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RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 2:36:12 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

We do??? Jeez...I know I am electronically challenged, but I didn't think I was that bad! LOL
I didn't know We could control Our email, other than forcing certain parameters into a bulk mail box. I put in certain ages, and out of country. (I have a boy coming from England for a one week trial on the 13th! yipeeeeee!!!) But they can still send Me email! And I do check those too.
Hells, bells! I even get email from boys who have no profile or I can't reply to 6 hours later because the user name no longer exisits.
What am I missing here? Help!


NM, I reread your thing ... misunderstood what you were saying before (yes, sometimes even I am slow ... at least I admit it) - what he and I are referring to is the bulk mail filter. I only check it once a week or so, and as I reply to people (yes, I even reply to all ofthem) that they need to read the profile more carefully - unless they have done a spectacular job of answering our 4th question - it has been happening less and less often that people do end up in there.

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 4/8/2005 2:42:33 PM >

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 2:36:52 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LifelongChastity
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
why are you posting about it here?

Isn't that what message boards are for? Or do you just want to chase people away? I thought we could have a reasoned, adult discussion without people calling names (which already happened) or telling me not to post anymore

I think she is saying that you got annoyed and are maybe ranting a little, and we should have the right to do the same without you coming and saying we're just being miserable, "deal with it!" I could be wrong, winks, M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to LifelongChastity)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 2:43:05 PM   
submom2


Posts: 62
Status: offline 		My only comment is, what's the difference between Domme's who are tired of certain behaviors and your whinning? They get a lot of annoying messages and vent about it a bit. You are annoyed from reading about it in their profiles, so you're venting about it. There is no difference. Personally, I understand where they're coming from. You wouldn't believe some of the crap I have to read half the time. It'll make you wanna scream..."JUST READ THE D$%^ PROFILE, JERK".

BTW, welcome to the message boards...

(in reply to LifelongChastity)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 2:46:38 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
I think she is saying that you got annoyed and are maybe ranting a little, and we should have the right to do the same without you coming and saying we're just being miserable, "deal with it!" I could be wrong, winks, M


Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying ...

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 2:47:11 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LifelongChastity
Anyway, one solution would be to have an search option - i.e., search for "women seeking men", "women seeking women", etc. Maybe this site will have that option in the future.


You can put that in the suggestion box which is way down on the thread list. Unfortunately, because collarme is a free site, updates don't happen often. However, if you have programming skills, you might want to volunteer them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LifelongChastity
Another good option would be to state what you seek.


I personally write that right at the beginning. I simply seek to make friends here. I have a full plate and no room for even a side dish ;) Of course some people don't get it but I'm not going to waste any energy more then "delete". Honestly, if they are that dense, they probably have enough problems in life and they don't need me harping on them.

Also, they are seeking attention and by giving them negative attention, I'd still be giving them attention! So if someone requests something that goes against what I wrote in my profile, I now delete the email (sometimes I’ll mail back telling them simply “Judging by your note to me, I can see you didn’t even take the time to read my profile. Please do not waste anymore of my time.”). All other requests I respond to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LifelongChastity
And yes, when someone types in all caps, or their profile is a non-stop rant about all the "morons" on CollarMe... It's a huge turn off. Makes me wonder why the public display of their negativity, and that there's a very unhappy person behind that profile.


sub4hire said it best: "Misery loves company."

You know, I think in general, people are negative. This is probably a result of a mix of being afraid, being jaded, being fed up. I personally never saw the benefit to reflecting negativity back. Could I rant on my profile about what I don't want? Oh yes! And I could draw up a very long list. But I'd rather spend the time writing up a quality list of what I do want and state boundaries clearly and without judgement. That's my approach.

Consider it a blessing, LifelongChastity. Consider their profiles a little window into what they really are. You get advanced notice of their personality.

Oh and welcome to the boards. Try posting a positive topic next time. See what you will attract ;)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LifelongChastity)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 2:48:43 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I understand the frustration, but this is once again a case of having unreasonable expectations on others. This leads only to disappointment and frustration.

People aren't going to read profiles, they are going to send out a gazillion form letters, and it's not going to be any match for you.

Expecting otherwise only leads to what you have here- annoyance.

Now, some people express their annoyance by venting and yelling in caps and saying lots of NO's in their profile. However, this won't change anything anyone else does. The people who emailed before obviously had not paid heed to the profile, why would they now?

If you get something you don't like, move on. You're the one with the power to respond to emails. Getting upset over it seems like wasted energy for me.

(in reply to submom2)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 2:50:02 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LifelongChastity
I'll let the "neandethal" comment pass. Do you always criticize a person when you disagree?

Okay, perhaps it was unkind of me, and I appologize... I simply didn't like your directing women to "deal with it" if they are bi, and men come in drones.
quote:

Another good option would be to state what you seek: strictly professional clients, or potential lifestyle partners, or strictly to chat (nothingr r/t).

I agree... Than there's another simple way: read her profile, if she indicates she's not interested in people who look/act exactly like you, or people people who have appendages like you, don't reply. .. If you do reply, simply send a note saying hello, I read your profile and wanted to "kindly and respectfully" express these thoughts.
My personal pet peeve is people writing elaborate emails from other countries saying I can be there next week, when that is clearly a lie (or becomes evident as a lie in future emails), or Married/unavailable men who don't want to pay pros but want to have my attention (when I've clearly stated, I'm only interested in single)... Yup, I'll stay screaming about those things because they irritate me EVERY time I get them. M


_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to LifelongChastity)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 2:53:31 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I'll stay screaming about those things because they irritate me EVERY time I get them. M

Wow. Honestly, why would you get so upset about something that is not in your control? I'm just curious.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 4:06:04 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		It's simple. A lot of people read whanker magaziens an books an movies and get their idea's about what it is and is not from them, and a lot who are like come on you piss ant serve me Are operating on Whank therories that this is what A domina does. They have no clue what a genuine dominant is like. It's not all about pissing on someone's self esteme or talking dirty or calling every one but yourself pee'ons. It can include that if you like but that's not what it's all about

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 5:44:28 PM   
LifelongChastity


Posts: 16
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline 		There are a lot of positive people and good profiles on here. That is true.

However -- the amount of negative, bitter, angry profiles/journals from Dommes really shocks me. This was my point. As a relative newcomer, it doesn't reflect well on the whole D/s lifestyle. It may make people wonder, if there is something inherent about being a Domme, or being in this lifestyle, with being angry and resentful, as reflected in SO many profiles.

Just a thought... As for me, I'm not ready to give up on this lifestyle or the people in it, just yet. But I am put off by the anger publicly displayed by so many... :(

< Message edited by LifelongChastity -- 4/8/2005 5:46:42 PM >

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 5:53:20 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		There is nothing inherent in being a Domme that would make one angry/resentful/bitter - but some people are that way, male/female, dominant/sub - they can all be that way.

Personally, I think that there are other things that reflect much more negatively upon our lifestyle than some people who have issues. And if someone is that easily scared off that they run away from the lifestyle because they saw some profiles that are negative, then this probably isn't the place for them anyway - I'm not saying that it's good that there are so many that are negative, but really ... if they are that easily disuaded, then they probably wouldn't have lasted long anyway.

(in reply to LifelongChastity)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 7:03:25 PM   
MsSilvie


Posts: 248
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline 		I have no idea. I read plenty of profiles that look like they were written by spoiled 5 year olds.

Don't want men to contact you? Select "men" in your mail controls (or maybe that's male controls) and route it to "bulk mail". Much better than crying a river.... build a bridge and get over it.

Personally, I have no sympathy for whiners. If you can't deal with getting an occasional hng e-mail, I have no idea how you plan on dealing with any kind of real life situation.

(in reply to LifelongChastity)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 7:12:01 PM   
LifelongChastity


Posts: 16
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline 		Good post!!

(in reply to MsSilvie)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 7:30:13 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
quote:

I'll stay screaming about those things because they irritate me EVERY time I get them. M

Wow. Honestly, why would you get so upset about something that is not in your control? I'm just curious.- LA

I think sanity/healthy response is overrated some days...
When I say "screaming" I meant that it's in bold in my profile, I don't really scream; in fact am not a loud person, well at least not in anger.
I do however get plenty annoyed and call people by ugly adjectives that describe them if they disregard my profile, and try to impose selves on me in a disrespectful manner. On the other hand, I'm always courteous to people who are courteous to me. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 4/9/2005 3:31:41 AM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 8:24:28 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

We have negativity in our profile because of repeated (not just one or two, but 20 or more) attempts at people to ignore what we have put in our profile. We have put a lot of time, thought, effort and energy into the writing of our profile, and it is often ignored by guys who don't want to see what we have to say because they don't fit what we are looking for.


I have to agree with this.... to a point. I receive a lot of mail from men, some are just looking to get their rocks off, that's easy enough to see through, but I have to admit that I have met some really wonderful guys, submissive and Dominant, that either didn't read my profile, (it had stated that we were looking for a female only) or didn't particularly care what it said. I think that at least some of the guys that do that have either read what we wrote and decided that they just had to try to get to know that person, or looked at the picture and was impressed enough to bypass what the profile said. Either way, it is a compliment to either our looks, our thoughts and beliefs or our writing style and I think it's worth it to weed through all the garbage to find that one (pardon the pun here) jewel.


Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 9:06:09 PM   
OceanSlave


Posts: 28
Joined: 7/22/2004
Status: offline 		Yes come to think of it, I do notice a lot of angry profiles (I only look for dominant women, lol. So that's all I have to go by).

I wondered if anyone else had noticed it, or if it was just me. But there are a LOT of dominant women who complain bitterly in their profiles, about all the men here. Why complain so publicly? It's a big turn off.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/8/2005 9:52:19 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
I have to agree with this.... to a point. I receive a lot of mail from men, some are just looking to get their rocks off, that's easy enough to see through, but I have to admit that I have met some really wonderful guys, submissive and Dominant, that either didn't read my profile, (it had stated that we were looking for a female only) or didn't particularly care what it said. I think that at least some of the guys that do that have either read what we wrote and decided that they just had to try to get to know that person, or looked at the picture and was impressed enough to bypass what the profile said. Either way, it is a compliment to either our looks, our thoughts and beliefs or our writing style and I think it's worth it to weed through all the garbage to find that one (pardon the pun here) jewel.


Jewel


The thing is though, that built into our profile is an allowance for this - if they read it. One of our questions is "if there are any of the above conditions that you don't meet, explain why you don't meet it, and why we should consider you anyway" - and seriously, I have no patience for a "submissive" who can't or won't follow directions ... and Holly has even less.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 12:22:11 AM   
ProScatman


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/28/2004
From: Ohio
Status: offline 		Good point Jewel! I was getting ready to make the point that when I read a profile, either Dom or sometimes slave and something there touches me--I write and compliment. I do read profiles, not just look at the pictures. There are a lot of beautiful people here; both physically and heartwise. It is possible to make some good friends here; even if a r/t relationship isn't possible. Mike
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

We have negativity in our profile because of repeated (not just one or two, but 20 or more) attempts at people to ignore what we have put in our profile. We have put a lot of time, thought, effort and energy into the writing of our profile, and it is often ignored by guys who don't want to see what we have to say because they don't fit what we are looking for.


I have to agree with this.... to a point. I receive a lot of mail from men, some are just looking to get their rocks off, that's easy enough to see through, but I have to admit that I have met some really wonderful guys, submissive and Dominant, that either didn't read my profile, (it had stated that we were looking for a female only) or didn't particularly care what it said. I think that at least some of the guys that do that have either read what we wrote and decided that they just had to try to get to know that person, or looked at the picture and was impressed enough to bypass what the profile said. Either way, it is a compliment to either our looks, our thoughts and beliefs or our writing style and I think it's worth it to weed through all the garbage to find that one (pardon the pun here) jewel.


Jewel



_____________________________

The objection to Puritans is not that they try to make us think as they do, but that they try to make us do as they think.

Have a good day, Mike

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 12:48:17 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ProScatman

Good point Jewel! I was getting ready to make the point that when I read a profile, either Dom or sometimes slave and something there touches me--I write and compliment. I do read profiles, not just look at the pictures. There are a lot of beautiful people here; both physically and heartwise. It is possible to make some good friends here; even if a r/t relationship isn't possible. Mike


If someone messages and has obviously read the profile, and is honest about having read it and knowing that they are not what we are looking for, but would still like to chat, then we do chat with them ... the ones I'm talking about and get annoyed with are the fools who think that just because they messaged us we are going to fall over ourselves to dominate them ... as if.

(in reply to ProScatman)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 1:49:37 AM   
onceburned


Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OceanSlave
But there are a LOT of dominant women who complain bitterly in their profiles, about all the men here. Why complain so publicly? It's a big turn off.


Why do you think that any given Domme, who doesn't even know you, should care if you are turned off? If you are capable of dealing with another human being in all of their moods, you should be able to see through the anger and frustration. To not be able to do that suggests that maybe you are not a good match with her.

I don't spend a lot of time looking at profiles, but being unhappy in my current location I have recently been viewing those of Dommes in another state. I would say that less than 5% seen angry.

But really, what does it matter? Compatibility and trustworthiness are the two things I look for.

< Message edited by onceburned -- 4/9/2005 2:02:19 AM >

(in reply to OceanSlave)
Profile   Post #: 40
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