. I want to know what YOU want,"
me: "umm....i don't know...whatever you want?" lol.

this is because i am naturally afraid of making a choice that he does not like...what if i want italian, while he wants indian. or i want to see the new indie film, while he wants to see the new action flick. i would much rather do something HE wanted, even if it wasn't my personal cup of tea, because his happiness is always paramount to me. i don't buy that "oh it doesn't matter, I don't care," line...he must care, even if to a small degree.

the other reason why it's natural for me to give the "whatever you want" response is because in my mind what i want/like/desire is irrelevant in this relationship, as i am the slave and he is the Master. so no matter how many times he may say he genuinely wants to know what i like, what i want, etc., i'm so used to thinking that my desires are irrelevant that it's often difficult for me to even KNOW what those desires are. this does seem like a common problem amongst submissives, and i'd be interested to learn of any potential solutions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: azzmaster

whew! i m glad dis was jus a metaphor... was worried someone was ACTUALLY n2 pulling their sub's teeth...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: azzmaster

whew! i m glad dis was jus a metaphor... was worried someone was ACTUALLY n2 pulling their sub's teeth...

Not me, but I can certainly see it, and I think I've heard of a few instances.

That said, there was supposedly a maso here in Norway that got off on having a root canal done with no anaesthetic once. I'm kind of inclined to write that off as an urban legend, in the community but I don't have enough experience dealing with masochists to be sure.

quote:

ORIGINAL: behindmirrors

(Fast reply)
Hehe, this has happened to us many, many a time. Usually when related to what we want to eat when both of us are hungry. "Where do you want to go for dinner?"
- "Umm...I don't know, what are you in the mood for?"
"I don't know!"
- "Well...I don't know either. I'm just hungry. Pick something?"
(and it goes on, and on, and on...)

quote:

ORIGINAL: blushingflower

Sometimes when a woman says "I don't care", she wants to start a negotiation, so sometimes I mean that, and sometimes we read that into others (men who know this read it into the women they're with, women who mean this read it into men).

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

As a Dominant, I'm expected to make all the decisions and my will should reign supreme. right? Well, some times I just do not CARE about an issue, such as what we have for dinner or what movie we watch. It can be a real chore to get my sub to actually express an opinion at such times. He and I have had discussion after discussion about the fact that if I say I do not care about an issue I expect him to let me know his preferences on the subject. Well.. we're still working on it. LoL.

How many other subs hesitate to express their opinions or preferences? How many other Dominants have run into getting a sub to express a preference or want to be like pulling teeth?

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
i am naturally afraid of making a choice that he does not like...what if i want italian, while he wants indian. or i want to see the new indie film, while he wants to see the new action flick. i would much rather do something HE wanted, even if it wasn't my personal cup of tea, because his happiness is always paramount to me. i don't buy that "oh it doesn't matter, I don't care," line...he must care, even if to a small degree.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: blushingflower

Sometimes when a woman says "I don't care", she wants to start a negotiation, so sometimes I mean that, and sometimes we read that into others (men who know this read it into the women they're with, women who mean this read it into men).

I've been annoyed at this ever since I figured it out, so I pointedly take it as if they meant what they say. What's up with lying to start negotiations? Why not just say "I'd rather we talk about it", or "I'm not sure, let's figure it out together"?

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I agree that for women it is often a way of negotiating to say "what do you want to do" and respond to their female friend "I don't know, what do you want to do?" So they can make sure they are on the same page.

quote:

At least I have had these conversations with female friends. Now I do not communicate with men this way, but with women it seems to be somewhat in our way of relating. Women are often into building consensus, bridging gaps in communication, and we do try to find common ground.

quote:

Lets face it, women just use more words than men do by and large, and we use them on conversations that seem inane and useless to you.

quote:

How does lying bring people to the same page? Especially given how women often say this to men as well, and I don't know any men who picked it up first time around. Most of the ones I know get seriously pissed at this behaviour, seeing it as irrational and sometimes deceitful.