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RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 7:47:03 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OceanSlave

Yes come to think of it, I do notice a lot of angry profiles (I only look for dominant women, lol. So that's all I have to go by).

I wondered if anyone else had noticed it, or if it was just me. But there are a LOT of dominant women who complain bitterly in their profiles, about all the men here. Why complain so publicly? It's a big turn off.



I agree with you. And I see a lot of male subs list the kind of women they don't want. I find that a turn off as well.

I said it in my earlier post and I'll say it again. Write about what you want, set firm boundaries and ignore those who try to overstep them. They really aren't worth your time/energy/frustration.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to OceanSlave)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 10:36:58 AM   
bgbs4U


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline 		Negative profiles and journal entries help the rest of us by having the obvious out there to view. I love it when some one will rant so harshly about others...it really does make for a great example of how the individual deals with real life or people. I tend to avoid them. There is never an excuse for being obnoxious or abusive just because you disagree with another person. No one is perfect, but least you could have a brighter outlook and try to except people for being different or having a difference in opinions.

Best to just let them have a negative outburst and pass them by.....

Best wishes.

(in reply to LifelongChastity)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 10:57:20 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		One more point here- if someone gets SO upset and irritated about something so cyber and pointless...what does that say about their likelihood to deal with the REAL hard stuff that happens offline? How are they going to deal with that?

(in reply to bgbs4U)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 2:26:09 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		Wow, people must think that I am a total bitch in real life after reading my profile

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 2:37:49 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24
Wow, people must think that I am a total bitch in real life after reading my profile

...and what is so wrong with embracing one's inner bitch some days?
It's easy to say this is cyber, and one shouldn't care, but I'm not a robot here typing; I have a real profile and have met real human beings as a result; so it's more than cyber BS to me when I approach someone or they approach me online. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 2:44:43 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		I have met many people in spite of my mean sounding profile, in fact, I met the man I am currently seeing in spite of it.
I guess it tells me they are willing to look past the fact that I am fed up with all the BS and am a nice girl underneath it all

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 3:12:18 PM   
HypatiaSwan


Posts: 24
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LifelongChastity
Again, it would help if there was a customized search option... So when you create your profile you can specifically say "seeking men" or "seeking women". Likewise, when searching profiles, you can search accordingly via a customized option.to know.



I like your suggestions about the search options. These are all very good ideas.

I can understand why people can get so negative on some profiles. As an owned leatherdyke, who clearly states that I am not looking for an owner (and, being a leatherdyke, certainly not a guy at any rate), my mailbox STILL fills up with guys who want to 'convince' me that they are the man for me. I have been lied to, had my wishes completely disrespected. I have been harassed, insulted, pestered to hell and back and sometimes even stalked. Patience tends to wear a little thin.

There are just too many lamers out there who can make our in-boxes and our lives a living hell. One has to be extremely pointed about one's preferences for no men and even that rarely works. When I see a negative profile with people railing on about 'no men,' I am usually thinking to myself that I know exactly what the woman is talking about.

I think it would be equally as disingenuous for a bisexual woman to put 'lesbian' on profile even if they are looking for women only. If people are bi, they should say so and those looking should honor the wishes of the person who owns the profile. Lots of lesbians are looking for lesbian only and if bi women are not up front about their sexual orientations, it could lead to hard feelings and misunderstandings. Bottom line is that people's wishes should be respected.



_____________________________

"Once we meet and talk, we are brothers and sisters." - Okinawan Proverb

(in reply to LifelongChastity)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 3:17:10 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HypatiaSwan
I think it would be equally as disingenuous for a bisexual woman to put 'lesbian' on profile even if they are looking for women only. If people are bi, they should say so and those looking should honor the wishes of the person who owns the profile. Lots of lesbians are looking for lesbian only and if bi women are not up front about their sexual orientations, it could lead to hard feelings and misunderstandings. Bottom line is that people's wishes should be respected.


A few years back I was looking for a female sub only. I put that in the first line of my profile (on another network) and I did list myself as bisexual. In 8 months or so, only one man approached me.

So I wonder why with my positive, direct and upfront profile, I get the kind of mail I want and a very low percentage of wankers... hmmm. Makes you wonder huh? I might just be onto something here. It just might catch on ;)

- LA


< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 4/9/2005 3:18:54 PM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to HypatiaSwan)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 3:21:59 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HypatiaSwan

Bottom line is that people's wishes should be respected.



Exactly - We say we don't want someone younger than 24, but we still get contacted by guys who are only 18 ... we don't want anyone over 34, but we get messages from guys who are 50+ ... we don't want anyone from outside the US (although we have considered more than one from Canada - we don't want to mess with immigration laws if we can avoid it) but we get contacted by guys from Europe, Asia, South America, and Australia ... we want someone who is single, yet we get contacted repeatedly by guys who are married ... it just goes on and on. That is why we get frustrated and vent on our profile and in our journal.

(in reply to HypatiaSwan)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 3:24:28 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

A few years back I was looking for a female sub only. I put that in the first line of my profile (on another network) and I did list myself as bisexual. In 8 months or so, only one man approached me.

So I wonder why with my positive, direct and upfront profile, I get the kind of mail I want and a very low percentage of wankers... hmmm. Makes you wonder huh? I might just be onto something here. It just might catch on ;)

- LA



The thing is, we started out with a VERY positive profile - clear, concise, all that ... and we still got the wankers, idiots, illiterates, and concieted asses who thought that they were just so wonderful that we would ditch our criteria and take them anyway. So yes, we got bitter, we got frustrated, and we got negative.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 3:37:54 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

A few years back I was looking for a female sub only. I put that in the first line of my profile (on another network) and I did list myself as bisexual. In 8 months or so, only one man approached me.

So I wonder why with my positive, direct and upfront profile, I get the kind of mail I want and a very low percentage of wankers... hmmm. Makes you wonder huh? I might just be onto something here. It just might catch on ;)

- LA



The thing is, we started out with a VERY positive profile - clear, concise, all that ... and we still got the wankers, idiots, illiterates, and concieted asses who thought that they were just so wonderful that we would ditch our criteria and take them anyway. So yes, we got bitter, we got frustrated, and we got negative.


It's truly unfortunate you let them get to you.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 3:39:54 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

It's truly unfortunate you let them get to you.

- LA


It's not just them that get to us though. It's those who tell us that we are doing something wrong if we end up with the idiots ... it's those who tell us that we aren't entitled to our emotions ... I've seen you (and others) get frustrated at people and rant and rave at them - why can't I?


< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 4/9/2005 3:40:44 PM >

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 3:56:00 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

It's truly unfortunate you let them get to you.

- LA


It's not just them that get to us though. It's those who tell us that we are doing something wrong if we end up with the idiots ... it's those who tell us that we aren't entitled to our emotions ... I've seen you (and others) get frustrated at people and rant and rave at them - why can't I?


Yup. I've lost my cool a few times here. I am the first to admit it. I will be completely honest and say that I really hate when I do it. I’m not proud of my behaviour when I let someone get to me. I have also made amends with those I feel it is worthwhile to do so with. One of my goals in life is to get over that sort of behaviour. It just isn't necessary. And in my opinion, losing my cool is not a very exemplary Domme behaviour. That said, we are all works in progress.

Btw, I would never tell anyone what to feel. This isn't meant as a jab at you or anyone else. I can understand your frustration. I guess we just have a different approach of dealing with it. In a thread that asks why is there so much negativity, I can only respond and echo what many have said "you reap what you sow". It does work for me and I can only speak from my own experience.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 4:06:27 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		I understand all of that - but I am also human, I have faults and flaws and so does Holly. If someone never ever loses their temper, then it makes me wonder where it goes - no one can be happy all the time, no one can avoid getting upset at least on occastion, so where does it go? It has to go somewhere ... and I'd rather let it out a little bit at a time and move on then let it build up. If people actually read over the whole profile, journal entries included, I would guess that less than 1/4 of the entries are really negative - some are in response to negative happenings, but they in them selves are not negative posts - but I'm guessing that my profile is still lumped in with those that lifelong was complaining about because there is negativity. It's negative at times because I have to get it out of my system - but then I'm done unless someone continues to irritate me (which does happen, but rarely). It's also negative at times because well ... I've been down lately - loss of jobs, Holly's heath issues, and the boy that we thought we had collared as our second boy returned his collar to us. "Negative" doesn't always equal angry - some of my posts have been negative because I've been depressed (yes, for those of you who think that Dominants are supposed to be perfect, we aren't - Dominants can have the same mental health issues that nonDom/mes have - and potential subs need to know that I suffer from it). Things happen and I post about them - it's a little peek into my psyche, which will help whoever ends up living with us, as they will have a slightly better idea of what to expect.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 4:35:16 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

no one can be happy all the time, no one can avoid getting upset at least on occastion, so where does it go? It has to go somewhere ... and I'd rather let it out a little bit at a time and move on then let it build up.


I agree 100%. There are other ways of getting rid of negative energy. I'm not going to go about them unless someone asks me as my goal is not to preach a certain way of dealing with things.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 4:57:45 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		I have other ways too - but for me, venting verbally is how I get started, it's like draining the infection out of an abcess for me - if I keep it clean, then it never gets to be a problem. I know people who deal with things in other ways and don't actually verbalize what is going on and eventually, it 'festers' and 'drains out' anyway - I'd rather have a little bit here and a little bit there than have a big explosion (which I have a history of, and work very hard to not allow anymore - and no, I'm not always successful).

I do it in my journal because it's a general way for me to do it without attacking anyone in particular - and I do the same on my livejournal entries. Most entries are not negative, but some are because life is sometimes negative.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 6:18:57 PM   
LifelongChastity


Posts: 16
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline 		Losing your cool in a chat room is one thing. We're all human, that happens. Fine.

But losing your cool in your public profile? It's terribly trashy and unappealing.

A calmer, cooler head would adjust the profile to read something more mature. No all caps. No huge lettering, no spewing bile about all the "morons" out there.

Someone else put it best: If this person handles a profile like this, how do they address real life issues??

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 6:32:57 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		I put caps in our profile to make certain things stand out because I know that our profile is long. Overall, though, I can't remember even one journal entry that uses caps for more than one or two words other than the proper usage. I also use the bold and underline features. I do this because people have missed them in our profile repeatedly because of how long our profile is - I figure if they can't read it all, at least I can make the important parts stand out.

I don't rant and rave at length like some do - but I feel like because I do vent that you lump me in with the ones that are all negative and no positive. Everyone has their breaking point, everyone needs to vent sometimes, everyone loses their temper sometimes - even Saints - but that doesn't make us horrible, bitter people ... it makes us humans who are tired of a bunch of BS.

(in reply to LifelongChastity)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 7:33:31 PM   
OceanSlave


Posts: 28
Joined: 7/22/2004
Status: offline 		If there's anything worse than someone "screaming" at everyone in their profile....

I pasted this little, umm, beauty right off a dominant woman's profile:

3/29/2005 5:58:37 PM: I have been receiving many replies. I must say though if you dont think tributes matter dont message me because in my eyes you dont matter.

And you Dommes think you get frustrated??

< Message edited by OceanSlave -- 4/9/2005 7:34:52 PM >

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Why so much negativity in profiles? - 4/9/2005 8:21:17 PM   
HypatiaSwan


Posts: 24
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline 		I've had best experience with profiles that were matter of fact without being "railing." If you are sincere in profile and describe what you are and what you are looking for in an open way, it tends to cut down on the gamers and trolls. The best line I have found is a simple, "No Men Please." This kind of thing seems to garner the best kind of response. I mean, matter of fact, respectful as well as firm, but not railing on.

I think a well written profile can impart a level of seriousness and intent. I can usually tell if people know what they are doing and whether or not they are familiar with reality by reading a profile and I think other people can too. I do understand the frustration of getting so much junk mail from people who don't qualify. I don't necessarily think that best antidote to fending it off is railing on at length about all the obvious trollers. Although, I will admit that it is sometimes entertaining to read

_____________________________

"Once we meet and talk, we are brothers and sisters." - Okinawan Proverb

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 60
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