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Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 12:05:57 PM

LifelongChastity

Posts: 16
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline

Why do so many people - esp. dominant women - have such negative profiles and journals? So often, they have all caps, screaming at us, and they criticize all the "losers" who populate CollarMe, they constantly complain about the people who contact them, and they gripe endlessly. I can site example after example.

So.... why even have a profile if you're so irritated by the people on this site? And, does it boost their self-esteem to whine about all the losers who contact them? I can almost tell whether someone is a happy person just from reading their profile/journal. What I see from these profiles is a great deal of negativity and unhappiness.

One more thing: If you list as "bisexual", men are inevitably going to contact you! Even if you seek no men (a seeming contradiction), deal with it... Not all men read profiles (another thing to deal with). So screaming about it and having a tantrum over that does no good, except show your unhappiness.

Post #: 1

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 12:09:49 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

So.... why even have a profile if you're so irritated by the people on this site? And, does it boost their self-esteem to whine about all the losers who contact them? I can almost tell whether someone is a happy person just from reading their profile/journal. What I see from these profiles is a great deal of negativity and unhappiness.

Misery loves company.

If someone had that poor of an outlook on themselves I would just discard them and move on. Even though they are saying it is other's I'm quite sure it is how they are feeling about themselves.

(in reply to LifelongChastity)

Post #: 2

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 12:16:23 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

My profile has been described as mean, but I have very little choice. I am not seeking and people just don't seem to get that.
I don't mind getting mail, I just hate opening it to see "i want to serve u til i die" from some guy in Nigeria, so sue me

(in reply to LifelongChastity)

Post #: 3

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 12:52:43 PM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LifelongChastity

Why do so many people - esp. dominant women - have such negative profiles and journals? <snip>
One more thing: If you list as "bisexual", men are inevitably going to contact you! Even if you seek no men (a seeming contradiction), deal with it...

Would you like some cheese to go with your whine?

Because you are male you have been spared the deluge of email that women (Domme and sub) get. Much of this mail is from HNGs or clueless wannabes who aren't even making an effort to educate themselves. Wouldn't receiving a mountain of such email frustrate anyone?

I think it is very understandable for Dommes to try to head off some of the stupidity that is directed their way. So they list in their profiles what annoys them. That is a way of dealing with it.

As for the bisexual thing... 'No' means No. If they are bisexual but are not looking for a man, it is because they already have the male portion of their life covered. They don't want or need to be hit on by desperate legions of guys. Again.... That is a way of dealing with it.

Relax a bit. Calm down, unwind and spend a bit of time on the message boards getting to know the people here and letting them get to know you. I think you will find that the Dommes here are pretty cool.

< Message edited by onceburned -- 4/8/2005 12:56:33 PM >

(in reply to LifelongChastity)

Post #: 4

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 12:56:37 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

It's a normal reaction to someone who's tired of getting the same sort of issues, it lets the other person feel in control and gives a quick reason to dismiss someone else.

Personally, I think it makes the person themselves sound very negative and jaded and not someone I'd want to contact anyway.

A laundry list of "I'm not going to do this" and "dont you even THINK about this" is not the kind of personality I'm interesting in being with. As well an entire "Why are people so sucky?" is not the best way to put your foot forward, and I see this on EVERY type of profile, though honestly it looks even sillier when it's a dominants.

(in reply to onceburned)

Post #: 5

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 1:05:43 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LifelongChastity
Why do so many people - esp. dominant women - have such negative profiles and journals?

The short answer is because there is an overabundance of dense ?*submissive* men (okay some dominants too) on the internet emailing stupid things to women everyday, and some days we don't have the sense of humor to deal with that BS... Especially when we are considerate enough to try to read and respond to every email to avoid being jerks.
APOLOGIES to all HONORABLE/HONEST MEN, to you I mean no disrespect.

quote:

So.... why even have a profile if you're so irritated by the people on this site? And, does it boost their self-esteem to whine about all the losers who contact them? I can almost tell whether someone is a happy person just from reading

Yes, that's true... Profiles are informative for many reasons, although I'm not sure your conclusion is always correct. I was going to suggest placing a nice profile with a relatively nice picture of yourself, detailing or not your openness to married people, etc, and see the BS that fills your box; but forget that Idea since in and of itself is dishonest and a set up.
I agree it's pointless to place screaming/negative profiles, but as I said, some days....

quote:

If you list as "bisexual", men are inevitably going to contact you! Even if you seek no men (a seeming contradiction), deal with it...

Hey there mr neanderthal, I'm pretty sure most women here don't care about the male fantasy of having 2 girls doing each other... Listing it on profile is not an invitation to come a drooling. Indeed is she's not looking for someone like you, don't reply, because if I were bi and you replied you would receive an email that would feel like a harsh spanking and probably wouldn't like it. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 4/8/2005 1:06:51 PM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to LifelongChastity)

Post #: 6

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 1:14:07 PM

FuriousAngel

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

It appears to me that far too much focus and energy is put into judgement of profiles. I can tell within in a sentence or two if I wish to continue reading, or click 'next'. I don't waste my time scowling at the screen in disgust. I don't spend endless moments conducting an armchair shrink analysis on what I see before me; and I certainly don't take it upon myself to dictate to others based on my interpretation of their profile.

I am happy to say that this has allowed me to time to read countless beautiful, positive profiles on this site. I have taken the time to drop a note here and there to profiles or members I have enjoyed on this site. Why not try placing your focus on complimenting a well written profile, or a positive contributor? In the time it took to create this thread, you could have made a new friend! Try it! I have!

In my mind it is very simple - if I don't like what I see before me, I continue to the next profile.

< Message edited by FuriousAngel -- 4/8/2005 1:15:16 PM >

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 7

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 1:18:44 PM

LifelongChastity

Posts: 16
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline

I'll let the "neandethal" comment pass. Do you always criticize a person when you disagree?

Anyway, one solution would be to have an search option - i.e., search for "women seeking men", "women seeking women", etc. Maybe this site will have that option in the future. For now, when their profile says bisexual, you'd think they're here to seek either/or.

Another good option would be to state what you seek: strictly professional clients, or potential lifestyle partners, or strictly to chat (nothingr r/t). Then, people can search accordingly, if that is a search option. So someone doesn't have to weed through pro's who use this site as a free ad, and we also don't inadvertantly bother someone who has no intention of meeting for r/t.

And yes, when someone types in all caps, or their profile is a non-stop rant about all the "morons" on CollarMe... It's a huge turn off. Makes me wonder why the public display of their negativity, and that there's a very unhappy person behind that profile.

< Message edited by LifelongChastity -- 4/8/2005 1:23:02 PM >

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 8

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 1:32:35 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

We have negativity in our profile because of repeated (not just one or two, but 20 or more) attempts at people to ignore what we have put in our profile. We have put a lot of time, thought, effort and energy into the writing of our profile, and it is often ignored by guys who don't want to see what we have to say because they don't fit what we are looking for.

I put things into our journal as a way to vent/rant/whatever and get it out of my system - people who wish to get to know us should know that I have a temper and that both of us are rather intollerant of people who can't/won't read and follow directions - but then I move on (unless, of course, some other HNG decides to pull the same damn stunt immediately after). If people don't like that I have a temper and that we prefer to be contacted by submissives who can follow directions, then they are free to hit the "next profile" button and try someone else, in fact, I encourage it because it saves them and me a lot of time.

(in reply to LifelongChastity)

Post #: 9

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 1:35:31 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LifelongChastity

One more thing: If you list as "bisexual", men are inevitably going to contact you! Even if you seek no men (a seeming contradiction), deal with it... Not all men read profiles (another thing to deal with). So screaming about it and having a tantrum over that does no good, except show your unhappiness.

Unfortunately, it seems that most boys do not read profiles. It makes Me wonder why we bother to write one. your solution of "just dealing with it" is fine. We do deal with it...every day. But if a lady doesn't want to hear from a man, and she puts that in her profile, do you consider that negative? She is just trying to save herself some time, hoping that a few out there will actually read and respect what she wrote.
This is the way of the internet. This is the way of the world. There are always those who understand that "No means No!"...there are others who will never get it. So stating clearly the "No" areas in a profile, is not negative. It is simple good sense.
I enjoyed reading your new profile. I do wish you very good luck, and hope you find what you seek.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to LifelongChastity)

Post #: 10

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 1:45:24 PM

LifelongChastity

Posts: 16
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline

Dusty, I agree -- I never write to a woman who clearly says "no men" in her profile. But obviously many men do. Whining and throwing a temper tantrum over it, and putting huge all-caps in your profile only shows that person's bitterness and frankly, immaturity.

When I search profiles, I look for "straight" and "bisexual", assuming they seek either men or women.

Again, it would help if there was a customized search option... So when you create your profile you can specifically say "seeking men" or "seeking women". Likewise, when searching profiles, you can search accordingly via a customized option.

But even still, I wonder if bitter people will still be bitter people... Maybe it's a good thing. I DO read profiles. And when I see someone ranting and screaming in their profile/journal, I just shake my head and move on... That's not someone I care to get to know.

< Message edited by LifelongChastity -- 4/8/2005 1:47:44 PM >

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 11

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 1:51:28 PM

MaitresseEden

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline

I try to be as Positive as I can in my profile and my journal, but the truth of the matter is it is becoming more difficult. I get deluged with emails that say things like :

Let me serve you dammit!

You really want to serve me wench. I'm a big strong master.

OC U want ME K9 slave 4 EVR?

And a myriad of others who can't be bothered to read my profile to begin with. Repeated emails from people who won't take no for an answer, or people who are too young, to far away.. etc.. my negativity, (which I don't think is that bad to be honest) would be easily remedied if people would just read and COMPREHEND.. (yes I added that emphasis on purpose) what my profile says.

Ms. Eden

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 12

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 1:55:33 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

If you shake your head and move on, why are you posting about it here? Obviously it annoys and/or irritates you ... just like people messaging us without reading/following directions annoys and irritates us or you wouldn't bother posting about it ... just like we wouldn't bother putting stuff in our profile.

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 4/8/2005 1:56:27 PM >

(in reply to LifelongChastity)

Post #: 13

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 2:01:57 PM

LifelongChastity

Posts: 16
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

why are you posting about it here?

Isn't that what message boards are for? Or do you just want to chase people away? I thought we could have a reasoned, adult discussion without people calling names (which already happened) or telling me not to post anymore (which happened here).

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 14

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 2:02:22 PM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LifelongChastity
Anyway, one solution would be to have an search option - i.e., search for "women seeking men", "women seeking women", etc. Maybe this site will have that option in the future. For now, when their profile says bisexual, you'd think they're here to seek either/or.

Your suggestion is a good one. Maybe if people are willing to support CollarMe with some donations the administrators will be able to pay someone to make some programming changes.

I see where you are coming from with the bisexuality option. But your approach would require a woman who was seeking a woman to classify herself as lesbian, even if she had a male partner in her life. This wouldn't be a good thing and would lead to confusion - perhaps as much as there is currently.

quote:

Another good option would be to state what you seek: strictly professional clients, or potential lifestyle partners, or strictly to chat (nothingr r/t). Then, people can search accordingly, if that is a search option.

Another good idea! Some additional options might be 'play partner' or 'no sexual intercourse'.

quote:

And yes, when someone types in all caps, or their profile is a non-stop rant about all the "morons" on CollarMe... It's a huge turn off. Makes me wonder why the public display of their negativity, and that there's a very unhappy person behind that profile.

There might well be. I know I have felt surprise and a bit of sorrow over the apparent unhappiness in some of the profiles. But the best we can do is shake it off and walk away. Why allow them to make you feel annoyed or distressed?

(in reply to LifelongChastity)

Post #: 15

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 2:04:43 PM

unbrokenhouseboy

Posts: 18
Joined: 3/23/2005
Status: offline

l

quote:

Again, it would help if there was a customized search option... So when you create your profile you can specifically say "seeking men" or "seeking women". Likewise, when searching profiles, you can search accordingly via a customized option.
lifelongchastity''
-----
i have ''my'' profile set, so that it rejects all males and all sub females,..and i set height and weight accordingly...not too big weight wise, not too short either..someone just about inbetween...the average Lady, not the magazine types.
maybe the female side does not have this setting under emails,,,i know males do.
thank You

houseboy

_____________________________

to choose between two evils, is still evil.

(in reply to LifelongChastity)

Post #: 16

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 2:17:20 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: unbrokenhouseboy

i have ''my'' profile set, so that it rejects all males and all sub females,..and i set height and weight accordingly...not too big weight wise, not too short either..someone just about inbetween...the average Lady, not the magazine types.
maybe the female side does not have this setting under emails,,,i know males do.
thank You

houseboy

We do have these settings, but that does not mean that we don't still get people who are false on their profiles, or who simply haven't read/chose to ignore our profile.

(in reply to unbrokenhouseboy)

Post #: 17

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 2:19:34 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LifelongChastity

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

why are you posting about it here?

Isn't that what message boards are for? Or do you just want to chase people away? I thought we could have a reasoned, adult discussion without people calling names (which already happened) or telling me not to post anymore (which happened here).

I guess I should have said "why post about it (meaning this topic) at all?" ... if you are truly just moving on, then this shouldn't be something that you feel the need to post about - that is all that I meant.

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 4/8/2005 2:20:22 PM >

(in reply to LifelongChastity)

Post #: 18

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 2:26:19 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

It is possible that showing unhappiness is all that the person with the negative profile is doing, and wishes to do.
It gives them freedom to express their dislike.

Also, there is a possibility that it is their way of exuding their fetish of humiliation.
Just another thought.

As a woman, I can understand the frustration of some of profiles. Although I am not Dominant, clearly show so, show I am married and not looking, I still get letters from submissive men wanting to 'get to know me and maybe more'...

I understand that men do not always read profiles. But why should people suffer in silence for anothers foolish behaviour?

In another thread, people talk of tollerence in BDSM. Tollerence in Angels opinion has no place within BDSM. I can accept anothers fetish, even if I do not understand or share it.
Acceptance is beautiful and everyone has a valid opinion to be respected and desires to be explored consensually.
But I do not have to tollerate quietly, that which interferes with me on a personal level, if I choose.

I choose to look positively towards people. That is my choice. But if another wishes to react negatively to things which affect them, then it shows their personality. Choose which you are attracted to and either stay, or move onwards.

Peace and Love

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to LifelongChastity)

Post #: 19

RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 2:33:08 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

quote:

ORIGINAL: unbrokenhouseboy

i have ''my'' profile set, so that it rejects all males and all sub females,..and i set height and weight accordingly...not too big weight wise, not too short either..someone just about inbetween...the average Lady, not the magazine types.
maybe the female side does not have this setting under emails,,,i know males do.
thank You

houseboy

We do have these settings, but that does not mean that we don't still get people who are false on their profiles, or who simply haven't read/chose to ignore our profile.

We do??? Jeez...I know I am electronically challenged, but I didn't think I was that bad! LOL
I didn't know We could control Our email, other than forcing certain parameters into a bulk mail box. I put in certain ages, and out of country. (I have a boy coming from England for a one week trial on the 13th! yipeeeeee!!!) But they can still send Me email! And I do check those too.
Hells, bells! I even get email from boys who have no profile or I can't reply to 6 hours later because the user name no longer exisits.
What am I missing here? Help!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/8/2005 2:34:38 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 20

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